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Stockholm Meatballs


CosmicBills

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The Meatballs remained busy this morning and welcomed four more players to the fold:

 

C Snot Dangler

OG Chubbs Peterson

DE Gut Maximus

OLB Captain Krunch

 

All four are expected to be instant starters and contributers to the team's upcoming game.

 

Update of Positional Needs:

 

Starting positions open

 

FB

WR (Slot receiver)

CB (Nickel / Dime backs)

P

 

Depth

 

HB

OL

DT

DE

LB

SS

FS

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Created a DE...Wanted to do a DT, but oh well.

 

If you have room for him it's......Gut Maximus!

Your offer is waiting, just waiting on you to accept ... of course we already announced to the press you signed. FDC is impatient like that.

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The Meatballs remained busy this morning and welcomed four more players to the fold:

 

C Snot Dangler

OG Chubbs Peterson

DE Gut Maximus

OLB Captain Krunch

 

All four are expected to be instant starters and contributers to the team's upcoming game.

 

Update of Positional Needs:

 

Starting positions open

 

FB

WR (Slot receiver)

CB (Nickel / Dime backs)

P

 

Depth

 

HB

OL

DT

DE

LB

SS

FS

I'll get the nickel back.

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Still pissed that Holden MacGroin - SS didn't get to play in the game. what happened? Did you forget to turn in my paperwork to the league office?

 

I thought I passed the physical and drug test. HGH is still undetectable, right?!?!

Holden didn't sign till after the game sadly ... though FDC blames the front office, players blame the carrier pidgeons FDC used during the horseback trip to France.

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With the additions of a new OT and a new LB, the current lvl 1 guys in those positions might need to be replaced by the shiny new lvl 4 additions to the team.

 

Just a thought.

 

Yes ... FDC is with a "client" now and the depth chart will be updated soon!

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ESPN'S Clyde Writing Reports:

 

Meatballs Enter the Frying Pan

 

March 27th, 2008

Stockholm, Sweden

 

 

The Stockholm Meatballs have not been idle since their mid season debut loss to the Marseille 76ers. Upon returning back to Stockholm, team owner Fat Daddy Cash immediately took action. Over a dozen veterans of the Eindhoven club were cut from the roster. Cash gave little warning to the veterans he cut, instead of a meeting or a phone call, the former Pimp simply sent the players a text message that read: "Scram, fugtard".

 

Soon after the cuts, Cash was signing a flurry of Free Agents. Over 17 new players (or playa's as new CB White Onrice corrected me) were signed to the roster. Some were taken from the traditional free agent pool and colleges. Others were found in more reclusive locals such as the local Prisoner Work Release program and an Alaskan drilling colony. The massive overhaul to the roster was enough to get starting QB Tyrone Slothrop excited, "We added some mean SOBs to this roster. Smash Hammerstein got so into the last practice he broke three face-masks and a waterboy."

 

Slothrop should be excited about the new Offensive line the Meatball front office put together. Joining fellow rookie Big Poppa Scrilla, Cash signed two new guards (Bucky Bundles and Chubbs Peterson), a massive new Center (Snot Dangler) and an anchor at right tackle named Alaska Darin. Some wondered if Darin was going to be able to beat out his competition for the RT spot. But when he was asked this question after practice, Darin responded by withdrawing a large caliber revolver and slowly loading the chamber one by one until the reporters left.

 

On the other side of the ball, Cash was just as active. The Meatballs fortified their D-Line by adding Jack Strap and Gut Maximus. The Linebacking corps was completely overhauled with the additions of Hammerstein, John Matrix and Captain Krunch. The three backers formed an instant bond when Krunch reportedly brought them all to an all you can eat buffet at a local gentleman's club.

 

The secondary was bolstered with the additions of Cornerbacks Chris Money, White Onrice and Rick Stickum. Pico De Gailo and Holdin MacGroin were signed to man the safety spots.

 

Whether or not this massive roster overhaul can put a stop to the Meatballs' current 6 game losing streak remains to be seen. How much time will these new players need to gel into a cohesive unit? Cash didn't seem concerned during last night's presser, "Cohesive? Hell half these guys don't know what that word means let alone care about it. This will be the second game as team owner and I guarantee a victory for the Meatballs!"

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Coach has presented the following analysis of our upcoming opponent:

 

Scouting:

 

OFFENSE: The Antwerp team is computer controlled, thus making it slightly more predictable. Their team has relied on their excellent passing game in the past several games and that trend is likely to continue. Their OL is strong on the edges and suspect in the middle. They are led first and foremost by their QB.

 

DEFENSE: The way to beat the TWERPS is on the ground, particularly up the middle where they are the weakest. Their OLBs are strong and will bottle up the outside attack. The strength of the Defense lies in the secondary where an experienced CB pairing and strong Safety play makes airing it out difficult.

 

GAME PLAN

OFFENSE

 

RUNNING GAME (53%): The Meatballs are going to focus on pounding the ball up the gut. 65% of the running calls will be to the inside, allowing our powerful guards Bundles and Peterson with Snot at the pivot to control the line of scrimmage. The remaining 47% of the carries will go to the outside as to not to become too predictable. The Glow will need to have a good game.

 

PASSING GAME (47%): We are going to keep rolling with Slothrop and hope his streak continues. We're going to need him to be accurate and not create turnovers. Due to the tremendous talent in the Twerps secondary, 47% of the passes called will be short routes. Still, the coaches have confidence in Willie Banks and Smalls' ability to get deep. Thus, 32% will be medium while sprinkling in 21% of long passes.

 

Most passes will go towards the WRs, allowing us to focus on their talents (55%), but the recent signings of our two top notch TE's will also get balls (24%). The Glow will get some action out of the backfield as well (20%) hoping to catch them off guard.

 

DEFENSE

 

Blitz Package: The blitz package will be minimum this week since we have confidence in our DL to get after their interior OL. We are counting on Jock Strap and Jasper Jones to force pressure in the middle. Our DE's draw two tough matchups this week, but they should be able to apply pressure. The coaches are going to rely on our front four and only blitz 22% of the time this week, allowing our LBs to help in the short zones.

 

RUN DEFENSE: We are anticipating a 40/60 split from the Twerps between Run and Pass. Most of their carries should come to the outside where their massive OTs can clear a path for their speedy HB. As a result, our OLBs are going to have to man up and make some open field tackles. To assist them, we're calling a 49/51 package of inside to outside run schemes.

 

PASS DEFENSE: The game will be won or loss in the trenches of course, but our newly formed secondary is going to have to have a tremendous game to shut down the Twerps passing attack. We feel a good mix of Zone and Man coverages will help get us the matchups we need. Thus, our coaching staff will be calling 55% zone coverage and 45% man coverage.

 

Most of our efforts will focus on the middle to short routes with 43% of the play calls against the short passing game, 40% against the middle routes. 17% will be called deep as the coaches feel our CBs are good enough to not need TOO much help over the top.

 

FDC

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