CountDorkula Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 This is the email going around work right now. Enjoy it. . . The Man Rules At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down Finally , the guys' side of the story. ( I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear " the rules" From the female side.... Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered "1 " ON PURPOSE! 1. Men are NOT mind readers. (FIRST & FOREMOST RULE) 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 1. Sunday sports, It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 1.. Crying is blackmail. 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 1. Come to us with a problem ONLY if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days. 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one 1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it , just do it yourself. 1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.. 1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we. 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS. 1. IF IT ITCHES, IT will be scratched. We do that. 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.. 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear. 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really . 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as Football or Hockey. 1. You have enough clothes. 1. You have too many shoes. 1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape! 1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping. Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh. Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ajzepp Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 Amen to the toilet seat thing...I used to get so sick of that! The first girl I dated seriously was way back in 1990. I used to go over to her place after work and we'd hang out at night until about midnight or 1am. Well, it was my girlfriend, her daughter, her sister, and her mom....all women. So naturally she told me up front about the toilet seat thing. I did a pretty good job of it until one time when we had a wicked ice storm in late 1990 (or may have been early '91). I ended up having to stay the night cause I couldn't get out (she lived in Gates and I lived in Mendon). We were downstairs watching stand-up on comedy central pretty late in the evening, and all of a sudden we hear this great big *THUD!!* followed by a scream from her mom. My girlfriend looked at me in horror and said, "omg, tell me you didn't forget to put the toilet seat back down..." She goes running upstairs, I hear them arguing very loudly, and next thing I know her mom is stomping over toward the stairs yelling at me at the top of lungs. Now I understand that women like the seat back down, but if you don't even LOOK before you sit down, I have no sympathy for you. Her mom tended to drink at night, so she went into the bathroom, dropped trau, and sat down directly in the toilet bowl. The scream was when her arse went splashing into the cold toilet water and my g/f literally had to help her out of the bowl. I felt a little bad, but not really....I couldn't help but laugh a little, but that didn't go over to well Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarkLessWagMore Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 I agree with number 1. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chef Jim Posted January 18, 2011 Share Posted January 18, 2011 This was in an email my wife sent me today. The email with Adult Truths to Ponder. 25. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoodBye Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Pumpkin isn't a fruit, is it? I don't see why women make such a big deal with the toilet seat. They obviously didn't grow up with brothers... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 25. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. Of course it is. It handles all the breathing and heartbeat **** and all that stuff so our balls can focus on the really important things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CountDorkula Posted January 19, 2011 Author Share Posted January 19, 2011 (edited) Amen to the toilet seat thing...I used to get so sick of that! The first girl I dated seriously was way back in 1990. I used to go over to her place after work and we'd hang out at night until about midnight or 1am. Well, it was my girlfriend, her daughter, her sister, and her mom....all women. So naturally she told me up front about the toilet seat thing. I did a pretty good job of it until one time when we had a wicked ice storm in late 1990 (or may have been early '91). I ended up having to stay the night cause I couldn't get out (she lived in Gates and I lived in Mendon). We were downstairs watching stand-up on comedy central pretty late in the evening, and all of a sudden we hear this great big *THUD!!* followed by a scream from her mom. My girlfriend looked at me in horror and said, "omg, tell me you didn't forget to put the toilet seat back down..." She goes running upstairs, I hear them arguing very loudly, and next thing I know her mom is stomping over toward the stairs yelling at me at the top of lungs. Now I understand that women like the seat back down, but if you don't even LOOK before you sit down, I have no sympathy for you. Her mom tended to drink at night, so she went into the bathroom, dropped trau, and sat down directly in the toilet bowl. The scream was when her arse went splashing into the cold toilet water and my g/f literally had to help her out of the bowl. I felt a little bad, but not really....I couldn't help but laugh a little, but that didn't go over to well Pumpkin isn't a fruit, is it? I don't see why women make such a big deal with the toilet seat. They obviously didn't grow up with brothers... See are you asking, or implying that pumpkin is not a fruit. Rule 1 says be direct. Edited January 19, 2011 by CountDorkula Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoodBye Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 See are you asking, or implying that pumpkin is not a fruit. Rule 1 says be direct. Pumpkin is NOT a fruit, it's a veggie, dumbass. How's that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Booster4324 Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Pumpkin is NOT a fruit, it's a veggie, dumbass. How's that? I thought he was a dork. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoodBye Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 I thought he was a dork. Oh, my mistake. Dork it is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fezmid Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Amen to the toilet seat thing...I used to get so sick of that! The first girl I dated seriously was way back in 1990. I used to go over to her place after work and we'd hang out at night until about midnight or 1am. Well, it was my girlfriend, her daughter, her sister, and her mom....all women. So naturally she told me up front about the toilet seat thing. I did a pretty good job of it until one time when we had a wicked ice storm in late 1990 (or may have been early '91). I ended up having to stay the night cause I couldn't get out (she lived in Gates and I lived in Mendon). We were downstairs watching stand-up on comedy central pretty late in the evening, and all of a sudden we hear this great big *THUD!!* followed by a scream from her mom. My girlfriend looked at me in horror and said, "omg, tell me you didn't forget to put the toilet seat back down..." She goes running upstairs, I hear them arguing very loudly, and next thing I know her mom is stomping over toward the stairs yelling at me at the top of lungs. Now I understand that women like the seat back down, but if you don't even LOOK before you sit down, I have no sympathy for you. Her mom tended to drink at night, so she went into the bathroom, dropped trau, and sat down directly in the toilet bowl. The scream was when her arse went splashing into the cold toilet water and my g/f literally had to help her out of the bowl. I felt a little bad, but not really....I couldn't help but laugh a little, but that didn't go over to well My wife and I compromise - we put BOTH seats down, so that way we BOTH have to lift it up to use it. Problem solved! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chilly Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 (edited) My wife and I compromise - we put BOTH seats down, so that way we BOTH have to lift it up to use it. Problem solved! Solving problems by making the process less efficient? You must work for the Government! Edited January 19, 2011 by BlueFire Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DrDawkinstein Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Solving problems by making the process less efficient? You must work for the Government! actual loling here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fezmid Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Solving problems by making the process less efficient? You must work for the Government! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HopsGuy Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 Amen to the toilet seat thing...I used to get so sick of that! The first girl I dated seriously was way back in 1990. I used to go over to her place after work and we'd hang out at night until about midnight or 1am. Well, it was my girlfriend, her daughter, her sister, and her mom....all women. So naturally she told me up front about the toilet seat thing. I did a pretty good job of it until one time when we had a wicked ice storm in late 1990 (or may have been early '91). I ended up having to stay the night cause I couldn't get out (she lived in Gates and I lived in Mendon). We were downstairs watching stand-up on comedy central pretty late in the evening, and all of a sudden we hear this great big *THUD!!* followed by a scream from her mom. My girlfriend looked at me in horror and said, "omg, tell me you didn't forget to put the toilet seat back down..." She goes running upstairs, I hear them arguing very loudly, and next thing I know her mom is stomping over toward the stairs yelling at me at the top of lungs. Now I understand that women like the seat back down, but if you don't even LOOK before you sit down, I have no sympathy for you. Her mom tended to drink at night, so she went into the bathroom, dropped trau, and sat down directly in the toilet bowl. The scream was when her arse went splashing into the cold toilet water and my g/f literally had to help her out of the bowl. I felt a little bad, but not really....I couldn't help but laugh a little, but that didn't go over to well This story is a complete fabrication. In 1990-91, "Comedy Central" was called "The Comedy Channel". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BuffaloBill Posted January 19, 2011 Share Posted January 19, 2011 It's funny how the men vs women thing always boils down to the toilet seat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CountDorkula Posted January 20, 2011 Author Share Posted January 20, 2011 Pumpkin is NOT a fruit, it's a veggie, dumbass. How's that? I thought he was a dork. Oh, my mistake. Dork it is. I was going to say that you got it wrong, im a dork, not a dumbass but Booster's got me covered. See all you have to do is be blunt and then men know what the situation is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 It's funny how the men vs women thing always boils down to the toilet seat. Except when the dishwasher needs to be unloaded... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoodBye Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 Does this bow make my eyes look big?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chef Jim Posted January 20, 2011 Share Posted January 20, 2011 Does this bow make my eyes look big?? What eyes? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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