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LAMP: Defending my PhD dissertation on thursday


Ramius

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~6 years of grad school and research in the lab is finally down to this thursday, when i defend my PhD dissertation. It's in biomedical engineering for those interested. I'm not so much scared or nervous yet as i am just ready to be done and over with this. The thesis has been written and submitted and i am finishing up my presentation. With any luck, i'll be a doc by thursday afternoon.

Good luck Ramius. I am sure congrats will be in order on Thursday! So now we will all refer to you as My Good Doctor!

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Hey Ramius could you bio medically engineer the Bills a decent pass rusher? just asking.

 

:thumbsup:

 

Not quite yet, but perhaps the stuff we do in our lab will someday help Schobel's foot heal faster.

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OK, as the time gets closer, maybe it is time to go over a few things.

 

As I noted in another thread, having a strong odor of booze on your breath, and some swizzle sticks in your shirt pocket tends to make a fine impression. For those who don't appreciate your swagger, it can serve as mighty intimidation, with the proper tone of voice and facial expressions.

 

I'm sure you have already answered most of the questions and concerns of the committee members, but they might have one or two zingers tucked away. If you get a particularly tough, or unfair inquiry, try one of these responses:

 

"What kind of question is that, you fuc#ing coc#sucker?"

 

"Are you serious with this bulls#it? If I have to explain the basics to you, we will be here all day."

 

"Pipe down, s#it-for-brains. I read your dissertation. Actually, I got about half-way through. Then I wiped my ass with it. I'm still dumber for having pushed that nonsense in my crack."

 

Let me know if you need any further advice.

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Good luck. If you get stumped defending your thesis, I've come up with some classic defenses you can turn to if you're speechless.

 

The Vinny Barbarino: "What? Where?"

 

The Barack Obama: "I didn't write this thesis. I inherited it."

 

The Perez Hilton: "Listen, faggot, if you don't give me my PhD, I'm gonna go all Will.I.Am on your rump-ranger ass."

 

The Keith Olbermann: "YOU, sir, have the unimitigated gall to suggest that in this world of grave danger caused by eight years of satanistic rule, that I defend this thesis? HOW DARE YOU, SIR! YOU are one of the WORST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD!!!!"

 

The Mark Sanford: "I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificently gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the curves of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself . . . in the faded glow of night's light, but hey, that would be going into sexual details, and I would rather discuss the thesis."

 

The Col. Jessep: "Son, we live in a world that has walls and those walls need to be covered by framed PhDs. Who's gonna do it? You? You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at staff parties you want my PhD on that wall, you need my PhD on that wall. We use words like biocompatible protheses and erythropoietin. We use them as the backbone of thesis defense. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the thesis I wrote and then questions the manner in which I wrote it. I would rather you just said "thank you," and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest that you pick up a pen and start your own goddamn thesis."

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~6 years of grad school and research in the lab is finally down to this thursday, when i defend my PhD dissertation. It's in biomedical engineering for those interested. I'm not so much scared or nervous yet as i am just ready to be done and over with this. The thesis has been written and submitted and i am finishing up my presentation. With any luck, i'll be a doc by thursday afternoon.

 

Best of luck my friend!

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Good luck. If you get stumped defending your thesis, I've come up with some classic defenses you can turn to if you're speechless.

 

The Vinny Barbarino: "What? Where?"

 

The Barack Obama: "I didn't write this thesis. I inherited it."

 

The Perez Hilton: "Listen, faggot, if you don't give me my PhD, I'm gonna go all Will.I.Am on your rump-ranger ass."

 

The Keith Olbermann: "YOU, sir, have the unimitigated gall to suggest that in this world of grave danger caused by eight years of satanistic rule, that I defend this thesis? HOW DARE YOU, SIR! YOU are one of the WORST PEOPLE IN THE WORLD!!!!"

 

The Mark Sanford: "I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificently gentle kisses, or that I love your tan lines or that I love the curves of your hips, the erotic beauty of you holding yourself . . . in the faded glow of night's light, but hey, that would be going into sexual details, and I would rather discuss the thesis."

 

The Col. Jessep: "Son, we live in a world that has walls and those walls need to be covered by framed PhDs. Who's gonna do it? You? You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at staff parties you want my PhD on that wall, you need my PhD on that wall. We use words like biocompatible protheses and erythropoietin. We use them as the backbone of thesis defense. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the thesis I wrote and then questions the manner in which I wrote it. I would rather you just said "thank you," and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest that you pick up a pen and start your own goddamn thesis."

 

 

:o:lol::wallbash:

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Now, the key to answering questions that you don't know is to say, "hmmm...I'm going to have to get back to you on that one" in a manner that would convince them that you have a good idea but just want to double check. After they signed my defense documents following a 90 minute grilling, I hopped into my car and sped out of state. I never did get back to them...

 

I was a bit surprised I was only in for 90 minutes. My first year exam was 3 hours! 3 hours of standing and migraine inducing questioning. Then my qualifier was another painful 2 hours. 90 minutes was a breeze.

 

Good luck! btw, have fun explaining to people that, "Yes, I am a real doctor...but I'm not a physician." My wife likes telling people that I'm "the fake kind of doctor..."

 

I think he's freaking out because when i am gone, no one currently in the lab has a good biochem background. The other 4 students are all chem engineers whose bio knowledge comes from a semester of baby bio and 2 grad classes.
hey! those grad biochem classes were hell!
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