What to expect BILLS vs PATRIOTS

[PastaJoe]

1. The Brady rule gets called as a Bills pass rusher lunges at Brady and taps him on the calf.

 

2. Tony Kornhiser talks about how playing more games in Toronto is a good thing.

 

3. Edwards gets blindsided and fumbles as whoever is playing LT for no-show Jason Peters misses a block.

 

4. Fred Taylor scores 2 TDs from in close and the broadcasters remind us that the Bills looked at him in free agency.

 

5. The camera shows TO sitting by himself on the bench in the last minutes of the game with a look of, "WTF?!".

[DrFishfinder]

Tell me 5 things you expect to see during this game

 

1. I expect the defense to be all over Brady. Hopefully at this time - Clay Matthews and Kawika Mitchell will be tag teaming him

 

2. I expect Edwards to be picked off while trying to throw to Owens

 

3. I expect Edwards to be sacked near 3 times.

 

4. I expect Fred Jackson to have a 50+ yard catching game

 

5. I expect McKelvin to leave Welker unconscious on the field for over 10 minutes

1. The Bills will get repeatedly penalized for "Looking at the QB's Knees in a Threatening Manner". Ed Hochuli will pull a "foreign object" from his pants and knock out Aaron Shobel, all the while wildly protesting his innocence to the cameras.

 

2. Edwards will be picked off while throwing to Owens. And Evans. And Reed. And Parrish. And Johnson. And Moss. And Fitzgerald. And Simon and Garfunkel. And Oprah. And Vladimir Putin. And Stephen Hawking (Rush Limbaugh will be called for interference on this one, the heartless bastard).

 

3. Edwards' will be sacked near the 5 yard line, the 6 yard line, the 7 yard line and so on and so forth. He will be sacked on the sideline, the locker room, the parking lot, the airport, his home, church, Oprah's house and at Simon and Garfunkel's reunion concert.

 

4. Fred Jackson just may have a 50+ yard catching game. I may win the Nobel Peace Prize, flap my arms and fly to Paris. No, not Hilton, you pervs.

 

5. I expect Welker to amass such incredible yardage, NFL statisticians will have to use so many zeros, there will be a zero shortage that will last well into the next decade. We will actually run completely out of zeros. The song will be renamed "Saved by urrf". James Bond will just be "7". There will just be 1 Dalmatian, or maybe 11 Dalmatians depending on how you look at it. McKelvin will take the opening kickoff, run the length of the field, through the end zone, out the tunnel and never be seen or heard from again. He will show up occasionally as a shadowy apparition on Ghost Hunters and speak from the spirit nether regions through the guy who does the Sham Wow!!! commercials.

[Miyagi-Do Karate]

Damnit JR! You're not working with me here!

 

Ha! I admire your optimism--but I'll take 15-1 this season.

[San Jose Bills Fan]

I keep having the same recurring nightmare.

 

Tirico:"Three minutes and 27 seconds remaining in the first quarter...incidentally if you've been wondering what team that is with the white unis with red and blue trim...(Kornheiser interrupts) "the team Terrell Owens is playing for..." (Tirico resumes) "those are in fact the Buffalo Bills although correct me if I'm wrong Tony but I believe those are their throwback uniforms"

(Close up of T.O.)

 

Kornheiser: "That's right Mike. As we all know T.O. used to play for America's Team but when he came over here to play for....Buffalo he remarked that he's now playing for North America's Team"

(Cut to half-screen overlay with a silhouette of North America in stars, stripes with a big star where Dallas is and a maple leaf where Toronto is...off camera MNF pre-production crew is smiling, slapping backs)

 

Tirico (interrupting): "The white team comes to the line of scrimmage...Owens split wide left...the quarterback barking out signals..."

(Cut to close up of T.O. Cut to close up of Brady yelling to one of his teammates)

 

"He's back to pass...there's pressure...

(Triple split screen shot of Teddy Bruschi blitzing/Owens running his pattern/Brady watching from sidelines)...

 

"He dumps it down to Owens and he's under tackle for a short gain, maybe 3 yards"

(Closeup of Owens getting up from pile, jogging back to the huddle while jabbering with Shawn Springs)

 

Jaworski: "Yeah Teddy Bruschi was coming hard on that one and the quarterback...Trevor..Trent...Edwards had to check down, Owens was the hot read and made a nice sight adjustment"

(Replay of Owens defeating the jam, making the catch. Different angle. Super closeup/super slomo reverse angle shot of T.O. catching Bruschi blitzing out of the corner of his right eye with teleprompter arrow for emphasis)

 

Kornheiser: "Brilliant defensive call by Belichick...if he doesn't blitz Bruschi on that play Tedwards...Edwards can sit back there and wait for Owens to free up"

(Closeup of Belichick in a brand new throwback hoodie, sleeves cut, baiting the referee)

 

Tirico: "I agree Tony. Any quarterback can look like Tom Brady if he has enough time to track his receivers"

(Closeup of Brady scratching his nuts on the sideline...looking into the stands)

 

Jaworski: "I don't think Tom is tracking his receivers right now...(laughs all around)"

(shot of Giselle looking beautiful in Brady's private suite)

 

Tirico: "That'll bring up a 2nd and 7 for the offense...

(Shot of Owens in the huddle speaking emphatically to Edwards...he's actually saying good play Trent, but it's not noticed)

 

Kornheiser: It looks like T.O. is pretty upset with Ted..Edward...Edwards

(Camera cuts away just before T.O. pats Trent's helmet to a full screen animated caricature of T.O. standing by a guillotine with Garcia assuming the position and McNabb and Romo waiting in line...)

 

Jaworski: Well you know, it's no surprise really that Terrell is upset right now...he doesn't exactly have a great track record with his quarterbacks..."

(Animated Owens cuts Garcia's head off...helmet falls into a basket...chuckles from the booth...McNabb assumes the position)

 

Tirico: "Hold on fellas...apparently there was a penalty on the last play...it might have been a late flag..."

(closeup of flag on the field, cut to Jauron rubbing his cheek, cut to Owens looking incredulous)

 

Jaworski: "Looks like offensive pass interference"

 

Tirico: That appears to be the call...we didn't see the infraction...and I'm told we don't have a replay of it...that'll bring up a 1st and 20 for the Bills..."

(shot of Teddy Bruschi stirring up the crowd)

 

I guess I've been emotionally scarred.

[Beerball]

I keep having the same recurring nightmare.

brilliance, sheer brilliance

[San Jose Bills Fan]

1. The Bills will get repeatedly penalized for "Looking at the QB's Knees in a Threatening Manner". Ed Hochuli will pull a "foreign object" from his pants and knock out Aaron Shobel, all the while wildly protesting his innocence to the cameras.

 

2. Edwards will be picked off while throwing to Owens. And Evans. And Reed. And Parrish. And Johnson. And Moss. And Fitzgerald. And Simon and Garfunkel. And Oprah. And Vladimir Putin. And Stephen Hawking (Rush Limbaugh will be called for interference on this one, the heartless bastard).

 

3. Edwards' will be sacked near the 5 yard line, the 6 yard line, the 7 yard line and so on and so forth. He will be sacked on the sideline, the locker room, the parking lot, the airport, his home, church, Oprah's house and at Simon and Garfunkel's reunion concert.

 

4. Fred Jackson just may have a 50+ yard catching game. I may win the Nobel Peace Prize, flap my arms and fly to Paris. No, not Hilton, you pervs.

 

5. I expect Welker to amass such incredible yardage, NFL statisticians will have to use so many zeros, there will be a zero shortage that will last well into the next decade. We will actually run completely out of zeros. The song will be renamed "Saved by urrf". James Bond will just be "7". There will just be 1 Dalmatian, or maybe 11 Dalmatians depending on how you look at it. McKelvin will take the opening kickoff, run the length of the field, through the end zone, out the tunnel and never be seen or heard from again. He will show up occasionally as a shadowy apparition on Ghost Hunters and speak from the spirit nether regions through the guy who does the Sham Wow!!! commercials.

OMFG! I'm glad we can laugh about this!

[Haven Moses]

1. Giselle will be on camera at least 100 times.

 

2. The first person to breathe on Brady will get a flag.

 

3. When the camera is not on Giselle or Brady, it will be on TO.

 

4. Jauron will blow calling a time out right before the half.

 

5. At the end of the game they will show Robert Kraft laughing.

[San Jose Bills Fan]

brady*s pus sy

man boobs in a gray sweatshirt

ref*s fellating man in gray sweatshirt

seymour taking someone out at the knees

announcing team fellating entire pat*s organization

Well you deviated from the script...or did they rewrite it from Wilfork to Seymour? I hadn't seen the latest rewrite.

[San Jose Bills Fan]

1. Giselle will be on camera at least 100 times.

 

2. The first person to breathe on Brady will get a flag.

 

3. When the camera is not on Giselle or Brady, it will be on TO.

 

4. Jauron will blow calling a time out right before the half.

 

5. At the end of the game they will show Robert Kraft laughing.

I like #4...will he throw a flag on an unchallengable play?

 

Regardless you can be sure he'll be rubbing his cheek during the post game interview.

[Cookiemonster]

1. The Bills will get repeatedly penalized for "Looking at the QB's Knees in a Threatening Manner". Ed Hochuli will pull a "foreign object" from his pants and knock out Aaron Shobel, all the while wildly protesting his innocence to the cameras.

 

2. Edwards will be picked off while throwing to Owens. And Evans. And Reed. And Parrish. And Johnson. And Moss. And Fitzgerald. And Simon and Garfunkel. And Oprah. And Vladimir Putin. And Stephen Hawking (Rush Limbaugh will be called for interference on this one, the heartless bastard).

 

3. Edwards' will be sacked near the 5 yard line, the 6 yard line, the 7 yard line and so on and so forth. He will be sacked on the sideline, the locker room, the parking lot, the airport, his home, church, Oprah's house and at Simon and Garfunkel's reunion concert.

 

4. Fred Jackson just may have a 50+ yard catching game. I may win the Nobel Peace Prize, flap my arms and fly to Paris. No, not Hilton, you pervs.

 

5. I expect Welker to amass such incredible yardage, NFL statisticians will have to use so many zeros, there will be a zero shortage that will last well into the next decade. We will actually run completely out of zeros. The song will be renamed "Saved by urrf". James Bond will just be "7". There will just be 1 Dalmatian, or maybe 11 Dalmatians depending on how you look at it. McKelvin will take the opening kickoff, run the length of the field, through the end zone, out the tunnel and never be seen or heard from again. He will show up occasionally as a shadowy apparition on Ghost Hunters and speak from the spirit nether regions through the guy who does the Sham Wow!!! commercials.

Good stuff, I would pay top dollar for that type of imagination.

[DrFishfinder]

Good stuff, I would pay top dollar for that type of imagination.

Really? I can be had for medium dollar.

[Adam]

1. We will lose

2. Fans will whine

3. This board will be trolled by patriot fans

4. I will be drinking a chocolate milkshake

[ChasBB]

DURING the game!!!

 

We can lose the whole game but it may come down a.......lindell field goal....

 

I'll take the liberty of revising CJPearl2's response to fit your question:

1. Losing

2. Losing

3. Losing

4. Losing

5. Losing

 

Seriously, I think Brady will be rusty and may not have a great game, but it still comes down to Belichick vs. Jauron and I don't like those odds.

[Mr. WEO]

Good stuff!

[OCinBuffalo]

1. If I'm at the game, looking down at my hat, now shredded, due to me twisting it up all day from nervousness.

2. If I'm at the bar, looking down and my beer and seeing the label gone, or if I am drinking my usual, all the ice gone from my cup, and the straw smashed up in the bottom.

3. Bumming my third smoke, even though I haven't had one in months.

4. The refs hosing us. Seriously. We can sit here right now in March and absolutely KNOW that the refs are going to kill us. What can possibly make anyone think that won't happen?

5. The Bills led by TO, Evans, and a TE to be named later tearing up the weak-ass Patriots secondary!

 

That's right, I said it, I expect us to win that game, based solely on the sheer strangeness of it.

[crazyDingo]

I keep having the same recurring nightmare.

 

 

I guess I've been emotionally scarred.

 

FTW

[drinkTHEkoolaid]

1. they are playing a game? i thought it was a 3 hour tribute to the triumphiant return of tom brady, this will make the brushci comeback game look like a hallmark card.

 

2. someone important bills player has a season ending injury

 

3. the bills keep things competitive till about mid way through the 2nd quarter, just long enough to wonder for a split second "is this the game we finally beat NE?"

 

4. tom brady is a god (i wish he would have another season ending injury but lightning doesnt strike twice here) (yes i really do hate him)

 

5. some BS contraversial call goes against the bills.

 

thats the game in a nutshell

[lucks]

1. TO and Evans will both go over 100 yds

2. McKelvin will run back a kickoff

3. Trent will throw for 300 yds

4. Jauron will make a game costing wrong decision

5. Pats will find a way to win and we will find a way to lose

 

 

But it's a long season and it will be fun and exciting!!!

[timba]

1. We will see T.O. give his 'beaming' smile.

2. Dick Jauron will be as lively and charismatic as a rock.

3. We will get a field goal when we should get a touchdown.

4. There will be this one really awesome punt that we can all talk about.

5. Bellicheat will call some ridiculous play that would only work against against a 5th grade rec defense and it will work.

[mike6683]

Alot of people are saying we are going to get killed this game think about the last 2 times we opened our season against the Pats we won one and the other was close the opening week of the nfl is a crap shoot teams are unvailing new offencive and defencive systems and most games are usually tight.