cantankerous Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 An old man in Mississippi was sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. He yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy yells back "Roll of chicken wire." Old man says "What you gonna do with that?" Boy says "Gonna catch some chickens." Old man yells "You damn fool, you can't catch chickens with chicken wire!" Boy just laughs and keeps walking. That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the old man's surprise he is dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it. Same time next morning the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of round in his hand. Old man yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy yells back "Roll of duck tape." Old man says "What you gonna do with that?" Boy says back "Gonna catch me some ducks." Old man yells back, "You damn fool, you can't catch ducks with duck tape!" Boy just laughs and keeps walking. That night around sunset the boy walks by coming home and to the old man's amazement he is trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in it. Same time next morning the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy on the end. Old man says "Hey boy, whatcha got there?" Boy says "It's a pus-y willow." Old man says "Wait up ... I'll get my hat." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chef Jim Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 The dirty word filter just !@#$ed up your joke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cantankerous Posted March 13, 2009 Author Share Posted March 13, 2009 filters Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bartshan-83 Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guffalo Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 "Nurses aren't supposed to laugh." Fred declared. "Of course I won't laugh, I'm a professional nurse. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient." "Okay then," Fred said and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest man thingy the nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than a AAA battery. Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling then almost fell to the floor laughing. A few minutes later she was able to regain her composure . "I'm so sorry," said the nurse. "I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won't happen again. Now tell me, what seems to be the problem?" "It's swollen," Fred replied. Things went downhill from there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glass To The Arson Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 "Nurses aren't supposed to laugh." Fred declared. "Of course I won't laugh, I'm a professional nurse. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient." "Okay then," Fred said and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest man thingy the nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than a AAA battery. Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling then almost fell to the floor laughing. A few minutes later she was able to regain her composure . "I'm so sorry," said the nurse. "I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won't happen again. Now tell me, what seems to be the problem?" "It's swollen," Fred replied. Things went downhill from there. ha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HereComesTheReignAgain Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 Two guys are camping for a week when they start to get on each other's nerves. The first guy says "how about we split up tomorrow, get some time apart and talk about our day when we meet for dinner". So they head off in different directions in the morning and meet up for dinner. The first guy says "I had one of the best days of my life! I found a mountain stream and went for a swim, watched the deer drink from the shore and caught a huge fish." "Wow, that is a good day" said the second guy "but I had an even better day! I found a ravine with some train tracks and walked along them for a while. I found a beautiful girl tied to the tracks and when I untied her we made love in every position possible! Best day of my life!" "Holy cow, that is a great day...Did you get a hummer?" the first guy asked. "No, I couldn't find her head" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HereComesTheReignAgain Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 Two sperm are swimming along when the first one asks "man, we've been swimming forever, are we anywhere near the uterus yet?" the other sperm answers " Uterus...We aren't even past the esophogus!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beerball Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 An old man in Mississippi was sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. Why Mississippi? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HereComesTheReignAgain Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 Q: What is the toughest thing about being a Patriots fan? A: Telling your parents you're gay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beerball Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 "Nurses aren't supposed to laugh." Fred declared. "Of course I won't laugh, I'm a professional nurse. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient." "Okay then," Fred said and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest man thingy the nurse had ever seen. Length and width, it couldn't have been bigger than a AAA battery. Unable to control herself, the nurse started giggling then almost fell to the floor laughing. A few minutes later she was able to regain her composure . "I'm so sorry," said the nurse. "I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a nurse and a lady, I promise it won't happen again. Now tell me, what seems to be the problem?" "It's swollen," Fred replied. Things went downhill from there. i don't see nothin funny here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
damj Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 i don't see nothin funny here Props to Beerball for honesty ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CosmicBills Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 A woman goes into her doctor's office. She tells him, "Doctor, I have uncontrollable silent gas." The doctor asks, "Have you had a change in diet?" "No." "Added stress?" "No, I haven't doctor. It's horrible. Last night I had three episodes while playing cards. No one knew it was me but it was embarassing. Then I had three more episodes on the cab ride over here. And, to be honest, I've had four more episodes just since sitting in this office." The doctor says, "Well the first thing we're going to do is check your hearing." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HereComesTheReignAgain Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 Q: Why do brides wear white? A: Because the dishwasher should match the refridgerator and stove. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SageAgainstTheMachine Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 Q: Why do brides wear white? A: Because the dishwasher should match the refridgerator and stove. Q: Why is it useless for a woman to get a driver's license? A: You don't need a car to get from the kitchen to the bedroom. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HereComesTheReignAgain Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 Q: If your wife comes out of the kitchen to yell at you, what did you do wrong? A: Made her chain too long. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
el Tigre Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 Little kids taking a shower with his grandmother,he points to her bush and asks "what's that gramma?"She replies "that's my beaver." Couple weeks later same kids showering with his mom. He points to her bush and says "I know what that is! That's your beaver!" Mom says "that's right,but how do you know that?" Kid says "cuz gramma told me. Except I think hers is dead,cuz his tounge is hanging out." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beerball Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 Little kids taking a shower with his grandmother,he points to her bush and asks "what's that gramma?"She replies "that's my beaver." Couple weeks later same kids showering with his mom. He points to her bush and says "I know what that is! That's your beaver!" Mom says "that's right,but how do you know that?" Kid says "cuz gramma told me. Except I think hers is dead,cuz his tounge is hanging out." out of 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cantankerous Posted March 13, 2009 Author Share Posted March 13, 2009 Why Mississippi? Dunno? I just copied and pasted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RayFinkle Posted March 13, 2009 Share Posted March 13, 2009 Two guys walk into a gay bar and grab stools at the bar. One guy whispers to the other, "I sure am glad you PM'd me." The bartender looks up and says, "Bluefire, Stuckincincy, you guys want the usual?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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