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The Babylon Bee, America's Newspaper

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Teachers have further pointed out that parents aren't properly equipped to indoctrinate their children with government propaganda. "I went to school for eight years to be able to do this," said Portland kindergarten teacher Ms. Pinkerton. "Parents just don't have the experience of stuffing kids' heads full of a statist worldview seven hours a day like I do."

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10 minutes ago, billsfan1959 said:

 

 

Teachers have further pointed out that parents aren't properly equipped to indoctrinate their children with government propaganda. "I went to school for eight years to be able to do this," said Portland kindergarten teacher Ms. Pinkerton. "Parents just don't have the experience of stuffing kids' heads full of a statist worldview seven hours a day like I do."

they don't call it 'schooling' for nothing.

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14 minutes ago, billsfan1959 said:

 

 

Teachers have further pointed out that parents aren't properly equipped to indoctrinate their children with government propaganda. "I went to school for eight years to be able to do this," said Portland kindergarten teacher Ms. Pinkerton. "Parents just don't have the experience of stuffing kids' heads full of a statist worldview seven hours a day like I do."

 

Time to call in Ms. Pinkerton.

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1 hour ago, ScotSHO said:

 

Time to call in Ms. Pinkerton.

No matter what you do, don't call in the Pinkertons!

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""While a lot of people talk about job creation, Smollett put his money where his mouth is," said an NAACP spokesperson as Smollett received the award. He created two good, high-paying jobs well above minimum wage for these brothers. $3500 to pretend to be Trump supporters and fake an attack on a celebrity? Easy money. If all the wealthy and powerful were to help out like this, we would be able to eliminate joblessness among black adults," he added

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On 4/1/2020 at 7:33 AM, KRC said:

 

 

That one goes in the Bee HOF.

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The plan is designed to cause the virus to flee the state to a lower-tax, more virus-friendly area.

 

"We thought about all the different ways to solve problems that we know of, and we just returned to the tried-and-true method: taxing something until it runs away," said Governor Andrew Cuomo. "This new legislation will cause the virus to run away and go to those dumb, backward Southern states not smart enough to have a special coronavirus tax."

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She went on to guess that diamond earrings, a set of jet skis, and even a giant pile of cash were all free. Carey unveiled a package containing world-class healthcare and she said, "Definitely free." She was at one point puzzled by a stack of croissants but eventually guessed that they also were free.

 

Ocasio-Cortez was never able to advance to the game proper, and as the credits rolled she appeared visibly upset. A hot mic picked up comments she made in frustration, claiming that the game was rigged by capitalism and that "everybody knows giant piles of money are free, that's like basic economics 101."

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2 hours ago, billsfan1959 said:

 

 

She went on to guess that diamond earrings, a set of jet skis, and even a giant pile of cash were all free. Carey unveiled a package containing world-class healthcare and she said, "Definitely free." She was at one point puzzled by a stack of croissants but eventually guessed that they also were free.

 

Ocasio-Cortez was never able to advance to the game proper, and as the credits rolled she appeared visibly upset. A hot mic picked up comments she made in frustration, claiming that the game was rigged by capitalism and that "everybody knows giant piles of money are free, that's like basic economics 101."

 

[EDITOR'S NOTE: We have been notified by Snopes.com that this story is not true. After reviewing the evidence, we would like to retract it. Ocasio-Cortez did not actually appear on The Price Is Right and guess that everything is free. In fact, it appears that this entire story was completely made up. Everything else on our site is still true, however. We apologize for any confusion.]

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"I've got it!" he'd cried in the early morning hours on Sunday. "Hey Melinda -- I've figured out how to eradicate this nasty virus! Everyone mocked me for commenting on the virus while not even being a medical expert, but ha! I'll show them yet!"

 

But just then, his monitor suddenly displayed a blue screen. A virus had infected his Windows 10 machine and crashed the whole thing, wiping out everything on his hard drive. Microsoft OneDrive would have backed it up, but Gates had kept dismissing the annoying message that popped up every few minutes on his computer, reminding him to set up his OneDrive account. The loophole this particular virus exploits had been closed in a recent Windows 10 update, but again, Gates kept putting off the update because the messages bugged him.

 

"You know, it's kind of funny, in the end," an introspective Gates said as he stared out the window at his 220 acres of land. "I tried to cure the virus, but a virus got me in the end."

 

"Ironic."

 

Gates was last seen trying to sneak an Apple computer into his house.

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The fact-checker has tried to control the spread of jokes and satire with simple notices that articles are false but is now saying that isn't enough.

 

Snopes published a recent study that showed that shutting the internet down would stop the spread of jokes, humor, and satire. It is not known how long the internet would need to be shut down, but the study suggested a minimum of several months would be required.

 

"Everyone must quarantine away from the internet so that 'humor' and 'jokes' and 'satire' don't continue to spread around the country," said a spokesperson. "Should the internet stay up, we'll continue to run the risk that someone might laugh at a joke or read a satirical article and not know that it isn't true. We can't sleep at night until we know that all humor is dead."

 

"It's the only way to be sure."

 

Some people warned that this might have negative side effects. Snopes has sent out the thought police to take these people into one of its state-of-the-art reeducation camps.

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4 hours ago, billsfan1959 said:

 

 

The fact-checker has tried to control the spread of jokes and satire with simple notices that articles are false but is now saying that isn't enough.

 

Snopes published a recent study that showed that shutting the internet down would stop the spread of jokes, humor, and satire. It is not known how long the internet would need to be shut down, but the study suggested a minimum of several months would be required.

 

"Everyone must quarantine away from the internet so that 'humor' and 'jokes' and 'satire' don't continue to spread around the country," said a spokesperson. "Should the internet stay up, we'll continue to run the risk that someone might laugh at a joke or read a satirical article and not know that it isn't true. We can't sleep at night until we know that all humor is dead."

 

"It's the only way to be sure."

 

Some people warned that this might have negative side effects. Snopes has sent out the thought police to take these people into one of its state-of-the-art reeducation camps.

 

This is Inception level humor.

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