Beerball Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 50. Italian Mother Mrs. Bacciagalupe comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner. Anthony lives with a female roommate, Maria. During the course of the meal, Mama can''t help but notice how pretty Anthony''s roommate was. She had long been suspicious of the relationship between the two, and this made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than meets the eye. Reading his Mom''s thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Mama, Maria and I are just roommates." About a week later, Maria comes to Anthony saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I''ve been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don''t suppose she took it, do you?" Well, I doubt it, but I''ll e-mail her, just to be sure." So he sends his Mom an email: "Dear Momma, I''m not saying that you took the sugar bowl from my house, and I''m not saying that you didn''t take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, Anthony" Several days later, Anthony receives an email response from his Momma. "Figlio mio, I''m not saying that you ''do'' sleep with Maria, and I''m not saying that you ''do not'' sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now. Love, Momma" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
taterhill Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 49..How do you get a witch Pregnant?? you !@#$ her.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buffaloboyinATL Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 48.) A rope goes to a bar and the bouncer stops him at the door and says sorry, we don't allow ropes in here. The rope is all upset so he walks around the corner, ties himself in a knot and pulls on his ends until they are all frayed and sticking out. He walks back to the bar and the bouncer stops him again and says, I said we do not allow ropes in here... The rope looks at the bouncer and says: I'm a frayed knot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IDBillzFan Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 Three Italian nuns die in a car crash. While they're at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter tells them that their lives have been so exemplary, that God has permitted them to return to earth for 48 hours as whoever they would like to be. "Oh, my-a goodness," said the first nun. "I think-a I'da like to go back as Marilyn Monroe." "Excellent choice," said St. Peter, and POOF! the nun goes back to earth as Marilyn Monroe. "Oh, my-a goodness," said the second nun. "I think-a I'da like to go back as Gina Lollobrigida. That-a would-a be fantastico!" "Excellent choice," said St. Peter, and POOF! the nun goes back to earth as Gina Lollobrigida. The third nun looks at St. Peter and says, "Oh, my-a goodness. I woulda like-a to return as Sierra Pippalini." St. Peter looks through his paperwork, flips through God's Rolodex, looks at the nun and says "I am sorry, sister, but we have no Sierra Pippalini." "Ah, no," said the nun, "Sierra Pippalini surely exists! Here," she says, handing him a newspaper clipping. "Look. Sierra Pippalini!" St. Peter shook his head. "I'm so sorry, sister, but that was the Sierra Pipeline that was laid by 100 men in 48 hours." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chilly Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 Why are women's feet smaller than men's? Its a short walk from the bedroom to the kitchen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eSJayDee Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 45.) So the judge says, "I'm sorry Mr. Mouse but the court denies your request for divorce, as we find your wife, Minnie, to be mentally competent." To which, Mickey replies, "Oh no, your Honor, I didn't say she was crazy. I said she was f#@$ing Goofy!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buffaloboyinATL Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 44.) I'm an agnostic, dislexic, insomniac; I lie awake at night wondering if there is a Dog. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NavyBillsFan Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 43. Monica Lewinsky walks into a dry cleaner and asks the old clerk if he could remove the stain from her dress. The man being hard of hearing says "come again?" And Monica replys "no, mustard." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gavin in Va Beach Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 42) Q: How can you tell when a woman has an orgasm? A: Who cares Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slothrop Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 41) What kind of Bee produces milk? A boobie! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Avenger Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 40. So a guy walks by a pet store and one of the pet store workers yells to him, "Hey - you wanna buy a hamster?". The guy says no and tries to keep walking. The worker say, "Buddy, let me tell you - you REALLY want to buy this hamster - trust me". The guy asks why he REALLY wants this hamster and the worker says, "Because this hamster gives the best blow jobs around! Here, try it!". The guy protests, saying he's not going to pull his pants down, but the worker is persistent. Finally, the guy relents and sure enough, the hamster gives him the best blow job he ever had. The guy buys the hamster and brings it home. He walks into the kitchen where is wife is cooking dinner and throws it down on the floor. The wife is terrified, jumps up on a chair and starts screaming, "Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god - what is that thing?" The guy responds back, "Never mind what it is, teach it to cook an get the F$%K out!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IDBillzFan Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 39. What did the egg say to the boiling water? "I just got laid and you want me hard in three minutes? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beerball Posted April 14, 2006 Author Share Posted April 14, 2006 38. Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep. A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,'' and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JinVA Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 37 The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having a drink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me." So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie replies, "That's not good enough." The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese." She says, "That's not creative enough." Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone . . . cheese mine." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ramius Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 36a) What do you tell a woman with 2 black eyes? Nothing, you've already told her twice. 36b)Why hasnt there been a woman on the moon? It hasnt needed cleaning yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChevyVanMiller Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 Number 35 - A young Italian boy named Luigi is visiting the Milan zoo with his mother. As they are standing in front of the Elephant exhibit he pulls on his mother's sleeve. "Mama, Mama what is that a hangin' offa the elephant?" "Why, Luigi that izza the elephant's trunk." "No, Mama further back onna the elephant." Realizing what Luigi is referrring to, his mother says, "That is nothing, Luigi," and quickly leads him off by the hand. Two weeks later Luigi is back at the zoo with his father. They end up in front of the same exhibit. "Papa, Papa what is that a hangin' offa the elephant?" "Why, Luigi that izza the elephant's trunk." "No, Papa further back onna the elephant." "Why that izza the elephant's manhood, Luigi," his father tells him. Luigi falls silent. "What izza wrong my son?" "Well, Papa when I wassa here with Mama I asked her what ita was and she said it was nothing." Luigi's father ponders this, then a sly smile spreads over his face as his chest swells with pride. "Luigi you musta unnerstand, your Mama, she's beena spoiled." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Live&DieBillsFootball Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 A young man goes into a bar and orders 6 shots of tequila. The bartender asks him why he wants 6 shots. The young man says: "Well, I had my first BJ today." The bartender says: "Congratulations! Let me buy you the 7th." And the young man says: "No thanks. I figure that 6 would be enough to get the taste out of my mouth." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
erynthered Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 Three buddies die in a car crash, and they find themselves at the pearly gates. They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you? The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was the greates doctor of my time, and a great family man." The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher who made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow." The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say... LOOK!!! HE'S MOVING!!!!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Curse Of Rusty Jones Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 How did Magic Johnson get AIDS? He blew a Piston Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JimBob2232 Posted April 14, 2006 Share Posted April 14, 2006 31...i think) Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? A: Mace will do that to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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