Helmet_hair Posted July 12, 2006 Share Posted July 12, 2006 Geeezh, what’s wrong with parents these days, tell your kid to go easy on the Savignon Blanc next time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Puhonix Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 sympathy pukes 722184[/snapback] That's my new favorite term. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoeFerguson Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 A couple of years ago we were with a large group at the Old Country Buffet up on Niagara Falls Boulevard. My then five year old came over to tell me that his tummy hurt. Being a loving dad, I picked him up and hugged him. He proceeded with a power vomit that literally hit me in the chin and completely soaked my shirt and the shorts I was wearing. After about 45 minutes in the bathroom laundering my clothes with hand soap in the sink we made for the exit. While still on the Boulevard, his brother announced that he needed to puke too. All told we had 4 kids that exchanged turns hurling without warning all the way back to Olean, with on case of explosive diharrea. I wish I could say this is an exaggeration, but sadly, it is factual. I wanted to push my van over a cliff when we arrived at home. 722181[/snapback] That's what you get for dining at the Old Country Barfet. The last time I had a meal there with my family my grandmother died two days later. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HelloNewman Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 When I was a kid I had a friend who challenged his brother to an Herb-Lax contest. Apparently Shaklee brand has an herbal laxarive you can take in pill form. Rumor has it if you take enough of this laxative you lose bowel control. Well the contest is to eat 1/2 bottle of Herb lax each and the first person who blows his bowles loses. So they ate their shares of Herb lax and waited..... They were playing cards and all of a sudden my friend shouted "Herb-Lax attack". did I forget to mention he was wearing shorts that day so while he got up to run downstairs to sit on the potty you could see the liquid sh-- running down his leg into his sock while he ran. His brother laughed so hard because you could see the trail of liquid sh-- from upstairs running down the steps across the kitchen leading into the bathroom. Needless to say he lost the contest Funniest damn story I ever heard from my friend......dumb as a stump though Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rubes Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 This thread wins. I'm not sure what it wins, but I can't stop laughing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guffalo Posted July 14, 2006 Share Posted July 14, 2006 Did you use the other toilet or just soak me in urine like I deserved? 722069[/snapback] I just parted your hair for you....from a distance Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stinky finger Posted July 14, 2006 Share Posted July 14, 2006 yeah, I figured you'd know what I was talkin' about 722141[/snapback] I'm with you. His ass must have looked like Afghanistan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
inkman Posted July 14, 2006 Author Share Posted July 14, 2006 I just parted your hair for you....from a distance 722904[/snapback] Well, I don't have hair on my head. I can think of a few other places where it is in abundance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ofiba Posted July 14, 2006 Share Posted July 14, 2006 When I was in high school I had a job at Arby's. Late at night a women burst into the door and made a mad dash for the bathroom. I thought it was no big deal and that the lady probably just had to relieve herself in a hurry. She was in the bathroom for a pretty long time and then left in a hurry. A little bit after she left, I noticed a strange yet familiar odor. After a quick inspection of the lobby of the restaurant, I discovered a trail of diarrhea from the door she entered lasting all the way into the bathroom. It turns out she wasn't in a hurry to go relieve herself, the disaster had probably already occured and she picked the one place on the road that I was responsible to clean to dribble her mess all over the place. The rest of the story I don't enjoy reliving. I spent the next hour or so cleaning another human's pooh off of the floor and bathroom. My suspicion that the deed was done before she even entered the restaurant was cemented with crucial evidence. She had left a crumpled up pair of heavily soiled underwear in the bathroom. I don't blame her though. With the bad luck those undies obviously bring, combined with the fact that they required hours of intense and detailed cleaning before anyone would even dream of wearing them again, her only option was to rid herself of them and move on with her life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
inkman Posted July 14, 2006 Author Share Posted July 14, 2006 Should I be happy this is the longest thread I've started? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chilly Posted July 14, 2006 Share Posted July 14, 2006 Welp, this story happened when I first got to UT Austin, and some friends that were 21 at the time that I was hanging out with, were drinking a lot. All the time. After all, it was summer. So, up to this point I had only drank Vodka, and it was only a couple weeks after I started drinking. We were at the pool of the apt complex, drinking tequila and swimming. Turns out, being in the sun & drinking a new liquor was not a good combo. Anyway, we were hungry, and decided to go to Chili's. eWe get our food, I eat a bit of it. Then, all of a sudden, I had to puke. It was the kind of puke where you don't get any warning. It just comes out of you like a volcano. I puked all over my self and the table. One of my friends yells out "WAITRESS!" and starts laughing his ass off, requesting more napkins. The other is a bit freaked out. Both just go back to eating. We finish eating, and go back to the apt complex. I was covered in puke still, but not as bad as before. So, we get back, and we decide that I should jump in the pool. Well, theres this old guy, who looks exactly like the black dude from the Aflac commercials (the guy who somehow gets in every single one). Anyway, I take my cell phone out, and jump in. This created two problems. First, while I took out my cell phone, my wallet got SOAKED. I forgot to take that out of my pants. Secondly, the black guy gets horrified at all the puke floating off me into the pool. But, for some reason, he just swims to the other end instead of getting out. He also seemed WAYYY too old for an apt complex, so he probably couldn't complain anything. We get back to the apt, drink some water, then start drinking again. This time it was vodka! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ajzepp Posted July 14, 2006 Share Posted July 14, 2006 Should I be happy this is the longest thread I've started? 723157[/snapback] LOL, nice job! I think a lot of us jump at the opportunity to share our tales of bodily functions with one another There was a fart thread a while back that had me rolling Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts