Philly McButterpants Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 Does the When met Sally rule apply to women as well. In the movie, Billy Crystal (harry) states that no man can be friends with a woman cuz the sex thing gets in the way . . . Do women think like this about men, too? Or can they really try to establish friendships with members of the opposite sex? No attraction, no wanting to further the relationship . . . Obviously, I'm getting mixed signals and need some outside help . . . Y'all gave good advice to Poojer a few months back, so I thought I'd ask. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VOR Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 Sex almost always gets in the way. A man and woman can be best/friends after having a sexual relationship, but almost always not without one first. And what kind of mixed signals? I told my wife she would send me them before we started dating, and she said there was nothing "mixed" about them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Philly McButterpants Posted November 17, 2008 Author Share Posted November 17, 2008 Sex almost always gets in the way. A man and woman can be best/friends after having a sexual relationship, but almost always not without one first. And what kind of mixed signals? I told my wife she would send me them before we started dating, and she said there was nothing "mixed" about them. Acts very intersted, but in a casual way . . talks about a first date she just had, etc. . . . but also invites me to lunch, says she really enjoyed it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VOR Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 Acts very intersted, but in a casual way . . talks about a first date she just had, etc. . . . but also invites me to lunch, says she really enjoyed it. Yep, she digs you. Ask her out on a real date. At worst, you know where you stand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Philly McButterpants Posted November 17, 2008 Author Share Posted November 17, 2008 Yep, she digs you. Ask her out. Not to sell myself short, but she's waaaaay out of my league. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VOR Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 Not to sell myself short, but she's waaaaay out of my league. How so? Looks-wise? You don't make enough money for her type of guy? Too short? Can you at least make her laugh? If you feel she's out of your league, a "best friend" relationship ultimately won't work anyway. I'll assume you mean she's out of your league looks-wise. If that's the case, then sexual feelings WILL get in YOUR way. It depends on what you want. Do you want to be strung along? Or know now? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dean Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 In my experience men can have women friends (real friends) and the reverse is true, too. Those who can't do that just assume that others can't, either. I have MANY women friends: some I have had crushes on (and vice versa), relationships/sex with and some neither of those. I know many of those women who have the same assortment of male friends. If you have a female friend you are interested in having more with, my advice is to be honest and go with your heart and gut. If the friendship is real and strong enough, and you can deal with "No" without being a creepy stalker, or a gloomy emo, things should work themselves out. If you are worried that a woman you are dating has make friends, my advice is, "don't be", as it can't do you any good to worry, Now, if she keeps those friends separate from you, and they don't know you exist, have never seen you two as a couple, etc...then, i might be upset. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Philly McButterpants Posted November 17, 2008 Author Share Posted November 17, 2008 How so? Looks-wise? You don't make enough money for her type of guy? Can you at least make her laugh? If you feel she's out of your league, a "best friend" relationship ultimately won't work anyway. I'll assume you mean she's out of your league looks-wise. If that's the case, then sexual feelings WILL get in YOUR way. It depends on what you want. Do you want to be strung along? Or know now? Like anyone, I want to know now . . . Just don't want to make an a$$ of myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steely Dan Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 Not to sell myself short, but she's waaaaay out of my league. She is as long as you think that. The question is are you willing to lose the friendship if you're wrong? Is she seeing someone now? I had a girl come on strong to me when I was in my early 20's and she only did it to make her ex-boyfriend really jealous. It worked she got back together with him. I really liked that girl too. I'm not saying she may be doing that and nothing ventured nothing gained but don't get too tied up at first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KD in CA Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 Yep, she digs you. Ask her out on a real date. At worst, you know where you stand. And do it soon, because if you don't than she's getting mixed signals from you and that can scare her away from any romantic notions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dean Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 And do it soon, because if you don't than she's getting mixed signals from you and that can scare her away from any romantic notions. Indeed. It is much harder when you are firmly entrenched in the "friend zone". She'll wonder where "that" came from. But, if she is as attractive as you imply, I'm guessing she is used to being asked out, so that shouldn't freak her out too bad...especially if you do it with some style. EDIT: I just reread my post and HAD to add: By "style" I don't mean some dramatic gesture that will make you look desperate or stupid, should she not be interested. I just mean, be interesting, if you can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steely Dan Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 Indeed. It is much harder when you are firmly entrenched in the "friend zone". She'll wonder where "that" came from. But, if she is as attractive as you imply, I'm guessing she is used to being asked out, so that shouldn't freak her out too bad...especially if you do it with some style. EDIT: I just reread my post and HAD to add: By "style" I don't mean some dramatic gesture that will make you look desperate or stupid, should she not be interested. I just mean, be interesting, if you can. Why don't you tell him what you used to do. Then he can do the opposite. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 I have a situation where I am great friends with this girl (not the abused girl I know- different girl), but she lives with a guy who is a great guy and my friend. She is the greatest girl I have ever met in my life and we hang out all the time. She comes over to my place a few times a week and we probably spend 20+ hours together a week. We are big fans of one another. Well her sister really likes me too and my friend has been trying to set me up with her sister. I love my friend and if I hook up with her sister that will blow any chance ever of hooking up with my friend down the road. Her sister constantly calls and texts me and is always saying "we should hang out". I don't know how to play this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steely Dan Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 I have a situation where I am great friends with this girl (not the abused girl I know- different girl), but she lives with a guy who is a great guy and my friend. She is the greatest girl I have ever met in my life and we hang out all the time. She comes over to my place a few times a week and we probably spend 20+ hours together a week. We are big fans of one another. Well her sister really likes me too and my friend has been trying to set me up with her sister. I love my friend and if I hook up with her sister that will blow any chance ever of hooking up with my friend down the road. Her sister constantly calls and texts me and is always saying "we should hang out". I don't know how to play this Don't even think about the friends chick. Forget her. Even if she breaks up with him a guy never picks up a friends ex. If you have interest in the sister go for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dean Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 I have a situation where I am great friends with this girl (not the abused girl I know- different girl), but she lives with a guy who is a great guy and my friend. She is the greatest girl I have ever met in my life and we hang out all the time. She comes over to my place a few times a week and we probably spend 20+ hours together a week. We are big fans of one another. Well her sister really likes me too and my friend has been trying to set me up with her sister. I love my friend and if I hook up with her sister that will blow any chance ever of hooking up with my friend down the road. Her sister constantly calls and texts me and is always saying "we should hang out". I don't know how to play this Do the sister. Very simple Pete, do the sister. You already have your friend's permission. Seriously, though, if you like what you know of the sister and if you find her attractive, ask her out. See where it goes. If you treat her well, make her happy, and that is obvious to your friend, it may actually help down the line, if things don't work out. Hell, maybe it will even make you more interesting to her right away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 Don't even think about the friends chick. Forget her. Even if she breaks up with him a guy never picks up a friends ex. If you have interest in the sister go for it. I don't, and I have much respect for their relationship. But her sister is really aggressively pursuing me. I am such great friends with the girl that I would not want to do anything do jeopardize that. It is a delicate issue if I hook up with her sister. My friend wants that I think but it could be a pandora's box Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VOR Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 I agree with the "don't date a friend's ex" belief. That is, unless you're absolutely CONVINCED that she's the one, then all bets are off (and if anything, if they break up, you 2 can sneak around and you can find out firsthand if she's the one, but I digress). As for the sister, I agree with Deano, except about doing the sister (which was a joke on his part). Forget the abused chick, date the sister, and treat her great, but don't lead her on (since you obviously carry a torch for her sister/your friend). Then again, the sister might surprise you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steely Dan Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 I don't, and I have much respect for their relationship. But her sister is really aggressively pursuing me. I am such great friends with the girl that I would not want to do anything do jeopardize that. It is a delicate issue if I hook up with her sister. My friend wants that I think but it could be a pandora's box If things sour between the sister and you she's gonna take her sisters side. We know that's gonna happen unless she breaks up with you or it's a very amicable split. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 I got in noon today after partying in NYC all night and slept all day, just getting up about an hour ago. Well I just checked my voicemail and the sister called me at 6 and wanted to come over or meet for a beer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dean Posted November 17, 2008 Share Posted November 17, 2008 I got in noon today after partying in NYC all night and slept all day, just getting up about an hour ago. Well I just checked my voicemail and the sister called me at 6 and wanted to come over or meet for a beer It is kismet, Pete. Do you find the sister attractive? Have you met her, and if so, do you get along? If it is all good, do the sister...er, I mean, go out for a beer. Be the man, Pete! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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