Recommendations for in-home care?

[DrDawkinstein]

Very sorry, @NewEra

 

I had good results finding help for my mom on Care.com. You'll have to pay for the full membership, but they give a lot of options. You post a job description of what you need and then get a bunch of applicants to weed through. May or may not be what you are looking for but just another option to have.

 

Good luck.

On 7/19/2022 at 8:18 PM, NewEra said:

The doctor said that she needs to be in a nursing home or 24 hour in home care.  Could there be legal ramifications if I pull my mother out of the facility, bring her to her home and stay with her while also hiring part time assistance?  I’m ok paying 6-8k a month for her care, but hoping to avoid the 13-20k I’m told it costs for 24hr care.  
 

after I access her health, if I feel that she doesn’t have long to live and she continues to go downhill can I get in trouble for taking her out of a stable situation and bringing her to her home to pass?  Sad to say, but that could be the situation.  

 

To answer your questions, no, I've never heard of anyone getting in trouble for bringing someone home. Maybe only if there was obvious neglect after, but I doubt that would be the case here. People can choose where they want to go.

[NewEra]

59 minutes ago, DrDawkinstein said:

Very sorry, @NewEra

 

I had good results finding help for my mom on Care.com. You'll have to pay for the full membership, but they give a lot of options. You post a job description of what you need and then get a bunch of applicants to weed through. May or may not be what you are looking for but just another option to have.

 

Good luck.

 

To answer your questions, no, I've never heard of anyone getting in trouble for bringing someone home. Maybe only if there was obvious neglect after, but I doubt that would be the case here. People can choose where they want to go.

Thanks for the info.  
 

Fast forward 3 years:  we took her in with us a month or so after making the OP and she’s still living with us.  Shes now able to walk and use the bathroom on her own.  Her dementia hasn’t gotten much worse (if at all).  We contemplated moving her back into her home in Dunkirk and getting some outside help but she didn’t want to go.  

[DrDawkinstein]

11 minutes ago, NewEra said:

Thanks for the info.  
 

Fast forward 3 years:  we took her in with us a month or so after making the OP and she’s still living with us.  Shes now able to walk and use the bathroom on her own.  Her dementia hasn’t gotten much worse (if at all).  We contemplated moving her back into her home in Dunkirk and getting some outside help but she didn’t want to go.  

 

Oh wow, didnt even catch the date on this. Glad to hear it's going well.

 

In similar fashion, last month we moved my 75yr old mother down to Atlanta and into the house right next door to us, because I couldn't do much to help her 900 miles away in Buffalo and she had been deteriorating rapidly. Very similar issues, couldnt walk on her own, her mind fading fast... It's only been a few weeks, but with the new engagement and purpose she's making leaps and bounds. Already like a completely new person.

 

I had pitched it as a "snow bird" trial run for a few months because she was hesitant to leave the only house she's known for 50 years. But now she's already talking about what needs to get done to sell the old house and stay here permanently.

 

Sounds like we need to grab a beer and start the "Good Sons Club" 

[RkFast]

My mom had a stroke and then my father passed in short order this Spring. My mom is now home with a live in aide. She just needs "supervision" more than she needs full time assistance but we all agree its for the best. 24/7 aids are bloody expensive. Youre looking at like $300-$400 a DAY.  We are hoping to get her on Medicaid to help out or maybe do assisted living, which would actually be cheaper when you take the house expenses into account. But...does my mom want to go to assisted living or stay in the house? Its not an easy decision. I will say that we toured a few AL places with mom and many of them are quite nice and offer a good quality of life. Id honestly rather her go into one of those places than stay in the house. Theres three square meals, activities and other people and things to do that the places arrange and of course the "medical" care she needs. At home shes comfy but its just her and the aide staring at each other all day. Shes told me shes bored to death. Her living with me or my sister wont work, for a multitude of reasons (financial, time considerations, my sanity, etc.). I wish you luck. 

 

 

Edited Monday at 07:49 PM by RkFast

[Wacka]

I went through this from 2020-2021.My mom had dementia. About 6 months or so before she died, we contacted Hospice. Luckily we lived only a mile fro the campus.  They came to the house and evaluated her and decided she qualified.  They came to the house every week at first, then more often.My sister and I were in lockstep with each other and what they proscribed. The problem was with my brother who was sure they would kill her in months. They have social workers that will help with such situations and had to calll them about a month before she died when he was  yelling at me for starving her even though I had video ion her refusing food. My mom died the way she wanted, at home and in her own bed.

[Mike in Horseheads]

4 hours ago, RkFast said:

My mom had a stroke and then my father passed in short order this Spring. My mom is now home with a live in aide. She just needs "supervision" more than she needs full time assistance but we all agree its for the best. 24/7 aids are bloody expensive. Youre looking at like $300-$400 a DAY.  We are hoping to get her on Medicaid to help out or maybe do assisted living, which would actually be cheaper when you take the house expenses into account. But...does my mom want to go to assisted living or stay in the house? Its not an easy decision. I will say that we toured a few AL places with mom and many of them are quite nice and offer a good quality of life. Id honestly rather her go into one of those places than stay in the house. Theres three square meals, activities and other people and things to do that the places arrange and of course the "medical" care she needs. At home shes comfy but its just her and the aide staring at each other all day. Shes told me shes bored to death. Her living with me or my sister wont work, for a multitude of reasons (financial, time considerations, my sanity, etc.). I wish you luck. 

 

 

My mom went to assisted living and it was good place.  She got worse and ended up in a nursing home because she needed insulin shots and couldn't see well enough to fill the syringes and they wouldn't for all the dam money we were paying.  Longterm care is a sad ending

[BringBackFergy]

Just told my Mom “Comfort Keepers” coming to interview her for M,W,Fri help during the week. She was against it. I told her she needs help and (finally) she agreed. Anything but a nursing home. Luckily, my sister lives with her and works full time. 

[Sojourner]

Never been a fan of nursing homes or hospices. This study over a couple decades confirms such:

 

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/24679926/
 

 

It’s similar to schools in essence, one teacher to a surplus of students. People are going to be lost or overlooked throughout portions of the tenure there. 
 

Hope you’re able to get your mother into some form of living where she can be provided some solid and focused care for herself. 
 

Blessings and prayers for you and your family’s decisions. Even more so to your mother! ❤️

[Behindenemylines]

Happy to answer any questions with people off line regarding this.  It’s my business and 30 year career-running and managing/owning  nursing homes and hospice programs.   
 

the simple answer is if doing something with “good intention” that would meet your loved one’s wishes/needs you are good, no matter the outcome.  Just keeping mind your circumstances.  If your loved one is 90 it’s one thing.  If they are 30 it’s another so use some basic common sense.   Optics will always be a concern if they are young. 
 

lots of resources for people but you just need to know where to find them.