BREAKING NEWS
Date: 1-9-2010
Location: Hamburg, NY
Submitted by: Twobillsdrive "collective" brain trust
Horror struck sleepy Hamburg when some ghetto-ass thugs terrorized a local TGIFridays. According to twobillsdrive, Bills RB Marshawn Lynch drove his SUV through the front of the restaurant, targeting the hostess who was seen wearing a canadian flag pin as a "piece of flair". Lynch proceeded to beat numerous patrons with a lead pipe with one hand while rolling blunts with the other, while issuing demands of $20 dollars. Witnesses stated that when the TGIFridays staff attempted to call police, James Hardy jumped out of the vehicle, pulled out an automatic rifle and mowed down the entire wait and cook staff. The two players then sped off, leaving dozens dead.
An eyewitness, an anonymous poster from TBD, made the following statement, "I knew Lynch was up to no good when he moved into the neighborhood. When I saw his dreadlocks and gold teeth, i notified the authorities that we had an obvious fugitive living in our quiet little neighborhood."