aussiew Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 After that he needs a friend; an adult he can respect (preferably a man as a role model) to show him how to BE a man. Someone who he can talk to that he can trust and will pull no punches with him. I had a friend like that when I was a teen and he probably kept me out of jail. He is 19 years older than me and still one of my best friends. My godson lives in the inner city and he has been driving his parents nuts. He has just started to come over on Saturdays and work in the yard with me. While we work, we talk and I teach him how to do things and fix things. If he does a job sloppily he does it over. When he bitches about his parents, I listen and may offer a bit of advice without preaching. After we work, we swim in the pool or just sit in the shade. But coming over a few times a month is not enough. I am terrified he will be in the paper one day as a victim of a drive by shooting. From what you have told us, your son needs intervention now. I hope you can find some help. Good luck! From one single mom to another (and the mother of 5). Your son is hurting....really hurting...and so are you. Please find some counseling for both of you before he sinks any further. And try to find a male mentor for him (not a boyfriend or lover) as Rockpile described. Try your extended family, or better yet, Church. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
30dive Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 Can I get an Amen! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Tomcat Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 I agree with Aussie.....you son is hurting inside....just when he needs a role model most in his life, he has none......and he's angry...I'm sure he thinks part of the reason his dad is gone is because of him. He feels accepted with his new friends..something he isn't getting from his dad. I wish more men would realise how important it is to be in their kids lives...There is a huge diffrence in being a sperm donor and a father.good luck...get some help...I wish you luck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gantrules Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 Last night some kids were throwing cinder blocks and rocks off the Browncroft overpass in Rochester. 12 cars were hit. My mother's front end of her baby, 1998 Mustang, was busted up pretty bad. The kids were seen but haven't been found yet. Luckily she's OK, the car is in the shop. No one got killed. Luckily......... peer pressure is a damning thing, but if the children are involved in recreation and camps, so on, there is less chance that this crap will happen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gavin in Va Beach Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 Last night some kids were throwing cinder blocks and rocks off the Browncroft overpass in Rochester. 12 cars were hit. My mother's front end of her baby, 1998 Mustang, was busted up pretty bad. The kids were seen but haven't been found yet. Luckily she's OK, the car is in the shop. No one got killed. Luckily......... peer pressure is a damning thing, but if the children are involved in recreation and camps, so on, there is less chance that this crap will happen. 393272[/snapback] "The Devil Makes Work For Idle Hands" isn't just a witty cliche, it's the truth... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alaska Darin Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 I'm seriously contemplating digging up Benjamin Spock and kicking his ass. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rockpile Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 I'm seriously contemplating digging up Benjamin Spock and kicking his ass. 393294[/snapback] Never read any of his stuff. Back in the 70's it seems like that was a required baby shower gift. It was useful starting fires in the pot belly stove, though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spidey Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 I do not pretend to have an answer for you, Melissa, because I have not had to raise teenagers as a single parent, work to support the household at the same time (and go to college in my "spare time"). Since his father appears to be a waste of genetic material (does he help at all?), is there anyone else who can intervene - an uncle, grandfather, family friend, minister, etc who can be of guidance? No doubt this kid needs a beating - if only to get his attention. After that he needs a friend; an adult he can respect (preferably a man as a role model) to show him how to BE a man. Someone who he can talk to that he can trust and will pull no punches with him. I had a friend like that when I was a teen and he probably kept me out of jail. He is 19 years older than me and still one of my best friends. My godson lives in the inner city and he has been driving his parents nuts. He has just started to come over on Saturdays and work in the yard with me. While we work, we talk and I teach him how to do things and fix things. If he does a job sloppily he does it over. When he bitches about his parents, I listen and may offer a bit of advice without preaching. After we work, we swim in the pool or just sit in the shade. But coming over a few times a month is not enough. I am terrified he will be in the paper one day as a victim of a drive by shooting. From what you have told us, your son needs intervention now. I hope you can find some help. Good luck! 393133[/snapback] Intervention required = Marines Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reuben Gant Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 When I was young we had an old Irish priest who would sit us down, then he would look at you like he hated you through and through, his eyes would bulge out and the veins would pop from his arms. And he'd look at you right in the eye with his teeth gritted and say, "Doncha know you are luved?" When you meekly replied "yes", he would be silent for a minute starring you down and then say, "den wat da fook have you been doin?" He was a D-day chaplain, and I don't think he held just his bible in France. I wish your son had somebody like that. He sure helped me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spidey Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 Last night some kids were throwing cinder blocks and rocks off the Browncroft overpass in Rochester. 12 cars were hit. My mother's front end of her baby, 1998 Mustang, was busted up pretty bad. The kids were seen but haven't been found yet. Luckily she's OK, the car is in the shop. No one got killed. Luckily......... peer pressure is a damning thing, but if the children are involved in recreation and camps, so on, there is less chance that this crap will happen. 393272[/snapback] Amazing kids would do this, recently a lady died in Raleigh area after a 5 pund rock hit her car window and her in the head. Amazing thing is no one can figure out were the rock came from probably off of a truck. Enough danger on road without kids dropping cinder blocks on cars. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greybeard Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 Amazing kids would do this, recently a lady died in Raleigh area after a 5 pund rock hit her car window and her in the head. Amazing thing is no one can figure out were the rock came from probably off of a truck. Enough danger on road without kids dropping cinder blocks on cars. 393304[/snapback] Several years ago some kids threw a large rock or bowling ball (can't remember which) off an overpass on Route 81 near Watertown (Frez's neck of the woods). Hit a car with two soldiers in it from Ft Drum. Killed the driver instantly. They caught the kids. Can't remember how many years they got for that. Hitting anything at 65+MPH isn't good let alone taking it all in the windshield. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Jack Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 Several years ago some kids threw a large rock or bowling ball (can't remember which) off an overpass on Route 81 near Watertown (Frez's neck of the woods). Hit a car with two soldiers in it from Ft Drum. Killed the driver instantly. They caught the kids. Can't remember how many years they got for that. 393448[/snapback] I saw that accident scene on my way to work. It was I-81, just north of Central Square. I think it was a cinder block, and they kids did get jail time for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kota Posted July 29, 2005 Share Posted July 29, 2005 Melissa, If you can i would send your son to live with his father. I am not sure what caused you 2 to seperate and i don't think it really matters but young boys/men need to have a father figure in their life. There are things in the world that a mother just can't give her son. Most of these can't be put into words or written on paper it is just a fact of life. When growing up I knew alot of classmates who were fatherless through divorce. 90 percent of these people have grown up to be nothing in life, been in jail, or they are dead. Alot of woman make the mistake of taking the son away from the father. Alot of times for revenge. Maybe he is just a dead beat dad which unfortunately there isn't anything you can do about. Alot of the people in this thread must think the dad is there to just smack the kid around. I am sorry but this is totally wrong. I cannot remember one time in my life were my father hit me. If i mouthed off to my mother or did something wrong i knew i would have to face my dad when he got home. The sterness in his face and the disappoint in his face hurt more then any bruise would. Your son not getting along with is father doesn't matter. I know plenty of guys who don't get along with their dad's what so ever but they do respect him. My advice is to ship your son to his dad's for awhile. I know it is hard to let your son go but sometimes it just has to be done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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