Jauronimo

You need to check out an LSU tailgate. I thought I knew what tailgating looked like until I saw an SEC tailgate.

This seems like an appropriate place. Does anyone know a shop in the WNY area that specializes in VCR repair?

Which trade involving Watkins? Draft day or this year?

Highly specious.

You don't fire your GM and let your draft board walk to another team before the draft.

A bacon of clarity. The bologna of truth. Wait, is Turbos from Charlotte?

Yep. We are wrong but we don't know why yet. Turbos will show us the error of our ways. The lesson will be hyper literal, pedantic, and somehow its going to involve Trent Dilfer. I can't wait.

I was a teenager at the time. Raider fan is still trash. Bills fans not as bad. You're not tough.

What the f@#$ was that? I don't mean Gruden's sheer idiocy, confusing the Broadstreet Bullies Flyers teams with Mike and Mike. I mean Cousins throwing that INT directly to Corey Graham who was 6 feet away from him absolutely alone?

That was my first Bills game. I was sitting in the upper deck next to a guy dressed as a Bills clown. Red wig, big red nose, zubaz, a cape, the works. The Raiders had just ended our little comeback with another TD and lone Raider fan in the section, sporting serious plumbers crack, stood up to give us Bills fans another emphatic Nature Boy style "Wooooooooooooo!". The clown threw his beer at him and offered to "come down there and kick your a$$ in front of your kid!". Everyone else around me agreed that was a very good idea. In a rain of popcorn, beer, and verbal abuse, Raider fan grabbed his 7 year old son and made a break for the nearest exit. That's when I knew that this was the team for me.

I can confirm that he did. Source: I have a lifetime ban from all IHOPs in the continental US.

I'm surprised as well. Your average Raider fan typically hasn't been out of jail long enough to study up on the opponent in any given week. Guess these guys smuggled in cell phones.

If they drafted Wentz, they'd at least be 1-5 by now. At LEAST! In another shocking turn of events, Jordan Reed injured on the play. Can't believe he went this long.

Still, to this day, the most famous Philadelphian is a fictional mentally challenged person who left his job at the pet shop and went on to get punched in the face for a living. Not Ben Franklin, not actual boxer Joe Frazier. Rocky f$#@%ing Balboa. Great work, Philly.

As many as it takes?

Halftime Thoughts Wentz was mostly garbage until the last 2 mins. Washington was mostly good until the last 2 mins of the half. I have barely noticed Gruden's buffoonery. Turns out these beers are 7.6% ABV. I guarantee I'd try to plant one on Suzy Kolber right now #BroadwayJoe style. I have noticed Hochuli's buffoonery early and often. Dude needs to get over himself. Why the f@$# is a ref a celebrity in the first place?? Van Pelt has a voice for TV but a face for a highway rest stop toilet. He looks like he's been taking skin care tips from Mike Shanahan. Schwartzy's D is fun to watch but I hope the Eagles lose badly.

He got the ball out faster on the 46 yarder.

Hes going to have to get the ball out a lot faster if he's going to have success in the intermediate and short passing game.

"Not a lot to dislike about Nigel Bradham" unless you're a bellhop.

Did Al Michaels take the night off to work on his Weinstein rape jokes? Beach chairs are to Aaron Kromer as Umbrellas are to Nigel Bradham. Ain't nothing to f@#$ wit!

You'd probably be way less of a @#%^ if you were 25, rich and famous. Either that or you'd be way worse. I know I'd have been way worse.

First Quarter Reactions: Junior Galette is looking like he may be back to form. I expect to hear his name included in the race for the Greg Hardy Comeback Player of the Year Award. Look out, ladies! Deuce Gruden, although not tall enough for most of the rides at Six Flags, is definitely not on steroids. There's no such thing as too many penalties when you have Ed Hochuli's overly elaborate explanations.

Little known facts: Philadelphia Eagles QB Carson Wentz is actually not related to beloved actor George Wendt of Cheers fame who is, surprisingly, very much still alive. Who would have guessed? The Washington Redskins, despite an up and down 3-2 start to the season, actually lead the NFL in active lawsuits against.

I'm going to wait until the All 22 comes out before passing judgment, but my hunch is that Wentz yelled "500!" before lobbing that one up for grabs.

Ed Hochuli puts asses in the seats.