**&&(()) youth football parents

[John from Riverside]

year.......

 

Here we are....things are going very well for the team...undefeated it seems like everyone is happy.....we are carrying a lot of kids and are having a little difficulty managing the "minimum 5 play rule before the 4th qtr".....but if a kid doesn't get in correctly in one game...then we make sure he gets extra plays the next game.

 

So here we are....fixing to win our 3rd game and I walk over to the fence to give a high five to my wife......and I get basically ATTACKED by a mom and dad upset with their kids playing time.

 

This is a kid who isn't ready to play with the starters....he has nice size and the right attitude.....but makes too many fund mistakes to put out there as a starter.....so he plays some in the game and mostly special teams (which this league has been doing with developmental players since I have been involved with it)

 

And who do I see standing off to the side grinning from ear to ear.....none other then the perinnial team cancer spawn of hell mother that has resided on 3 of my sons 4 youth teams.

 

My first encounter with this woman was my sons first year of football......my son played center and dt........this woman was out there constantly berating the HC wanting to know why her kid was not playing QB.......the HC's answer was simple...."he gets hurt to much and he isn't a very good QB right now"

 

The next year she got a petition together and voted this HC out of the league.....my family loved this coach as he was my sons first teacher (aside from me)

 

The following year my son moves up to JP Div 1.......the other boy of the parents moves up to JP Div 2 (because his dad has inserted himself as a coach there) our team goes undefeated and loses in the JAAF super bowl.....the JP 2 team struggles and we keep getting reports of this family who is over there causing all kinds of problems.

 

The following year (Last year) my son moves to Pee Wee......things appear to be ok but little do we know that the coaching staff assigned to them are "challenged" to say the least...AND friends of the cancer parents.......so when cancer parents son doesn't sweat off the weight so he can be a star by staying down with the Jr. Pee Wees.....the coaches for Pee Wees bring him up and insert him at starting QB.....the starting QB (and he was a good one) gets moved to FB....and my son who was playing FB gets relegated to the fricken bench......after a AWESOME training camp and preseason. We proceed to go through a 3-5 season and miss the playoffs with absolutely no changes made at any positions are our "starting QB" throwing anywhere from 3-5 picks a game and fumbling the ball every third play.........

 

OK NOW.....fast forward to the beginning of this year.....my son once again moves to midgets Div 1 (he has grown too big too fast to remain in any division for more then a year...and I never try to sweat him down because he is playing for high school (which is next year for him)

 

Meanwhile cancer parents and their son first try to sweat him down to play in PEE WEE 1......but they flat out cut him......so he trys out for Midgets (only one team...this is the BIG BOYS league of JAAF) and we really had some long discussions about him just because of the parents.....we ended up deciding that we didn't want to cut a kid just because of parents and bring him in....with the understanding that he is now a smurf amongst the big oaks.....and that the starters for the team were pretty much ironed out.

 

OK....FAST FORWARD TO NOW. Here we are.....just finishing up our first win on the road and I find out that slowly surely like a fricken computer virus the parents have been up in the damn stands questioning everything we do....complaining about their sons playing time.....and making sure that the parents of minimum play players are upset and calling the league.......

 

I gotta say.....my vote was to have a meeting TODAY with these parents...thell them to knock that (***& off or turn in their sons pads. I find it highly hypocritical that these parents never push the issue when their kid is a starter.

 

By the way...this kid is 120 pounds SOAKING WET.....and they want us to stick him out there on a full time basis with 160-175 pound kids.....for christ sake...this kid was getting hurt when he was playing with kids his own size every other play.....

 

For me it took me from the high of knowing I was doing OK for my first season of youth coaching to being bummed thinking about how these @ssholes are talking bad about us every day......*$*&*$&%&

[Guest BackInDaDay]

year.......

 

Here we are....things are going very well for the team...undefeated it seems like everyone is happy.....we are carrying a lot of kids and are having a little difficulty managing the "minimum 5 play rule before the 4th qtr".....but if a kid doesn't get in correctly in one game...then we make sure he gets extra plays the next game.

 

So here we are....fixing to win our 3rd game and I walk over to the fence to give a high five to my wife......and I get basically ATTACKED by a mom and dad upset with their kids playing time.

 

This is a kid who isn't ready to play with the starters....he has nice size and the right attitude.....but makes too many fund mistakes to put out there as a starter.....so he plays some in the game and mostly special teams (which this league has been doing with developmental players since I have been involved with it)

 

And who do I see standing off to the side grinning from ear to ear.....none other then the perinnial team cancer spawn of hell mother that has resided on 3 of my sons 4 youth teams.

 

My first encounter with this woman was my sons first year of football......my son played center and dt........this woman was out there constantly berating the HC wanting to know why her kid was not playing QB.......the HC's answer was simple...."he gets hurt to much and he isn't a very good QB right now"

 

The next year she got a petition together and voted this HC out of the league.....my family loved this coach as he was my sons first teacher (aside from me)

 

The following year my son moves up to JP Div 1.......the other boy of the parents moves up to JP Div 2 (because his dad has inserted himself as a coach there) our team goes undefeated and loses in the JAAF super bowl.....the JP 2 team struggles and we keep getting reports of this family who is over there causing all kinds of problems.

 

The following year (Last year) my son moves to Pee Wee......things appear to be ok but little do we know that the coaching staff assigned to them are "challenged" to say the least...AND friends of the cancer parents.......so when cancer parents son doesn't sweat off the weight so he can be a star by staying down with the Pee Wees.....the coaches for Pee Wees bring him up and insert him at starting QB.....the starting QB (and he was a good one) gets moved to FB....and my son who was playing FB gets relegated to the fricken bench......after a AWESOME training camp and preseason.  We proceed to go through a 3-5 season and miss the playoffs with absolutely no changes made at any positions are our "starting QB" throwing anywhere from 3-5 picks a game and fumbling the ball every third play.........

 

OK NOW.....fast forward to the beginning of this year.....my son once again moves to midgets Div 1 (he has grown too big too fast to remain in any division for more then a year...and I never try to sweat him down because he is playing for high school (which is next year for him)

 

Meanwhile cancer parents and their son first try to sweat him down to play in PEE WEE 1......but they flat out cut him......so he trys out for Midgets (only one team...this is the BIG BOYS league of JAAF) and we really had some long discussions about him just because of the parents.....we ended up deciding that we didn't want to cut a kid just because of parents and bring him in....with the understanding that he is now a smurf amongst the big oaks.....and that the starters for the team were pretty much ironed out.

 

OK....FAST FORWARD TO NOW.  Here we are.....just finishing up our first win on the road and I find out that slowly surely like a fricken computer virus the parents have been up in the damn stands questioning everything we do....complaining about their sons playing time.....and making sure that the parents of minimum play players are upset and calling the league.......

 

I gotta say.....my vote was to have a meeting TODAY with these parents...thell them to knock that (***& off or turn in their sons pads.  I find it highly hypocritical that these parents never push the issue when their kid is a starter.

 

By the way...this kid is 120 pounds SOAKING WET.....and they want us to stick him out there on a full time basis with 160-175 pound kids.....for christ sake...this kid was getting hurt when he was playing with kids his own size every other play.....

 

For me it took me from the high of knowing I was doing OK for my first season of youth coaching to being bummed thinking about how these @ssholes are talking bad about us every day......*$*&*$&%&

457835[/snapback]

 

I feel ya, brutha. Just a heads-up... it can get worse in HS.

[VABills]

Welcome to why I don't coach anything anymore. I coached baseball a couple times, football I coached a year and ref'ed a year, did soccer for my daughters team, Even helped with a basketball team as an assistant. Other then the soccer team, I never had children playing, I did it because I like teaching, because someone had to do it, and frankly I was pretty good at it.

 

But alas, I decided I hated dealing the the one or two bad attitude children, and the more prevelant bad attitude parents.

 

Oh and everyone played where I put them period. Until the soccer team, then I had the , my kid won't play goal, or my child has foot problems and can only play up front, etc.... That was it.

[erynthered]

year.......

 

Here we are....things are going very well for the team...undefeated it seems like everyone is happy.....we are carrying a lot of kids and are having a little difficulty managing the "minimum 5 play rule before the 4th qtr".....but if a kid doesn't get in correctly in one game...then we make sure he gets extra plays the next game.

 

So here we are....fixing to win our 3rd game and I walk over to the fence to give a high five to my wife......and I get basically ATTACKED by a mom and dad upset with their kids playing time.

 

This is a kid who isn't ready to play with the starters....he has nice size and the right attitude.....but makes too many fund mistakes to put out there as a starter.....so he plays some in the game and mostly special teams (which this league has been doing with developmental players since I have been involved with it)

 

And who do I see standing off to the side grinning from ear to ear.....none other then the perinnial team cancer spawn of hell mother that has resided on 3 of my sons 4 youth teams.

 

My first encounter with this woman was my sons first year of football......my son played center and dt........this woman was out there constantly berating the HC wanting to know why her kid was not playing QB.......the HC's answer was simple...."he gets hurt to much and he isn't a very good QB right now"

 

The next year she got a petition together and voted this HC out of the league.....my family loved this coach as he was my sons first teacher (aside from me)

 

The following year my son moves up to JP Div 1.......the other boy of the parents moves up to JP Div 2 (because his dad has inserted himself as a coach there) our team goes undefeated and loses in the JAAF super bowl.....the JP 2 team struggles and we keep getting reports of this family who is over there causing all kinds of problems.

 

The following year (Last year) my son moves to Pee Wee......things appear to be ok but little do we know that the coaching staff assigned to them are "challenged" to say the least...AND friends of the cancer parents.......so when cancer parents son doesn't sweat off the weight so he can be a star by staying down with the Jr. Pee Wees.....the coaches for Pee Wees bring him up and insert him at starting QB.....the starting QB (and he was a good one) gets moved to FB....and my son who was playing FB gets relegated to the fricken bench......after a AWESOME training camp and preseason.  We proceed to go through a 3-5 season and miss the playoffs with absolutely no changes made at any positions are our "starting QB" throwing anywhere from 3-5 picks a game and fumbling the ball every third play.........

 

OK NOW.....fast forward to the beginning of this year.....my son once again moves to midgets Div 1 (he has grown too big too fast to remain in any division for more then a year...and I never try to sweat him down because he is playing for high school (which is next year for him)

 

Meanwhile cancer parents and their son first try to sweat him down to play in PEE WEE 1......but they flat out cut him......so he trys out for Midgets (only one team...this is the BIG BOYS league of JAAF) and we really had some long discussions about him just because of the parents.....we ended up deciding that we didn't want to cut a kid just because of parents and bring him in....with the understanding that he is now a smurf amongst the big oaks.....and that the starters for the team were pretty much ironed out.

 

OK....FAST FORWARD TO NOW.  Here we are.....just finishing up our first win on the road and I find out that slowly surely like a fricken computer virus the parents have been up in the damn stands questioning everything we do....complaining about their sons playing time.....and making sure that the parents of minimum play players are upset and calling the league.......

 

I gotta say.....my vote was to have a meeting TODAY with these parents...thell them to knock that (***& off or turn in their sons pads.  I find it highly hypocritical that these parents never push the issue when their kid is a starter.

 

By the way...this kid is 120 pounds SOAKING WET.....and they want us to stick him out there on a full time basis with 160-175 pound kids.....for christ sake...this kid was getting hurt when he was playing with kids his own size every other play.....

 

For me it took me from the high of knowing I was doing OK for my first season of youth coaching to being bummed thinking about how these @ssholes are talking bad about us every day......*$*&*$&%&

457835[/snapback]

 

 

Sorry to hear that John, you may need one of these:

 

http://store.twau1999.com/64zegbrcosaa.html

[Gavin in Va Beach]

Don't let the bastards get you down John.

[John from Riverside]

The other thing about this was I was really enjoying coaching on my sons team.....

 

I mean...I dont even coach him at all now (one of the stipulations I made the HC agree to...and he was more then happy to accomodate me) as I didn't want any favoritism showed.....

 

I dont even talk to him during the games...I might get a glimpse of him while working with other players but thats it.....the most we talk about the game is on the rides home from practice or reviewing game film from time to time.......

 

But it is fun to be out there doing it with him.....and he is having a awesome season so far (averaging 15 yards a carry as a FB) it will be my last chance to do this because after this he moves on to high school

[stevewin]

I just had a parent quit their kid off a youth basketball team I am coaching because I hadn't given their kid the proper "opportunity to demonstrate" their dribbling ability - in practice It was the first organized sport for the kid, and the sad part is that I think the kid was getting a lot out of it and by season's end would have really become a decent player.

 

I've had really minmal issues with parents the years/sports I've coached - but there certainly is a very W I D E range of expectations and attitudes from different parents.

[granitestatebillsbackers]

This happens in baseball, football and soccer. Parents who were marginally talented when they were kids--or didn't play at all--are CONVINCED that little Joey is NFL material and that they are horrible parents if they don't do EVERYTHING they can to get him in the game.

 

The sad truth is, the vast majority of these kids may never make it onto a high school squad. Even if they do, the odds against the child making it into a Division 1 squad with a scholarship increase exponentially, and then exponentially again when it's time to make the jump from D1 to the NFL.

 

And how many "human interest" stories did you read at the end of the preseason when so-and-so with a dream to play in the NFL got cut?

 

In my humble opinion, the problem starts when they are young. In my son's baseball league, they were getting trophies (not for winning the division, just for showing up) at the T-BALL level. He was also selected for the all-star team. In t-ball. The kid didn't know how to tie his cleats at that point.

 

Some parents see the trophies and the equipment and the playoffs and all-star teams and get starry-eyed and start thinking that Junior is a prodigy.

 

It's very sad. Parents who act the way you described should be banned from the program. Nice example to set for the kids--HC tries to teach them structure and teamwork and discipline, and then Mommies and Daddies B word all the way home in the care about how that so-and-so isn't giving them enough playing time.

 

Not all parents do this, just a VERY vocal minority. I'm sick of them.

 

By the way, the reason LL football rules are so stringent about weight is for the precise reason you alluded to. A 135 pound object hitting another 135 pound object is pretty much a push. A 175 pound object hitting a 135 pound object is going to have a distict momentum and energy transference advantage. It's all about safety. Some parents are just too stupid to understand the basics.

 

Best of luck to your son this season and in his H.S. career!

[30dive]

John, I have been coching HS and youth football for 17 years and you situation will ALWAYS be there. Do NOT let this get you down, they go away and you will always remember the good ones, the good kids and the parents.

 

Two thoughts:

 

At the youth level, before the season starts it is vital to have a parents meeting and explain the playing rules and how your team will work with them. Also, that in NO way is a parent to speak with an assistant coach, only the head coach and certainly NOT on game day. See or call the coach on Monday to discuss concerns. This is also a great time for the coach to discuss his concerns about the kid an/or the parent/s.

 

Short story, nice kid played for us as a 10 -12 year old, kinda overweight, slow, not very aggresive, but we coached him and worked with him, he never started and played just a little, his parents were nice enough but they let us know that they were not overly impressed with the amount of playing time their kid was getting. He was a big part of our team just not a starter, he loved the game and his team, seemingly more than his parents and I believe he greatly benifitted from us not putting him in positions that he could not perform at. Fast forward, this young man stayed with the game and now is being corted heavily by VA Tch and a host of other schools. I'm proud to say I had a little bit to do with his growth as a football player and a young man. My HS team plays against his team in a couple weeks.

[Rubes]

I coached baseball a couple times, football I coached a year and ref'ed a year

457850[/snapback]

 

 

What did you think of refereeing? I've been toying with this idea for a while now, maybe one year I'll actually get off my ass and do it.

[VABills]

What did you think of refereeing? I've been toying with this idea for a while now, maybe one year I'll actually get off my ass and do it.

457887[/snapback]

I liked that the best. But I was a senior in HS when I did that, and they let us since they had a hard time recruiting folks. Only one coach was a jerk, but you just ignore it and don't go to his side for water. That way he doesn't get the opportunity to B word too loud. If they start being a real kjerk or swearing they know you can toss them.

[Nervous Guy]

it's not just YF parents, it's parents in all sports...the best thing for parents to do is STFU and enjoy the games and support your kid...harder to do than it sounds though.

 

My son must be the same age as yours (just turned 13 and in the 8th grade), he's a very good athlete, been an All Star in baseball and basketball every year since he was about 9...anyway, he's smaller than other kids his age, (even though I'm 6'4") and has yet to hit his growth spurt, but he's extremely quick, tough and athletic...anyway, he's been playing football for the last 3 years and it's been very frustrating for him. He's excelled at every sported he's tried (lucky bastard)..He wasn't even sure he wanted to play football this year since his role was reduced last year in favor of an older, bigger kid (they had about equal abilities). I was really PO'ed last year about his playing time, but I kept my mouth shut and said nothing, but I was tempted. I wasn't going to encourage him to play this year because I thought the coach "wasn't being fair" to him. The day of the first practice this year, he decided to try again, and I supported him...reluctantly. He started out low on the depth chart but has now become the starting WR, KR and PR...he may still be a "smurf", but he's a tough little bastard who has earned his postion through hard work and determination. The bottom line is he made it impossible for the coaches to keep him off the field, he makes the plays. Parents need to let the kids earn the playing time and keep away from coaches, they are not doing thier kids any favors by butting in...most coaches are very fair people who volunteer a tremendous amount of time and effort to coach and teach all the kids, sadly, this is often overlooked by parents who can't get past "playing time"...kids will get more out of it in knowing they are the one's that are responsible for their own success, not because mom or dad bullied the coaches...

[SlamnSam]

year.......

 

Here we are....things are going very well for the team...undefeated it seems like everyone is happy.....we are carrying a lot of kids and are having a little difficulty managing the "minimum 5 play rule before the 4th qtr".....but if a kid doesn't get in correctly in one game...then we make sure he gets extra plays the next game.

 

So here we are....fixing to win our 3rd game and I walk over to the fence to give a high five to my wife......and I get basically ATTACKED by a mom and dad upset with their kids playing time.

 

This is a kid who isn't ready to play with the starters....he has nice size and the right attitude.....but makes too many fund mistakes to put out there as a starter.....so he plays some in the game and mostly special teams (which this league has been doing with developmental players since I have been involved with it)

 

And who do I see standing off to the side grinning from ear to ear.....none other then the perinnial team cancer spawn of hell mother that has resided on 3 of my sons 4 youth teams.

 

My first encounter with this woman was my sons first year of football......my son played center and dt........this woman was out there constantly berating the HC wanting to know why her kid was not playing QB.......the HC's answer was simple...."he gets hurt to much and he isn't a very good QB right now"

 

The next year she got a petition together and voted this HC out of the league.....my family loved this coach as he was my sons first teacher (aside from me)

 

The following year my son moves up to JP Div 1.......the other boy of the parents moves up to JP Div 2 (because his dad has inserted himself as a coach there) our team goes undefeated and loses in the JAAF super bowl.....the JP 2 team struggles and we keep getting reports of this family who is over there causing all kinds of problems.

 

The following year (Last year) my son moves to Pee Wee......things appear to be ok but little do we know that the coaching staff assigned to them are "challenged" to say the least...AND friends of the cancer parents.......so when cancer parents son doesn't sweat off the weight so he can be a star by staying down with the Jr. Pee Wees.....the coaches for Pee Wees bring him up and insert him at starting QB.....the starting QB (and he was a good one) gets moved to FB....and my son who was playing FB gets relegated to the fricken bench......after a AWESOME training camp and preseason.  We proceed to go through a 3-5 season and miss the playoffs with absolutely no changes made at any positions are our "starting QB" throwing anywhere from 3-5 picks a game and fumbling the ball every third play.........

 

OK NOW.....fast forward to the beginning of this year.....my son once again moves to midgets Div 1 (he has grown too big too fast to remain in any division for more then a year...and I never try to sweat him down because he is playing for high school (which is next year for him)

 

Meanwhile cancer parents and their son first try to sweat him down to play in PEE WEE 1......but they flat out cut him......so he trys out for Midgets (only one team...this is the BIG BOYS league of JAAF) and we really had some long discussions about him just because of the parents.....we ended up deciding that we didn't want to cut a kid just because of parents and bring him in....with the understanding that he is now a smurf amongst the big oaks.....and that the starters for the team were pretty much ironed out.

 

OK....FAST FORWARD TO NOW.  Here we are.....just finishing up our first win on the road and I find out that slowly surely like a fricken computer virus the parents have been up in the damn stands questioning everything we do....complaining about their sons playing time.....and making sure that the parents of minimum play players are upset and calling the league.......

 

I gotta say.....my vote was to have a meeting TODAY with these parents...thell them to knock that (***& off or turn in their sons pads.  I find it highly hypocritical that these parents never push the issue when their kid is a starter.

 

By the way...this kid is 120 pounds SOAKING WET.....and they want us to stick him out there on a full time basis with 160-175 pound kids.....for christ sake...this kid was getting hurt when he was playing with kids his own size every other play.....

 

For me it took me from the high of knowing I was doing OK for my first season of youth coaching to being bummed thinking about how these @ssholes are talking bad about us every day......*$*&*$&%&

457835[/snapback]

 

 

John get a grip on life.

 

If your son is gonna be an NFL player his skills will come out. Do you think that there are not players like this cancer upsetting everyday life? I'll let you know, they are everywhere and they are part of life. Absorb the lesson they are teaching and get on with life. Hey have you ever sat down with them and empathized with them?

[Guest BackInDaDay]

John get a grip on life.

 

If your son is gonna be an NFL player his skills will come out. Do you think that there are not players like this cancer upsetting everyday life? I'll let you know, they are everywhere and they are part of life. Absorb the lesson they are teaching and get on with life. Hey have you ever sat down with them and empathized with them?

457960[/snapback]

 

Is there something wrong with the board? I think I'm missing a post or two here...

[gantrules]

We have rules about who you can talk to regarding playing time in our league.

 

And number one in that rule manual is that you are not to discuss playing time with the coaching staff at practices or games. You are to set up a time to discuss the matter with the coach. If this rule is disobeyed then your child can lose the right to play from that game forward.

 

Trust me, you don't want to mess with this rule in our league. You do it, and your child is gone and everyone in the community hears about it. It's like wearing the Scarlet Letter. We have to sign an agreeement before the season starts regarding this.

 

Now, if you don't have that kind of contract, in my opinion, you need to set up a time to talk to these parents.

 

You didn't agree with the coach last year in my recollection, but waited until forever to say something about it. Wouldn't it just be worth it to have some type of meeting/open forum with the parents to discuss what is right and wrong this year without just rolling along thinking everything is fine? Even if the parents don't agree with your decision at least you will talk to them about it. I never understood why teachers have parent/teacher conferences but coaches don't. Aren't coaches in esscense teachers?

 

Coaching is a bear without communication, and it sounds like both sides (the parents and you) need to hash it out.

[JRT]

I have to admit that I am on the other side of this thread.

 

My son decided to play football this year and there are only 27 kids on the team. The kids are 8-10 and have never played a down.

 

The coach tells the parents that the amount of play time will depend on how many practices they make and how hard they work. However from the second day of practice he picks his 10 favorite players and has them not only playing both sides of the ball but also special teams. This is a 105lb team and the talent level from top to bottom is not that different.

 

I am all for playing your best players but the chosen ones get all the work even in practice. While the other 15 or so kids do nothing. If he had set 11 on offense and 11 on defense all of the kids would have the same play time and would learn a position much better. A lot of the fringe kids, my son included are actually better than some of the starters but don't get noticed because the coach is focused on his a players.

 

Last night they ended practice with a sumo wrestling contest and my son threw 5 kids straight out of the ring and it was the first time in 4 weeks that anyone noticed he can hit.

[TNBillFan]

John, I can't tell your age from your post but with you having an 8th grader I am guessing I am 10 or 15 years older than you.

 

Don't give up. I've coached competitive (travel) youth soccer for about 12 years. Even though I've been fortunate to have had great success including 10 state championships, nearly every single team I've coached has had some variation of the parent problems you are having with your football teams. All youth sports seem to share this common issue.

 

In my experience, the problems caused by the crazy parents have been FAR outweighed by the long-term, positive relationships I developed with the kids. Most of the original kids I coached are college age now. About a dozen of them are still playing in college. Not a month goes by that I don't get a call or a note from one of them and, as amazing as it might sound, as often as not it is one of the problem parent's kids who are making the call. Kids know when you care for them and, as often as not, they just want to be a part of something special. They also know, usually, who the good players are and who the less gifted players are. Learning and being part of the team is what usually matters to the boys. Playing time, while important, is much more of a parent issue.

 

I'd strongly urge you to start every season with a frank and MANDATORY parent meeting. Set out your expectations and rules and stick by them. Just don't stop coaching. There may be some kid out there right now who needs you to balance a loving and well-meaning but misguided parent.

[stevewin]

I have to admit that I am on the other side of this thread. 

 

My son decided to play football this year and there are only 27 kids on the team.   The kids are 8-10 and have never played a down.

 

The coach tells the parents that the amount of play time will depend on how many practices they make and how hard they work.  However from the second day of practice he picks his 10 favorite players and has them not only playing both sides of the ball but also special teams.  This is a 105lb team and the talent level from top to bottom is not that different. 

 

I am all for playing your best players but the chosen ones get all the work even in practice.  While the other 15 or so kids do nothing.  If he had set 11 on offense and 11 on defense all of the kids would have the same play time and would learn a position much better.  A lot of the fringe kids, my son included are actually better than some of the starters but don't get noticed because the coach is focused on his a players. 

 

Last night they ended practice with a sumo wrestling contest and my son threw 5 kids straight out of the ring and it was the first time in 4 weeks that anyone noticed he can hit.

457984[/snapback]

A couple posts here have brought out something that I think is just as critical (if not more so) than the behavior of coaches and parents - that being the actual organization which runs the league and presides over the teams and coaches and participants. There is no replacement for an excellently run organization which recognizes some of the 'pitfalls' of youth sports and tries to address them through rules etc. I coach basketball in two different town leagues - one is much more organized than the other and makes the job of the coach much easier by being very explicit in what is allowed and what the expectations are for all involved.

 

Specific to your case - I also help coach my son's football team - the teams are purposely kept small (less than 20) and the rule is every player has a starting position - either on offense and/or defense . It works out great.

[John from Riverside]

We have rules about who you can talk to regarding playing time in our league.

 

And number one in that rule manual is that you are not to discuss playing time with the coaching staff at practices or games. You are to set up a time to discuss the matter with the coach. If this rule is disobeyed then your child can lose the right to play from that game forward.

 

Trust me, you don't want to mess with this rule in our league. You do it, and your child is gone and everyone in the community hears about it. It's like wearing the Scarlet Letter. We have to sign an agreeement before the season starts regarding this.

 

Now, if you don't have that kind of contract, in my opinion, you need to set up a time to talk to these parents.

 

You didn't agree with the coach last year in my recollection, but waited until forever to say something about it. Wouldn't it just be worth it to have some type of meeting/open forum with the parents to discuss what is right and wrong this year without just rolling along thinking everything is fine? Even if the parents don't agree with your decision at least you will talk to them about it. I never understood why teachers have parent/teacher conferences but coaches don't. Aren't coaches in esscense teachers?

 

Coaching is a bear without communication, and it sounds like both sides (the parents and you) need to hash it out.

457981[/snapback]

 

Gant,

 

This is a part I left out of my first coach.....player/parent contracts are signed before the season starts AND the HC went to each and every one of our "bubble" players to explain how things were going to go.....with the parents involved in this situation he went to them and told them that their son was young, raw, and probably going to be a special teams type player this year if he stayed on (he was on the cut list as we had to get down to 35 players) and that was one of the things that really PO'd me.....here I am trying to be sympathetic to their blantant breaking of contract and rules about approaching us during games and they neglect to mentioned that the HC had talked to them.

 

It is true that I had a problem with the coaches from last year....and what they did with player selection....but I NEVER approaced a coach during a game and the situation was a little different because they kept blowing sunshine up our butts about how he was going to be a part of the team.....yet it never materialized. When I respectfully asked the HC to just allow my son to move divisions...HE BLOCKED IT.....pressing the DIV II coach for a starting player in return for my son who he had every intention of sitting on the bench......lies were told....promises were broken......and the team lost over and over again because of the same reasons......so the situation was a little different

[John from Riverside]

A couple posts here have brought out something that I think is just as critical (if not more so) than the behavior of coaches and parents - that being the actual organization which runs the league and presides over the teams and coaches and participants.  There is no replacement for an excellently run organization which recognizes some of the 'pitfalls' of youth sports and tries to address them through rules etc.  I coach basketball in two different town leagues - one is much more organized than the other and makes the job of the coach much easier by being very explicit in what is allowed and what the expectations are for all involved.

 

Specific to your case - I also help coach my son's football team - the teams are purposely kept small (less than 20) and the rule is every player has a starting position - either on offense and/or defense .  It works out great.

458003[/snapback]

 

 

I'll tell you what Steve....that would have solved a lot of our problems.....

 

The thing is we have a HC who:

 

a. Doesn't want to cut any youth player at all so would find reasons to keep them (when we did cuts I went with him to do it so I understand just how hard that is)

 

b. He is also looking towards next year.....there are some of the younger players that wouldnt get much time this year but could develop to good players next (and he went to each of those parents explaining this)

 

Most of the teams we go against have small squads.....you dont see these problems on their team because everybody has a spot (and of course they keep the very best players) if we did what this minority of parents wanted we would have difficulty winning games (winning is nice but not the be all end all....the problem is losing brings the ire of the OTHER group of parents who start questioning your moves.....so its a no win there.

[Nervous Guy]

 

Specific to your case - I also help coach my son's football team - the teams are purposely kept small (less than 20) and the rule is every player has a starting position - either on offense and/or defense .  It works out great.

458003[/snapback]

 

My son's team has 48 kids on it, they started out with 54!

 

To the coaches credit, the kids that don't play in the "regular" games get to play in games on Mondays the HC scheduled with other towns that have a similar situation...

[JRT]

A couple posts here have brought out something that I think is just as critical (if not more so) than the behavior of coaches and parents - that being the actual organization which runs the league and presides over the teams and coaches and participants.  There is no replacement for an excellently run organization which recognizes some of the 'pitfalls' of youth sports and tries to address them through rules etc.  I coach basketball in two different town leagues - one is much more organized than the other and makes the job of the coach much easier by being very explicit in what is allowed and what the expectations are for all involved.

 

Specific to your case - I also help coach my son's football team - the teams are purposely kept small (less than 20) and the rule is every player has a starting position - either on offense and/or defense .  It works out great.

458003[/snapback]

That is my point we have a small enough team to let every kid play almost half the time. By not having kids play both sides of the ball the kids actually will learn thier positions better and if they want they can change them up.

 

They would also benifi from being able to scrimmage in practice which we do not. The other night I noticed that they were working on thier Red defense which is the #1 unit and one of the assistant coaches was actually playing QB because both the QB's are on the starting D. It is very frustrating watching practice.

[John from Riverside]

John, I can't tell your age from your post but with you having an 8th grader I am guessing I am 10 or 15 years older than you. 

 

Don't give up.  I've coached competitive (travel) youth soccer for about 12 years.  Even though I've been fortunate to have had great success including 10 state championships, nearly every single team I've coached has had some variation of the parent problems you are having with your football teams.  All youth sports seem to share this common issue.

 

In my experience, the problems caused by the crazy parents have been FAR outweighed by the long-term, positive relationships I developed with the kids.  Most of the original kids I coached are college age now.  About a dozen of them are still playing in college.  Not a month goes by that I don't get a call or a note from one of them and, as amazing as it might sound, as often as not it is one of the problem parent's kids who are making the call.  Kids know when you care for them and, as often as not, they just want to be a part of something special.  They also know, usually, who the good players are and who the less gifted players are.  Learning and being part of the team is what usually matters to the boys.  Playing time, while important, is much more of a parent issue. 

 

I'd strongly urge you to start every season with a frank and MANDATORY parent meeting.  Set out your expectations and rules and stick by them.  Just don't stop coaching.  There may be some kid out there right now who needs you to balance a loving and well-meaning but misguided parent.

457991[/snapback]

 

TN....

 

Thanks for the comments....I dont have any intention of quitting that would be bailing out on my son. It just a little frustrating.

 

We have good parents too...there are days when I wished the good parents would tell the cancers to just STFU

[Nervous Guy]

 

We have good parents too...there are days when I wished the good parents would tell the cancers to just STFU

458032[/snapback]

[Fezmid]

What did you think of refereeing? I've been toying with this idea for a while now, maybe one year I'll actually get off my ass and do it.

457887[/snapback]

 

I did it for a year, and it was awesome. I really want to get back into it.

 

I did it at the High School level - mainly 9th and 10th graders. You generally won't get a chance to do a Varsity game for a few years (apparantly I must've caught someone's eye because I was asked to do a Varsity game my first year; unfortunately, I wasn't able to make it that day as I had plans to be out of town. I still wonder if I should've changed my plans... ).

 

Anyway, what I found was that the kids were GREAT. They were very respectful, and like in the NFL they come up to you from time to time and say, "Ref, watch #70, he's holding on every play," trying to influence your calls. Not once did I have a kid badmouth or complain though, so that was nice. Once, I even stepped on someone's foot on the sideline (he was obviously too close), and he appologized profusely and backed up. (technically I COULD have thrown a flag on him for being out of the box, but hey...).

 

The coaches and parents are the ones you have to learn to ignore. You learn to ignore the parents pretty easily when you learn that they're idiots and the only rules they know are from the NFL (which are completely different than highschool). I had this one coach though (who was also a ref in my association) who was drilling me hard during a big game. I thought I was calling things properly by letting the WR/DB battle each other off the line, but I wasn't sure. The coach kept yelling at me, saying "This isn't the NFL! There's no bump and run coverage in high school!" and would NOT get off my case. I was timid because I wasn't 100% sure I was doing the right thing. At halftime, I told the head-ref what was going on on the field, and asked if I was right in not calling anything. He said I was. With renewed confidence, I started the 2nd half and the coach kept drilling me. After a few more plays, I turned around and said, "One more word from you coach, and I'm throwing the flag on you." His eyes got real wide, and he turned to an assistant and said, "Can you believe what he just said?!" I heard him mutter a few things to his assistants, but he never said anything to me the rest of the game.

 

Afterwards, in the parking lot, the guy came up to me and appologized for his behavior and said I did a great job. Personally, I think it was classless that he was trying to influence me, but I guess it's to be expected.

 

Reffing doesn't pay well (roughly $20-$30/game), and the equipment is expensive (I paid about $300 for shoes, flags, etc), but it is fun and a good workout too (especially in August when it's HOT and HUMID here...)

 

PM me if you have any questions.

 

CW

[stevewin]

That is my point we have a small enough team to let every kid play almost half the time.  By not having kids play both sides of the ball the kids actually will learn thier positions better and if they want they can change them up.

458029[/snapback]

Well - technically in your case *almost* everybody half the time - you still have 5 potential parents even then pissed that their kid's not starting . In our case literally every kid must start on offense or defense.

 

I understand (and sympathize) with other people where there is no limit of kids - or the limit is too big - or you'd have to resort to cuts to reach a limit. I am just lucky now that the organization we are in basically creates as many teams as necessary to ensure the teams are small enough that everyone plays. My kids are still very young - I know eventually I will run into similar situations where there are cuts or too many kids etc. which may adversely affect my kids.

[John from Riverside]

John get a grip on life.

 

If your son is gonna be an NFL player his skills will come out. Do you think that there are not players like this cancer upsetting everyday life? I'll let you know, they are everywhere and they are part of life. Absorb the lesson they are teaching and get on with life. Hey have you ever sat down with them and empathized with them?

457960[/snapback]

 

I wasn't going to respond to this but hey....I may be misunderstanding what you trying to say......

 

"If your son is gonna be an NFL player his skills will come out"

 

I am trying to figure out anywhere in this thread where I am talking about MY son.......hey he is doing well and I am proud of him. But he is not really a part of this topic

 

"Do you think that there are not players like this cancer upsetting everyday life?"

 

It is not the kid it is the PARENTS.....the kid is actually OK when not combined with the parents....I actually feel bad for him. His parents send him away to $500 dollar NFL QB camps and the kid is a fricken smurf....he would be much better off going to corner camps or something like that because he goes to HS next year and isn't going to get played there (if at all)

 

"Absorb the lesson"

 

Sorry...I am going to flunk this lesson because I dont get it.

 

"Hey have you ever sat down with them and empathized with them?"

 

Hmmmm.....not my job to do that it is the HC's, but even if it was the HC has already layed out the way things are going to work. I actually did try to listen to them (during a game...taking me away from my duties) and told them I would talk to the HC about more time. But of course they never brought up that the discussion had ALREADY taken place.....and of course our discussion was not good enough to keep it within the team as they made phone calls to anyone who would listen this weekend.

[SlamnSam]

I wasn't going to respond to this but hey....I may be misunderstanding what you trying to say......

 

"If your son is gonna be an NFL player his skills will come out"

 

I am trying to figure out anywhere in this thread where I am talking about MY son.......hey he is doing well and I am proud of him.  But he is not really a part of this topic

 

"Do you think that there are not players like this cancer upsetting everyday life?"

 

It is not the kid it is the PARENTS.....the kid is actually OK when not combined with the parents....I actually feel bad for him.  His parents send him away to $500 dollar NFL QB camps and the kid is a fricken smurf....he would be much better off going to corner camps or something like that because he goes to HS next year and isn't going to get played there (if at all)

 

"Absorb the lesson"

 

Sorry...I am going to flunk this lesson because I dont get it.

 

"Hey have you ever sat down with them and empathized with them?"

 

Hmmmm.....not my job to do that it is the HC's, but even if it was the HC has already layed out the way things are going to work.  I actually did try to listen to them (during a game...taking me away from my duties) and told them I would talk to the HC about more time.  But of course they never brought up that the discussion had ALREADY taken place.....and of course our discussion was not good enough to keep it within the team as they made phone calls to anyone who would listen this weekend.

458076[/snapback]

 

Yes John you are not getting it.

 

Your rant goes year to year about your childs football progression and what trials there were. You said he had to sit the bench because of the cancer parents demands for thier son to play.

 

Players in life, yes players that cause as many problems as the cancer parents did for you and everyone else.

 

The lesson, there are so many "cancer parents" or people in life you have to learn how to deal with it. They are everywhere.

 

Way it goes for that kid. Its apparent he hasnt learned his lesson yet either. Stand up to mom & dad and say " hey I dont want to play football". He'll get it and probably be better off for it latter. Who knows maybe he'll one day be a coach and have personal experinces to draw on.

[John from Riverside]

Yes John you are not getting it.

 

Your rant goes year to year about your childs football progression and what trials there were. You said he had to sit the bench because of the cancer parents demands for thier son to play.

 

Players in life, yes players that cause as many problems as the cancer parents did for you and everyone else.

 

The lesson, there are so many "cancer parents" or people in life you have to learn how to deal with it. They are everywhere.

 

Way it goes for that kid. Its apparent he hasnt learned his lesson yet either. Stand up to mom & dad and say " hey I dont want to play football". He'll get it and probably be better off for it latter. Who knows maybe he'll one day be a coach and have personal experinces to draw on.

458110[/snapback]

 

OK...now I am understanding it.

[billsfanone]

Sorry to hear. Some things never change.

[Fencesitter]

OK...now I am understanding it.

458115[/snapback]

Just a couple of thoughts on youth football and the Bills.

 

John I sympathize with what you are going through but really have to agree with those who say just accept the overly involved self involved parents as one of the big downsides to a job that has a huge upside in terms of helping out a lot of kids.

 

No Coach gives every kid a "wonderful experience" because in order for a Coach to be any good he/she has to be consistent and sometimes that particular style will misalign with a certain kid or as often the case a certain kid's "familial situation". You are volunteering and giving the best you can give and that's got to be its own reward because the "universal appreciation" award will never come. And if it comes one year then the next the exact same Coach might get villified. The parents you are dealing with undermining your work is irritating as hell but all you can do is the best job as you understand it-- learn what you can and teach what you can.

 

But those "cancer parents" sometimes are simply good people with a blind spot. It reminds me of a comment I read on The Stadium Wall a couple of days ago saying "you guys are irrational". Well, of course we are. Anybody who gives as much passion to a football team as we do has got to be beyond rational. Some of those parents love their kids almost as much as we love the Bills and it causes them to respond to you the way Mularkey and Greg Williams and Tom Donahoe get responded to around here.

 

Thanks for doing what you're doing and if you keep venting here rather than in ways that can do harm to the players then you are handling it well (not that you shouldn't make the collective wisdom of THE STADIUM WALL required reading for all your players who want to learn about the game of football)

[eventualchamps]

Having coached a number of pre-high school teams (various ages), I give all the kids a fairly equal amount of playing time. The only caveat being kids that don't show up for practices or don't give 100% in practices don't get as much time (I think someone else alluded to this philosophy as well). It's fairly easy for parents to understand this.

 

This past week, my stud RB who missed a couple practices played less time than the other RB who showed up to all the practices and was really leaving it on the field. Is he good - not really, but maybe someday if he keeps the attitude he has.

 

If a coach is really caught up in winning at the pre-high school level, he's in trouble. There's a good chance they play Bruce Springsteen's "Glory Days" song quite a bit. Most of the coaches I've seen that absolutely MUST win with their team of 7th graders have usually fallen short of their aspirations in life.

 

At this age, it's not really about wining with the score, it's giving these kids the confidence to succeed in life and showing them what teamwork and effort can do. Too many parents these days don't give their kids a chance. If a coaches approach is that they MUST win every single game and give their studs maximum playing time, maybe coaching at that age isn't for them.

 

I have pre-season meeting and lay all of the above on the parents. If your kid plays like the next Joe Montana, I really don't care because the other kid who is putting forth just as much effort and working his butt off but playing like JP Losman (Had to add it) is going to get just as much playing time. If you don't like it, your kids probably on the wrong team.

[stuckincincy]

When did youth football begin? It certainly didn't exist when I was young. It was a high school sport.

 

I don't see how it adds to the children what with the years and years of hearing about such as this.

[BB2004]

year.......

 

Here we are....things are going very well for the team...undefeated it seems like everyone is happy.....we are carrying a lot of kids and are having a little difficulty managing the "minimum 5 play rule before the 4th qtr".....but if a kid doesn't get in correctly in one game...then we make sure he gets extra plays the next game.

 

So here we are....fixing to win our 3rd game and I walk over to the fence to give a high five to my wife......and I get basically ATTACKED by a mom and dad upset with their kids playing time.

 

This is a kid who isn't ready to play with the starters....he has nice size and the right attitude.....but makes too many fund mistakes to put out there as a starter.....so he plays some in the game and mostly special teams (which this league has been doing with developmental players since I have been involved with it)

 

And who do I see standing off to the side grinning from ear to ear.....none other then the perinnial team cancer spawn of hell mother that has resided on 3 of my sons 4 youth teams.

 

My first encounter with this woman was my sons first year of football......my son played center and dt........this woman was out there constantly berating the HC wanting to know why her kid was not playing QB.......the HC's answer was simple...."he gets hurt to much and he isn't a very good QB right now"

 

The next year she got a petition together and voted this HC out of the league.....my family loved this coach as he was my sons first teacher (aside from me)

 

The following year my son moves up to JP Div 1.......the other boy of the parents moves up to JP Div 2 (because his dad has inserted himself as a coach there) our team goes undefeated and loses in the JAAF super bowl.....the JP 2 team struggles and we keep getting reports of this family who is over there causing all kinds of problems.

 

The following year (Last year) my son moves to Pee Wee......things appear to be ok but little do we know that the coaching staff assigned to them are "challenged" to say the least...AND friends of the cancer parents.......so when cancer parents son doesn't sweat off the weight so he can be a star by staying down with the Jr. Pee Wees.....the coaches for Pee Wees bring him up and insert him at starting QB.....the starting QB (and he was a good one) gets moved to FB....and my son who was playing FB gets relegated to the fricken bench......after a AWESOME training camp and preseason.  We proceed to go through a 3-5 season and miss the playoffs with absolutely no changes made at any positions are our "starting QB" throwing anywhere from 3-5 picks a game and fumbling the ball every third play.........

 

OK NOW.....fast forward to the beginning of this year.....my son once again moves to midgets Div 1 (he has grown too big too fast to remain in any division for more then a year...and I never try to sweat him down because he is playing for high school (which is next year for him)

 

Meanwhile cancer parents and their son first try to sweat him down to play in PEE WEE 1......but they flat out cut him......so he trys out for Midgets (only one team...this is the BIG BOYS league of JAAF) and we really had some long discussions about him just because of the parents.....we ended up deciding that we didn't want to cut a kid just because of parents and bring him in....with the understanding that he is now a smurf amongst the big oaks.....and that the starters for the team were pretty much ironed out.

 

OK....FAST FORWARD TO NOW.  Here we are.....just finishing up our first win on the road and I find out that slowly surely like a fricken computer virus the parents have been up in the damn stands questioning everything we do....complaining about their sons playing time.....and making sure that the parents of minimum play players are upset and calling the league.......

 

I gotta say.....my vote was to have a meeting TODAY with these parents...thell them to knock that (***& off or turn in their sons pads.  I find it highly hypocritical that these parents never push the issue when their kid is a starter.

 

By the way...this kid is 120 pounds SOAKING WET.....and they want us to stick him out there on a full time basis with 160-175 pound kids.....for christ sake...this kid was getting hurt when he was playing with kids his own size every other play.....

 

For me it took me from the high of knowing I was doing OK for my first season of youth coaching to being bummed thinking about how these @ssholes are talking bad about us every day......*$*&*$&%&

457835[/snapback]

 

I don't know if it's easy for a 23 year old to say this but tell them what you think, explain why, and if those parents don't like it, too bad. At least you know you did the right thing. I was a little league umpire for almost ten years before I became a currency trader. Let me tell I would get into fights with A LOT of parents almost every game. One time I had to kick 5 people out of the game on opening day. I don't even look back on it because I know I did the right thing.

[Fezmid]

I don't know if it's easy for a 23 year old to say this but tell them what you think, explain why, and if those parents don't like it, too bad.  At least you know you did the right thing.  I was a little league umpire for almost ten years before I became a currency trader.  Let me tell I would get into fights with A LOT of parents almost every game.  One time I had to kick 5 people out of the game on opening day.  I don't even look back on it because I know I did the right thing.

458213[/snapback]

 

When I was reffing football, I just got really good at ignoring the parents myself...

 

CW