Corp000085 Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 Ok, here's the deal... I feel like making a LAMP. It's the off season so deal with it. Anyhow, my wife of a year is VERY close with her mother and father. She is the stereotypical good girl. went to college, met, dated and married me (some would argue a halfway decent guy) and now is a teacher. Her little sister on the other hand was the bad girl. Got kicked off of sports teams, trouble at school, dropped out of college, dated bad a$$ boyfriend, got knocked up, had a kid, still dating boyfriend, living on welfare and handouts from her mother, etc. Ok, that's the background. Now, the mother in law... She's very very controlling, all knowing, always right, italian, stereotypical overbearing mother. well, my wife's parents drove 600 miles to visit our new house and have been here all week. I'm ready to drink the entire fayetteville, nc cache of jack daniels at this point. mom in law has literally been on the phone with my wife's sister every hour since they got here, using her cell phone, my cell phone, and our land line. Mom in law is so controlling, its ridiculous. She takes her checks, puts them in her own account and acts as the banker for her daughter. Yes, her daughter is extremely immature and probably couildn't find her way out of a paper bag, but she is 22, living with her boyfriend, and has a 1 year old son of her own. Long story short: Mother in law's antics drive me absolutely nuts. She's driven my wife's father to clinical depression, which he's taking meds for. She's basically unofficially adopted my nephew, and completely written off my sister in law as a mother. She's left my wife alone pretty much, because she's "the good child". The real kicker is that i can't mention anything bad about the mother in law to my wife, even if its so obvious that she brings it up. I've pretty much completely had it. Short of going on a 4 day drinking bender, what options do i have? I dropped about 60lbs of 10-10-10 on the lawn about 4 days ago and it looks like a jungle out there, so that's 2 hours of yardwork. I can wash cars tomorrow too. I really need to lower the stress so i don't say anything to piss off my wife, or accidentally slip up and say something to her mom. Again, i appologize for putting blog material on the board, but most of you know i don't usually post crap like this, so cut me some slack. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cåblelady Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 Tell momma it's time to go home! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Surfmeister Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 You're in a pickle. If your wife sided with you, you'd stand a chance. But with the present situation you've got a big problem. Try to do something, anything with your father-in-law. Play cards, take a walk, watch a baseball game on TV, or something that he likes. Anything to try to make his miserable life just a little tiny bit better. You'll make a friend in an unlikely spot and who knows ... maybe God will take mercy on you for showing kindness to the poor guy who took the brunt of the crap so far. My M-I-L was a total B word. We warned her. She didn't listen of course so we cut her off for 10 years. That was 5 years ago. Now that she is completely through menopause she's mellowed out and considers my wife her best friend. Good luck and write back if you have more questions. Surf Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alaska Darin Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 Options: 1. Punch her in the tooth. 2. Be a man and talk to your wife about it. Don't be emotional, be a man. If you're wife gets emotional (which she will, as she is equipped with a vagina), stay the course and keep your cool. Keep in mind if you start off your marriage being a doormat, you'll ALWAYS be one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tux of Borg Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 I'm ready to drink the entire fayetteville, nc cache of jack daniels at this point. 376165[/snapback] It can't be done... i've already tried. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cåblelady Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 Options: Don't be emotional, be a man. If you're wife gets emotional (which she will, as she is equipped with a vagina), stay the course and keep your cool. Keep in mind if you start off your marriage being a doormat, you'll ALWAYS be one. 376172[/snapback] Darin! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alaska Darin Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 Darin! 376177[/snapback] The truth shall set you free. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IDBillzFan Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 Four days? My fuggin' in-laws show up from Germany for eight fuggin' weeks every year. Drink. Heavily. Go to work early and come home late because you have a monster project you're working on. You're always expecting an important call on your cell so it can't be used. If you can swing it, pay for them all to go to dinner one night because you're working late and feel bad you can't be home.. Then when they leave for dinner, go home, turn on the tube, grab a cocktail and relax. Four freakin' days, man. That's a walk in the freakin' park. Buck up. WTF? You from Indiana or are you a man? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MadBuffaloDisease Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 From what you described, I don't really see a problem for you or your wife, since it sounds like your MIL pretty much leaves you two alone. Your SIL OTOH sounds like she NEEDS your MIL's interference to avoid going further down the drain, and be glad it's HER taking care of that situation and not you and your wife (until later-on, be prepared). As for your FIL, it's sucks for him, but it's a situation he allowed himself to be put into a long time ago. His options are to get a divorce, commit suicide, or deal with what he's been given. All you can do is offer support. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Warden Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 My MIL is pretty much the same and has been for 25+ years. My wife won't say no to her. I just make myself scarce when she's around. No need for a confrontation. At least she isn't in the same town Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hephaestus Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 I agree with whoever said to spend time with your father in law, you might find it rewarding if he's a knowledgeable person. I think you can bite your lip for 4 days, this whole thing reminds me of Everybody Loves Raymond, except you're in Ray's wife's position. If saying something about your MIL gets your wife worked up, why not just try to show with body language your distaste in the situations that are bothering you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steven in MD Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 Once your wife sided with her mom over you, the marriage officially is over. You can go on living together, have kids, but she will also be the daughter first, wife second. You will lose any argument. The best thing to do is to talk to your wife as an adult. Explain that once you get married, you need to put your spouse first. It will get more difficult after you have kids. Your MIL will tell you and her daughther how to raise the kids. Been there...done that...got a t-shirt...now a divorce. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brihs2005 Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 Been there...done that...got a t-shirt...now a divorce. 376220[/snapback] As a product of several broken homes that is waiting to get married only to be divorced a handful of years later, that is the funniest thing i have ever heard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corp000085 Posted July 7, 2005 Author Share Posted July 7, 2005 thanks for the advice. i pretty much took darin's advice and just talked to my wife for a while. I realize that its not really my business because the leach that my MIL has over my SIL really has nothing to do with me, but its still really stressful to be basically put in the middle of their crap. But all in all, i did talk to my wife, told her how i felt, told her to not throw it back at me but just to listen. She did, we both went to bed happy. Now, i think i'm good to go. LA... they're actually here for almost 2 weeks, not 4 days... maybe i typed that wrong. However, nothing compares to your 8 weeks of hell. As for going to work, i'm a teacher, so i don't really have work right now. for the argument that my SIL needs her mom to do that for her, well, i just don't buy it. Yeah, she's a little off... Yeah, her boyfriend is a loser. Yeah, she hasn't really succeeded in the past. She's still pretty smart though and can handle life slapping her across the face. Here's a good story: easter 2004... My wife (fiance at the time) and i went to her house for easter. Wife's sister lived in the basement with her boyfriend (weird). One morning, MIL checks the mail and finds welfare/government assistance info addressed to the younger sister. Naturally, MIL opens the mail without asking and reads about getting assistance for a single mother. She then rummages through her daughter's stuff and finds "pregnancy for dummies." Then there was the confrontation. Luckily, that coincided with the start of a hockey game, so i had something to watch while i hid out in my wife's bedroom. Long story short: she was hiding her pregnancy, was getting perfectly decent pre natal care, had her finances set up, was looking for a place to live, but was 8 months pregnant. I guess i'll gain two pieces of wisdom from this: 1) its a good thing i live 600 miles away for when my wife finally gets pregnant and 2) i'll give my own kids their freedom when they;'re 18. they may be youinge than me, but they can handle what life gives them. oh yeah, detoxsmurf, if you're still in fayetteville, PM me... we'll get together for those jack on the rocks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corp000085 Posted July 7, 2005 Author Share Posted July 7, 2005 Once your wife sided with her mom over you, the marriage officially is over. You can go on living together, have kids, but she will also be the daughter first, wife second. You will lose any argument. The best thing to do is to talk to your wife as an adult. Explain that once you get married, you need to put your spouse first. It will get more difficult after you have kids. Your MIL will tell you and her daughther how to raise the kids. Been there...done that...got a t-shirt...now a divorce. 376220[/snapback] I pretty much told her that, and she agreed that she's a wife first, daughter second. I also put all politically correctness aside and told her that if we had a kid, and her mom told us how to raise him, andn she listened to her over me, that would be it for us. There's not really an issue with my wife and me... we're really good. we do a good job of communicating. We just haven't in a while cause of the visit. Last night was good cause i told her what was up. The kicker: she actually agreed with me. All is well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nick in RaChaCha Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 Ok my friend... Here is what I would do. Start making jokes about how your MIL is controlling your SIL's life. (and fugging it up! ) If she takes it the wrong way you can tell your wife that you were joking! If you can't work up the nerve to say that to you MIL (not sure I would have the nads for that) take a couple of shots and tell that joke to you FIL (in a loud voice when your MIL is in the next room! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plenzmd1 Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 Do what I did and get a true love for the sport of fishing. We go to my MIL house quite often as she lives in VA Beach, about a two minute walk to the ocean. About five years ago I bought a nice surf casting pole and now everyday we are there I go for an hr in the morning and at least two every evening. In the evening bring a six pack and all is good when I get back to the house. BTW, always bring my son as well. My wife is cool with this as she knows its my sanity check with her mother. And I have actually grown to really love the fishing aspect of it as a bonus Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beerball Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 You're in a pickle. If your wife sided with you, you'd stand a chance. But with the present situation you've got a big problem. Try to do something, anything with your father-in-law. Play cards, take a walk, watch a baseball game on TV, or something that he likes. Anything to try to make his miserable life just a little tiny bit better. You'll make a friend in an unlikely spot and who knows ... maybe God will take mercy on you for showing kindness to the poor guy who took the brunt of the crap so far. My M-I-L was a total B word. We warned her. She didn't listen of course so we cut her off for 10 years. That was 5 years ago. Now that she is completely through menopause she's mellowed out and considers my wife her best friend. Good luck and write back if you have more questions. Surf 376169[/snapback] You said pickle! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pine Barrens Mafia Posted July 7, 2005 Share Posted July 7, 2005 Do what I did and get a true love for the sport of fishing. We go to my MIL house quite often as she lives in VA Beach, about a two minute walk to the ocean. 376329[/snapback] Golf is also good for this, as is bowling. Don't get me wrong, I love my in-laws. But when they live all of 10 minutes away, it tends to get to be a bit much. My wife's family is TIGHT. So, I golf. And I bowl. And I drink. A lot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corp000085 Posted July 7, 2005 Author Share Posted July 7, 2005 well, thanks for the advice so far. I can't wait to hear today's drama with the SIL, her boyfriend, her son, and my MIL. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts