Fan in San Diego

How long will it burn ? Is it a super bright flame like magnesium or kind of smokey ?

RAISING BOYS a) For those who have grown children - this is hysterical! b) For those who have children past this age, this is hilarious. c) For those who have children this age, this is not funny. d) For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning. e) For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control. f) For those that have girls, say an extra prayer tonight. The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas: Things I've learned from my Boys 1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep. 2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. 3.) A 3-year old boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. 4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound wearing Batman underwear or a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room. 5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. 6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan. 7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late. 8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it. 9) A six-year old boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies. 10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy. 11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence. 12.) Super glue is forever. 13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water. 14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O. 15.) VCR's do not eject "PB & J" sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do. 16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. 17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving. 18.) You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is. 19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens. 20.) The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time. 21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. 22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy. 23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy. 24.) 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids. 25.) 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

How did Buffalo fare from this storm ?

this guy walks in to a brothel and says " I have 2 dollars, what can I get for this much?" and the lady at the desk says " tiffany, shes cute go on in to room 3" so they guy goes in and does his thing. The next day the guy goes in again..and gets the same two dollar tiffany. This time after the guy blew his load he noticed that she had white creamy stuff comming out of her mouth and nose. So he goes up to the lady at the front counter and tells her what happened. The lady turned around and says "Donnie the dead chick is full again"

Are you using a sound system or just the tv sound ? If a sound system make sure the TV's sound is turned off.

I got a chuckle. Is Foxworthy's girlfriend from upstate NY or something ? I thought he was from the south.

I once got a severence check deposited automatically by a company that was letting me go, Dot com thing. I think it was 4 weeks pay or something extra beyond unpaid salary and vacation.. The next day they took it back automatically. To bad the Eagles didn't use automatic deposit.

One day a guy with premature ejaculation problems went to a doctor. The doctor said, "Whenever you feel the urge to ejaculate, startle yourself." So he went out and bought a starter pistol. When he got home his wife was naked in bed ready fo him. So they got in the 69 position and started at it. When he felt the urge he fired the pistol. The next day he went to the doctor and the doctor asked him how it went He said, "Not to good. My wife bit off three inches of my dick, sh-- in my face and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands up, naked."

No seriously they were/are going to attempt it. A wooly mammouth isn't as scary as a T-Rex.

Cool story, thanks for the link. I remember reading some time ago about a group that was going to take DNA from a wooly mammoth and an asian elephant to try and clone a wooly mammoth. Did that ever happen ?

Four guys who worked together always golfed as a group at 7:00 a.m. on Sunday. Unfortunately, one of them got transferred out of town and they were talking about trying to fill out the foursome. A woman standing near the tee said, "Hey, I like to golf, can I join the group?" They were hesitant, but said she could come once to try it and they could see what they thought. They all agreed and she said, "Good, I'll be there at 6:30 or 6:45." She showed up right at 6:30, and wound up setting a course record with a 7-under par round. The guys went nuts and everyone in the clubhouse congratulated her. Meanwhile, she was fun and pleasant the entire round. The guys happily invited her back the next week and she said, "Sure, I'll be here at 6:30 or 6:45." Again, she showed up at 6:30 Sunday morning. Only this time, she played left-handed, and matched her 7-under par score of the previous week. By now the guys were totally amazed, and they asked her to join the group for keeps. They had a beer after their round, and one of the guys asked her, "How do you decide if you're going to golf right-handed or left-handed?" She said, "That's easy. Before I leave for the golf course, I pull the covers off my husband, who sleeps in the nude. If his member is pointing to the right, I golf right-handed; if it's pointed to the left, golf left-handed." One of the guys asked, "What if it's pointed straight up?" She said, "Then I'll be here at 6:45."

Walkin freezer in a restaurant was downright cool !

Slums of India and Africa

A man and a woman were driving down the road arguing about his deplorable infidelity. Suddenly, the woman reaches over and slices the man's penis off.. Angrily, she tosses it out the car window. Driving behind the couple is a man and his 9-year-old daughter. The little girl was just chatting away at her father when, all of a sudden, the penis smacks the pickup on the windshield, sticks for a moment, then flies off. Surprised, the daughter asks her father, "Daddy, what the heck was that?" Not wanting to expose his nine-year-old daughter to anything sexual at such a young age, the father replies, "It was only a bug, honey. " The daughter sits with a confused look on her face, and after a few minutes she says, "Sure had a big dick, didn't it?

I thought for sure Tony was going to take a golf club to Bobbies head because he couldn't let the fight incident go. A real boss by the way would have shot Bobbie and his wife that night when he went into the room in the middle of the night to talk to Bobbie. But anyways I dont think we have seen the last of that incident. It will raise it's ugly head again. Bobby will become Tony's whipping boy.

Ya, I agree. RW looked to have his act together and priorities straight. Probably will be a good addition to whatever team gets him. I wouldn't mind the bills having RW.

Do-It-Yourself Country-Western Song I met her __________ _____; I can still recall _________ (1) (2) (3) 1. 2. 3. on the highway in September that purple dress in Sheboygan at McDonald's that little hat outside Fresno ridin' shotgun that burlap bra at a truck stop wrestlin' gators those training pants on probation all hunched over the stolen goods in a jail cell poppin' uppers that plastic nose in a nightmare sort of pregnant the Stassin pin incognito with joggers the neon sign in the Stone Age stoned on oatmeal that creepy smile in a treehouse with Merv Griffin the hearing aid in a gay bar dead all over the boxer shorts she wore; She was ______ _____, (4) (5) 4. 5 sobbin' at the toll booth in the twilight drinkin' Dr. Pepper but I loved her weighted down with Twinkies by the off-ramp breakin' out with acne near Poughkeepsie crawlin' through the prairie with her cobra smellin' kind of funny when she shot me crashin' through the guardrail on her elbows chewin' on a hangnail with Led-Zeppelin talkin' in Swahili with Miss Piggy drownin' in the quicksand with a wetback slurpin' up linguini in her muu-muu and I knew _______; _______ I'd ______ forever; (6) (7) (8) 6. 7. 8. no guy would ever love her more I promised her stay with her that she would be an easy score I knew deep down warp her mind she'd bought her dentures in a store She asked me if swear off booze that she would be a crashing bore I told her shrink change my sex I'd never rate her more than "4" The judge declared punch her out they'd hate her guts in Baltimore My Pooh Bear said live off her it was a raven, nothing more I shrieked in pain have my rash we really lost the last World War The painters knew stay a dwarf I'd have to scrape her off the floor A Klingon said hate her dog what strong deodorants were for My hamster thought pick my nose that she was rotten to the core The blood test showed play "Go Fish" that I would upchuck on the floor Her rabbi said salivate She said to me ____; But who'd have thought she'd _____ (9) (10) 9. 10. our love would never die run off there was no other guy wind up man wasn't meant to fly boogie that Nixon didn't lie yodel her basset hound was shy sky dive that Rolaids made her high turn green she'd have a swiss on rye freak out she loved my one blue eye blast off her brother's name was Hy make it she liked "Spy vs. Spy" black out that birthdays made her cry bobsled she couldn't stand my tie grovel ___________; _________ goodbye. (11) (12) 11. 12. with my best friend You'd think at least that she'd have said in my Edsel I never had the chance to say on a surfboard She told her fat friend Grace to say on "The Gong Show" I now can kiss my credit cards with her dentist I guess I was too smashed to say on her "Workmate" I watched her melt away and sobbed with a robot She fell beneath the wheels and cried with no clothes on She sent a hired thug to say at her health club She freaked out on the lawn and screamed in her Maytag I pushed her off the bridge and waved with her guru But that's the way that pygmies say while in labor She sealed me in the vault and smirked

Mission accomplished ! We had a great family Easter day ! Hope everyone else did as well.

Funny. Who says Software engineers dont have a sense of humor.

The top one. After the page loaded my machine hung up and ran really slow. I had to reboot to get the performance back. Maybe it was just coincidence if everyone else is doing just fine. I find with memory leaks I have to reboot at least once a week.

I would love to have RW play for us. I don't see Miami letting him go to a conference rival though.

Thanx for the link that almost crashed my system.

I like reading your posts most of the time, but do you have front seat at the negotiation table ? Yes ? No ? I'm assuming no, so don't bag on our Bills brethern for voicing their opinion.

That decision is balanced by how many FA's lost and how many FA's re-signed. They may be compensated with zero ! See the Bills compensatory picks in the past.

Sorry to disagree, but the Willis trade does set a benchmark. No more than a 3rd rounder for Turner the draft pick burner !