drnykterstein Posted July 26, 2005 Share Posted July 26, 2005 Yeah, definately you should do what the best man does, and say what the best man should say... tell him he's an idiot and to move the wedding location to somewhere sane. Don't go if they won't move it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LabattBlue Posted July 26, 2005 Share Posted July 26, 2005 This is clearly a case of "IT'S ALL ABOUT US!!!!!". No thought is being given to the hardship this may place on the guests/bridal party. The bride and groom to-be, are simply trying to out do everyone else by having their wedding in an exotic locale. I'm sure they will lay the guilt on big time when you or anyone else tells them they cannot afford the trip. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dwight Drane Posted July 26, 2005 Share Posted July 26, 2005 I'm sure it's the wife that picked the location and he's just going along with it. It's expensive enough to stand up for a normal wedding let alone a fancy schmansy one 4K miles away. I got nailed to stand up for 2 weddings one summer and it nearly busted me. From now on, no more weddings unless it's close family. The women watch all this Home and Gardens Channel crap, and feel they need to spend $30K to feel worthwhile. Tell him sorry, but offer to do up the Bachelor party since you can get 4-6 guys in a nice room in Buffalo for $100 or so. Add Bills tix, tailgate, Sundowner and plane tickets, and you will still get off for what it would cost for one night hotel in Fantasy Island. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lawnboy1977 Posted July 26, 2005 Share Posted July 26, 2005 Fellow Bills fans, I would like your advice. I have been asked to be best man for a friend's wedding in a rather exotic (and hence expensive) location, and I feel obligated to go, but this is going to really break the bank for me and my wife to the tune of 2 grand for a weekend (4-5 days), when we already had been hoping to take another relatively distant vacation (we definitely don't make enough to take 2 trips of this scale in a year). A lot of our friends are thinking the same thing and many, if not most, will not make the trip. My position obviously makes it a lot more difficult to say no. I don't really know what to tell my friend. I have been looking at cheaper places to stay and any way possible to reduce my flight costs, but I am not sure that it looks too good. In addition, the friend will be expecting a decent bachelor party and the early spring date of this wedding kind of nixes any really interesting sports ideas. He is also a Bills nut. We both live in NYC. For the record, my wife and I had a hometown outdoor wedding in WNY that was elegant but not ridiculous, and we put up all of the wedding party (including this friend) and their S/O's at some of my parents' nicely done rental properties. Obviously, I am not expecting full hotel money to be put up for me, but I am still a little peeved about it. I can get into real details in PM mode, I just wanted to air it out and see what people might suggest here. Thanks in advance. 390609[/snapback] While this may seem like a hard decision to make, its really not. Your friend should understand that the cost of going to a destination is unreasonable and is too much of a burden for you and the rest of his friends. I have never had anyone pull something like that. He should know that such an act is alienating his friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghost of BiB Posted July 26, 2005 Share Posted July 26, 2005 Tell him. I had the same thing happen to me quite a few years ago. My friend (who was my best man in my wedding ) calls me up at 2 AM one morning and says he's flying to Vegas in the morning to get married, I said thats great, (somewhat peeved he called so late) He said I want you to be the best man. I told him right then I couldnt afford the trip, and that I was sorry I couldnt be there for him. He said " I'm buying" I said "What times the flight" What a blast 390635[/snapback] Was his name Arnie? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reuben Gant Posted July 26, 2005 Share Posted July 26, 2005 You should consider printing these out and having him decide which idea is the most workable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UConn James Posted July 26, 2005 Share Posted July 26, 2005 I was married in an expensive and exotic location as well. My wife and I understood the expense factor and chose not to invite anybody. We had the entire ceremony professionally taped and had a reception when we got back to the States. Showed the tape there and everybody had a blast. I fuggin hate people who pull junk like your buddy did. 390620[/snapback] That was a really great idea. The wedding, after all, is about two people. The rest are just there to witness. Maybe RTDB could suggest this to his buddy when he mentions that --- surprise, surprise --- a lot of people are turning him down. I'm sorry but that's pretty damn selfish, even in the age of damn selfishness. I've never understood the rationale behind breaking the bank on a wedding when most marriages end up strugging early on because the couple doesn't have enough money. Tell your buddy to look in his closet for the sense God gave him. It's probably under his "Friendship for Dummies" book, which is obviously collecting dust. 390629[/snapback] Financial troubles are BY FAR the No. 1 reason for divorce in this country (No. 2 is differences in how to do collective household maintenence tasks). Starting out $30K in debt is simply stupid. Get a padre in a field, and have a pot-luck afterward. What is so hard about this? Folks, if wifey has to have a dreambook wedding, do yourself a favor and reconsider the marriage, b/c you're marrying an idiot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boomerjamhead Posted July 26, 2005 Share Posted July 26, 2005 You gotta go man. I just did the same thing in April for my cousin, but I would do it again for any number of my friends who wanted me to be thier best man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AJ1 Posted July 26, 2005 Share Posted July 26, 2005 Find a new buddy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghost of BiB Posted July 26, 2005 Share Posted July 26, 2005 I keep thinking this guy is in for quite a ride, with the new wifey making these kinds of wedding plans. I'd go on his dime. No, if it were mine. If they can have this "exotic" wedding just to make her ego happy, somebody in the food chain has the bucks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HurlyBurly51 Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 I'm just curious for those that have experienced this, what are the long term ramifications? If most people they invite do not attend, does that introduce a rift and chill the relationship, never to be the same? Do they have to get a new set of friends, or do they get over it? If they're this selfish, do they even understand the burden they're placing on people? I mean when you want to celebrate with friends but no one shows, that's gotta open their eyes, no? I just don't understand why people place this type of burden on their friends, then get upset when people don't comply. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OGTEleven Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 I'm sure it's the wife that picked the location and he's just going along with it. 390694[/snapback] Ding ding ding!!!!! We have a winner. Tell him to dump her three days before the wedding for making such a ridiculous demand, then you and your buddy use the tickets and party it up. Seriously, if you can't go, you can't go. Do the bach party and a party after maybe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gmac17 Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 I'm going to go against the grain a little bit here. First let me say it is completely a dick move to have the wedding that far away and they must know a lot of people won't be able to make it. If you have no money to go, you have no money to go - there is nothing you can do and you should tell him that..... HOWEVER, you mentioned you and your wife are hoping to go on vacation somewhere else. Let me tell you right now that if you turn your buddy down, and then in 4 months you and your wife go on vacation somewhere halfway exotic, be ready for some friction. right, wrong or indifferent he will be saying to himself "my best friend in the entire world wouldn't come to my wedding, but he went to aruba 4 months later..." it's not fair, but if you can swing it financially I'd say go, (and never let him forget how expensive it was...) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelly the Dog Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 Sorry, when I saw this thread I thought Buddy the Wonderdog finally found some B word to marry him. My advice on the unrelated matter, however, is just think for a second, would you expect him to be there for you. if you would, go. If you wouldn't don't. Buy him a nice wedding gift and throw them a great party when they get back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KD in CA Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 Good point. However, I'd feel a lot better about flying home and paying for his and my Bills and JetBlue tix if I wasn't already throwing down a ton for the wedding. Plus that would mean at least $200 a person for the bachelor party. Honest question, is that a reasonable expectation? (No sarcasm intended.) 390619[/snapback] $200 a head for a bachelor party?!?!? What on earth are you planning??? A first class wedding doesn't cost anywhere near that much. Every bachelor party I've ever been too cost no more than $10-$15 per head in cheap food and beer, or else each guy paid his own way if it was something extravagant (a game, trip to Vegas, lap dances at Scores, etc.). There is absolutely no reason why you wouldn't tell all the invitees that they are expected to pay their way plus a share of the groom. Any guy who wouldn't do that isn't someone you shouldn't want to spend an evening with anyway. As for the wedding, you need to be up front with your buddy. Tell him you are honored to be asked, but you simply can't afford the trip so you'll have to decline. Send him a nice present. As for the long term impact, if you friend can't handle it, fug him. After people get married, have kids, change jobs, etc, you'd be surprised how many old friends can fade out of your life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stuckincincy Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 Sorry, when I saw this thread I thought Buddy the Wonderdog finally found some B word to marry him. My advice on the unrelated matter, however, is just think for a second, would you expect him to be there for you. if you would, go. If you wouldn't don't. Buy him a nice wedding gift and throw them a great party when they get back. 390948[/snapback] Why? Only a hopelessly self-centered jerk would ask such in the first place. If you want to spend the cash, save it for the wife's divorce soiree. Unless she's a dipsh*t, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coach Tuesday Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 I concur with those who are suggesting you politely and honestly decline. Now how about some suggestions about what to do moving forward, instead of more posts about what an ass your buddy is? Here's one suggestion: offer to coordinate (but not float) a party in NYC for those who can't go to the wedding (and those who can, for that matter). Pool the costs amongst the core of your crew (or perhaps get his/her family to pay). Maybe buy the first $300-$500 in drinks. You'd be surprised how cheap it is to rent out a bar in NYC - lots of places are happy to have a night of guaranteed cash. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mead107 Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 sounds like he is not your best friend if you do not want to bend over back wards for him . JUST DO it and stop the complaining Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boomerjamhead Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 You know what... I'm reading a bunch of this garbage in this thread and I am happy to not have a lot of you for my friends. Really. This dude obviously thinks enough of RTDB to ask him to be his best man. Enough said. If I'm RTDB, I reply with, "I'm there, wow, thanks" and that's the end of conversation. I have two brothers and they will no doubt be my best men someday. If I didn't have any brothers and had to rely upon my best friend to fill in, I would fully expect him to do as much, because if the roles were reversed, he knows that I would be there for him. Take the vacation with the wife the following year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Coach Tuesday Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 Take the vacation with the wife the following year. Or, turn that into the vacay with the wife - stay longer than the weekend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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