Fan in San Diego Posted May 26, 2012 Share Posted May 26, 2012 Mommie Mommie I dont want to visit Grandpa! Shut up kid and keep digging. Mommie Mommie I dont want any spaghetti! Shut up kid before I rip the veins out of your other arm. Various Book titles Caught in the bus door. by Tera Titoff What do you call a woman with one leg? Ilene What do you call a man with no legs and arms hanging on the wall? Art Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamrock Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 My 2 1/2 year old like this one. What did the 0 say to the 8. I like your belt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamrock Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 A man walks up to a woman in his office, stands real close & draws in a long breath. He then tells her that her hair smells nice. Each day, the same thing happens at work, each time the man complementing his coworker on how lovely her hair smells. The woman has had enough and goes to Human Resources to make a complaint. She says she'd like to file a sexual harassment complaint about the man who when he smells her hair then tells her it smells nice. The HR manager is not sure if this constitutes sexual harassment. Thinking that it may be a compliment rather than sexual harassment. Until she informs him, "it's Keith, the midget!" A man and his wife went to the zoo. They noticed the gorilla had got a hard on as he looked at the wife. Her husband says " lift your skirt up flash your knickers and tease him!" The ape goes mental. "Now get your breasts out!" The ape goes !@#$en bezerk! The husband opens the cage and pushes the wife in. "Now try telling THAT fuc$ you have a headache!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doc Posted May 28, 2012 Share Posted May 28, 2012 What do you call a woman with one leg? Ilene. What do you call a Chinese girl with one leg? Irene. My 2 1/2 year old like this one. What did the 0 say to the 8. I like your belt. Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven eight (ate) nine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eball Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 What do you call a Chinese girl with one leg? Irene. What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs trying to swim? Bob. " " " " laying in front of your house? Matt. " " " " sitting in a pile of leaves? Russell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Optometric Insight Posted May 29, 2012 Share Posted May 29, 2012 Well a joke a sometimes use is used after someone tells a gay joke: I was gonna tell a gay joke of my own, butt f**k it. OR Hey, gay jokes aren't funny, cum on guys. But my new favourite in honor of the Mario Williams thread: I like my girlfriends like I like my coffee, ground up and in the freezer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeviF Posted June 3, 2012 Share Posted June 3, 2012 My girlfriend told me to go out and get something that made her look sexy. So I got drunk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eball Posted June 12, 2012 Share Posted June 12, 2012 I asked 100 women what brand of shampoo they prefer. The top answer? "How the hell did you get in here?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Optometric Insight Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 The moment when you're in the store and a song comes on that gets you pumped an you're like," YEAH, LETS GET SOME MILK!!1!!1!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bbb Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 Two iphones walk into a bar. I forget the rest.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smears Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 Why did Michael Jackson go to K-Mart? Cause he heard little boys pants were half off...... I dont care who it offends Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chef Jim Posted June 14, 2012 Share Posted June 14, 2012 Mommie Mommie I dont want to visit Grandpa! Shut up kid and keep digging. Mommie Mommie I dont want any spaghetti! Shut up kid before I rip the veins out of your other arm. Various Book titles Caught in the bus door. by Tera Titoff What do you call a woman with one leg? Ilene What do you call a man with no legs and arms hanging on the wall? Art What do you call a dog with no legs? Nothing......he ain't coming anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bartshan-83 Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 What did the fish say when he hit his head? Dam. **** A blind man unknowingly walks into a lesbian bar and sits down. He orders a drink and shouts out "Anyone wanna hear a blonde joke?" In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair - given that you are blind - that you should know few things: 1. The bartender is a blonde. 2. The bouncer is a blonde. 3. I'm a 6 feet tall, 220 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate. 4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter. 5. The lady to your right is a blonde and a professional wrestler. So you still wanna tell that joke? The blind man scoffs and turns back to his drink. "No thanks. Didn't realize I'd have to explain it five times..." **** Two blondes are walking in the woods when they spot some tracks on the ground in front of them. The first girl bends over and examines them closely and says "I think these are fox tracks!" The second one leans in for an even closer look and then scoffs "You dummy. These are way to big for fox tracks. They are definitely bear tracks!" Then the train hit them. *** Heard this one XM the other day from a Gilbert Gottfried routine (I think his voice is actually what got me): A bear and a rabbit are both taking dump in the woods The bear turns to the rabbit and asks "Hey, do you ever have problems with sh*t sticking to your fur?" "Nope" replied the rabbit. So the bear picked him up and wiped his @ss with him. *** And finally I leave you with my all-time favorite, corny Laffy-Taffy wrapper joke: What is Beethoven's favorite fruit? Ba-na-na-NAHHHH! Happy Friday! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doc Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 What did the fish say when he hit his head? Dam. **** A blind man unknowingly walks into a lesbian bar and sits down. He orders a drink and shouts out "Anyone wanna hear a blonde joke?" In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair - given that you are blind - that you should know few things: 1. The bartender is a blonde. 2. The bouncer is a blonde. 3. I'm a 6 feet tall, 220 lb. blonde woman with a black belt in karate. 4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter. 5. The lady to your right is a blonde and a professional wrestler. So you still wanna tell that joke? The blind man scoffs and turns back to his drink. "No thanks. Didn't realize I'd have to explain it five times..." **** Two blondes are walking in the woods when they spot some tracks on the ground in front of them. The first girl bends over and examines them closely and says "I think these are fox tracks!" The second one leans in for an even closer look and then scoffs "You dummy. These are way to big for fox tracks. They are definitely bear tracks!" Then the train hit them. *** Heard this one XM the other day from a Gilbert Gottfried routine (I think his voice is actually what got me): A bear and a rabbit are both taking dump in the woods The bear turns to the rabbit and asks "Hey, do you ever have problems with sh*t sticking to your fur?" "Nope" replied the rabbit. So the bear picked him up and wiped his @ss with him. *** And finally I leave you with my all-time favorite, corny Laffy-Taffy wrapper joke: What is Beethoven's favorite fruit? Ba-na-na-NAHHHH! Happy Friday! That's the joke that Eddie Murphy tells the kids in the audience in "Delirious." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bartshan-83 Posted June 15, 2012 Share Posted June 15, 2012 That's the joke that Eddie Murphy tells the kids in the audience in "Delirious." Never actually listed to all of Delirious. Sounds right though. I didn't exactly get the sense that old Gilbert was spitting out fresh material... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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