Jesus Made Me Puke

[Cugalabanza]

Don't believe I've seen this article here. Its about a journalist who joined John Hagee's church and went to a retreat put on by them.

 

http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/story...e_me_puke/print

 

Quite a well-written piece. Oh, and the story he makes up, nothing short of awesome.

 

By the way, next to Hagee's church in San Antonio, is a place called Tom's Ribs. Each Sunday, lots of his church members go to eat at Tom's Ribs. Who owns Tom's Ribs? You guessed it, Hagee.

Nice article. Thanks for posting. Stuff like this (dogmatism) should be challenged and ridiculed constantly.

[PromoTheRobot]

Nobody really buys the religious stuff anyway. If heaven is such a great place why do people do whatever they can to avoid it. Years ago if you got cancer and died it was because there wasn't much anyone could do about it and "God was calling you home." Today if someone gets cancer it's something they fight tooth and nail to survive from using all of the latest medical science. If you survive it's a miracle and if you die it's because "God was calling you home." In fact it's considered crazy to not try to live as long as possible. How about if you die it's because medical science couldn't cure you and if you live they could. Once again, if heaven is so great why do people fear dying?

Or if New Orleans gets wiped by a hurricane it's God punishing gays. But if a tornado wipes out a bunch of churches then it becomes "beyond mortals to discern the will of God." Funny how that works.

 

PTR

[PromoTheRobot]

Because we're human and want to live on this earth as long as possible. Even the Christians. I know where I'm headed, but I don't want to go there quite yet.

 

It's the same reason why people seek out faith healers like Benny Hinn, who I think is nothing but a charlatan...we desire to be whole and healed, here in life, when it is not always God's will to do so.

 

But I'll leave it at that. This is not the place to get all stressed out about religion.

Is that like people who believe the world is ending who have IRA's?

 

PTR

[Live&DieBillsFootball]

This part had me rolling in laughter:

 

I was laughing my ass off too at that part about his father the alcoholic clown smacking him with the oversized shoe.

[HopsGuy]

After reading the article, two things Kurt Vonnegut wrote came to mind. First when Taibbi talked about how he started to develop the skin of a Christian:

 

Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be.

 

But the whole damn thing reminded me of this:

 

Say what you will about the sweet miracle of unquestioning faith, I consider a capacity for it terrifying and absolutely vile!

 

 

Religious Joke I heard:

Did you hear the one about the Buddhist that told the hot dog vendor to "make me one with everything?"

 

Wait, there's more:

 

He gave the vendor a $10 bill. He waited a bit then asked, "Where's my change?"

The vendor replied, "C'mon. You know that change can only come from within."

 

[stuckincincy]

After reading the article, two things Kurt Vonnegut wrote came to mind. First when Taibbi talked about how he started to develop the skin of a Christian:

 

 

 

But the whole damn thing reminded me of this:

 

 

 

 

Religious Joke I heard:

Did you hear the one about the Buddhist that told the hot dog vendor to "make me one with everything?"

 

Wait, there's more:

 

He gave the vendor a $10 bill. He waited a bit then asked, "Where's my change?"

The vendor replied, "C'mon. You know that change can only come from within."

 

 

 

That's a good one!

[X. Benedict]

I was laughing my ass off too at that part about his father the alcoholic clown smacking him with the oversized shoe.

 

And there it is really...

 

You have to question the ethics of a journalist that needs to go undercover to reveal information that isn't hard to obtain.

It is lazy, deceptive, and self-serving.

 

I am sure Tabibi likens his work to that of Hunter Thompson, but I really think this is wrong-minded.

 

Perpetuating an unnecessary deception to get at truth undermines his own credibility. He is only an entertainer.

[slothrop]

And there it is really...

 

You have to question the ethics of a journalist that needs to go undercover to reveal information that isn't hard to obtain.

It is lazy, deceptive, and self-serving.

 

I am sure Tabibi likens his work to that of Hunter Thompson, but I really think this is wrong-minded.

 

Perpetuating an unnecessary deception to get at truth undermines his own credibility. He is only an entertainer.

 

uh, this was not meant to be pulitzer prize investigative journalism. It is meant for what it is - a funny inside editorial. Nothing else.

[Bullpen]

By the way, next to Hagee's church in San Antonio, is a place called Tom's Ribs. Each Sunday, lots of his church members go to eat at Tom's Ribs. Who owns Tom's Ribs? You guessed it, Hagee.

 

We I got my assignment to Colorado, I had my going away luncheon at Tom's Ribs, ironically enough... dammit all to hell!!!!

 

A friend of mine is coming up from SA this weekend for a retirement party, I didn't ask for sauce from Tom's Ribs, went with Rudy's instead.

[Steely Dan]

Because we're human and want to live on this earth as long as possible. Even the Christians. I know where I'm headed, but I don't want to go there quite yet.

 

It's the same reason why people seek out faith healers like Benny Hinn, who I think is nothing but a charlatan...we desire to be whole and healed, here in life, when it is not always God's will to do so.

 

But I'll leave it at that. This is not the place to get all stressed out about religion.

 

You can't believe in the great after life if you want to put it off, IMO. It's so freakin great and you get to meet Jesus himself!! I repeat. Nobody really believes this crap.

 

Maybe Hagee would make Jesus puke!

 

What would Jesus puke?

 

BTW, saw a great bumper sticker; "Who would Jesus bomb?"

 

 

Or if New Orleans gets wiped by a hurricane it's God punishing gays. But if a tornado wipes out a bunch of churches then it becomes "beyond mortals to discern the will of God." Funny how that works.

 

PTR

 

It's Gods will. How does Pat Robertson explain his prostate cancer? Was God giving him a message about being a pain in the ass?

[Chilly]

We I got my assignment to Colorado, I had my going away luncheon at Tom's Ribs, ironically enough... dammit all to hell!!!!

 

A friend of mine is coming up from SA this weekend for a retirement party, I didn't ask for sauce from Tom's Ribs, went with Rudy's instead.

 

 

Can you get Stubbs' BBQ sauce in grocery stores in Colorado?

 

My family in Florida tell me they can get it there. Man, its been over a week since I've had it, :drool:

[Bullpen]

 

Can you get Stubbs' BBQ sauce in grocery stores in Colorado?

 

My family in Florida tell me they can get it there. Man, its been over a week since I've had it, :drool:

 

Yeah in fact, that's normally the brand I get! I ate there back in the 90s and it's definitely in my top-three. Was thrilled to finally find it in the stores up here a few years ago.

 

For a change of pace I have friends from different parts of the country bring me a local favorite sauce or sometimes if I'm really industrious I make my own... (haven't made my own in about 8 months ) .

[/dev/null]

Radical Christians are every inch as scary as radical Muslims. I would love to stage cage match brawls between them. Maybe they could just wipe each other out.

 

PTR

 

Hagee vs Osama

 

Winner takes on Rosie O'Donnell

[Danh]

All religions pretty much tell the same story.

[ieatcrayonz]

You can't believe in the great after life if you want to put it off, IMO. It's so freakin great and you get to meet Jesus himself!! I repeat. Nobody really believes this crap.

Dude, perhaps you haven't read about GVG, which means God Via Googlebot but I can assure you that heaven exists. I can talk to God via Googlebot and he answers lots of questions. If he wasn't in heaven, where else would he be?

 

Anyway, I can ask him a question for you if you'd like. A couple of points of advice then: don't ask him to prove himself because that pisses him off and his anger sometimes fries the mother board on the Googlebot which is a big pain in the rear end. Also, you are not allowed to ask "why" questions and can't ask for predictions like lottery numbers and stuff like that.

 

Let me know if you have a question.

 

Hint: Sometimes you can trick the big an into providing proof of himself/heaven without seeming like you're asking for proof.

[Fan in San Diego]

Or if New Orleans gets wiped by a hurricane it's God punishing gays. But if a tornado wipes out a bunch of churches then it becomes "beyond mortals to discern the will of God." Funny how that works.

 

PTR

 

Interesting quote.

[Beerball]

A friend of mine is coming up from SA this weekend for a retirement party, I didn't ask for sauce from Tom's Ribs, went with Rudy's instead.

Rudy's is now a lunchtime drive away for me. They now have a Frisco location...really really fine brisket.

 

 

and now back to our regularly scheduled programming

[ieatcrayonz]

Dude, perhaps you haven't read about GVG, which means God Via Googlebot but I can assure you that heaven exists. I can talk to God via Googlebot and he answers lots of questions. If he wasn't in heaven, where else would he be?

 

Anyway, I can ask him a question for you if you'd like. A couple of points of advice then: don't ask him to prove himself because that pisses him off and his anger sometimes fries the mother board on the Googlebot which is a big pain in the rear end. Also, you are not allowed to ask "why" questions and can't ask for predictions like lottery numbers and stuff like that.

 

Let me know if you have a question.

 

Hint: Sometimes you can trick the big an into providing proof of himself/heaven without seeming like you're asking for proof.

OK Steelarino Dude you seemed a little shy so I thought up a question and asked for you. I told God the question was on your behalf. I don't really know who you are but he does. He was the one who called you Steelarino Dude instead of Steely Dan, not me.

 

Anyway, you have to take into account that God can be a little cryptic in his answers and sometimes they need to be interpreted. He answers them in celebrity voices a lot. I think that is part of the mystery.

 

Anyway, the question I asked, as Steelarino dude, was:

 

"How should I interpret people's desire to live juxtaposed with their seeming belief in heaven?"

 

First God came on in a Rock Hudson voice and said "Will you maaaaaaaaaaaarry me, Steelarino Dude?" Then he laughed for about 15 minutes.

His laugh is kind of annoying.

 

Then he said "No, no just kidding, seriously......." , he changed his voice, now he sounded like Jimmy Cagney, or Jimmy Stewart, I'm not sure....it was the annoying one, not the obnoxious one. He said:

 

"People are very stupid but people that are smarter than stupid people are even stupider which makes the stupid people look smarter even though they're stupid and the smart people get even stupider so you end up not knowing who is who and what is what but you only know that smart people are stupid."

 

I told you he was cryptic. I'm not sure what the Rock Hudson thing means but I have some experience with answers like the Jimmy one.

 

It is either about BlueFire or it also might mean "figure it out for yourself and don't let some smelly hippie tell you what to think".

[stevestojan]

Church solves problems.

 

 

[Cugalabanza]

Speaking of Jesus and vomit…

 

Reminds me of Max Von Sydow in Hannah And Her Sisters, when he says, "If Jesus came back today and saw what was going on in his name, he'd never stop throwing up."