Magox Posted January 17, 2010 Share Posted January 17, 2010 Not only because of the Bills I think my girlfriend might be cheating on me, which would break my heart. This is honestly the first girl since my marriage died that I felt I could have a future with. Now she is hanging out with "friends" and I am suppose to be secure and not worry. Easier said than done. The last girl I loved had a long affair while we were married. Now this. Its hard to not have insecurity issues. the company I work for was recently purchased by another company that is very similar, and I am not sure of my future at this place. They keep saying that I have a future there, but I don't really know. My company also deducted 1500 out of yesterday's paycheck. They have no reason...yet. I asked them and they said they would look into it, which is great. until today I didn't have TV or internet, because the idiots at Brighthouse decided to disconnect my service, I live in a townhouse, my TH is the only one with anyone living in it, the rest are vacant, and the tech decided to disconnect the entire building. So I've not been able to distracted myself at all. Until about an hour ago. Sorry guys, I'm just feeling very alone at the moment, hence why I am telling a bunch a strangers this. Just so you can get some closure on this, ask her straight up or even better yet, give her an out. Ask her if she still wants to have a future with you. It's better to start moving forward as opposed to staying in limbo. If your worst fears regarding this situation is true, then as PushPile suggested some activity and going out with friends is a good remedy. Obviously it won't solve this problem, but it will keep your mind off of having to torture yourself thinking about this chick. You're just going to need some time and the more you keep yourself distracted the better off you will be. In regards to your work, it appears from what you've stated that there was just some sort of oversight and you should be fine there. One last point, it looks as if that there may be a pattern of women possibly rolling over on you. Sometimes when you give a person too much of a sense of security with you they will take advantage of that, it's just human nature. Personally I've learned to stand my ground on things that I believe to be fair. I think having SELF RESPECT is very important, knowing that you are a good person, and knowing that you deserve to have a good life. Also, don't suffocate the person you are with, and try not to be needy, women don't like guys that are insecure, so if you are always asking about her whereabouts or if "she still loves you" or **** like that then it becomes a major turnoff. Remember women and men are made differently, not just physiologically but mentally as well. Most women like security, but giving too much of it can have it's drawbacks, but also they want to know that you will be there for them if they need you. That's why a confident man that is secure with himself is usually a turnon for women. Just like pretty much everything in life, it's about finding that balance. Good luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HopsGuy Posted January 18, 2010 Share Posted January 18, 2010 The missing $1500 is probably just a glitch in payroll. I'll get one of the Bobs to fix it. In the meantime, you should install a virus in the company's software that deposits the rounded part of the interest for each transaction into your account. Also, think about asking that cute waitress out for dinner and a kung fu movie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
billsfan89 Posted January 18, 2010 Share Posted January 18, 2010 The missing $1500 is probably just a glitch in payroll. I'll get one of the Bobs to fix it. In the meantime, you should install a virus in the company's software that deposits the rounded part of the interest for each transaction into your account. Also, think about asking that cute waitress out for dinner and a kung fu movie. Like in Super Man 3. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doc Posted January 18, 2010 Share Posted January 18, 2010 Norm! said it best Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stussy109 Posted January 18, 2010 Share Posted January 18, 2010 When i was still dating, I've now been married for over 5 yrs, it was either you're with me and want to be with me, or you don't. There was zero tolerance for guy "friends" as i didn't believe in them. When they are single, thats fine, have as many suckers sweating you as they want. but if you're in a relationship with me, see ya later to the "friends". Friends of the opposite sex IMO and based on all reasonable facts, are all based on attraction in some form or another. If she can't handle this stance from you, then you know she's not for you. Plain and simple. She's either into you enough to drop these other guys, or she's not. From my experience this caused conflict at first, but usually had the girls hooked after some time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Astrojanitor Posted January 18, 2010 Share Posted January 18, 2010 When i was still dating, I've now been married for over 5 yrs, it was either you're with me and want to be with me, or you don't. There was zero tolerance for guy "friends" as i didn't believe in them. When they are single, thats fine, have as many suckers sweating you as they want. but if you're in a relationship with me, see ya later to the "friends". Friends of the opposite sex IMO and based on all reasonable facts, are all based on attraction in some form or another. If she can't handle this stance from you, then you know she's not for you. Plain and simple. She's either into you enough to drop these other guys, or she's not. From my experience this caused conflict at first, but usually had the girls hooked after some time. I have to disagree with you on that one. A couple of my closest friends are women. No sexual desire or attraction between us, just solid friends. Even though I'm about to marry my girlfriend, if she demanded I end friendships I've had for years I'd tell her to get over herself. If there's no trust the relationship will eventually implode. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ajzepp Posted January 18, 2010 Share Posted January 18, 2010 I have to disagree with you on that one. A couple of my closest friends are women. No sexual desire or attraction between us, just solid friends. Even though I'm about to marry my girlfriend, if she demanded I end friendships I've had for years I'd tell her to get over herself. If there's no trust the relationship will eventually implode. That issue came up in my marriage, and it was one of the topics of our counseling sessions when we separated. I work with mostly women, and I also have some long term female friends from back when I was in high school. Well, I thought for sure that the counselor was going to be supportive of platonic friends of the opposite sex, but she wasn't at all. She said that married couples should NOT have friends of the opposite sex unless it's another couple, or unless both the husband and wife are involved with the friend together. I remember the counselor looking me dead in the eye and asking, "what do your female friends do for you that your wife cannot?" It put me in a very uncomfortable position, cause there was absolutely no risk of me ever cheating on my wife, and certainly not with those few female friends I was closest to. I was feeling as if I all of a sudden just had to bail on and break off any and all contact with people I cared deeply about. I can understand the idea of not making NEW friends of the opposite sex when you get married, but having to just tell your old friends you can't ever speak to them again? That's just not cool with me. What I keep coming back to is this: Either you can trust the girl or you can't. Simple as that. If you don't have trust, you don't have anything...and I won't be in a realtionship like that again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Astrojanitor Posted January 18, 2010 Share Posted January 18, 2010 That issue came up in my marriage, and it was one of the topics of our counseling sessions when we separated. I work with mostly women, and I also have some long term female friends from back when I was in high school. Well, I thought for sure that the counselor was going to be supportive of platonic friends of the opposite sex, but she wasn't at all. She said that married couples should NOT have friends of the opposite sex unless it's another couple, or unless both the husband and wife are involved with the friend together. I remember the counselor looking me dead in the eye and asking, "what do your female friends do for you that your wife cannot?" It put me in a very uncomfortable position, cause there was absolutely no risk of me ever cheating on my wife, and certainly not with those few female friends I was closest to. I was feeling as if I all of a sudden just had to bail on and break off any and all contact with people I cared deeply about. I can understand the idea of not making NEW friends of the opposite sex when you get married, but having to just tell your old friends you can't ever speak to them again? That's just not cool with me. What I keep coming back to is this: Either you can trust the girl or you can't. Simple as that. If you don't have trust, you don't have anything...and I won't be in a realtionship like that again. I find that really curious. I wonder what it is that makes, even professionals, suspicious of the ability of men and women to be friends. I think I actually kind of find that depressing. Right after I get married the wife is deploying to Afghanistan for a year. If I honestly thought men and women could not be near each other without some kind of infidelity going down I would quite literally lose my mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ajzepp Posted January 18, 2010 Share Posted January 18, 2010 I find that really curious. I wonder what it is that makes, even professionals, suspicious of the ability of men and women to be friends. I think I actually kind of find that depressing. Right after I get married the wife is deploying to Afghanistan for a year. If I honestly thought men and women could not be near each other without some kind of infidelity going down I would quite literally lose my mind. Honestly, I pay attention to a girl's upbringing now more than I ever did before. I don't come off as a traditional type person, but when it comes to values, and particularly marriage, I'm very traditional. I know I would never cheat on a girlfriend, let alone my wife. I won't get seriously involved with another girl unless I can say the same about her. I certainly wouldn't expect my wife to be going out alone with a guy friend or anything like that, but if she had well-established friendships in place before we met, I don't think it would be a huge deal to me. I can definitely feel for you with regard to your wife being deployed...that can't be an easy thing for either of you...can't imagine you would be marrying her if you weren't confident in how she feels about you, though, so there's a lot to be said for that. I think I'd tend to believe that her fellow soldiers would be more concerned about keeping her safe than they would be trying to get in her pants, though. I hope the year goes by quickly for both of you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gordio Posted January 18, 2010 Share Posted January 18, 2010 You know, I could have respected getting knocked up by the bass player from a normal hardcore band...but how do you even find a christian hardcore band? Man that was a terrible woman. She still owes me $1000 in back rent. I'm actually kind of glad it happened, weirdly enough. It forced me to grow up and view romantic relationships with a lot more common sense and maturity. it's almost healthy having that romantic comedy idealism smacked out of your head. I would have remained too superficial to appreciate the woman I am currently with if I wasn't horribly/hilariously betrayed by a needlessly serious college girlfriend. I have a friend who I have a suspicion that is wife is cheating on him with this guy that is the bass player in this cover band. I want to tell but I am not 100% sure yet. Once I am I can not wait to blow her in. It may cost me my friendship with this guy but I would like to think sometime down the rode he would eventually thank me for it. Like I said, as soon as I get concrete proof, I am telling him. She goes out & sees this guy play every wednesday night, I am thinking about having this guy from work, that she does not know, follow her out to the bar one of these wednesday & see what is going on. My wife says I should mind my own business but that is just not my style. My wife & her used to be good friends & she stopped hanging out with her because she said everytime they went out to the bar she tried to pick someone up. Plus the bass player & my friends wife went down to Pittsburgh to by themselves to see the Sabres & Penquins play. The husband knew about but when I asked him about he said they are just good friends. Man how gullable can you be?????? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CountDorkula Posted January 18, 2010 Share Posted January 18, 2010 Keep your head up man. When i broke up with my first long term girlfriend it was tough, really tough. Your friends are the best thing for you, try to be alone as little as possible. If you think she is cheating on you and you dont want to be so abrupt about it, use your friends, ask them if they will help you out. im sure they wouldent have a problem checking up on your girl if you asked them to. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
/dev/null Posted January 18, 2010 Share Posted January 18, 2010 You're Not The Only One Who Is Depressed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tennesseeboy Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 Not only because of the Bills I think my girlfriend might be cheating on me, which would break my heart. This is honestly the first girl since my marriage died that I felt I could have a future with. Now she is hanging out with "friends" and I am suppose to be secure and not worry. Easier said than done. The last girl I loved had a long affair while we were married. Now this. Its hard to not have insecurity issues. the company I work for was recently purchased by another company that is very similar, and I am not sure of my future at this place. They keep saying that I have a future there, but I don't really know. My company also deducted 1500 out of yesterday's paycheck. They have no reason...yet. I asked them and they said they would look into it, which is great. until today I didn't have TV or internet, because the idiots at Brighthouse decided to disconnect my service, I live in a townhouse, my TH is the only one with anyone living in it, the rest are vacant, and the tech decided to disconnect the entire building. So I've not been able to distracted myself at all. Until about an hour ago. Sorry guys, I'm just feeling very alone at the moment, hence why I am telling a bunch a strangers this. Hang in there, Buddy...this too shall pass! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frogger Posted January 19, 2010 Author Share Posted January 19, 2010 I want to thank everyone for listening to me and responding in such kind ways. As it stands she claims that they are just friends, and that she would never cheat on me. However everyday I see new faces on her facebook, many of which I don't know. But they are all connected to the one guy that she has just recently becomes friends with. the crazy part is I know her password, yet I am too afraid to read her emails, plus I don't think I should. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KD in CA Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 I want to thank everyone for listening to me and responding in such kind ways. As it stands she claims that they are just friends, and that she would never cheat on me. However everyday I see new faces on her facebook, many of which I don't know. But they are all connected to the one guy that she has just recently becomes friends with. the crazy part is I know her password, yet I am too afraid to read her emails, plus I don't think I should. If she'd rather hang out with him than you, and she shows no intention of introducing you or bringing you along to this new group, it means she's f---ing him. And she's lying to your face about it. That's not someone you need to be with. Break up with her immediately and then ask out one new girl every day until you hook up with someone new. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuffOrange Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 Having a girl you like, a job you like, and a place to live that you like can be hard. Those three things are pretty much life in cliff notes when you think about it. For a while I had zero which, combined with the Bills sucking, made much of my 20's less happy than they should've been. Currently really happy that I have two in place and excited to capture the 3rd. Hopefully you're lucky enough to have a good family/friends support system in the meantime. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ajzepp Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 If she'd rather hang out with him than you, and she shows no intention of introducing you or bringing you along to this new group, it means she's f---ing him. And she's lying to your face about it. That's not someone you need to be with. Break up with her immediately and then ask out one new girl every day until you hook up with someone new. I agree. If she's going out with him without you, that's not cool man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuffOrange Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 If she'd rather hang out with him than you, and she shows no intention of introducing you or bringing you along to this new group, it means she's f---ing him. And she's lying to your face about it. That's not someone you need to be with. Break up with her immediately and then ask out one new girl every day until you hook up with someone new. Yep, listen to this guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoodBye Posted January 19, 2010 Share Posted January 19, 2010 If she'd rather hang out with him than you, and she shows no intention of introducing you or bringing you along to this new group, it means she's f---ing him. And she's lying to your face about it. That's not someone you need to be with. Break up with her immediately and then ask out one new girl every day until you hook up with someone new. This is true. If you are her man she should WANT to hang out with you rather than this other dude. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillsPride12 Posted January 20, 2010 Share Posted January 20, 2010 Well at least as of today there are now 80,000 other people who are depressed as well Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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