Pete Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 2005 DARWIN AWARDS "Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least Evolved among us. Here then, are the glorious winners." 2005 Darwin Award Winners: 1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a holdup in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked. And now, the honorable mentions: 2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved. 3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her. 4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days. 5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit. 6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer...$15. If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?) 7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape. 8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from." 9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER! 10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd had in years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest BackInDaDay Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 Thanks for the laughs, Pete. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KD in CA Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 If these are truly the Darwin Awards, the standards have fallen considerably. I always thought the Darwins were for the people who killed or seriously injured themselves by doing very stupid things. Very few of these seem to fit the category. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reuben Gant Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 I really love #4. that is great!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pkwwjd Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 I've heard most of them before. Darwin Awards are intended to award those who take their genes out of the gene pool by their own stupidity. Thus, the person must either die or be rendered sterile in some way through their stupid behavior. Most of these, are not Darwin Awards. But they are funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KD in CA Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 http://www.gophergas.com/funstuff/womenlivelonger2.htm Some funny pics from a darwin related site......what on earth are some people thinking?!?!? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ramius Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 funny stuff, but not darwins, for that someone must be killed...also, some of these stories are years old...the crook hitting himself with the cinderblock i have seen numerous times on TV... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ch19079 Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 I really love #4. that is great!! 342389[/snapback] yeah, but you know he was a dead man on day 4. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ch19079 Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 http://www.gophergas.com/funstuff/womenlivelonger2.htm Some funny pics from a darwin related site......what on earth are some people thinking?!?!? 342432[/snapback] The photo below reportedly comes from a soldier, stationed in Baghdad, who was bitten by a camel spider that was hiding in his sleeping bag. Fortunately, these critters aren't venomous... but they're BIG and FAST (they can run around 10MPH). The photo shows two spiders attached together, and the camera angle makes them look a tad larger than they really are (they're about the size of an adult's hand). They also tend to seek out shade during the daytime, so it's not terribly unusual to see them charging across the desert at you -- only to come to a screeching halt when they reach your shadow. that would freak me out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fezmid Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 These don't look official. Apparantly, there havn't been any official ones since '03 http://www.darwinawards.com/darwin/ CW Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fezmid Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 The photo below reportedly comes from a soldier, stationed in Baghdad, who was bitten by a camel spider that was hiding in his sleeping bag. Fortunately, these critters aren't venomous... but they're BIG and FAST (they can run around 10MPH). The photo shows two spiders attached together, and the camera angle makes them look a tad larger than they really are (they're about the size of an adult's hand). They also tend to seek out shade during the daytime, so it's not terribly unusual to see them charging across the desert at you -- only to come to a screeching halt when they reach your shadow. that would freak me out. 342556[/snapback] Didn't see the photo you were talking about, but here's info on Camel Spiders: http://www.snopes.com/photos/bugs/camelspider.asp CW Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TigerJ Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 If these are truly the Darwin Awards, the standards have fallen considerably. I always thought the Darwins were for the people who killed or seriously injured themselves by doing very stupid things. Very few of these seem to fit the category. 342387[/snapback] Technically, the Darwin Awards are to go to anyone who is does the human race a favor by removing themselves from the gene pool. Usually the result is their own death, but it's possible for an award winner to remain alive if for example he were to accidently castrate himself. Ususally, honorable mentions go to persons whose stupidity could have gotten them killed, but through no fault of their own they happened to survive. Whether or not the standards have been relaxed a lot of these are still funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ch19079 Posted May 23, 2005 Share Posted May 23, 2005 Didn't see the photo you were talking about, but here's info on Camel Spiders:http://www.snopes.com/photos/bugs/camelspider.asp CW 342567[/snapback] thats the pic i saw. but its not even a spider.... but i would jump a bit if it charged at me doin 10 miles an hour. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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