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The Babylon Bee, America's Newspaper


3rdnlng

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Whether you want expert instruction on neurosurgery, blacksmithing, or jet engine repair, world-renowned expert on all things Greta Thunberg will be there to lecture you.

 

"This will be a huge step up in quality for us," said David Rogier, CEO of the online learning site. "We thought about bringing her on to teach one class on global warming, but then we thought, 'Heck, let's just have her teach everything!' There is nobody more brilliant than Greta Thunberg. This is what the planet needs right now!" 

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There are many photos of Hitler outside, providing ironclad proof that Hitler also liked to leave his house. It’s not certain, though, what the connection is between hateful bigotry and not wanting to be trapped in one’s own home. “We can’t know what’s motivating these people who want to get out of their houses,” said California Governor Gavin Newsom, “but is genocide next? History says yes.”

In Hitler’s final days, though, he did dutifully shelter in place -- living in a bunker -- despite wanting to go outside, so historians note that people who actually do go outside are in fact “worse than Hitler.”

 

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AS ALWAYS, LIFE IMITATES THE BABYLON BEE:

 

● Shot: Government Announces Lockdown Of All Fast-Food Restaurants To Prevent Heart Disease.

—Headline, the Babylon Bee, Monday.

 

● Chaser: The End of Meat is Here: If you care about the working poor, about racial justice, and about climate change, you have to stop eating animals.

—Headline, New York Times opinion column, today.

 

 

Ron Swanson, call your office!

 

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15 hours ago, B-Man said:
● Chaser: The End of Meat is Here: If you care about the working poor, about racial justice, and about climate change, you have to stop eating animals.

—Headline, New York Times opinion column, today.

 

Well, if I have to keep my metaphorical foot on their metaphorical necks to get a good steak, *****'em - I choose a medium-rare steak.

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