Opinions on such things as using the internet to stalk.....sorry......

[BLZFAN4LIFE]

I feel like a tool saying this, but you're probably more likely to be turned down if she's an employee there. Unless you've got some unique relationship with her, she'll probably make every effort to keep everything professional. Your doctor may even have a problem with it.

 

So, ask yourself this... quite honestly, is there any type of connection from her side, or do you just have a hard on for the hot insurance girl?

Poojer, you've been getting a lot of good advice here and I think mcjeff215 hits on a very important issue(as well as a couple of others who mentioned coming across with confidence). You mention that you've had a couple of casual encounters and phone conversations with her. You should be able to tell if there is any interest from her side. Has she given any signs that she's interested? Or is it just an average polite, professional, business-like attitude that you get from her?

Others may disagree, but I think that asking her out to a concert (for the first "date") may not be a good idea. I would suggest something like lunch or drinks at a decent restaurant/bar after work. Get to know her a little better before you take her on a concert "date". Besides, what if she's just really into the band which you have tickets to?

So my $0.02 is man up and ask for the "get to know you better" date. If she turns you down, FUHGEDDABOWDA! If she says yes, then you're in!

One thing is certain: If you don't ask, you don't get!!!

[KD in CA]

Short Example: "Me and my friend are going up to INSERT BAR NAME on Saturday night to see XYZ BAND. I've seen them before and they put on a good show. If you aren't doing anything, you should stop by and check them out, it will be fun."

I respectfully disagree. This approach suggests a lack of confidence and does not demand a response. She can simply ignore it and not show up. If you ask her directly, she has to give you a 'yes' or 'no'. Plus you aren't giving her a clear signal of romantic interest. "Come hang out with my buddies" could mean you have single friends you are trying to set up. If you are interested, girls want to hear it.

 

what i need is a really good wing man...

No, no, no. You don't need distractions, you just need to approach her directly.

 

 

And by the way, concerts, movies or bar bands are terrible ideas for a first date. The point of a first date is to interact and get to know each other and to build interest in each other (which is how to best achieve the other point of a first date ). You can't do that by attending some event that doesn't require you to speak to each other. The best first date is either dinner or some type of low exertion psychical activity (a hike, golf, etc.).

[JoeFerguson]

I would definitely NOT take this angle. There is nothing wrong with being a bit shy, but sometimes you just have to bite the bullet. My advise, next time you speak with her, hopefully face to face, keep it casual. Find a local bar which is having a band which doesn't suck. Tell her about the band, let her know that you and your buddy or buddies are going to see them and suggest to her that she show up as well.

 

Short Example: "Me and my friend are going up to INSERT BAR NAME on Saturday night to see XYZ BAND. I've seen them before and they put on a good show. If you aren't doing anything, you should stop by and check them out, it will be fun."

 

If she shows up, then you know there is interest. If she doesn't, then you move on. Simple. I used to work at a bar and I used this ALLLL the time. If I met a girl I liked, I would tell her where I worked and invite them to stop by. If she walked into the bar, I was in like Flynn. If she never showed up, no harm, no foul. Keep it simple.

 

I agree with this sentiment....DO NOT ADD HER ON MYSPACE.

 

Do not be indecisive about your intentions. Don't say "I'm going to be at xxx, you should stop by." Then she isn't sure whether you're going for friendship or romance. Be clear with what you want. "I would like to TAKE YOU to this concert." Say it to her face and be a man. Women don't like being dicked around by indecisive statements. It doesn't matter if you flub the line and aren't super smooth. Just be a man about it and ask her out in person. It shows that you're decisive, you purposely are selecting HER as the person you want to take to this concert, and you're not a p*ssy.

 

Let's say at this point she's neutral about you. You're a person that comes into her doctor's office, so by default she's friendly to you. Maybe she doesn't think of you in that way, BUT that doesn't mean she hasn't ruled it out yet either. If you do something indirect, like Myspace her or casually ask her to meet you somewhere, it will appear creepy IMHO and then you have relegated yourself to being THAT GUY in her mind. If you grow a set and ask her out with direct words then at the very least she will be flattered that you singled her out and selected her to be your date. If she says no, no big deal and I don't even see why you'd ever have to change doctors. It's not like you're whipping your dong out on the receptionists desk, you're just asking her to a concert. How often do you go to the doctor anyway?

 

EDIT: I just read KD's post above mine, so I'm sorry if I'm repeating what he said.

[Beerball]

Also keep in mind that if "he" was to ask her out and she were to say 'No', this "Friend" would feel the need to find a new doctor, and "he" doesnt want to do that.....

 

So this "Friend" has located her on myspace. What are your thoughts about this "Friend" 'contacting' her through that site, again, simply to put this "Friend" at least in the back of her mind....I...I mean this "Friend" really would like your thoughts. And YES, this "Friend" realizes "he" is nothing but a chicken chit and "he" needs to sack up and ask her out...but if it was that easy...."he" wouldnt be spending all this unecessary time seeking out advice....

 

Thanks and feel free to flame away, I will relay all the messages to this "Friend"

Tell your friend no to myspace. No way to remove the creepiness from contacting her that way.

 

As far as finding a new doctor...once he askes her out a new doctor is next in line anyway? Suppose your friend went on a couple dates & then decided things wouldn't work out. Would he be comfortable going back to the doctor's office? Suppose a long term relationship blossoms between the two of them. Would he be comfortable going baqck to the doctor's office while they were involved?

 

So, if he asks her out a new doctor is in his future. Choices are...keep doctor but lose out on potential date(s) or go for it.

 

Here's hoping he goes for it.

[mcjeff215]

Tell your friend no to myspace. No way to remove the creepiness from contacting her that way.

 

I disagree. I think it depends on the demographic. A lot of younger (sub 25? sub 30?) folks think nothing of getting a My Space or a FaceBook invite from someone they've met once or twice. Like I said earlier, though, you still have to have that "click" or attempting to cross that personal/professional line isn't going to work.

 

If the demographic is right and the 'click' is there anyways, I don't see anything wrong with using it to break the ice. However, if both of those pieces don't fall into place, it could easily make Pooj here like like a total creep if it's not welcomed.

 

Everyone's different. Some won't think twice about clicking 'accept this guy' as a MySpace friend, others will freak out at the idea. At the same time, some woman can be total tools when approached in person.

[RayFinkle]

I respectfully disagree. This approach suggests a lack of confidence and does not demand a response. She can simply ignore it and not show up. If you ask her directly, she has to give you a 'yes' or 'no'. Plus you aren't giving her a clear signal of romantic interest. "Come hang out with my buddies" could mean you have single friends you are trying to set up. If you are interested, girls want to hear it.

 

 

No, no, no. You don't need distractions, you just need to approach her directly.

 

 

And by the way, concerts, movies or bar bands are terrible ideas for a first date. The point of a first date is to interact and get to know each other and to build interest in each other (which is how to best achieve the other point of a first date ). You can't do that by attending some event that doesn't require you to speak to each other. The best first date is either dinner or some type of low exertion psychical activity (a hike, golf, etc.).

I whole heartedly disagree, but each his own. Pooj seems like a nice guy but not very smooth with the ladies. If you have a lot of confidence, and don't have the stink of the single guy all over you, the direct approach may work. For a guy like Pooj, just getting back into the game, keep it simple, relaxed, and casual.

[VOR]

Forget MySpace. And most likely, the doctor she works for has a strict policy about employees dating patients. You'll probably get rejected with at least an "I'm sorry, it's against my employer's rules" and need to find another doctor. Sorry.

 

But as they say, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Maybe there is no policy, she wants you to ask her out, and she puts out on the first date?

[Andrew in CA]

Speaking as a 24 year old, I would never ask someone out via Facebook and have never heard of a connection made via Facebook/MySpace. We're still doing it the old-fashioned way- face-to-face, embarrassing rejections and all. I don't think Facebook/MySpace is so entrenched that women can be courted through it, so to speak. I do know of one instance where a female friend of mine was approached via Facebook and she called the dude a "chicken" in unkinder terms, so I would not recommend it. Maybe it would be more useful for breaking ice, eg: I saw you dig Goodfellas or the Decemberists on your profile, they are cool, yada yada, more than a dating forum. FWIW, I would ask her out like KD/BLZFAN suggested- to a meal, coffee, or drink, over a concert (more of a second/third date thing) in order to get to know her better and let her get to know you. That way you can know if she's worth your time before you start buyin concert tickets....

[JoeFerguson]

I whole heartedly disagree, but each his own. Pooj seems like a nice guy but not very smooth with the ladies. If you have a lot of confidence, and don't have the stink of the single guy all over you, the direct approach may work. For a guy like Pooj, just getting back into the game, keep it simple, relaxed, and casual.

 

 

...and never actually force yourself to do something outside your comfort zone. He's going to have to take the plunge sooner or later, why prolong the inevitable?

[The Poojer]

I think this post alone hits it on the head....thanks Fuzzy!!!!

 

You just needed people to talk a little smack to you to get fired up to do it. Good luck!

[RayFinkle]

...and never actually force yourself to do something outside your comfort zone. He's going to have to take the plunge sooner or later, why prolong the inevitable?

You don't take a guy who hasn't even played minor league ball in 10 years, put him in the game and tell him to swing for the fences. Let him start with a base hit, or a nice bunt down the line. He'll get there, but like anything it life, it takes practice and time.

[Beerball]

You don't take a guy who hasn't even played minor league ball in 10 years, put him in the game and tell him to swing for the fences. Let him start with a base hit, or a nice bunt down the line. He'll get there, but like anything it life, it takes practice and time.

So you want Pooj should start with a minor league castoff chick to get his feet wick wet before he moves on to the office hottie?

 

 

BTW Pooj...have you ever visited that Doc for any embarassing reasons? STDs? Erectile disfunction? Roids? Missing gerbil? She's gonna know all about you. No secrets from this woman.

[The Poojer]

And by the way, concerts, movies or bar bands are terrible ideas for a first date. The point of a first date is to interact and get to know each other and to build interest in each other (which is how to best achieve the other point of a first date ). You can't do that by attending some event that doesn't require you to speak to each other. The best first date is either dinner or some type of low exertion psychical activity (a hike, golf, etc.).

 

KD, the concert angle isnt as bad as you may think, the tickets that I get are VIP section, which puts us in a secluded area with food and drink, it is set off so that the band can be simply background, it is actually very condusive to talking...so its not like the band would be blaring and there was no chance for talking and interacting, but I do understand your point

[The Poojer]

may have an excuse to visit doctor today....one of the kiddies may need to go.....

[\GoBillsInDallas/]

Women like confidence money more than anything.

 

[Joe Miner]

So you want Pooj should start with a minor league castoff chick to get his feet wick wet before he moves on to the office hottie?

 

That was the advice my boss gave me in high school.

 

Find a fat chick, take her to Dairy Queen, and practice up. Cheap and effective.

 

On looking back, it wasn't a half bad plan, but alas, I never took his advice.

 

There is something to be said for knowing how to swing before stepping up to the plate.

[mcjeff215]

Speaking as a 24 year old, I would never ask someone out via Facebook and have never heard of a connection made via Facebook/MySpace. We're still doing it the old-fashioned way- face-to-face, embarrassing rejections and all. I don't think Facebook/MySpace is so entrenched that women can be courted through it, so to speak. I do know of one instance where a female friend of mine was approached via Facebook and she called the dude a "chicken" in unkinder terms, so I would not recommend it. Maybe it would be more useful for breaking ice, eg: I saw you dig Goodfellas or the Decemberists on your profile, they are cool, yada yada, more than a dating forum. FWIW, I would ask her out like KD/BLZFAN suggested- to a meal, coffee, or drink, over a concert (more of a second/third date thing) in order to get to know her better and let her get to know you. That way you can know if she's worth your time before you start buyin concert tickets....

 

He just wanted to use it as a break-the-ice tactic. If there's a bit of a "relationship" there already, I don't see any harm in tossing a MySpace/FaceBook friend request over as a means to increase communication. There's that much more common ground when he approaches her in person to ask for that cup of coffee.

 

Now, don't get me wrong here... actually asking her out via the 'net is a total no-no and is probably a quick disappointment. It's also slightly weird. Using it as another means of casual communication? I don't see that as a problem at all as long if it's something that will be welcomed. I brought up the demographic as the younger folks are probably more open to accepting "random" online networking requests. I'm 29 and would have no problem with it at all. My dad is 61 and would probably wonder how the hell someone "found him" online.

[Andrew in CA]

He just wanted to use it as a break-the-ice tactic. If there's a bit of a "relationship" there already, I don't see any harm in tossing a MySpace/FaceBook friend request over as a means to increase communication. There's that much more common ground when he approaches her in person to ask for that cup of coffee.

 

Now, don't get me wrong here... actually asking her out via the 'net is a total no-no and is probably a quick disappointment. It's also slightly weird. Using it as another means of casual communication? I don't see that as a problem at all as long if it's something that will be welcomed. I brought up the demographic as the younger folks are probably more open to accepting "random" online networking requests. I'm 29 and would have no problem with it at all. My dad is 61 and would probably wonder how the hell someone "found him" online.

Oh, for sure- I guess I misunderstood the Facebook/Myspace angle. Totally makes sense as another means of communication and information on the girl.

[The Poojer]

yeah thats it, simply an ice breaker so that the ask out or whatever comes next is not completely out of no where......

 

He just wanted to use it as a break-the-ice tactic. If there's a bit of a "relationship" there already, I don't see any harm in tossing a MySpace/FaceBook friend request over as a means to increase communication. There's that much more common ground when he approaches her in person to ask for that cup of coffee.

 

Now, don't get me wrong here... actually asking her out via the 'net is a total no-no and is probably a quick disappointment. It's also slightly weird. Using it as another means of casual communication? I don't see that as a problem at all as long if it's something that will be welcomed. I brought up the demographic as the younger folks are probably more open to accepting "random" online networking requests. I'm 29 and would have no problem with it at all. My dad is 61 and would probably wonder how the hell someone "found him" online.

[Stussy109]

Make sure you're not really talking to Chris Hanson

 

 

he shows up with his tickets... "I'll be right down hehehehe"

"Friend": Okay, I'll just take a seat on this comfy chair with my tickets and backstage passes, but you have to earn them!

Girl: Okay hehehehe

 

Chris Hanson comes walking out with a transcript of his lewd converstaion about how to get backstage passes to a chris mccartney concert.