Buffalo Barbarian Posted January 6, 2015 Share Posted January 6, 2015 Dear Diary: I am just sitting here on my bed, crying my eyes out. I can't believe all the hurtful things that have happened to me over the last few days. For one, I was walking down the hall at OBD just to get my things, and Russ Brandon (aka, the Bully) was walking down the hall. He didn't even move out of the way for me; I had to move from HIM. Oooh, I hate that so much!! Then, this Manesh Mehta wrote all those nasty things about me. Why does he want to hate on me like that? He is such an IDIOT. He even spelled "great" like "grate"-- stupid face. I guess I will just have to add the NY Post to my other banned papers (i.e., WGR, Buffalo News, Rochester D&C, Olean Times, Pittsford Daily News, Syracuse Alumni Magazine, Fairport Presbyterian Church Newsletter, bulletin board at Chipotle in Utica, Mike Williams twitter, bb.com). Anyway, after crying into the cool side of my pillow, I gave Uncle Bill a call. He told me not to worry and that I was still "coach of the year" in his book, even though that might mean"assistant line coach of the Jax Jaguars coach of the year." But, obviously, I am not a quitter and I am going to show these guys who's the boss here. Anyway, mom is calling now (we are having stovetop for dinner), so I need to put on a brave face. More later. Yours, St. Dougie what no Two Bills Drive on the banned list?!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 Dear Diary: I'm so excited today! I spent some of my hard-earned severance on a lawn ornament, and it finally arrived today! I call it "Dougie on the half-shell." Obviously yours, St. Doug. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeF Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 Dear Diary, Just had a nice dinner with Arthur Blank. Met that !@#$ GM Thomas Dimitroff as well. He won't be around long after Blank offers me a lot of his Home Depot stock. I hate arrogant GMs like Dimitroff and Whaley. Art (he said I could call him that) asked a lot of weird questions. Like if I read about what Bobby Petrino did to the Falcons? He also asked about my use of 360's -- and asked if I would share the 360 that !@#$ Casullo did on me at Syracuse. He also asked if he could send Jerry Hughes, Mike Williams, Kraig Urbik, EJ Manuel, CJ Spiller, Sammy Watkins, Nate Hackett, etc, etc...360 assessments profiling me. Not sure where he was going with this... Anyway, it feels really good to be wanted and wined and dined like this. When Art asked me to take the cab back to the Days Inn he even offered to pay the fare. He told me I would be meeting with others in the organization tomorrow. Mentioned he had to check his calendar to see if he could make more time for me. A great night in Atlanta! Doug the Falcon.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BringBackFergy Posted January 7, 2015 Author Share Posted January 7, 2015 (edited) January 7, 2015 8:58am Dear Diary - I know my phone isn't ringing as much as Adam said it would...probably the cell service in this area. It's obviously beautiful here...my kinda town - cold, frigid, ugliness, and everyone speaks a foreign language that I don't understand. Some old guy with a torn coat and a knit cap walked up to me and asked "You Doug Marrone?". What a moron...I responded "No, I am DOUG !@#$ING MARRONE!!" He took me to the local bar and I shared a few drinks with Nikov, Jakov and Ripov. Nice fellas, ya know? I showed them how to play center...I even bent down and hiked a few bottles into the cupboard behind the bartender. I can do that you see...because, wellll, I'm Doug !@#$ing Marrone. It seems that everyone else's cell phones work here so I think I'll get mine checked out today. I bet I have voice mail from 5 or 6 other teams. I know the Packers and Patriots were interested in my services. In the meantime, I'll just enjoy the views of this wonderful place. I'm attaching some pics. Obviously yours, DM Dear Diary: Because I could not stop for Death – He kindly stopped for me – The Carriage held but just Ourselves – And Immortality. We slowly drove – He knew no haste And I had put away My labor and my leisure too, For His Civility – We passed the School, where Children strove At Recess – in the Ring – We passed the Fields of Gazing Grain – We passed the Setting Sun – Or rather – He passed Us – The Dews drew quivering and Chill – For only Gossamer, my Gown – My Tippet – only Tulle – We paused before a House that seemed A Swelling of the Ground – The Roof was scarcely visible – The Cornice – in the Ground – Since then – 'tis Centuries – and yet Feels shorter than the Day I first surmised the Horses' Heads Were toward Eternity – Please, Woody-- call me. Obviously struggling, DM Poe? Edited January 7, 2015 by BringBackFergy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canadian Bills Fan Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 (edited) Dear Diary, This will be my last entry I quit. Obviously, Doug "Saint" Marrone CBF Edited January 7, 2015 by Canadian Bills Fan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillsFanM.D. Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 Dear Diary, This will be my last entry I quit. Obviously, Doug "Saint" Marrone CBF I've enjoyed this whole thread. This, however, is the piece de resistance. Nicely done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Hindsight Posted January 7, 2015 Share Posted January 7, 2015 Dear Diary, This will be my last entry I quit. Obviously, Doug "Saint" Marrone CBF I've enjoyed this whole thread. This, however, is the piece de resistance. Nicely done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BringBackFergy Posted January 9, 2015 Author Share Posted January 9, 2015 January 9, 2015 Dear Diary - Mission accomplished...all I had to do was call Schefty and tell him to spread the rumor that other coaches were concerned about EJ and it worked...obviously. Now I can sit back and watch he drama unfold. Still wondering my cell phone isn't working. I'm able to call out, but the ringer must be broke. That !@#$ Whaley and Russ "SammyPickEjaculate" Brandon probably told Verizon my account is now closed. I had to buy this TracPhone and it just isn't the same. Looking forward to my interview with Topeka Polytechnic Institute for the Blind next week and the open scout position with the Mongolian Mudhens (World League!! Woot! Woot!) Time for a bourbon...meeting Orton at Chiles for the early bird special. Obviously yours, DM Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Real Buffalo Joe Posted January 9, 2015 Share Posted January 9, 2015 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fadingpain Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 January 10, 2015 This morning while I was drinking my coffee and pounding donuts I decided to browse through my collection of video clips on my favorite subject: me. Came across a really funny one from when those idiots hired me in Buffalo. Holy crap, I actually said at that presser: "When you think about it, I was born and raised in this state. I went to school in this state. My first coaching job ever was in this state, my first head coaching job ever was in this state and it means a lot to me. I have chosen to be here." I think I said "I'm excited to be here" seven times. But here's the best part, I actually said "I love this town and I love the people here." Why would I? Why would that be true? Oh my god! Did these upstate morons buy that crap? And man, I was a lot thinner back then! I gotta cut back on the donuts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
truth on hold Posted January 10, 2015 Share Posted January 10, 2015 (edited) Dear Diary, Cashed a check for $4 million today. Accountant tells me it will be a little more than $2 million net of taxes. &%@£ you Obama! Edited January 10, 2015 by JTSP Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeF Posted January 11, 2015 Share Posted January 11, 2015 (edited) Dear Diary, I had to write one more entry.... Obviously, I get the last laugh again. Terry and Kim were forced to hire that toe sucking idiot Rex as coach. Were there no better options? Rex isn't likely to be canonized like me anytime soon and obviously, wait until Rex sees what its like to work with !@#$ing Whaley. He thought Idzik was bad--wait 'til he meets the three stooges -- Brandon, Whaley and Monos... I just sent a note to Jimmy to call Woody and tell him I would coach the first year for free. Diary, understand, I am not desperate -- I just want revenge on all those in Buffalo including Terry and Kim, who have so obviously stepped on and **** on my legacy in Buffalo. Having Rex follow me is like having a pagan follow John the Baptist....I know the rumors are that Woody is infatuated with Quinn but the last time I spoke with him he said he wanted a head man with commitment, ethics, fire, passion and a risk taker....I mean this is how you spell Marrone! One last thing -- I really want to thank my good buddy Bill O'Brien for offering me a consulting gig...Houston sounds great. I would likely establish a direct pipeline to McNair and be the head coach by the start of the season. So its best I don't have to obviously do this to a friend.. St. Doug (the Assassin) Edited January 12, 2015 by Formerly Joe F Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Best Player Available Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 dear Diary, WTF, no one is calling me anymore? I checked the cell battery it's fine. I Called Chris Berman and asked if there was room in the booth. he laughed! What's up with that? Wishing me the best as always, St. Doug Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BringBackFergy Posted January 12, 2015 Author Share Posted January 12, 2015 (edited) January 12, 2015 8:21am Dear Diary - Well, there you have it. My TEAM...my HOMESTATE team...the one I have worked for over two years and the one I was honored to have coached, went and hired the biggest @#cksucker out there. Damn it all!! That was my gig. Those were my players, my film room, my asst coaches, my office, desk and chairs, my website videos...it was mine all mine!!!!! To top it all off, my cell phone still isn't working. This is day 12 or so that the ringer has been broke. I checked at the front desk of the Super 8 and they said I've had no calls. Even Nate hasn't been texting me those GIFs of kittens and dogs playing like he used to. I always enjoyed those Sunday morning messages from him...just like the good ol' days when we dominated the Big East in Football....6-6 and Pinstripe Bowl baby!! That bastard Rex has never been to a Bowl game...but I have. Why?? Because I am DOUG !@#$ING MARRONE!! Maybe I should take my talents to South Beach...or to Houston? I am highly sought after as a consultant after all. Patiently waiting and Obviously yours, DM Edited January 12, 2015 by BringBackFergy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eball Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 (edited) 1/12/15 Dear Diary -- DAFUQ? Rex took that job? Didn't Pegula see that I wiped the stadium floor with the Jets twice this season? Although, now that I think about it, Rex DID talk to me before our game at the Meadowlands and put a crazy idea in my head to get the ball to #14. It worked that day, but I still needed to teach Whaley a lesson for making that trade. Oh well, I wonder if Jimmy is going to get Rex a sweet out clause like I had. Speaking of Jimmy...he hasn't called in a couple of days. I'd have thought for sure Atlanta or the Jets would be bringing me back for seconds by now. Talked to Bill O'Brien late last week and he offered me a consulting job if I don't get another HC gig -- fug him. As if that's going to happen. Maybe the Broncos will fire that **** Fox now that he screwed the pooch with a Super Bowl team again. If I had a QB like Peyton my team would never lose. I better keep my phone line open for Elway to call. Anyway, gotta run. One of my kids confused effort with results yesterday and I need to set him straight. Dougie Edited January 12, 2015 by eball Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Real Buffalo Joe Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 (edited) 1/12/15 Dear Diary -- DAFUQ? Rex took that job? Didn't Pegula see that Doug Marrone wiped the stadium floor with the Jets twice this season? Although, now that Doug thinks about it, Rex DID talk to Doug before our game at the Meadowlands and put a crazy idea in my head to get the ball to #14. It worked that day, but Doug still needed to teach Whaley a lesson for making that trade. Oh well, I wonders if Jimmy is going to get Rex a sweet out clause like St. Doug had. Speaking of Jimmy...he hasn't called in a couple of days. Doug Marrone would have thought for sure Atlanta or the Jets would be bringing him back for seconds by now. Talked to Bill O'Brien late last week and he offered Doug a consulting job if Doug doesn't get another HC gig -- fug him. As if that's going to happen. Maybe the Broncos will fire that **** Fox now that he screwed the pooch with a Super Bowl team again. If Doug Marrone had a QB like Peyton my team would never lose. St .Doug better keep his phone line open for Elway to call. Anyway, gotta run. One of Doug kids confused effort with results yesterday and Doug #*&!ING Marrone needs to set him straight. Dougie fixed Edited January 12, 2015 by The Real Buffalo Joe Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Canadian Bills Fan Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 1/12/15 Dear Diary...... So I'm thinking I may have made a mistake........ CBF Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BringBackFergy Posted January 12, 2015 Author Share Posted January 12, 2015 1/12/15 Dear Diary...... So I'm thinking I may have made a mistake........ CBF LOL LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeF Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 1/12/15 Dear Diary...... So I'm thinking I may have made a mistake........ CBF Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Best Player Available Posted January 12, 2015 Share Posted January 12, 2015 Dear Diary, My I-Phone is buzzing with rumors that Nate might get an interview for another OC job. I guess I will be exposed, Man my kids are driving me nuts in the house. I need a job. Watch Nate will crap on me too. Terry still hasn't cut the check. I seem so misunderstood. I may sit out next year, so much for The double dip. Unless being a consultant in Houston for 100K qualifies. Doug Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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