RuntheDamnBall Posted July 27, 2005 Author Share Posted July 27, 2005 I'm going to go against the grain a little bit here. First let me say it is completely a dick move to have the wedding that far away and they must know a lot of people won't be able to make it. If you have no money to go, you have no money to go - there is nothing you can do and you should tell him that..... HOWEVER, you mentioned you and your wife are hoping to go on vacation somewhere else. Let me tell you right now that if you turn your buddy down, and then in 4 months you and your wife go on vacation somewhere halfway exotic, be ready for some friction. right, wrong or indifferent he will be saying to himself "my best friend in the entire world wouldn't come to my wedding, but he went to aruba 4 months later..." it's not fair, but if you can swing it financially I'd say go, (and never let him forget how expensive it was...) 390944[/snapback] For the record, my "exotic vacation" would be to India where I went 5 years ago on fellowship and made some really good friends who I haven't seen since. My wife has not met them either. I have definitely considered your point, though, and was thinking the same thing. It would just suck to table seeing these friends and their new baby for another year. To everyone, thanks so much for your insights. I have a lot to consider but I definitely think the majority of you who are telling me to level with my friend are right. I'll keep you posted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boomerjamhead Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 Or, turn that into the vacay with the wife - stay longer than the weekend. 390966[/snapback] And that's exactly what my brother and his wife did at my cousin's wedding in April. Coronado Island is not a cheap place to spend a week... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kelly the Dog Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 Why? Only a hopelessly self-centered jerk would ask such in the first place. If you want to spend the cash, save it for the wife's divorce soiree. Unless she's a dipsh*t, too. 390953[/snapback] Maybe Run the Damn Ball is a self-centered jerk himself. I mean, he did just equate sponging off his parents free rentals to his buddy paying cash for his nice hotel room. (just kidding RTDB, ). Besides, if he thinks the guy is a self-centered jerk, and he himself would never do the same, that is his answer to my question. It depends on how close he is to his friend. He was asked to be the best man. Me? I would go if this guy was my close friend. I wouldn't care how much it cost. Although I likely wouldn't be that close to him if he was always a selfish, self-centered jerk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stuckincincy Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 You know what... I'm reading a bunch of this garbage in this thread and I am happy to not have a lot of you for my friends. Really. This dude obviously thinks enough of RTDB to ask him to be his best man. Enough said. If I'm RTDB, I reply with, "I'm there, wow, thanks" and that's the end of conversation. I have two brothers and they will no doubt be my best men someday. If I didn't have any brothers and had to rely upon my best friend to fill in, I would fully expect him to do as much, because if the roles were reversed, he knows that I would be there for him. Take the vacation with the wife the following year. 390963[/snapback] I'm all for loyalty, Boom. Very much so. But I'll be damned if I get to the sorry state that I feel a sappy thing like being a best man at a wedding has any real significance or stick it to one of my pals and trying to hand it off as a test of comraderie. I'd be embarassed to ask a true friend to plunk down major cash just to stand at my right and then make some snappy commentary at the reception. My true friends would say to me, if I asked any one of them to travel to an "exotic" place on my behalf - "are you fu*kin nuts???" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RuntheDamnBall Posted July 27, 2005 Author Share Posted July 27, 2005 You know what... I'm reading a bunch of this garbage in this thread and I am happy to not have a lot of you for my friends. Really. This dude obviously thinks enough of RTDB to ask him to be his best man. Enough said. If I'm RTDB, I reply with, "I'm there, wow, thanks" and that's the end of conversation. I have two brothers and they will no doubt be my best men someday. If I didn't have any brothers and had to rely upon my best friend to fill in, I would fully expect him to do as much, because if the roles were reversed, he knows that I would be there for him. Take the vacation with the wife the following year. 390963[/snapback] Believe me, the question is not about being there for my friend, who I have been there for numerous times, and he knows this. My first thoughts definitely were "I'm there." It's just that long before this was announced we were planning the other trip, which is not easy to do, and I was not anticipating that my friends would need to be married so far away and expect that a lot of people could make it, and we definitely did not anticipate the expense given our budget. There is no question that I want to be a good friend here, otherwise I wouldn't be hemming and hawing about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stuckincincy Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 Believe me, the question is not about being there for my friend, who I have been there for numerous times, and he knows this. My first thoughts definitely were "I'm there." It's just that long before this was announced we were planning the other trip, which is not easy to do, and I was not anticipating that my friends would need to be married so far away and expect that a lot of people could make it, and we definitely did not anticipate the expense given our budget. There is no question that I want to be a good friend here, otherwise I wouldn't be hemming and hawing about it. 390978[/snapback] Sheesh, stop the eqivocation and go to the damn thing... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boomerjamhead Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 Believe me, the question is not about being there for my friend, who I have been there for numerous times, and he knows this. My first thoughts definitely were "I'm there." It's just that long before this was announced we were planning the other trip, which is not easy to do, and I was not anticipating that my friends would need to be married so far away and expect that a lot of people could make it, and we definitely did not anticipate the expense given our budget. There is no question that I want to be a good friend here, otherwise I wouldn't be hemming and hawing about it. 390978[/snapback] I fully understand where you and Cincy are coming from. I'm just trying to be your evil guilty concience in thos thread, because that is ultimately what you will have to live with. I say make up your mind and execute your plan, never mentioning another word here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Surfmeister Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 If you and I agree on the same thing it has to be the way to go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeF Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 Sorry, when I saw this thread I thought Buddy the Wonderdog finally found some B word to marry him. 390948[/snapback] I was going to PM Hammered and ask him where Buddy and his betrothed were registered. Hey, maybe its a player's dog---Buddy could be in for a life of luxury. Come to think of it...sounds like Buddy already has a life of luxury... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
erynthered Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 I fully understand where you and Cincy are coming from. I'm just trying to be your evil guilty concience in thos thread, because that is ultimately what you will have to live with. I say make up your mind and execute your plan, never mentioning another word here. 390988[/snapback] Fag....... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boomerjamhead Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 Fag....... 390996[/snapback] kitty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buffal0 Bill5 Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 What a jam! I got pretty cheesed when my buddy chose high dollar tuxedos. Put me in the "tell him it's a financial hardship" column. Maybe boomerjamhead will help you pay for it since he thinks it's such a great idea. He would do it for "any number" of friends, so he's gotta be sitting on a stack of cash. I wouldn't pass up the trip to India. That baby will only be a baby for so long. If he's a close enough friend he should already know how much this trip means to you and how difficult it would be to give it up. I guess there are benefits to being a hick from Cattaraugus County. Nobody here would ever assume anybody else would have that kinda kablingy to throw around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExiledInIllinois Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 Tell him. I had the same thing happen to me quite a few years ago. My friend (who was my best man in my wedding ) calls me up at 2 AM one morning and says he's flying to Vegas in the morning to get married, I said thats great, (somewhat peeved he called so late) He said I want you to be the best man. I told him right then I couldnt afford the trip, and that I was sorry I couldnt be there for him. He said " I'm buying" I said "What times the flight" What a blast 390635[/snapback] Things would surely change when I found out it was on his dime! I would have been tripping over my feet to get my boxers on! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stuckincincy Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 Fag....... 390996[/snapback] You are getting lazy with these 3-letter one-liners. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExiledInIllinois Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 I'm going to go against the grain a little bit here. First let me say it is completely a dick move to have the wedding that far away and they must know a lot of people won't be able to make it. If you have no money to go, you have no money to go - there is nothing you can do and you should tell him that..... HOWEVER, you mentioned you and your wife are hoping to go on vacation somewhere else. Let me tell you right now that if you turn your buddy down, and then in 4 months you and your wife go on vacation somewhere halfway exotic, be ready for some friction. right, wrong or indifferent he will be saying to himself "my best friend in the entire world wouldn't come to my wedding, but he went to aruba 4 months later..." it's not fair, but if you can swing it financially I'd say go, (and never let him forget how expensive it was...) 390944[/snapback] I am with you GM... That was my first thought. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boomerjamhead Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 What a jam! I got pretty cheesed when my buddy chose high dollar tuxedos. Put me in the "tell him it's a financial hardship" column. Maybe boomerjamhead will help you pay for it since he thinks it's such a great idea. He would do it for "any number" of friends, so he's gotta be sitting on a stack of cash. I wouldn't pass up the trip to India. That baby will only be a baby for so long. If he's a close enough friend he should already know how much this trip means to you and how difficult it would be to give it up. I guess there are benefits to being a hick from Cattaraugus County. Nobody here would ever assume anybody else would have that kinda kablingy to throw around. 391005[/snapback] Man you make me want to move out to Cactus County (wherever the hell that is) and live the simple life. You really do make me want to be a hick afterall. This isn't about the money (kablingy) that you seem to be fixated on. It's about his loyalty to a friend and his own plans for going to visit some friends he met five years ago in India. Throw the wife out of the equation, because she wasn't the one that went to India, nor is she the potential best man. It's his decision and if he has made up his mind that he is going to India, then that's the end of this thread. Obviously though, he has himself a good enough buddy that he is considering cancelling the trip to India, in order to fulfill his best man duties. Most of the people here are concerned about the 'kablingy' but my guess is that tey have very few friends that would make any kind of sacrifice for them. That's no way to go through life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UConn James Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 I understand the loyalty issue boomer is raising, but someone who's loyal in return doesn't ask you to sacrifice your own dream. Offer up some alternatives. If this is an "all-inclusive resort" what about being a best man by proxy? Offer to host a get-together in NYC for those who couldn't go (there will certainly be quite a few) but want to be there for him, and have a webcast of the ceremony, etc. Maybe you'll start the next big craze.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ExiledInIllinois Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 I understand the loyalty issue boomer is raising, but someone who's loyal in return doesn't ask you to sacrifice your own dream. Offer up some alternatives. If this is an "all-inclusive resort" what about being a best man by proxy? Offer to host a get-together in NYC for those who couldn't go (there will certainly be quite a few) but want to be there for him, and have a webcast of the ceremony, etc. Maybe you'll start the next big craze.... 391037[/snapback] Wow... IMO, both arguments and sides make sense... Quite a jam. Has the groom offered to defray any of the costs? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cåblelady Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 You are getting lazy with these 3-letter one-liners. 391009[/snapback] At least they're not calling each other ho's. *LOL* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rockpile Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 You should consider printing these out and having him decide which idea is the most workable. 390745[/snapback] ...especially the one about banging the all bridesmaids! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
erynthered Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 You are getting lazy with these 3-letter one-liners. 391009[/snapback] Getting? You're right, I'll work on it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan Gross Posted July 27, 2005 Share Posted July 27, 2005 I understand the loyalty issue boomer is raising, but someone who's loyal in return doesn't ask you to sacrifice your own dream. Offer up some alternatives. If this is an "all-inclusive resort" what about being a best man by proxy? Offer to host a get-together in NYC for those who couldn't go (there will certainly be quite a few) but want to be there for him, and have a webcast of the ceremony, etc. Maybe you'll start the next big craze.... 391037[/snapback] I was reading through to see if anybody else was suggesting a video conference. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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