ICanSleepWhenI'mDead

PETA is suing a photographer on behalf of a monkey named Naruto that used the guy's camera to take a monkey "selfie:" http://www.artlawreport.com/2015/09/22/irony-is-dead-peta-sues-for-copyright-infringement-on-behalf-of-the-animal-in-the-monkey-selfie/ They should have sued whoever named the monkey "Naruto."

We found the guy who did it:

If we really wanted to end racism, we would call them "go darks," rather than "stop lights."

I'm not as good as I once was, but I'm as good once, as I ever was.

So the Bills fan was sober enough to know that he was planning to be offensive, and decided to go ahead and be an a$$hat anyway? And you're proud of THAT?

Apparently, he considered Chan and Fitzgibbons enough of an upgrade to return: http://nypost.com/2015/09/13/fireman-eds-hiatus-is-over-super-fan-returns-to-rally-jets/

http://www.msn.com/en-us/news/us/2000-cases-may-be-overturned-because-police-used-secret-stingray-surveillance/ar-AAdXuBn

http://www.nbcnews.com/news/latino/mexican-app-developers-creating-trumpealo-video-game-n419752

http://www.cnbc.com/2015/08/28/north-dakota-police-can-now-legally-use-taser-drones.html

Darryl says if you weren't in the room then obviously it didn't really happen to you.

Club sharks not sandwiches?

When you make sock puppets do they have to be the same length on each arm? Or is it just a leg thing?

My response to this situation was: "I don't speak Italian. I want a medium. If you can't figure out how to give me a medium, I'll take my business elsewhere." They suddenly were able to figure out which size was "medium."

Tell your friend to zig when everybody else zags. That may sound like a joke, but it ain't.

You got some weird flies in Illinois.

Just when you think you've seen it all: http://deadspin.com/tricky-softball-dude-hits-backwards-home-run-1722674174

Well, unless you were receiving tweets telepathically, it seems like there was a fairly simple solution for avoiding the spoilers. Hey, you asked. Like twice.

Shotgun AND a Glock . . . wonder where he kept his back-up piece?

Sounds to me like Hogan's already got the back-up CB here spot locked up.

I don't know if anything will change for the upcoming season, but I've had Game Rewind for the last 2 years. For both years, I could start streaming the Bills game (or any other NFL team's game) on demand shortly after the Sunday night NFL game ended. The stream was unavailable until then, and was also unavailable during the live broadcast of each Monday night NFL game. So if you live on the East Coast, and work some type of morning hours on Mondays, the option of starting to watch the Bills game roughly around midnight Sunday night isn't very practical. On the other hand, if you live on the West Coast, or plan to delay sleep until you are dead, there is a viable window to watch that day's Bills game on demand shortly after the Sunday night NFL game broadcast ends, even if you have to work on Monday mornings. The replay video is HD quality - - but the quality of what you personally get to see depends on the strength of your particular internet connection (just like for any other streaming video). As I mentioned, I haven't seen anything yet about the upcoming season, so it's always possible the availability of the stream might change this year. Hope that helps.

https://www.hardrockhotel.com/las-vegas-events/entertainment/yahoo-national-draft-day/1871 Celebrity Appearances by Jim Kelly, Randall Cunningham and Maurice Jones-Drew

Divert funds currently earmarked for foreign aid to provide free cell phones to all of our Mexican "friends." Make sure we have a network of cell towers on the US side of the border, and along the Gulf coastline, that are robust enough to send and receive signals quite a few miles into Mexican territory and the Gulf. Re-task some N$A resources that have been used to track US citizens to track all of our Mexican "friends" who move within range of the robust cell tower network. Make the cell phone gift to Canada as well, as a North American initiative, to deflect suspicion. Promoting the North American cyber economy, or whatever. You know the demographics of the likely illegal immigrants will make many of them Facebook users, so persuade Mark Zuckerberg to pony up part of the upfront costs. Maybe throw in a few bucks from the guy who gets "Angry Birds" royalties. That's gotta cost the American taxpayers, net, less than an actual wall, and unlike a wall, lets you track the incoming horde in real time. Let each state figure out how to deal with the illegal immigrants once they've been located IF they try to illegally enter the US. Make sure that adverse consequences suffered by those who are "located" are widely publicized in Mexico. Heck, you could even use the very same cell phones for that purpose, as long as such publicity was included (i.e., hidden) in a flow of other information. Keep our "friends" in the dark about how they were located by creating a plausible cover story. If we could fool the German war machine in WWII about our breaking of Enigma coded messages, we certainly ought to be able to fool unorganized immigrants. Let a few cell phone packin' friends get in, just to further hide what's really happening (just like some Enigma-based intelligence was not used in order to protect the secrecy of the successful Enigma code breaking). We put a man on the moon in a decade. We can get this done. Next problem?