Wedding Question??

[DC Tom]

Move your wife away from her family and as far away as possible otherwise she'll turn into her mother and that sounds like it would suck.

 

I'd just like to clarify, on Chef's behalf, that although it would work just as well, he is NOT recommending "kidnapping".

 

Or not necessarily recommending it, at least.

[Chef Jim]

I'd just like to clarify, on Chef's behalf, that although it would work just as well, he is NOT recommending "kidnapping".

 

Or not necessarily recommending it, at least.

 

The fact that the wife consents to that 3000 mile gap between her and the "future" her is a sign that she may not in fact become her mother. That is a good sign. But still, one needs to be careful and thorough.

[GOBILLS78]

Wait I'm confused. I thought you and your wife paid for it, then you said you family paid for the booze. What's left to pay for after the booze?

 

Nothing, Chef. Booze is the only thing that costs anything in a wedding.

[Chef Jim]

Nothing, Chef. Booze is the only thing that costs anything in a wedding.

 

No, it's the only thing worth buying.

[EndZoneCrew]

Aren't you the same dude who asking the board for advice 6 months ago on how long you need to wait before banging your buddy's ex-girl?

 

I would recommend a prenup.

 

If I am not mistaken, she had some very large cans

[Booster4324]

I'm not sure if it's common, but my wife and I paid for our own wedding last year. My family paid for the booze. No hard feelings.

 

Sorry to hear that. Hopefully it was good booze.

[ExiledInIllinois]

I hate to get on my moral soapbox...

 

Why do kids nowadays think that the parents are gonna help out with most things... I moved out after school and moved DOWN in life... I am now better for it and live HIGHER in life. I think back about our wedding (1994), we took care of everything... Sure our parents gave us bigger gifts, if you consider a couple k and about 1500 bucks on what my wife owed on her car (that her father helped buy)... Even that we weren't expecting anything... Just pleasantly suprised.

 

Not knocking you STL... Or getting preachy... Just let it go and take care of everything and let the chips fall where they may. Of course this may mean you will have to make concessions on what type of wedding you guys have.

 

I think one of the best thing that ever happened is that our closest relative is 500 miles away... I always said that it would be nicer if we were 200-300 miles, but no closer.

 

That said... IT IS MOSTLY THE MAKEUP OF THE LADY. I am so blessed that I married someone with their feet firmly grounded. But really, that was our doing!

[ExiledInIllinois]

Things have changed. Tradition always was that the bride's parents paid. More and more, it seems to have changed from that.

 

Given your upset with your in laws, you may want to have them start your soon to be wife's car in the future.

 

And rightly so... Parents take care of everything now... I know people in their 30's and 40's with good paying jobs that have mom and dad pick up the cell phone tab.

 

Like Chef said... MOVE AWAY, be indepenent. Social Security for my grandparents was the children helping them! The children now demand that mom and dad help them out more and more... Even later in life... How did things get so effed up? Children refuse to take a step back in lifed to help themselves out more in the long run. Really one of the first times generationally that we have to step back. And folks, that step back really isn't that hard now...

[ExiledInIllinois]

My answer is that you spoke exclusively about $$$ and not a word about your betrothed and the life you hope to have with her, she with you.

 

You both should go somewhere and figure some things out. And be mindful, that a wedding is not about you. It is about people that are happy for you and took time to show up - so none of this "I'm the most important thing on Earth" crap.

 

Also - instruct your wedding party - Best Man, Maid of Honor, the others etc., about their ambassadorial duties. They will go out and deliver drinks to old women who would never sidle up to a bar, they will visit every table, and there they will invite young and old to the dance floor. They will deliver snacks and cake to the tables after the meal.

 

Your wedding guests are just that - your guests. Treat them accordingly.

 

[Jerry Christ]

My advice. Get married pay for it anyway that doesn't cause problems. But here's the thing. Move your wife away from her family and as far away as possible otherwise she'll turn into her mother and that sounds like it would suck. We got married and moved 3000 miles away ASAP. My wife is nothing like her mother and I atribute that to the fact that she's been nowhere near her for about the last 30 years.

that sounds kinda bad man, I mean seriously all you would have to say is, don't act like your mom

 

I mean seriously, my mother in law kills me sometimes......but then again I don't back down, and my wife and father in law doesn't say anything back because they both know how she is.

 

Sometimes you gotta grow balls.....and not run away from problems lol

[rockpile]

When my daughter got married just over a decade ago, we had set aside a certain amount of money for the wedding and reception. The new couple and the groom's parents also paid their "share". Both families chipped in to make party favors and decorate the reception hall. My daughter found and chose a *beautiful* wedding dress that was not new (only worn once LOL) and had it re-tailored and trimmed which saved a LOT of cash, and she was a knockout in it.

 

We paid for the buffet dinner (including open bar) and some other expenses - we never got out calculators, but all costs were shared. It was fairly modest I guess, but a memorable event, and it was paid for at the end of the day!

 

It is about the commitment to marriage, family, and their new life. It is NOT about the dress, the hall, or the trimmings!

 

I am a boomer and my life was cake compared to my parents, who grew up in the depression and fought a world war. I did not expect them to subsidize me.

 

There seems to be a scary trend, when a tragedy today is defined as a 12 year old running out of cell phone minutes.

 

We help our kids now as much as we can and want - and we know when to say "no". They are adults and ultimately responsible for themselves now. The best part is that our children are still our *friends*.

[Jerry Christ]

And rightly so... Parents take care of everything now... I know people in their 30's and 40's with good paying jobs that have mom and dad pick up the cell phone tab.

 

Like Chef said... MOVE AWAY, be indepenent. Social Security for my grandparents was the children helping them! The children now demand that mom and dad help them out more and more... Even later in life... How did things get so effed up? Children refuse to take a step back in lifed to help themselves out more in the long run. Really one of the first times generationally that we have to step back. And folks, that step back really isn't that hard now...

Chef didn't say that, he said move away so your wife doesn't become like your future mother in law......completely different

 

 

 

lol

[Jerry Christ]

When my daughter got married just over a decade ago, we had set aside a certain amount of money for the wedding and reception. The new couple and the groom's parents also paid their "share". Both families chipped in to make party favors and decorate the reception hall. My daughter found and chose a *beautiful* wedding dress that was not new (only worn once LOL) and had it re-tailored and trimmed which saved a LOT of cash, and she was a knockout in it.

 

We paid for the buffet dinner (including open bar) and some other expenses - we never got out calculators, but all costs were shared. It was fairly modest I guess, but a memorable event, and it was paid for at the end of the day!

 

It is about the commitment to marriage, family, and their new life. It is NOT about the dress, the hall, or the trimmings!

 

I am a boomer and my life was cake compared to my parents, who grew up in the depression and fought a world war. I did not expect them to subsidize me.

 

There seems to be a scary trend, when a tragedy today is defined as a 12 year old running out of cell phone minutes.

 

We help our kids now as much as we can and want - and we know when to say "no". They are adults and ultimately responsible for themselves now. The best part is that our children are still our *friends*.

 

 

*getting all teary eyed* JK

 

Seriously, My wife and I paid for everything but the stuff our parents wanted to put into the wedding. We said we wanted the wedding a specific way so, therefore, paying for it meant we got to decide how it went with no outside opinions involved.

 

It was great, I could have not planned it better.....I was suprised something didn't screw up .

[Stl Bills]

Aren't you the same dude who asking the board for advice 6 months ago on how long you need to wait before banging your buddy's ex-girl?

 

I would recommend a prenup.

OK yeah that was me but that was more like 18 months ago and I met my fiance like 2 weeks after that happened and things are totally different. Never really saw my self as a guy who would ever get married and spend my life with one person but my opinion completely changed when I met my future wife....I couldn't ever imagine being without her.

 

Anyway, I guess I should clarify....I don't expect anything. I am going to end up paying a big portion of things even though I'm kind of struggling myself. A year ago this wouldn't have been a problem, I started my own logistics company right out of college and was doing quite well....then last year my biggest customer suddenly filed for bankruptcy and owed me enough money that it ended up bankrupting my own company. I was lucky enough to get a job with a buddy of mine in the same industry but I decided that what I really want to do is go back to school and get my engineering degree. So now I'm working 50 hour weeks making less than half of what I used while putting myself through school again (my parents have offered to help with my school but I don't want them to have to pay for it, they put me through college once already). Anyway I'm going to be contributing a good portion.

 

Neither one of us want a big, over-the-top wedding. If it was up to me we'd be on a plane back to Jamaica and do it there. Erin is not a demanding person in any way shape or form but I know she wants all of her friends and family to be able to come to our wedding....other than that she doesn't really care.

 

The thing that pisses me off about her parents is they have drug their entire family, especially their 3 children, through the most rediculous law suit I've ever heard of. Like I said I'll spare you the details but as soon as I heard what they were suing each other over I instantly knew that it sounded like a giant waste of time and money. And thats exactly what it was and it got to the point where we couldn't even hardly hang out with either one of her parents. Every time we'd be around her mom she'd basically being telling us how big of a piece of sh*t her dad is and vice versa. Anyway I guess I just find it ironic that you dump at least 20k a piece on lawyer fees on a lawsuit that was going no where. I'm of the mind that if somebody stole something from me that was worth $500, I'm not going to go hire a lawyer for 10k to sue them for my $500....it doesn't make sense, principle or not. They always seemed to be able to find a way to pay for this thing that served absolutely no purpose other than to tear there family apart. I really don't care that much though, after writing this I guess I realized that I want our wedding to be about having a good time, being with friends and family, and starting our life together.....I'm going to have to find a way to make it work with the money I have. Thanks for the advice.

[Gordio]

I hate to get on my moral soapbox...

 

Why do kids nowadays think that the parents are gonna help out with most things... I moved out after school and moved DOWN in life... I am now better for it and live HIGHER in life. I think back about our wedding (1994), we took care of everything... Sure our parents gave us bigger gifts, if you consider a couple k and about 1500 bucks on what my wife owed on her car (that her father helped buy)... Even that we weren't expecting anything... Just pleasantly suprised.

 

Not knocking you STL... Or getting preachy... Just let it go and take care of everything and let the chips fall where they may. Of course this may mean you will have to make concessions on what type of wedding you guys have.

 

I think one of the best thing that ever happened is that our closest relative is 500 miles away... I always said that it would be nicer if we were 200-300 miles, but no closer.

 

That said... IT IS MOSTLY THE MAKEUP OF THE LADY. I am so blessed that I married someone with their feet firmly grounded. But really, that was our doing!

 

 

I hear what your saying, but times are different now. Kids get out of school with $100 grand in student loans, only to get a job making $30K a year & benefits if their lucky. Banks expect you to put down 20% down payment on mortgages, everything is more expensive. It is almost like some people look down at you because you get help from your parents. If your parents are in a position to help you, why do people look down on that. When I got married back in 2001, our parents paid for our wedding, split it 50/50. & when we bought a house a few months later my father in law & my dad each $10K for the down payment. Luckily, they were both in a position to do it. Could we have bought a house without it? Sure, but they wanted to make it easier on us. I do not think I am any less of a person for letting our parents help us out. St Louis, I say as long as they are in position to help you out, get as much money from them as possible. Believe me, they are not going to give it to you if they really do not want to.

 

& for the people that say move as far away from your parents as you can that just tells me two things. They never got along with their parents & they probably do not have children.

[inkman]

My question is......is it even still common for the bride's parents to pay for the majority of the expenses? I know my parents would be more than willing to pay for everything that is typical of the groom's expenses I just don't think its right that her mom is suggesting that they split the bill.

You don't sound financially ready to be married. Marriage is as much a love and relationship decision as it is a monetary decision. My ex-wife (can't say that enough, it's only been official for a week) and I were fully prepared to pay for everything but her parents stepped in and paid for our destination wedding/honeymoon. You shouldn't expect a cent from anyone. When did the tradtion start, prehistoric times when you had to exchange wooly mamoth hides for a bride? It's 2009 already.

 

 

 

BTW, it's ridiculous.

[Stl Bills]

You don't sound financially ready to be married. Marriage is as much a love and relationship decision as it is a monetary decision. My ex-wife (can't say that enough, it's only been official for a week) and I were fully prepared to pay for everything but her parents stepped in and paid for our destination wedding/honeymoon. You shouldn't expect a cent from anyone. When did the tradtion start, prehistoric times when you had to exchange wooly mamoth hides for a bride? It's 2009 already.

 

 

 

BTW, it's ridiculous.

Sorry spelling police, like I said I'm going to be an engineer, I'm good at math and not exactly the world's greatest speller. Oh and i find it funny our harping on me when your in-laws paid for both your destination wedding and your honeymoon.... thanks douche.

 

By the way its tradition.......and woolly mammoth

[stuckincincy]

My daughter found and chose a *beautiful* wedding dress that was not new (only worn once LOL) and had it re-tailored and trimmed which saved a LOT of cash, and she was a knockout in it.

 

Good for her.

 

Here's a heartwarming story about a wedding dress that worn in seven weddings:

 

 

http://news.cincinnati.com/article/2009082...-traveled+dress

[Marv's Neighbor]

RUNNNNNN......RUN AWAYYYYYY!

[stuckincincy]

I really don't care that much though, after writing this I guess I realized that I want our wedding to be about having a good time, being with friends and family, and starting our life together.....I'm going to have to find a way to make it work with the money I have.

 

Good for you, son.

 

I think you and your bride-to-be will have a lovely life together. Having another person taking your side through a lifetime, no matter what, is beyond valuation.

 

 

Success

--- probably inaccurately attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

To laugh often and much;

To win the respect of intelligent people

and the affection of children;

To earn the appreciation of honest critics

and endure the betrayal of false friends;

To appreciate beauty,

to find the best in others;

To leave the world a bit better,

whether by a healthy child,

a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;

To know even one life has breathed easier

because you have lived.

This is to have succeeded.