dib Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 why do women like old gynecologists? They have shakey fingers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BLZFAN4LIFE Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 whats the best part of cutting a 3 year old in half with a chainsaw? the orgasm whats the worst part? getting the stains out of your clown costume Wow Doc, I used to think that I had a dark sense of humor. Funny stuff though. How can a West Virginian teenager tell when her mom is on the rag? She tastes it on her brothers d!(k. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chef Jim Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 This is not especially dirty but it is true. I was on a date many years ago in a real fancy Hollywood restaurant. And I look over at a corner table and there sits Frank Sinatra. Well I was really hot for this chick and wanted to impress her so when she went to the bathroom I quckly went over to Sinatra and explained my desire to impress this girl. So I asked if he could come over to my table on his way out and say hello to me, act like he knew me. Being the ladies man he said yes and I told him my name was Jim. So he comes over to our table and says "evening Jim, good to see you. How are you doing." I looked up at him with a disgusted look and said, "!@#$ off Frank, can't you see I'm busy." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chandler#81 Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 Here's one for the PETA crowd. A baby seal walks into a club... I'm just wrong! for lol! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dean Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 This is not especially dirty but it is true. I was on a date many years ago in a real fancy Hollywood restaurant. And I look over at a corner table and there sits Frank Sinatra. Well I was really hot for this chick and wanted to impress her so when she went to the bathroom I quckly went over to Sinatra and explained my desire to impress this girl. So I asked if he could come over to my table on his way out and say hello to me, act like he knew me. Being the ladies man he said yes and I told him my name was Jim. So he comes over to our table and says "evening Jim, good to see you. How are you doing." I looked up at him with a disgusted look and said, "!@#$ off Frank, can't you see I'm busy." Sweet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chef Jim Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 Sweet. Well it is April Fools so it's not true. Did cook for the man though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Da Big Man Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing, you already told her twice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Da Big Man Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 What's the first thing a woman does after attending a battered spouse meeting? The dishes if she knows whats good for her! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Da Big Man Posted April 1, 2009 Share Posted April 1, 2009 My girl said "kiss me where it stinks", so I drove her to Lackawanna. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ACor58 Posted April 2, 2009 Share Posted April 2, 2009 This is not especially dirty but it is true. I was on a date many years ago in a real fancy Hollywood restaurant. And I look over at a corner table and there sits Frank Sinatra. Well I was really hot for this chick and wanted to impress her so when she went to the bathroom I quckly went over to Sinatra and explained my desire to impress this girl. So I asked if he could come over to my table on his way out and say hello to me, act like he knew me. Being the ladies man he said yes and I told him my name was Jim. So he comes over to our table and says "evening Jim, good to see you. How are you doing." I looked up at him with a disgusted look and said, "!@#$ off Frank, can't you see I'm busy." That was great man Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrangeJuiceSimpson Posted April 2, 2009 Share Posted April 2, 2009 This is not especially dirty but it is true. I was on a date many years ago in a real fancy Hollywood restaurant. And I look over at a corner table and there sits Frank Sinatra. Well I was really hot for this chick and wanted to impress her so when she went to the bathroom I quckly went over to Sinatra and explained my desire to impress this girl. So I asked if he could come over to my table on his way out and say hello to me, act like he knew me. Being the ladies man he said yes and I told him my name was Jim. So he comes over to our table and says "evening Jim, good to see you. How are you doing." I looked up at him with a disgusted look and said, "!@#$ off Frank, can't you see I'm busy." I know it's not true but is that a an old joke or did you make that up? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chef Jim Posted April 2, 2009 Share Posted April 2, 2009 I know it's not true but is that a an old joke or did you make that up? It was told to me probably 25 years ago by a guy I worked with. He was a Brit with a cockney accent and that last line with his accent is just beautiful. I do have a true Sinatra story: I was working at Nicky Blair's on the sunset strip. Cool place, lots of celebrities. Sammy Davis Jr was one of the investors so he used to come in quite a bit. So one night Sinatra comes in. Nicky is all excited because he's been trying to get him to come in for months. The order comes in and I'm expediting that night (calling the orders). Waiter hands me the order and just as I'm about ready to call the order Nicky comes in and asks to see the order. He starts changing the order! He gives it back and I'm like "are you really sure you want to do that?" I mean, you don't !@#$ with the Chairman of the Board's order, but Nicky insists. Later that evening Nicky comes in the kitchen and I asked him how Frank liked his dinner. Nicky said "I walked to the table and asked him how his dinner was. He said Nicky, it sucked." I !@#$ing thought Nicky was going to cry. Like I said, you never change the Chairman of the Board's order. I've got a bunch of good celebrity food stories. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrangeJuiceSimpson Posted April 2, 2009 Share Posted April 2, 2009 It was told to me probably 25 years ago by a guy I worked with. He was a Brit with a cockney accent and that last line with his accent is just beautiful. I do have a true Sinatra story: I was working at Nicky Blair's on the sunset strip. Cool place, lots of celebrities. Sammy Davis Jr was one of the investors so he used to come in quite a bit. So one night Sinatra comes in. Nicky is all excited because he's been trying to get him to come in for months. The order comes in and I'm expediting that night (calling the orders). Waiter hands me the order and just as I'm about ready to call the order Nicky comes in and asks to see the order. He starts changing the order! He gives it back and I'm like "are you really sure you want to do that?" I mean, you don't !@#$ with the Chairman of the Board's order, but Nicky insists. Later that evening Nicky comes in the kitchen and I asked him how Frank liked his dinner. Nicky said "I walked to the table and asked him how his dinner was. He said Nicky, it sucked." I !@#$ing thought Nicky was going to cry. Like I said, you never change the Chairman of the Board's order. I've got a bunch of good celebrity food stories. Haha that's really funny. Great story! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SWVABillsFan Posted April 2, 2009 Share Posted April 2, 2009 Steely Dan and Bullpen walk into a bar & Steely sidles up to the first painted lady he sees.__________________________________________________ Hey for a chick you got some set of balls. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dib Posted April 2, 2009 Share Posted April 2, 2009 This is not especially dirty but it is true. I was on a date many years ago in a real fancy Hollywood restaurant. And I look over at a corner table and there sits Frank Sinatra. Well I was really hot for this chick and wanted to impress her so when she went to the bathroom I quckly went over to Sinatra and explained my desire to impress this girl. So I asked if he could come over to my table on his way out and say hello to me, act like he knew me. Being the ladies man he said yes and I told him my name was Jim. So he comes over to our table and says "evening Jim, good to see you. How are you doing." I looked up at him with a disgusted look and said, "!@#$ off Frank, can't you see I'm busy." Liar Liar Pants on fire. Old Joke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SWVABillsFan Posted April 2, 2009 Share Posted April 2, 2009 A young boy gets a bike for Christmas and is riding it down the road when a cop on a horse pulls him over. The cop asks "Is this your bike"? They boy says "Yes" The cop asks him "Did you get it for Christmas"? They boy again replies "Yes". Then the cop asks him "Did Santa bring it to you"? It is followed by another "Yes". "Well" the cop says "I am going to have to write you a ticket because that bike has no tail light". So the cop pulls out his ticket book and writes a ticket and hands it to the boy. The boy takes the ticket and looks at it and sees it is a $40.00 fine. So the boygoes back to the horse. He asks the cop"Is this your horse"? The cop figures he'll play along and answers "Yes". The boy then asks "Did you get it for Christmas"? The cop again answers "Yes". Finally the boy asks him "Did Santa Clause bring it to you"? Again another yes follows. The boy then tells the cop "Well next year you might want to tell Santa to bring you a horse with a dick on the bottom and not the top". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chef Jim Posted April 2, 2009 Share Posted April 2, 2009 Liar Liar Pants on fire. Old Joke. See my response to the Dean above. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarkyMannn Posted April 2, 2009 Share Posted April 2, 2009 Two priests die and are at the gates to Heaven. St Peter says to them "we are backed up right now for admission. How about if you come back in a couple days, meanwhile I will grant any wish you want". Priest #1 says "I want to be an eagle". Priest #2 says "I want to be a STUD ". Couple days pass and God says to St Peter "where are the 2 priests?". St Peter says "Well we are having a hard time finding them. One priest is an eagle and he's flying in the sky. The other priest is in Buffalo in a snow tire". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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