Dear God,
I know we don't talk much these days, and I'm sorry for all the stuff I've done which might have pissed you off. Like all that premarital sex (not nearly enough, IMHO), and the times I've abused my body with alcohol and garbage plates, and all the times I've taken your name(s) in vain, and all the naughty thoughts about thousands of girls - sometimes more than one at a time, and for wishing bad things to happen to people I don't like, and the dirty tricks I've played on people, and the time I cheated on that test, and the time I lied about speeding to the judge, and all the bad stuff I think about organized religion (I'm not sure you'd be mad about that, though), and the times I've lied to girls just to see them nekkid, and anything else you can think of I did wrong.
For all of that I'm truly sorry. And all I ask is that you please, please, please, please, have the Jets or the Broncos lose this weekend. And the Bills win. Please? It's been a long time since I cared about the playoffs, and despite all of the sins I've been pretty good. Please?
Thanks, God. I appreciate it. Amen.