Anyone ever go through a divorce with a child?

[MILFHUNTER#518]

15 minutes ago, joesixpack said:

 

GOOD.

 

I would put that attorney on retainer and have him/her craft up documents that will protect you first. Here's why I say that. If you're crippled financially by the alimony/support, you'll have a really hard time doing the things you'd love to with your kids otherwise. (Edit: and kids being kids, they'll want to do things with you that invariably cost money.) I'm not saying a guy shouldn't pay those kinds of things. But it should be equitable, and if you're not protected from future changes, it can become really inequitable really quick.

 

 

ALWAYS have your own attorney. If she signed a retainer with that attorney, then the attorney has a fiduciary responsibility to her, not you. Therefore, that attorney is invariably NOT looking out for your best interests, only her's.

[Pine Barrens Mafia]

Just now, MILFHUNTER#518 said:

ALWAYS have your own attorney. If she signed a retainer with that attorney, then the attorney has a fiduciary responsibility to her, not you. Therefore, that attorney is invariably NOT looking out for your best interests, only her's.

 

Exactly. And no offense to Fergy intended, you can NEVER trust an attorney that you haven't paid for the services of.

 

[Gugny]

2 hours ago, Royale with Cheese said:

So my wife and I have officially filed for divorce.  Just waiting for my lawyer and her lawyer to review the paper work to sign off.

 

We're being very amicable towards each other.  Nothing contested (so far) on our end.  We still do get a long, we're in the process of selling our house and living in our existing house together for the next month or so.  We're splitting everything 50/50 except 401K...she's not going to take any of mine.  Instead of child support, I'll pay her health insurance since she can't be on mine now.  I'm also giving her a good chunk of my savings.  We're both being very good to each other right now.

 

I didn't want to be in the relationship anymore but at the same time, it's still pretty hard because I've been with her for 6 years....and we have a 3 year old.

We tried to explain to him last night what was happening and he wasn't getting it.  We just said that we aren't going to live much longer in this house and we will now have two houses.  He seemed excited.

 

If anyone has been through this, any advice?  What should I expect?

 

I'm very sorry to hear this.  I'm going through the same thing.  I just sent you a PM.

[ExiledInIllinois]

10 minutes ago, \GoBillsInDallas/ said:

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/money/john-cleese-settles-divorce-wife-alyce-faye-eichelberger-19-7m-article-1.397336

 

 

"John is extremely cross about it and I don't blame him."

 

He should only be cross with himself.  It's like doing Your taxes and figuring out which deduction to take: Itemize or Standard, then picking the one which hurts him more.  Why not stay together?  Unless She divorced Him for some sort of transgression?

 

He's already on His Third.  But it did last long, since 1992.

 

Look inward people!

[Seanbillsfan2206]

Congratulations man. I can tell you that dating in your 30s is getting a little rough, but whores are everywhere 

[Pine Barrens Mafia]

Just now, Seanbillsfan2206 said:

Congratulations

 

Was that really necessary?

 

[Royale with Cheese]

Just now, Seanbillsfan2206 said:

Congratulations man. I can tell you that dating in your 30s is getting a little rough, but whores are everywhere 

 

I don't want another relationship for a very long time.  I just need another divorced mom who doesn't want that either and we can give each other what we need and that's it.

11 minutes ago, MILFHUNTER#518 said:

What state do you live in bud?

 

Georgia

[MILFHUNTER#518]

1 hour ago, joesixpack said:

Good luck. I'll echo the sentiments above. Get a lawyer that will make sure she feels the pain instead of you, lest you end up like me...!@#$ed by the courts.

 

And trust me, unless you have a savage for a lawyer, you WILL get !@#$ed by the courts.

 

150% TRUE, especially if you live in NYS. The family courts are completely stacked by man hating bulldog lesbians democrats who will give everything to your wife no matter what, even if she is a crack wh0re who sees johns in front of your children. 

 

Support is what it is  generally nowadays,  but your assets (pension, 401k, etc) can definitely be negotiated.. Now that I am years removed from my divorce, I am super glad I gave up on the leave it to beaver nice guy routine early and lawyered up. And I am GRATEFUL to our Heavenly Father I put in the time in the trenches for my custody arrangement. I have my daughter more than 50% of the time, and there is no price you can put on the relationship you have with your kid.

[Royale with Cheese]

7 minutes ago, MILFHUNTER#518 said:

ALWAYS have your own attorney. If she signed a retainer with that attorney, then the attorney has a fiduciary responsibility to her, not you. Therefore, that attorney is invariably NOT looking out for your best interests, only her's.

 

Her Attorney told me that.  Even though we've agreed to many of the terms, I am your wife's attorney and represent her.  She told me it would be best for me to get my own Attorney to work through the agreement together.

[The Poojer]

 

Yeah, don't jump back into the dating scene too quickly....learn to live alone and focus on you and your kid.  Once you are happy and able to be on your own, then you can try and start to ruin someone else's life :-)

 

 

1 minute ago, Royale with Cheese said:

 

I don't want another relationship for a very long time.  I just need another divorced mom who doesn't want that either and we can give each other what we need and that's it.

[Pine Barrens Mafia]

1 minute ago, Royale with Cheese said:

 

Her Attorney told me that.  Even though we've agreed to many of the terms, I am your wife's attorney and represent her.  She told me it would be best for me to get my own Attorney to work through the agreement together.

 

Good. But I wouldn't just accept what the other attorney wrote up. I'd have your attorney write something favorable to you, and then let them hash out the ugly details.

 

[Hapless Bills Fan]

1 hour ago, Royale with Cheese said:

So my wife and I have officially filed for divorce.  Just waiting for my lawyer and her lawyer to review the paper work to sign off.

 

We're being very amicable towards each other.  Nothing contested (so far) on our end.  We still do get a long, we're in the process of selling our house and living in our existing house together for the next month or so.  We're splitting everything 50/50 except 401K...she's not going to take any of mine.  Instead of child support, I'll pay her health insurance since she can't be on mine now.  I'm also giving her a good chunk of my savings.  We're both being very good to each other right now.

 

I didn't want to be in the relationship anymore but at the same time, it's still pretty hard because I've been with her for 6 years....and we have a 3 year old.

We tried to explain to him last night what was happening and he wasn't getting it.  We just said that we aren't going to live much longer in this house and we will now have two houses.  He seemed excited.

 

If anyone has been through this, any advice?  What should I expect?

 

Sorry to hear that.

 

I haven't but a number of my friends have and I used to be good buds with a 'family practice lawyer' so I heard those stories.  If you both can make a pact with the ex and pinky-swear to put the kid first, and if you get mad at each other "take 10" and ask "what's best for the kid?" it should be OK.  The friends where both parents did that, or after an unsettled time came to do that, it worked out fine for the kids.  It'll have its ups and downs, especially when new romances come along.

 

A bunch of my friends recommend a book called "When Dinosaurs Divorce".  Check it out.  Maybe there's something better now.

 

The trickiest part will be stuff like schools (if one of you wants to move), holidays, and extracurriculars.  Stuff happens, like you work out a reasonable custody schedule, then the kid turns out to be uber-talented at math competitions or music or wants to play competitive soccer or be competitive at short-track bike racing which is one parent's thing and not the others.   One of our neighbors is going through that now - the dad has gotten the kids into short track BIG TIME and they're good at it.  The mom wants the kids to succeed at something they clearly love, but she feels like she's not getting her propers now.  She gets half a Sunday at best on her weekends because every weekend is a competition and all of one day at the competition, and half of another is spent driving back from it, and short track racing/driving there and back is just NOT how she wants to spend her free time, let alone in company with her ex since she doesn't have the skill set to maintain and set up their bikes so it's not like she can go while he stays home.

 

My $0.02 is to try to see that kind of thing coming (it really isn't hard if you're able to put yourself in the other parent's shoes) and try to find a professional mediator both sides get along with and have a relationship built by working out something small, BEFORE something big gets to the point where one or the other parent feels shortchanged and has a world-class Mad on - because it's hard to build trust that a mediator is really fair to both parties when one party comes in feeling aggrieved.  Ask her lawyer and yours for some recommendations - most lawyers who do family practice have seen it all and if you get a couple of the same names from both sides, those are probably worth a phone call.  Good mediators cost, but WAY less than lawyers and going back to court.

 

This is from a seat on the sidelines, so take it from what it's worth.

[MILFHUNTER#518]

2 minutes ago, Royale with Cheese said:

 

I don't want another relationship for a very long time.  I just need another divorced mom who doesn't want that either and we can give each other what we need and that's it.

 

Georgia

Good, at least you are not in NYS, see my above post.

 

Get an attorney OF YOUR OWN to review all docs, and make sure you max out your time with your child. This helps with EVERYTHING if she gets pissed at you down the road. The judge will look at you in a whole different light if you have your kids every week (preferably 50% if you can swing it) as opposed to one weekend a month. You will pay less, i guarantee it!?

[US Egg]

Divorced twice and my parents did so when I was in my teens in the early '70's.

 

Amicable-shamicable. Get a divorce lawyer ASAP ! Not a do it all type.   

 

You need someone to look out for you. You can't go this alone. 

[Royale with Cheese]

1 minute ago, MILFHUNTER#518 said:

Good, at least you are not in NYS, see my above post.

 

Get an attorney OF YOUR OWN to review all docs, and make sure you max out your time with your child. This helps with EVERYTHING if she gets pissed at you down the road. The judge will look at you in a whole different light if you have your kids every week (preferably 50% if you can swing it) as opposed to one weekend a month. You will pay less, i guarantee it!?

 

We've already agreed to a 50/50 split with the child.  That was on the forms to fill out for her Attorney to process.

I just got off the phone with a paralegal because the Attorney was out in court.  I'm going to meet with him either late today or tomorrow.  He's going to review the documents and makes sure I'm protected.

[Pine Barrens Mafia]

1 minute ago, MILFHUNTER#518 said:

Good, at least you are not in NYS, see my above post.

 

Get an attorney OF YOUR OWN to review all docs, and make sure you max out your time with your child. This helps with EVERYTHING if she gets pissed at you down the road. The judge will look at you in a whole different light if you have your kids every week (preferably 50% if you can swing it) as opposed to one weekend a month. You will pay less, i guarantee it!?

 

In my experience you seeing the kid is irrelevant. They charge you what they charge you. And it's VERY easy for the custodial parent to !@#$ with the non-custodial parent, especially when the non-custodial parent is broke from mandatory payments and can't afford a lawyer's fees.

 

Better to have it ironclad up front.

 

[Hapless Bills Fan]

1 hour ago, Royale with Cheese said:

 

This is what I'm afraid of.  It's amicable now.  She's the only one who has the Attorney now.  We've both agreed to all the conditions and now I'm going to get an Attorney to review everything to make sure I'm protected.  

 

You have GOT to have an attorney, and some of the stuff you're saying sounds dubious under MO

 

In MO anyway, the child support is considered the right of the child, which the parent can not waive or sign away in favor of some other arrangement, and is a fixed percentage of your income unless you are wealthy way beyond the standard amount. 

 

When I read your first post  I worried you might wind up paying her health insurance AND years of back child support in arrears at some future date.  It may be legally better for you to have the amount you're paying considered as child support, and if she uses it to purchase her health insurance that's her look-out.

 

Tread very carefully here and be sure your lawyer is an experienced 'family practice lawyer'.

 

 

 

 

[MILFHUNTER#518]

1 minute ago, joesixpack said:

 

In my experience you seeing the kid is irrelevant. They charge you what they charge you. And it's VERY easy for the custodial parent to !@#$ with the non-custodial parent, especially when the non-custodial parent is broke from mandatory payments and can't afford a lawyer's fees.

 

Better to have it ironclad up front.

 

I  got my support negotiated down almost $100 per week that way two years ago. Still have to pay health ins and other stuff, but I am more than happy to pay all that stuff. Family law does vary state by state, maybe Jersey is different?

 

 

[Seanbillsfan2206]

14 minutes ago, joesixpack said:

 

Was that really necessary?

 

Yes. I’m sure he’s heard “oh I’m so sorry to hear that” a million times

Edited September 19, 2018 by Seanbillsfan2206

[Gugny]

15 minutes ago, Seanbillsfan2206 said:

Congratulations man. I can tell you that dating in your 30s is getting a little rough, but whores are everywhere 

 

15 minutes ago, joesixpack said:

 

Was that really necessary?

 

 

Hilarious.  Come on, Joe!!!!

[Royale with Cheese]

3 minutes ago, Hapless Bills Fan said:

 

You have GOT to have an attorney, and some of the stuff you're saying sounds dubious under MO

 

In MO anyway, the child support is considered the right of the child, which the parent can not waive or sign away in favor of some other arrangement, and is a fixed percentage of your income unless you are wealthy way beyond the standard amount. 

 

When I read your first post  I worried you might wind up paying her health insurance AND years of back child support in arrears at some future date.  It may be legally better for you to have the amount you're paying considered as child support, and if she uses it to purchase her health insurance that's her look-out.

 

Tread very carefully here and be sure your lawyer is an experienced 'family practice lawyer'.

 

 

 

 

 

The Lawyer I'm going to is a Family Practice Lawyer only.....doesn't do anything else.

[Hapless Bills Fan]

5 minutes ago, joesixpack said:

 

In my experience you seeing the kid is irrelevant. They charge you what they charge you. And it's VERY easy for the custodial parent to !@#$ with the non-custodial parent, especially when the non-custodial parent is broke from mandatory payments and can't afford a lawyer's fees.

 

Better to have it ironclad up front.

 

 

In most states now to my knowledge, J6P is correct. 

Child support is considered the right of the child and is collected regardless of custody (but the amount does vary with the % of custody).

 

If one parent is @@#$!@$# with the other over visitation, that's considered a separate issue.

 

[Pine Barrens Mafia]

14 minutes ago, MILFHUNTER#518 said:

I  got my support negotiated down almost $100 per week that way two years ago. Still have to pay health ins and other stuff, but I am more than happy to pay all that stuff. Family law does vary state by state, maybe Jersey is different?

 

 

 

My agreement was done in PA. It's done on a percentage of the TOTAL GROSS INCOME of both parents. In my case, my wife earns 2x what I do annually, so I'm paying 40% of that amount a total month for one child. That's after even having a written agreement at the time of the divorce.

 

 

Edited September 19, 2018 by joesixpack

[Gugny]

4 minutes ago, Hapless Bills Fan said:

 

You have GOT to have an attorney, and some of the stuff you're saying sounds dubious under MO

 

In MO anyway, the child support is considered the right of the child, which the parent can not waive or sign away in favor of some other arrangement, and is a fixed percentage of your income unless you are wealthy way beyond the standard amount. 

 

When I read your first post  I worried you might wind up paying her health insurance AND years of back child support in arrears at some future date.  It may be legally better for you to have the amount you're paying considered as child support, and if she uses it to purchase her health insurance that's her look-out.

 

Tread very carefully here and be sure your lawyer is an experienced 'family practice lawyer'.

 

 

 

 

 

In NY, one can waive child support and/or spousal support.  It is law, however, that each party knows exactly what ($) he/she is waiving.  There is also a rule that if income changes 15% or more, then the person who waived support can go back and ask for it.

[ExiledInIllinois]

14 minutes ago, Royale with Cheese said:

 

I don't want another relationship for a very long time.  I just need another divorced mom who doesn't want that either and we can give each other what we need and that's it.

 

Georgia

 

What do You need that both are not getting?  Excuse Me for being so forward.  Don't have to answer.

[Hapless Bills Fan]

3 minutes ago, Royale with Cheese said:

 

The Lawyer I'm going to is a Family Practice Lawyer only.....doesn't do anything else.

 

[teef]

2 minutes ago, ExiledInIllinois said:

 

What do You need that both are not getting?  Excuse Me for being so forward.  Don't have to answer.

i think he's talking about taking his meat log to pound town.  ya know...giving her the noise.

[Royale with Cheese]

1 minute ago, ExiledInIllinois said:

 

What do You need that both are not getting?  Excuse Me for being so forward.  Don't have to answer.

 

Basically if I start dating someone down the road, they'll understand the situation.  I had a friend that went through a divorce, started dating again.  The girl he was dating was never married or had a kid.  They ended up breaking up because she wanted to get more serious and start becoming involved in his kids life.  I don't want that for a while.  

I don't want that pressure.  

I would want someone who understands what I'm going through and is cool with it because they've been there.

[Teddy KGB]

Is the new girl good in bed ?

[Royale with Cheese]

1 minute ago, teef said:

i think he's talking about taking his meat log to pound town.  ya know...giving her the noise.

 

I mean yeah...I'm a guy.

 

But the other thing is my ex is going to be still a close person in my life because of the kid.  Whoever I start seeing again is going to have to understand that.  We will see each other every couple of days, we will be together at ball games, school events etc.....  

Just now, Teddy KGB said:

Is the new girl good in bed ?

 

Never happened.

[teef]

1 minute ago, Royale with Cheese said:

 

I mean yeah...I'm a guy.

 

But the other thing is my ex is going to be still a close person in my life because of the kid.  Whoever I start seeing again is going to have to understand that.  We will see each other every couple of days, we will be together at ball games, school events etc.....  

 

Never happened.

yeah...you don't want to get into all that right now.  i've been through one awful break up in my life, and i certainly would never equate it to a divorce involving a child, but when i tried to date quickly after is was awful and completely not worth it.  i think you're right to let the dust settle first.

[Pine Barrens Mafia]

2 minutes ago, teef said:

yeah...you don't want to get into all that right now.  i've been through one awful break up in my life, and i certainly would never equate it to a divorce involving a child, but when i tried to date quickly after is was awful and completely not worth it.  i think you're right to let the dust settle first.

 

I was separated/divorced for four years before I started seeing someone. It was necessary in my position.

 

[teef]

6 minutes ago, joesixpack said:

 

I was separated/divorced for four years before I started seeing someone. It was necessary in my position.

 

i bet.  especially if there's legal matters dragging out.  it can be difficult enough to carve out time and energy for a new relationship, and with all of the other nonsense going on, it has to make it a chore.  

[MILFHUNTER#518]

23 minutes ago, joesixpack said:

 

My agreement was done in PA. It's done on a percentage of the TOTAL GROSS INCOME of both parents. In my case, my wife earns 2x what I do annually, so I'm paying 40% of that amount a total month for one child. That's after even having a written agreement at the time of the divorce.

 

 

That's crazy, in NYS she would pay 17% of gross to YOU since SHE is considered the "Moneyed Spouse"...

[Royale with Cheese]

12 minutes ago, joesixpack said:

 

I was separated/divorced for four years before I started seeing someone. It was necessary in my position.

 

 

You had a clause you couldn't see anyone else?

[Pine Barrens Mafia]

Just now, MILFHUNTER#518 said:

That's crazy, in NYS she would pay 17% of gross to YOU since SHE is considered the "Moneyed Spouse"...

We're talking support, not alimony.

 

Yeah, PA blows, man. And as I mentioned before because of that I have literally NO spare money per month which has negatively affected my relationship with my child.

 

1 minute ago, Royale with Cheese said:

 

You had a clause you couldn't see anyone else?

 

No, I did that for my own sanity. My ex is a vile human being who had an uncanny knack for making life miserable. I needed the time to heal and get my feet back underneath me.

 

[MILFHUNTER#518]

Just now, joesixpack said:

We're talking support, not alimony.

 

Yeah, PA blows, man. And as I mentioned before because of that I have literally NO spare money per month which has negatively affected my relationship with my child.

 

That is what I was referring to, Child Support. One child 17% of gross income from Moneyed Spouse, I believe it is 22% for 2, and so on.

 

They recently changed our law so if you have been married only 2 years the moneyed spouse has to pay Maintenance ON TOP OF child support. Luckily my attorney got me out of that one...

[Royale with Cheese]

1 minute ago, joesixpack said:

No, I did that for my own sanity. My ex is a vile human being who had an uncanny knack for making life miserable. I needed the time to heal and get my feet back underneath me.

 

 

Sorry you're dealing with that.  It sounds like yours is way, way more difficult to deal with.  I don't think mine is, I hope so at least.

I'm worried that if she finds out I'm seeing someone else, she might flip.  I've been mentally out of this marriage for over a year now even though I'm remained in it.

I think I'll get back out in the dating scene probably within 6 months.  Nothing serious, I will stress that to anyone I meet or friends that set me up.  

[Pine Barrens Mafia]

5 minutes ago, MILFHUNTER#518 said:

That is what I was referring to, Child Support. One child 17% of gross income from Moneyed Spouse, I believe it is 22% for 2, and so on.

 

They recently changed our law so if you have been married only 2 years the moneyed spouse has to pay Maintenance ON TOP OF child support. Luckily my attorney got me out of that one...

 

Oh I did forget to mention that I think it's 40% of a percentage of the total gross. You're right on that. But, still, it comes to about 50% more than what you're paying on a monthly basis. It's a lot for one kid.

 

And that's not inclusive of the 40% of her health insurance cost for the kid, as well.

 

3 more years.

 

On the plus side, I did manage to win 50% of her state teacher's pension upon her retirement. So there's that. Now I just have to outlive her.

 

 

3 minutes ago, Royale with Cheese said:

 

Sorry you're dealing with that.  It sounds like yours is way, way more difficult to deal with.  I don't think mine is, I hope so at least.

I'm worried that if she finds out I'm seeing someone else, she might flip.  I've been mentally out of this marriage for over a year now even though I'm remained in it.

I think I'll get back out in the dating scene probably within 6 months.  Nothing serious, I will stress that to anyone I meet or friends that set me up.  

 

Oh, it was fine until she started dating again. It was after that point that she went back to child services and demanded an increase in support.

 

Twice.

 

She was ALL nice until she didn't have to be. Nicer than when we were married, even. That's the risk.

 

As far as the ex goes, I haven't communicated with her in any way for nearly a year and a half. Best year and a half of my adult life, if I'm honest.

 

 

Edited September 19, 2018 by joesixpack

[MILFHUNTER#518]

1 minute ago, joesixpack said:

 

Oh I did forget to mention that I think it's 40% of a percentage of the total gross. You're right on that. But, still, it comes to about 50% more than what you're paying on a monthly basis. It's a lot for one kid.

 

And that's not inclusive of the 40% of her health insurance cost for the kid, as well.

 

3 more years.

 

So let me get this straight, you have to pay friggin 40% of your gross in alimony & support? On top of that, insurance and stuff? And insurance for her? And she makes almost twice as much of you gross?