Surfmeister

Change "Where's" to "Wears" and see if you GET IT ~

A baby harp seal walks into a bar. The bartender says, "What will you have, baby harp seal?" and the baby harp seal says, "Anything but Canadian Club on the rocks." A ham sandwich walks into a bar, orders a drink and the bartender says, "No, we don't serve food here." A termite walks into a bar and says to the manager "Is the bar tender here ?" A giraffe walks into a bar. The bartender says, go outside, the drinks are on the house. Two giraffes walk into a bar. The bartender asks, "What'll you have?" and they reply, "Give us two tall ones." A gay guy walks into the bar. the bartender asks, "what'll you have?" and the gay guy says..."Please, could you push in my stool?" A skeleton walks into a bar and says “Bartender, I’d like a beer and a mop.” A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender asks, "Why the long face?" The horse replies, "Genetics." A blind man walks into a bar with his guide-dog on a leash. As he gets up to the bar, he picks up the dog by the leash, and swings him around a few times overhead. As he puts down his (now woozy) dog, the bartender asks "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" The blind man replies, "Taking a look around..." A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. After sitting for a few minutes, he hears a voice say, "nice tie." He looks around but doesn't see anybody near him and so he forgets about it. Some time passes and he hears the same voice say, "nice shirt." This time he looks everywhere; behind him, up and down the bar, under the chair, behind the bar, everywhere he can think to look, but he doesn't see anyone. A few minutes later he hears, "nice haircut." He can't stand it any more, so he calls the bartender over and tells him he has been hearing this voice but can't figure out who is speaking. The bartender says, "Oh that...that's the nuts....................they're complimentary." A man walks into a bar with a duck on his head. Bartender says: "What can I do for you"? Duck says: "You can get this guy off my ass". A duck walks into a pharmacy and asks for a roll of chap stick. The clerk says "Will that be cash or charge?", and the duck says, "put it on my bill." A snail walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says they don’t serve snails and throws him out. Two weeks later the snail comes back into the bar and says “Hey, why’d you do that?” Man walks into a bar and orders two drinks. He sips the first one and pours the second on his hand. The bartender seeing this, gets curious and asks him "Hey buddy, why did your pour that drink all over your hand?" The man replies. "Just trying to get my date drunk." A green snake and a pink elephant walk into a bar one day. The Bartender says 'You're both early, he's not here yet.' A dog walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, it's my birthday! Do I get a free drink?" Bartender says, "Sure! The toilets down the hall." A guy walks in to a bar and orders a Martinus. The bartender says "You mean, Martini" The guys says, "If I want two, I'll ask for it.!" So a penguin is driving his rv on vacation and he sees some fluid under it not wanting to ruin his transmission he takes it to the nearest shop and asks "can you look at my transmission to see if it is ok" the mechanic answer "sure, but it will be a few hours" Penguin in a strange town nothing to do starts to wander around, he sees a grocery and decides to get something to eat buys a box of Ice Cream sandwiches and sets down to eat them after a sandwich or too he falls asleep, a few hour later he wakes up to find the ice cream has melted all over his belly and the transmission shop is closing in 10 minute The penguin rushes over to the shop "Is my transmission OK" he asks the mechanic The mechanic replies " looks like you just blew a seal” The penguin looks at the mess on his belly and reply ITS ICECREAM < JUST ICECREAM A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What’s this? Some kind of a joke?" So this guy walks into Zilinskis bar over in Cheektowaga goes up to the bartender , Stan Zilinski and asks quite loudly HEY BUDDY YA WANNA HEAR A POLACK JOKE Stan , a huge man gets a confused look on his face and asks the guy "do you know your in a polish bar, in a polish neighborhood, and I am polish? and as a matter of fact that guy playing pool is my brother and he is polish and that guy playing pinball is my other brother , So do9 you still want to tell this "Polack" joke The stranger stops for a minute and responds "I guess not, I don't want to have to repeat it three times!" A widow walks into a bar in Miami and sits next to a guy. She says, "You're new here. Where are you from ?" He says, "I just got out of Okkeefenokkee Correctional Facility for murdering my wife with a hack saw and stuffing her into a suitcase." She says, "Oh, so you're single." A Rhino walks into a bar.``A cocktail bartender``. The bartender replies`` Drinks are free``. Rhino:Why? Bartender: We don’t charge Rhinos`` . A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher and huge bears on the top shelf along the wall. The man is kind of surprised that this woman would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her. After a night of passion, as they are lying together in the afterglow, the man rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?" The woman says, "You can have any prize from the bottom shelf." Four young nuns walk into confession together. The priest says "o.k. girls, what happened now?" The first girl steps up and says "well, we were walking through the park, and this guy wearing a trench coat jumps out from behind a tree, opens his coat, and he is totally naked". The priest says "o.k., what happened then?" "Well, I've never seen a naked man, so I looked at him, I mean, I LOOKED at that man". "Oh, dear God" says the priest. "Say three hail Mary's, and wash your eyes in that bowl of Holy Water" The second girl steps up. "O.k., what happened?" "Well, I've never touched a man before, so I touched him, I mean, I TOUCHED that man" "Oh this is horrible" says the priest. "Say ten Hail Mary's and wash your hands in that bowl of Holy Water" All of the sudden, the fourth girl jumps in front of the third one and says "hey, I want to gargle before sister Suzy washes her butt!" An Irish guy starts going into a New York bar and orders 4 shots all at the same time. He drinks all 4 then leaves. This goes on for several weeks and finally the bartender says, "Say buddy, what's with ordering 4 drinks all at the same time?" The Irishman says, "Well, when I left home I promised my 3 three brothers that I'd have drink for each of them every day." Several months goes by and one day the Irishman comes in and orders 3 drinks instead of his usual 4. The bartender says, "My deepest condolences, friend, I assume one of your brothers has passed on." The Irishman looks up and says, "Thank you, but no, I've not lost a brother. It's just that the doctor has insisted that I quit drinking........" A bear walks into a bar and says to the barman, "Can I have a.......................................................................pint of lager?" "Yeah sure", the barman says, "But why the big pause?" (paws) Then there's the one about the man and his dwarf stallion who goes into the bar. The man orders a beer and the dwarf stallion whispers something to the barman. "Did he order something?" the barman asked. "Yep," said the man. "Listen closely." Again the dwarf stallion whispers something. "I can't hear what he's saying." says the barman. "Yeah, I know." says the man. "He's a little horse." A Koala walks into a bar. A hooker comes up to the Koala and says, "hey hairy, want a date?" The Koala says sure, and they sit in a booth in the corner. The hooker and the Koala start to get-it-on and end up with the Koala performing oral sex on the hooker. Afterwards the hooker tries to get her money, but the Koala refuses. "Hey," says the hooker, "don't you know the definition of a hooker?" And the Koala says, "No, sorry, I don't." And the hooker says, "it's someone who has sex for money." And the Koala says, "Well I guess you don't know the definition of a Koala." "What's that?" asks the hooker. "An animal that eats bushes and leaves." A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. "How much will that be?" asks the neutron. "For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge" A giraffe, a doe and a skunk were having cocktails in a bar. The waiter brought them their bill. The skunk said, "Gee, I'm afraid I only have one scent." The doe then stated, "uh . . I had a buck on me an hour ago, but not now." Then the giraffe said, "Well it looks like the highballs are on me." A dyslexic walks into a bra... So this empty beer bottle walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Hey, weren't you drunk in here last night?" So this cow walks into a bar, and says, "Hay, Bartender!" A ghost walks into a bar, "Sorry," says the bartender ,"we don't serve spirits here." A man walks into a bar only to see a sign "Free Beer -- Certain Restrictions Apply". The guy says to the barkeep, "What kind of restrictions apply?" Barkeep: Well, you've got to do three things, then the rest of the evening's beer's on the house. Guy: Sounds good to me, what do I have to do? BK: Well, first you have to drink a whole bottle of pepper tequila in one chug. Then, there's an alligator out back with a terrible toothache and you have to pull out the tooth with your bare hand. Finally, there's a woman upstairs who's never had an orgasm, and you have to make her happy. Guy: You're f*cking nuts. I'll buy my drinks, thank you. Well, time passes, and the guy's had a few too many and says... Guy: Awright, ware's dat tikeela? BK: You're gonna do it? Guy: Damn right, I'm gonna do it. The barkeep hands the guy a fifth, and the guy just slams it down. He stumbles out back to the alligator. There's terrible noises thumping, screams and growns, and finally, the guy staggers back into the bar with his shirt ripped and bloody and terrible gashes across his face and torso, and sez: Awright, where's the broad with the toothache? A man walks into a bar carrying jumper cables. The bartender says, "HEY, don't you try to start anything in here." A man walks into a bar, sits down and drinks a beer. Then he drinks another beer, and another and... soon he needs to take a leak. He's standing at the urinal in the men's room, when he looks over and notices three black men standing at the other urinals. He notices that the one in the middle has a white rooster. He zips up and, still a bit confused, goes back to the bar. He orders another brewsky and mentions to the bartender, "I was in the men's room and noticed three black men in there. I swear the one in the middle had a white rooster! The bartender says, pointing, "You mean those three guys at that table over there?" "Yes", the man says, "They're the ones." "Well," replies the bartender, "Those guys aren't black. They're coalminers. The one in the middle must have gone home for lunch." Vlad the Impaler’s favorite joke was, > > This bar goes into this guy........ A guy walks in a bar and sees a woman and two men at her table. He shoots men and asks: "Why is the lady alone?" Two nuns in the bath and one says to the other "Where's the soap ?" to which the other replies "Yes, it does, doesn't it ?" Q: Why did the architect have his house made backwards ? A: So he could watch TV at the same time.

Oh the current members of Skull & Bones must have been so proud last night. Here we have two of their current members "debating" each other of the idiot box. Whoever wins the "election" does not matter because either way Skull & Bones wins. A wonderful coup of the American political system. And how did they accomplish this feat? Well ... that's a secret. Congrats to the masterminds within the Crypt. You guys rock ! PS: See you at the polls. Be sure to wear your "I Voted" sticker on Election Day. The Bonesmen would want it that way.

If they made a Doug Flutie ride would they have a maximum height requirement in order to get on the ride? I'm so sorry sir, but you are too tall to enjoy the Doug Flutie experience.

Take a look at the book Sibling Society. It explains a lot of why baby boomer parents just won't grow up.

Everytime I see a cap-to-the-back it makes me think of Thurman Munson and all baseball catchers. Other than that I agree with Marv Van Winkle. A fine book on this topic is Sibling Society.

Thank you very much for your post. Your post is an inspiration to me to try harder to make you happy. I'll get right on it. In the meantime would you also like me to sign your frickin year book?

I'll recap for you. We are all assclowns. Whatever those are. We are also all ignorant of football. We will never keep up with what ICE knows. Where is the Bills' blame to be assigned? That's an easy one. Where ever the majority of posters DON'T say it is. That is what distinguishes the football genius. The ability to disagree with the consensus. The transformation took place as it always does ... between the ticking seconds on your watch. With each lone tick the transformation moves through its motions many many times. My question is ... why does ICE come back to WASTE his time on us assclowns when he said he was gone for good? And why after being called names do the posters flock back to communicate with the Great Frozen One? Have they no pride? Have they no self respect? Or do they just understand him for what he is? Where did I get the info above? Why, ICE gave it to us in spades. Good Luck ~ Surf

McCardell is a friggin Ball Magnet. He had a great season last year and before the Bucs he did great things for the Jags. The Bucs output would be much better if he was on the field. Quirky Brad Johnson just doesn't provide the spark required.

What I don't understand is why Justin Timbertwat got out of this mess no problem. He's the guy who ripped off the bra thingie. But Janet Jackson is the evil one in this story. On the street the cops would have arrested him and told her to cover it up. Unless of course they were in New Orleans and had some beads to spare.

I haven't eaten meat since 1990. Only fish and veggies. BUT .... if I even started eating it again I would start with fried bologna with onions on rye bread. Just like my Mom used to make until we made her quit!

So the crown doesn't just sit on the top, it's basically a whole new tooth connected to (what's left of) the bad tooth? That is correct. It is a whole new FAKE tooth on top of a stump of what is left of the bad tooth. If your dentist is good it will be fine.

In person is the BEST! Second best is on TV while I'm doing something else. That way if they lose the afternoon wasn't a total loss. I used to pipe Van Miller through my computer into my stereo and turn the sound down on the TV. But we don't have Van anymore.

I have a few crowns. The way I got them was first I went in and they ground the bad tooth down to a stump. Then they seated the temporary crown on to the stump. It worked OK. Then the real crown came in a week later and they put that on with strong glue. This is the important part. When they place the crown on for good MAKE SURE your bite is OK and the crown doesn't pinch your gums at all. They can make sure it fits perfect. The worst of the pain is the needle with the novocaine or whatever it is they use. Good Luck ~

Geez, only a broken fibula ??? Walk it off Soldier !!!

Hold on there Mr. Boy ! You can't quit. It is not a choice. Once you are a Bills fan that's it for life. It is in your bone marrow and it will call you back. It's something like how Tommy Lee and Pam Anderson CAN'T leave each other forever. Some sick thing brings them back together. Oh we ALL wish we could quit. Wouldn't that be schweet. But it is not possible in this world as we know it. Welcome to our mutual nightmare. Nice to have you on board. Bills Fan # 091955 aka Surf

The Bills are a business. The main goal of a business is to make money. To make more than you spend and therefore show a profit. As long as the Bills sell enough tickets and Bills stuff to show a profit they will have a good year. The Bills office staff keeps their jobs and everyone gets a frozen turkey as a Holiday bonus. That is the main goal. Secondary to that is to win games. The fans want wins. The team ownership (regardless of what they say in the press) want to show a profit. As long as the Bills show a profit and can give the fans HOPE the team might have a winning record things are going to stay the same. Here's the way it works. Start of the Season: We lose games. If you complain the other fans ridicule you so much you stop. They say it is too early in the season to tell. Big help we have a no-name new head coach. That should have told us something. Middle of the season: See Start of the Season above. End of the Season: The team loses games and the other fans tell you it is too late to change anything now. We need to wait until the off season for changes. Repeat as required. I was born and raised in Buffalo. I listened to the Bills winthe AFL Chanpionships on the radio before we ahd it on TV and I have followed them ever since. Like some of you I am a Bills fan for life. We have no choice. We are what we are. The Bills make me wanna SHOUT !

Cheezy ?!?!? Those are high resolution pics taken at a nice hotel. I wouldn't acll it cheezy. The worst part of it is having to look at the judges faces as they fall in lust with the contestants. Plus, this site is safe for work unless you share a cube with your boss.

Good luck with your new job. Expect to be a liottle nervous at first. That is normal. Once you are there for two weeks you'll feel at home and in gear. All the best ~ Surf

Here's a nice bikini contest for a Friday. http://www.silvercashcontest.com/bikini_02/gallery.mas This is safe for work!

When I was 15 my older sister and her boyfriend took a vacation to Florida in her Challenger. So he left his brand new slime lime color Datsun 240Z parked in our garage. My older sister told me if I even TOUCHED IT she would kill me. Since they had to leave the keys in case the house caught on fire I took it out and taught myself how to drive a stick shift on the thing. I taught myself on a new raod with no houses on it behind my house in Williamsville. That was over 30 years ago and she has never found out. Other than that I have owned a Porsche but I'm not that big of a sport now so I have a V6 Maxima.

Sure we do. I've got both seasons of Aqua Teen Hunger Force. You've gotta love that Master Shake. He is so thoughtful and caring .... and sincere too ! I don't have ANY DVDs with commercials on them. These other folks are pulling your leg.

Dumbest rule is when the QB hits the WR right in the numbers and the WR drops it so the rule applies it is an INCOMPLETION for the QB. The QB did his job. It should be an incompletion for the WR.

Please use the link to inform yourself on how people work this board: http://home.datawest.net/esn-recovery/artcls/disinfo.htm

Go ahead and say whatever the heck you want to say. If you praise the team ... Whoa .. you are too optimistic! If you rip the team ... Whoa ... you are a human bummer. So much of this board is not atlking about football. It is telling other people they are wrong.