A classic, from the Onion.
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Dolphins Evolve Opposable Thumbs
HONOLULU, HAWAII - HONOLULU.
In an announcement with grave implications for the primacy of the species of man, marine biologists at the Hawaii Oceanographic Institute reported Monday that dolphins, or family Delphinidae, have evolved opposable thumbs on their pectoral fins.
"I believe I speak for the entire human race when I say, 'Holy sh--,'" said Oceanographic Institute director Dr. James Aoki, noting that the dolphin has a cranial capacity 40 percent greater than that of humans. "That's it for us monkeys."