CosmicBills Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 I'm trolling for good dirty/off color jokes. The dirtier the better ... we'll have to be creative here for the NSFW filters but I have faith in you guys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MattyT Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Can't think of any off-hand, but we could all work together to make some. I'll start.... A hooker with one arm and an eye-patch walks into a bar carrying an empty bottle of laxative. The bartender says __________________________. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ACor58 Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Can't think of any off-hand, but we could all work together to make some. I'll start.... A hooker with one arm and an eye-patch walks into a bar carrying an empty bottle of laxative. The bartender says __________________________. How is your son Skooby? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MattyT Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 How is your son Skooby? SWEET! One down. A priest, a rabbi and a minotaur (yes, a minotaur) are playing a round of golf. The priest tees off and hits one that goes into the water, the rabbi's comes up next and drives it into the sandtrap, the minotaur hits last and his ball lands in a bowl of clam chowder being eaten by a very busty member of the club. The threesome heads over to the young lady and the minotaur says ____________________________________. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HopsGuy Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Cartman NSFW! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RayFinkle Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 SWEET! One down. A priest, a rabbi and a minotaur (yes, a minotaur) are playing a round of golf. The priest tees off and hits one that goes into the water, the rabbi's comes up next and drives it into the sandtrap, the minotaur hits last and his ball lands in a bowl of clam chowder being eaten by a very busty member of the club. The threesome heads over to the young lady and the minotaur says ____________________________________. How is your son Skooby? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chef Jim Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 A guy meets a woman in a bar. They get to chatting and realize they're both into kinky sex. So he heads to her place and she says she's going to get more comfortable. When she walks out of the bedroom in a leather outfit complete with mask and whip he's heading out the door. She asks where he's going. "I !@#$ed your dog and shiit in your purse. I'm out of here lady." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Miner Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 I'm trolling for good dirty/off color jokes. The dirtier the better ... we'll have to be creative here for the NSFW filters but I have faith in you guys. A little dirty: One day a man was walking along and came across an apple store. He thought that a juicy apple would be just what his hungry belly needed, so he goes in. The storekeeper greets him and says, "Welcome to my apple store. We have all sorts of apples here that taste like anything you want." The man says, "What do you mean? If I want an apple that tastes like a banana, you have that?" "Sure do," the storekeeper says, "Aisle 1, bottom shelf, go ahead and try it." The man walks over to Aisle 1 and grabs a yellow apple off the bottom shelf and bites into it, and sure enough, it tastes just like a banana. "That's amazing!" he said. The storekeeper says, "I'm telling you we have an apple that tastes like anything you can imagine." The man says, "Ok, how about an apple that tastes like a big juicy T-Bone steak." The storekeeper says, "No problem, aisle 8, top shelf." The man walks over to the aisle, picks up a dark colored apple off the top shelf and takes a bite. "Amazing, this is the best T-bone I've ever tasted." The storekeeper smiles and says, "I don't doubt it, all our apples are the highest quality. We have any flavor you can imagine." The man then gets a grin on his face and says, "Ok then, how about an apple that tastes like a pusssy?" The storekeeper smiles and says, "No problem, aisle 7, middle shelf." The man shakes his head and walks over to the aisle and grabs a red and brown apple off the middle shelf. Grinning he takes a big bite. Suddenly, he grimaces, and spits out the apple. "Uggh" he shouts, "This apple doesn't taste like pusssy, it tastes like shiit!!!" The storekeeper shakes his head laughing and replies, "You need to turn it over!" Pretty dirty: One day, a man decides he's gonna go fishing. He spends some time getting everything loaded up and ready to go. After a while, his wife walks out and asks him what he's doing. He looks at his wife and says, "I'm going fishing, and you're coming too." She says, "Oh no I'm not." He replies, "You always say that. You never want to do anything with me." She says, "I'll do something with you later, I just don't want to go fishing." The man says, "Ok, I'll give you some options. You can either go fishing with me, give me a BJ, or let me have anal sex with you." The woman, really not wanting to go fishing, decides that the BJ would be the best alternative of the three. She tells her husband, "Fine, I'll just give you a BJ." Happily the man undoes his pants for his wife. After a few seconds of going down on him, she stops and looks at him with a disgusted look, "What the hell? Your diick tastes like shiit!!!" The man laughs and says, "Yeah, the dog didn't want to go fishing either." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beerball Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Pretty dirty: One day, a man decides he's gonna go fishing. He spends some time getting everything loaded up and ready to go. After a while, his wife walks out and asks him what he's doing. He looks at his wife and says, "I'm going fishing, and you're coming too." She says, "Oh no I'm not." He replies, "You always say that. You never want to do anything with me." She says, "I'll do something with you later, I just don't want to go fishing." The man says, "Ok, I'll give you some options. You can either go fishing with me, give me a BJ, or let me have anal sex with you." The woman, really not wanting to go fishing, decides that the BJ would be the best alternative of the three. She tells her husband, "Fine, I'll just give you a BJ." Happily the man undoes his pants for his wife. After a few seconds of going down on him, she stops and looks at him with a disgusted look, "What the hell? Your diick tastes like shiit!!!" The man laughs and says, "Yeah, the dog didn't want to go fishing either." That's a winner! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuffaloBill Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 The man laughs and says, "Yeah, the dog didn't want to go fishing either." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kiwi Bills fan Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 That's a winner! Dat ain't right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beerball Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Steely Dan and Bullpen walk into a bar & Steely sidles up to the first painted lady he sees.__________________________________________________ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WWVaBeach Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Steely Dan and Bullpen walk into a bar & Steely sidles up to the first painted lady he sees.__________________________________________________ Is that an Adams apple you got there or are you just happy to see me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HereComesTheReignAgain Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 How are a woman and KFC alike? Once your done eating all you have left is a greasy box. A guy's wife is in a car accident and she is in a coma. Her husband has been by her side for days and after many sleepless nights, he reaches over and touches her breast. She lets out a little moan which is the first movement or sound since the accident. The guy is embarrassed but decides to tell the doctor what happened. The doctor says "this is a very good sign. I know this will sound unconventional, but since sexual stimulation seems to elicit a response, let's try a little oral sex and see if we can snap her out of it". So they lock the door and give the guy some privacy. 10 minutes later he comes running out screaming that his wife is dead. "what the hell happened?" asked the doctor. the husband replied "I don't know, I think she might have choked to death!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Navy Chief Navy Pride Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 How about a limerick...... Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could get some fanny but Jack was shocked with an ass full of co$k Cause Jill she was a tranny!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrDawkinstein Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 whats the best part of cutting a 3 year old in half with a chainsaw? the orgasm whats the worst part? getting the stains out of your clown costume Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Buffalo Mike1 Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Why can't you teach a Blonde how to water-ski ? Because everytime they get wet they wanna lay down........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrDawkinstein Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 a guy goes to the doctor and says "Doc, i think my wife might have TB or an STD". Doc says, "When you get home, chase your wife around the bed. If you catch her, !@#$ her" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SageAgainstTheMachine Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 What's the difference between a Ferrari and 1,000 dead babies/ I don't have a Ferrari in my garage. What's the best way to get a baby out of a blender? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Miner Posted March 31, 2009 Share Posted March 31, 2009 Old college joke: Why should you never have sex with an alumnus' wife in the morning? Have you ever tried to pull a grilled cheese sandwich apart Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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