Clip Smith

If you need the Clipper to fill some time......just let me know. I'll be cleaning my tuba but can be there in a dickie within minutes.

Take it from the Clipper......go buy some Percogesic over the counter.....the regular stuff, not extra strength. It is the closest to getting the relief of opiates without any addictive properties. It will help you sleep through pain. I used to have to listen to Irv Weinstein all day and would get home and wash down a few vicoden with a martini. If you tell your doctor that you are trying to get off the pills, he may prescribe you some mild tranq for a week to get you through the worst of it. If you want to do it on your own, stock up on toilet paper and get some Gatorade. Good luck.....pills are given out like candy these days.

The Clipper had club seats for 10 years, and couldn't wait to get rid of them. Here is what the club seats promise: 1) Heated/cooled clubhouse to relax in 2) Wider, heated seats 3) Dozens of televisions to keep up with other NFL action 4) Gourmet food selections 5) Full bar service throughout game 6) Tables to sit and relax at 7) In seat waitress service 8) Luxury bathrooms 9) Seats under cover 10) Fan friendly experience Here is what you get: 1) While it is nice to warm up in December for the 4 minutes you are inside taking a pee break, you really don't have to worry about a scorcher in Buffalo 2) The heated seats went to crap season #2. Yes, they are wider, but the cupholders placed at knee level in front of you take away any advantage 3) Whoever the retard is that is in charge of the televisions has no clue. I really enjoy 4 of 9 screens being on the Browns/Rams game while Eagles/Cowboys is nowhere to be found. 4) The food is better....that is if you can get any in your hands. The Bills let a different charity run the stands every week....which is fine when you have 3 menu selections....not 20. Nothing like a 70 year old trying to figure out an automatic register with 5 minutes of training. When I say "I'll have a Canadian" after waiting for 2 series of downs....I don't mean Wayne Gretzky 5) Bar is a nice touch....especially if you enjoy putting a $6 shot of Baily's into a $3 Hot Chocolate 6) Here's an idea....we'll put 50 tables that can seat 200 people right in the middle of prime traffic area that is meant for 1500. This way, not only does nobody get to sit down, but those that are can prevent the other 85% from getting to the bathroom or getting to the line for good Rev. Moses to take 5 minutes to figure out how to salt a pretzel. 7) There's nothing I enjoy more than waiting 20 minutes for a $9 beer, only for it to be passed down by 17 people, including the 6 year old of some M&T exec. who I assume happens to have extreme early onset Parkinsons given the actual amount of beer remaining in my cup when I receive it 8) Bathrooms......No complaints....other than beware a group of people that can afford $2000 season tickets in Buffalo, congregating in a men's room. Good money says 1 in 10 enjoys the company of men or children 9) Someone didn't get the memo about the 35mph winds' effect on precipitation when determining who is/is not under cover....but that is child's play. You can always escape to the clubhouse and give those 200 people sitting at the tables whiplash as you try to squeeze that svelte, Buffalo behind, close enough to watch the Browns/Rams game 10) Let's put it this way......the Rockpile section is like sex with a 20 year old hooker on coke. The club seats are like the twice annual handcranker you get from your wife of 30 years Add the fact that you are paying $1100 for 7 games in addition to the $65 for each ticket....and I think it's a $220 per game well spent. Think about it.....$220......that's about $4.50 for every Buffalo Bills offensive play. Trent Edwards 2 yard checkdown to caucasion tight end....BOOM!....four fiddy Joey Porter coming around on Javon Merrideth and Christian Gaddis for a 9 yard sack....BOOM!...four fiddy Ryan Fitzpatrick, gently bouncing a ball 15 feet short of his intended receiver.....BOOM!....four fiddy Really.......what is there to not be excited about? Do what the Clipper did and move your seats back with the unwashed masses. Sure, there is a chance you will sit next to somebody that will invite you to their trailer in Waterport...but it's all good.

That's funny......I remember some guy getting road head almost running me over on the corner of Main and Chippewa 30 years ago. Good thing you didn't hit me.....I would have ruined your......tranny.

Here are some clips..... Randy Rhoads w/ Ozzie - Suicide Solution (Live) Solo Break at 4:45 Eddie Van Halen - Eruption (Live) Dude can eat a hoagie, get a bj from Valerie Bertonelli, and play this at the same time. Stanley Jordan - Somewhere Over the Rainbow - If you never heard this guy play, you may drop a deuce in your pants. He does Stairway to Heaven et al, but this is pretty amazing stuff. Find his 20 minute version of Bolero if you want a show. Stanley Jordan Paul Bollenbeck - Back Home Again In Indiana - Solo starts at 6:00 but the entire song is ripping w/ Joey DeFrancesco on Organ. I have no idea who the kid in the video is, but God bless him. This guy is jazz, but damn good and has on-line youtube tutorial.

Whenever someone mentions Eric Clapton as a great guitar soloist......I want to get back into my car and drive through that stop sign again.

Nothing wrong with a little fuzzy Kiwi.... And for those ignorant enough to chide the original poster.......The US HAS bailed out the Australian banks. Mr Bernanke refused to give specific details of the countries and amounts, but here is a ditty from the WSJ. They ALL took our money

Is it time to Mangia again??? Speaking of mangia.....how close was Thurman to munching on something he shouldn't have been to get you so riled up about him? Catholic school really has a way of bringing the pride out of someone..... Speaking of pride...what do Elton John, Jerome Bettis and Scott Berchtold have in common? If you hate Sully so much....he drives a Purple Saturn.....and bonus points if you can tell me what local personality's couch he spent sleeping on for a quality stint. Be careful on the internet........lots to Zig-zag around................sometimes you just happen to miss a stop sign that you should have taken notice of.

What does a Christian hardcore bass player tell you after he impregnates your girlfriend?.......Don't...Fret it. Did you hear about the tune the Christian hardcore bass player wrote for Astro's girlfriend?.......It ended on...an Umbilical Chord. Did you hear how the Christian hardcore bass player somehow impregnated Astro's girlfriend?......I guess they were using the....Rhythm..Method Don't worry fellas...the Clipper knows your pain. Back in 1986 I found my wife in the back of the Aerostar with the Accordian player from my polka band. If you want unquestioned loyalty....go to the SPCA.

True story......the Clipper was propositioned by one of the Rams' cheerleaders in this video. Too bad it was in 2004. This is the best you will see....or your money back: Ram It!

Looks like Merton Hanks has been going to Sammy Sosa's Dermatologist.......

And all this time I would have figured it to be FREDDY Jackson that did the most to end Marshawn Lynch's football career.....who would have known it would be...ANDREW...Jackson?

"If DC Tom waves to the bears as he leaves the zoo.....does that make him...bipolar?" "Johnny Cochran one choked on some lumpy mashed potatoes at KFC and then tried to take them to court......They say it was a case of attempted...suicide."

"When it comes time for the Bills to pick.....and it comes down to an offensive lineman or Clausen.....that decision is going to leave the Bills in..........quite.....a pickle."

"The name may say Greene....but Mean Joe is shown here out of uniform with nothing but 12 ounces of his sweet Brown sugar dangling in his hand..." Yo Joe!

"I always used to think of football when someone mentioned OJ Simpson.....but nowadays, when someone mentions OJ....I just can't help but to think......Penal......system."

When someone writes total Bullschit......do they write it with a Bull..Pen?