"First of all, I'd like to thank my wife Giselle for marrying me. It shows I'm a smart man for marrying a woman richer and better looking than me.
Next, I'd like to thank Commissioner Goodell. Ha. yes I know. I'm not making a joke. I'd like to thank commissioner Goodell for destroying all those tapes that would otherwise have negated all those superbowl wins. And for having the genius to create a fake animosity between the Patriots franchise and himself, a protege of our owner Robert Kraft, so that all the naysayers would truly believe he was against us when in fact he was working for us and Mr. Kraft.
Finally, I want to thank my father. Yes my true father, the man who MADE ME FOR WHAT I AM. Bill Belicheat. You picked up a skinny weak ass from san francisco, and made me believe I could be like my childhood hero. You showed me what it was to be a winner, and that winning is all that it matters at the end of the day. If there was an easier way to do it, just do it. Because NFL is a smart league and will not tear itself down by vilifying its champions.
Oh just one more thing - to all the haters, look what I got you turds will never get! (hoists his bronze HOF bust, waves middle finger with rings and departs)."