unbillievable

I forgot to inform my bank about the vacation and they put a hold on my account after a few unusual transactions. Luckily, I lost only a few hundred instead of the few thousand I rationalized I could deal with...

She tested a .37 after the accident, getting medical attention, and being taken to a police station. What was it when she left the house?

Guests at the Sanders party are encouraged to take their fair share of Hors D'oeuvres from Hillary's party next door.

Police threw chalk on the sidewalk to disperse the crowd. Many are now seeking PTSD counseling from the hate crime: excessive use of whiteness.

Haven't we already learned our lesson from the last two presidents people believed were geniuses?

She might make great sandwiches.

That's a man.

When I was a kid, they charged $0.15/day for overdue books. I'm sure the penalty has grown since then. If the book was late for two years, she should owe around $110.

I bet she still gets custody of the kids.

Batman v Superman doesn't hit the 1 billion mark and it worries studios. Your best examples of oscar worthy movies hover around 150 million and you think they're successful. You're in too deep to see the big picture. No one goes to see Oscar movies anymore. In fact, no one even knows who won outside movie critics. There's a reason many in the industry (Spielberg) are pushing for mid-budget movies towards on-demand services instead of theatrical release. You might care about these things because you're stuck in middle, but on one else cares. And the box office receipts prove it.

How do you stop people from hiding money? Put cameras between everyone's mattress?

So the Saudi's are threatening to sell our IOU's to someone else. Doesn't that just mean we just owe the same money to another country? Like a bank selling off your mortgage to another bank... For the first time, President Obama might prove useful. He gives zero f#$%s about debt. Anyone else might be concerned. On the other hand, he might be even more scared of offending his Muslim brethren and capitulate anyway.

These are the kind of stats I like to see in video games.

When you push for a "living" wage, more people get stuck making the real minimum wage; which is $0/hr.

How much more did Sanders voluntarily pay in increased taxes to help pay his "fair share?" I assume he wants to contribute at least 75% of salary like his Scandinavian utopia model.

You still don't know the difference between a movie intended for entertainment vs an "artsy" movie pushing for oscars? All of these movies that garner attention at film festivals rarely make any real money. Like I said: No one cares. What was the last best picture movie that people paid money to see... gladiator? Didn't Chris Rock make a joke about all the oscar movies essentially being box office bombs? I actually like watching historical movies... on Netflix.

I heard "Felt" will be more topical since Hillary will be running. After so many racially focused movies, they've lost a lot of impact. What makes this one different?

I love how the Berniacs are calling out media bias when they were part of the group that insisted it didn't exist before...

I love the response from the Million College Idiot marches.... Question: How are we supposed to fund all of this? Answer: It's not my job to figure that out, that's what we elect politicians to do. My job is to demand free s#@%.

Have you ever talked to a Swiss person? Liberal: They are so environmentally conscious; living in small houses and biking to work. Swiss: I live like that because I can't afford a car or a big house. Liberal: Everything is free in Europe! Healthcare, Education, Maternity leave... Swiss: These taxes suck! They even take money from my savings account... Liberal: They are so open-minded! They don't recognize genders. Swiss: Did our kids really just ask for Incest and Necrophilia to be legalized? Our country is f#$@%ed. Seriously, why do Liberals continuously cite European countries as an example of "successful" socialism when citizens of those countries absolutely hate how screwed up their countries have become? Every single one has major financial issues (except maybe Germany, but their problems run deeper). Typical "grass is greener" mentality.

Just use the solar sails to capture high speed tachyon eddies to accelerate to warp 1.

The easiest way to lower the crime rate is to stop reporting crimes to the police.

I don't know how to react to people who are genuinely outraged that their hashtag activism accomplished nothing...

It will include 17 dream sequences and no less than a dozen flashbacks to the night Batman's parents died. The end credits will feature a pop quiz on how many pearls Martha lost down the rain gutter.

Hardcore Henry will distribute barf bags with every ticket purchased. 3D showings of the movie will include prizes for anyone able to stay 'till the end.