Fan 1: It's huge!
Fan 2: It's rogue!
All Three Fans: It's Doug Whaley’s Ego!
Announcer: Yes, it's Doug Whaley’s Ego! The GM sensation that's sweeping the nation! Only $14.95 at participating stores! Get one today!
Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly, and children under 10 should avoid prolonged exposure to Doug Whaley’s Ego.
Caution: Doug Whaley’s Ego may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds.
Doug Whaley’s Ego contains a liquid core, which, if exposed due to rupture, should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at.
Do not use Doug Whaley’s Ego on concrete.
Discontinue use of Doug Whaley’s Ego if any of the following occurs:
itching
vertigo
dizziness
tingling in extremities
loss of balance or coordination
slurred speech
temporary blindness
profuse sweating
or heart palpitations.
If Doug Whaley’s Ego begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head.
Doug Whaley’s Ego may stick to certain types of skin.
When not in use, Doug Whaley’s Ego should be returned to its special container and kept under refrigeration. Failure to do so relieves the makers of Doug Whaley’s Ego, Pegula Sports Incorporated, and its parent company, Global Chemical Unlimited, of any and all liability.
Ingredients of Doug Whaley’s Ego include an unknown glowing green substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space.
Doug Whaley’s Ego has been shipped to our troops in Afghanistan and is being dropped by our warplanes on the Taliban.
Do not taunt Doug Whaley’s Ego.
Do not look Doug Whaley's Ego in the eye.
Doug Whaley’s Ego comes with a lifetime warranty.
Announcer: Doug Whaley’s Ego! Accept no substitutes!