ICanSleepWhenI'mDead

So if you're O'Leary's agent, and you know that he's been doing well in practice, do you tell Whaley that you've been approached by one of the teams that lost a TE last weekend about signing O'Leary? Even if the agent just fabricates the story, is there any downside for his client? If the Bills don't elevate O'Leary, agent can always just say that the other team had a last minute change of heart and signed some other practice squad TE or street free agent TE to fill the injury hole.

Gotta admit - - I always liked the bumper sticker that read: "My third grader can beat up your honor student." Honorable mention to: "My son was convict of the month at San Quentin State Prison." You should get one that reads: "Buffalo Bills - - we ain't much but we knocked your a$$ out of playoff contention"

Garbage in - - garbage out. If we wind up in a 2-way tie with the Steelers, the tie-breakers are not prioritized the way you listed them, because the Steelers are not in our division (the AFC East) Proof: http://www.nfl.com/standings/tiebreakingprocedures

With the log jam of AFC teams in the hunt for the 2 wild card spots, I thought I'd take a look how the Bills are likely to fare if the tie-break rules come into play at the end of the season. You won't usually read about this in the mainstream media because it requires a little analysis (but not much). Here's what I found (assumes a 2 way tie between the indicated team and the Bills, 3 way ties are beyond the scope of this post): 1. Pittsburgh - if the Steelers beat Seattle, the Bills will have the tie-break over the Steelers, no matter what happens in any other games for the rest of the season. Sounds crazy, right? But it's true. Here's why. The first tie-break for the Bills versus any team outside the AFC East is conference games if we haven't played them head-to-head. So how can we know who would own the tie-break between the Steelers and the Bills with so many AFC conference games still to play for both teams. Answer - Math. All regular season games are either conference games or non-conference games. If the Steelers beat the Seahawks this week, the Steelers will be 4-0 against the NFC. The Bills have only played one NFC team so far, which was a loss to the NY Giants. So even though the Bills still have 3 games left against NFC teams, if the Steelers beat the Seahawks this weekend, we will know to a certainty that the Steelers will finish the regular season with a better record against NFC teams than the Bills. With a worse record against NFC teams, the only way the Bills can finish the regular season with the same overall record as the Steelers is if the Bills wind up with a better record against AFC teams than the Steelers. Having a better record against AFC teams than the Steelers would give us the tie-breaker over the Steelers. That's just math. 2. NY Jets - if the Bills lose to KC this weekend, the Bills chances of owning the tie-break over the Jets goes up, not down. Sounds even crazier, right? But once again it's true - - blame math. Here's how it goes: Within the AFC East, the tie-breaker isn't conference games, it's (1) head-to-head, then if necessary (2) AFC East division record, and then if still necessary (3) record against common opponents. We won the first head-to-head game with the Jets, so even if the Jets win the re-match in the last regular season game, they can't own the tie-breaker over us based on head-to-head record. Right now, we are 3-2 in the division, while the Jets are currently 1-2 in the division. So for the Jets to own the tie-break based on division record, they would need to not only beat us in the last regular season game, but would also need to beat Miami this weekend and beat New England in their next-to-last regular season game. But let's say the Jets lose to either the Fish this weekend or to New England in week 16. That would mean the Jets would finish the regular season with no better than a 3-3 division record, even if they beat us in the final regular season game. In that scenario, even if the Jets beat us in the final regular season game, we get to the third tie-breaker, which is games against common opponents. Each AFC East team only plays 2 regular season games against non-common opponents. For the Bills/Jets tiebreak scenario, the non-common opponents for the Bills are the Bengals and the Chiefs (because those are the only 2 teams we play that the Jets don't play). The non-common opponents for the Jets are the Browns and the Raiders (because those are the only 2 teams the Jets play that we don't). The Jets already beat the Browns and lost to the Raiders, so they are 1-1 in games against non-common opponents. We already lost to the Bengals, so if we lose to the Chiefs this weekend, we will be 0-2 against non-common opponents, and will know to a certainty that we will finish the regular season with a worse record against non-common opponents than the Jets. The only way we can finish the regular season with the same overall record as the Jets, if we have a worse record than the Jets against non-common opponents, is to have a better record than the Jets against common opponents. That would give us the tie-breaker against the Jets. So this weekend, if we lose to the Chiefs and the Jets lose to Miami, we will win the tie-breaker with the Jets, no matter what happens in any other games this season. If we lose to the Chiefs and the Jets later lose to New England, we would also win the tie-breaker with the Jets, no matter what happens in any other games this season. Just thought y'all might like to know. http://www.nfl.com/standings/tiebreakingprocedures

I tried to look it up by googling "the song refers to shiny seaman." The results were inconclusive, but I did find this: http://www.paulandstorm.com/lyrics/the-captains-wifes-lament/ And if "sea" is short for seaman as you claim, the lyric in question becomes: "from seaman to shining seaman" Somewhat less disturbing, perhaps, because I can understand how there might be more variation in relative shininess between two different seamen as opposed to between two different bodies of water. But your suggestion raises more questions than it answers. Here's just one: In my experience, seamen have a tendency to sail all over the place. Given their mobility, how are we supposed to know just which places we are singing about? If seamen wind up shining in Newfoundland, I could be singing about Canada and not even know it. Let the Canadians get their own song - - make it about polar bears or something.

I have issues with writing pat** with or without "ically" on the end.

Well since you brought it up, shouldn't we call it a "food strike," rather than a "hunger strike?" I assume you are suggesting that I go without food, not that I go without hunger. The problem may be bigger than I thought.

So which state shines and which one doesn't? Doesn't solve the problem. So we can only sing pat**ically during the hours when it's night-time for one ocean and daylight for the other? Seems kind of limiting.

OK, I'm no radical islamist or communist or anarchist or even an alien. And I'm as patriotic as the next Bills fan. But something's always bothered me. Ya know the song "America The Beautiful?" Sure you do. But there's a phrase in the lyrics that is extremely disturbing. "From sea to shining sea" Sea the problem? No? Exactly which seas are they talking about? Still don't sea the problem? You figure it's just the Pacific Ocean and the Atlantic Ocean? Well cogitate on this. If it's the Pacific and Atlantic Ocean, why does the lyric go out of its way to specify "sea?" That's problem #1. And if you take the coward's way out and explain it by saying it's just artistic license, you arrive at the shores of an even bigger problem. The lyric says one sea shines and one apparently doesn't. Does the Atlantic Ocean shine, but the Pacific Ocean doesn't? Or does the Pacific Ocean shine but the Atlantic Ocean doesn't? And exactly how does any ocean shine, anyway? They're just water. Sea the problem, now? With ISIS claiming they are going to attack Washington, DC next, it seems to me like we need to get our patriotic lyrics straight. We can't just go around singing nonsense. I think there might be coded messages in our patriotic songs. The N$A needs to look into this. Somebody better "send lawyers, guns and money." At least that's a lyric that makes tactical sense if the ISIS s**t hits any Bills fan in DC.

The W is silent?

J. Edgar Hoover Eliot Spitzer Godzilla

Do you work for the department of analytics department?

Are you a direct descendant of Leonardo de Pisa, commonly known as Fibonacci? Or did you just read his prophetic book about Liberace? http://www.npr.org/2011/07/16/137845241/fibonaccis-numbers-the-man-behind-the-math

If Woods or Hogan make us look bad by getting too many targets, just let me know, and I'll figure out a way to put them on IR, too.

50 years ago today:

Of course it would . . . Brady (and everybody posting on TBD) would be dead by the time the teams got there. But my plan improves our chances of success for a game played on earth, and during my lifetime, and with Brady at QB for the Pats**********.

So what? Either way, we keep the ball for as long as we want, with no time off the game clock, as long as the refs follow the rules by throwing a flag for offsides on the offense and blowing an immediate whistle. And if the refs stop throwing flags, then just don't ever snap the ball. Throw the flag or not, accept or decline the penalty, doesn't matter - - either way we wait until WE want to play.

Hey Beerball, let me 'splain it a different way: As long as our offense jumps offsides or takes a delay of game, we keep the ball for as long as we want, with no time off the game clock. Keep the ball this way for about a day and a half. When we start really playing the game about a day and a half after the opening kick-off, our offense has the ball just outside our own goal line. Then we play for real. I'll take a sleep-deprived random result over what we've gotten for the last decade. We can call it the "Let the Pats********* sleep when they're dead" strategy.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. You want outside the box strategy - - chew on this. Make sure the entire team gets lots, I mean lots, of sleep before the game. When we get the ball the first time, have an O lineman intentionally jump offsides. Do it repeatedly. Put in the second team offense and have them do it. Throw in a delay of game once in a while for a little variety. Send all of the first team offense and defense guys back to the hotel to get a good night's sleep. Long about 3 pm THE NEXT DAY, put the first teamers back in and start actually playing the game. They have won the division repeatedly over the years based on preparation and execution. Let's make them sleep deprived, and see how we do. Even if all we accomplish is making both teams sleep deprived, that will ruin both teams' ability to properly execute, because even the Pats**** are human. If we can make the outcome totally random, that's a far better tactical situation for us than what we usually face. BTW, a version of this making everything random strategy worked for Captain Kirk with a wounded starship in "The Wrath of Khan" - - i.e., "What's good for the goose is good for the gander." Captain Kirk > Belicheat Edit: Here's the actual line from Wrath of Khan: Saavik: Trouble with the nebula, sir. All that static discharge and gas will cloud our visual display. Tactical won't function, and shields will be useless! Spock: Sauce for the goose, Mr Saavik - the odds will be even!

My apologies to Michael Keaton. I think his character in Night Shift was named "Bill," and somehow that became Bill Murray in my head. Maybe when medical ethnicianology advances far enough my brother Darryl can grow me a spare. BTW, would someone please explain to me why a bye-week thread that is clearly Bills-related got moved from the main board to Off-The-Wall? Given the Bills performance in their loss to the Jags, it's not like we couldn't use a little comic relief around here.

You are misinformed. Cyborgs are science fiction. Transplants aren't. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cyborg

I have no recollection of reading about any Bills GM doing this, but maybe it got hushed up.

OK, there is actually a point to the obscure Bill Murray movie quote reference in my thread title. Every now and then mankind advances because somebody thinks outside the box and revolutionizes the way we do things. Case in point: the Fosbury Flop. Mocked and laughed at until the guy started winning high jump competitions with his totally unorthodox approach to the sport. Or in Bill Murray's case, his spectacular idea to advance the culinary science of making tuna fish sandwiches by feeding the mayonnaise to the fish, thus totally eliminating the need to spread the stuff on the sandwich bread. Sammy Watkins can't stay healthy, but we have his brother on the practice squad. Big deal, so what, who gives a s**t. Well that's exactly what the other high jumpers said when that Fosbury fella came along and shook things up. Don't anybody tell the Pats************************** this, but to get Sammy on the field, we can use his brother Jaylen for spare parts. Last I checked, human cloning was considered unethical, but transplants have been OK ever since that South African guy (not the one with blades for legs who shot his girlfriend to death in the bathroom - - the one with real legs who did the first heart transplant) started detaching body parts from one guy and hooking them up to somebody else. Other teams can't make this revolutionary leap 'cause you can't just use anybody for spare parts. If people aren't related, there's a high risk that the donor's parts will get rejected when we graft them on to Sammy. But 'cause Jaylen is Sammy's brother, there's DNA overlap, so Sammy's brain won't reject the assimilation of Jaylen's calf. And for all you inside the box thinkers that are gonna say this will never work, Jaylen's got 2 healthy calves to start with. If we was askin' Jaylen to donate a kidney to save Sammy's life, nobody would bat an eye, 'cause Jaylen's walkin' around with a spare. So how is it any different if Jaylen donates one of his 2 calves to save Sammy's football life? Sammy's football life is just about in hospice care. Pretty soon he's gonna be the next Percy Harvin. C'mon people, there's guys getting' face transplants these days - shirley we can get Jaylen to contribute one measly calf muscle to the team effort. It's not like the Bills aren't already payin' Jaylen for basically doin' nothin' anyways. We got 2 Watkins brothers sitting' on the bench, and they got 3 healthy calves between them. Well not literally between them, but connecting their knees to their feet. With one calf muscle or two, Jaylen's still gonna be ridin' the pine. So why not get Sammy back on the field? Too bad Jaylen don't have an extra brain. But maybe someday medical ethnicianology will advance to the point where the authorities will let Sammy grow his own spare. Wouldn't that be a hoot!

Hey Bill - - when you are feeling well enough to share a few thoughts with your daughter about having a stroke, I would abandon the "no particular order" paradigm and put this item at the top of the list! Seriously, though - - get well soon. I hate to suggest a NE Pat**** as a role model, but Tedy Bruschi had a stroke and made it all the way back to play in the NFL. Hang in there.