Sweats

At our old house, we were the only ones on the street that would give out candy, so kids avoided our street like the plague. I mean, a kid's ultimate goal is to get as much candy as possible in the shortest amount of time, so coming anywhere near my neighborhood with only one house giving out candy when 15 others weren't, was just not fiscally sound to a kid. So, one year we would have 2 kids, the next we might get 4......that is a complete waste of time by anyone's standards. At this new house, i have no idea how many kids are coming and going down the block cause i shut all the lights off and do the old "if i don't see you, you're not there" trick.

I remembered him from the BBMB........good guy.

That's not bad, but I'm thinking more along the lines of "Bedroom Olympics........love em or hate em", combining the ever-popular ugly girl montage/dog fights with the simplistic, operatic mattress dredging downpour barrage. You televise and sponsor that back-alley sporting event and it's sure to be a fan favorite. Fun for the whole family right there.

You play your cards right and a dog fight could eventually lead to a piss-stained mattress.......that's a fun night right there.

I hate Halloween, just completely hate it......and yes, i'm the guy that turns off all the lights and hides in the dark, never answering the door when those little brats show up. I expect toilet paper and eggs to be strewn about at my house this year.

You see, 40 years ago our pay cheques were only about $450/week, so if given the opportunity to make $200/night from banging ugly ladies, that is a huge potential cash cow, so to speak.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that Rodgers is bat**** crazy.

Many years ago when i was working a lot out of town and around various parts of the country (we were doing renovations at different hospitals to bring their morgues up to code as per the new legislation) and as often times happens, the boys would have some free time in the evenings after work to do some drinking and get into some mischief. The game that started up every night at the bars was the "dog fight"........every guy put in $20 at the beginning of the night and whoever took home the ugliest girl, got the pot and sometimes that pot would hit anywhere between $200-$300 a night. It always seemed that "ole Tex" won that thing every night. He did his research, man.......he kept notes, graphs, pie charts, what have you and walked away with an average of $200/per night........also walked away with some real nasty ladies as well. I honestly thought i would have had better odds to win, as i am not pleasant to look at, but i never won even once. Dog fights.......love em or hate em?

It was my dogs who ruined the mattress.......just moved into a new house and the dogs were marking their territory. Mystery solved.

.......roll it tighter?

Bwahahahahahahahaha...........and piss stained mattresses.

The only reason this game scares me a little is cause its a divisional game, but i still believe the Bills will run away with it.

We want the Jets to win.......they are no threat to us for the AFCEast.

A couple of years back i had to do some work out of town and stayed on my sister's couch for a summer. She is definitely a "crazy cat lady" who takes in strays all the time. There were about 12 cats running around, pissing all over the place and all over everything......it was friggin gross, man. The smell alone was horrendous and every 2-3 days i was washing everything i owned. I can't believe i made it through the whole summer like that and when the work was finally over, nearly 3/4 of my clothes were thrown in the garbage before i even came back home. I told my wife, "Never again......i would rather sleep on the street than go through that again".

I don't often change the sheets on the spare bed in the spare room unless people are coming to visit for a while and stay at the house.......no one but guests stay in the spare room and that is few and far between.

That's what my wife suspects. She thinks when we moved to our new house that our 2 dogs took turns "marking their new territory" on the spare bed and because both of the dogs are domineering, as soon as one pisses somewhere, the other one pisses right over top of the other one to brand the new scent. We have seen the dogs do this in the yard all the time, so it might only make sense if they marked the house as well.

I'm getting a little closer to solving the mystery and it may not be what i originally thought.......i mean, it is piss so there's no mystery in that, however, i'm getting a little closer to the whodunit. Yeah, imagine those phone calls today........"um, i don't want to sound like an ***hole, but did you piss on my mattress?........no?.......okay, i'll talk to you another time".

We always referred to anyone who was socially awkward as a spaz......to me, that is what it means anyways.

My son turned me onto it........i tried, i'm not good and that was the end of that. How do i compete with kids that play 24 hours a day and never leave their moms basement. Like, these kids live for this stuff.......i, on the other hand, have a life, a family and a piss-stained mattress to worry about.

Indian food, well that'll do it.........your lucky not every sink, bathtub, toilet, trash can, etc. was full

Then i'd have a mattress with piss AND blood on it.......that's not helping.

So, last week i had Covid and because i was sick, i slept the whole week in our spare room. This bed has always only been used for guests, however, when i decided i would sleep in the spare room, i changed the sheets and discovered piss stains galore on the mattress. Like, i'm talking someone had a real bladder problem......and also neglected to say anything. I ran through the roll-a-dex in my mind of all the people that slept in the spare room. The list of suspects are as follows..... * My brother-in-law * My sister-in-law * My father-in-law * My mother-in-law (do you see a pattern here?) I'll get to the bottom of this, i assure you. I will not rest until i find out who it is (i won't rest on that piss-stained mattress anyways). Piss-stained mattresses........love em or hate em?

I don't know if you knew this or not, but people rarely know what they are talking about, including myself.

We always cook our bird in the oven (uninspiring, i know), however, we learned a little trick for keeping that old bird moist. You loosen the skin from the body (don't take it off, just loosen it off) and stick your hand in between the skin and body with handfuls of butter and give her a good rub.....like i'm talking slathering that bird with handfuls of butter. Then put the skin back up against the body and cook......that will be the moistest bird you could ever imagine. (just noticed a fun game to try.......try replacing "bird" with "wife"......fun for the whole family right there).

I honestly don't know how i feel about this......on one hand it may be offensive and yet on the other hand it has inspired so much of my work on these boards. #confused