teef

i love public puking...especially when there's an audience. when we were teenagers, we got super high and went to the buffet at ponderosa. i stuffed myself to the point where i could barely move. we took a few steps outside, and i let loose a projectile vomit that went all over the sidewalk. it was right up against a row of windows, and i have to guess at least a dozen people saw it. i didn't, but she is a handsome, middle aged woman.

it's not as amazing as this story, but this past friday, my two month old **** all over the pediatrician. he was there for a check, diaper was off, and it rocketed on out. it was shocking how she quickly she dogged it. the wall took the brunt of it.

i think the first mistake was using a playground at a chick fil a. that **** is lawless.

My parents saw yanni recently, and couldn’t stop talking about it. Apparently the man is magic.

The problem is you have to date crazy one to know you should never date crazy. It’s like a child touching a hot stove.

i was so much more impressed with the HOF than I thought it would be. I went to the ralph/bruce induction, and i had a blast. the speeches definitely can drag on, and i actually hated the stadium the game was played in, but the HOF itself was incredible. I'd love to go back when there's fewer people, (it was body to body), but I need a reason to be back in that area first.

i think i contracted tetanus just looking at the picture of her home.

Panties fly off with a sailor’s hat.

that's just not going to work for me.

how many pictures of this freak are there?

are you trying to discount my accomplishments? god i can't wait to beat you during a home invasion.

is it wrong that i don't like mighty taco?

page 100 bitches!

i'm not sure if he could get out of his stance, but i'd pay to see it.

my colon hurts reading this.

probably louie anderson.

we get it...you need attention.

is that where you get your ****?

it was well made, so i doubt it.

or it would destroy the investigation just like it was a colon. really? he sounds terrible. absolutely terrible.

i did try to finish a box of wine once. it did not go well.

google maps does that for me.

how in the world do we know our rating? i've been in ubers after having far too much to drink. you ruin everything you ruiner.

you should probably just go down there.

you noticed!