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Felt dirty watching that Toronto game


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I know the superfans who see and hear no evil will be out in force to tell me I should go to hell, but too bad. I have been slimed. Watching that greasy, sleazy display was even worse than I thought it would be, and not only because the football was terrible. The end of the innocence, or at least the illusion of innocence, has come. It was more like a crime scene than a football game to me.

 

My heart and soul was violated, my childhood connection to my adult life was ripped away and stolen by Ralph Wilson and his cool $78 million. In an odd way, I actually found myself rooting for the Bills to lose. I hated the whole imagery, the scene, and the creepy feeling of it, and wanted them to suffer like I was suffering. It's like rooting for the guy who stole your family heirloom to get his come-up-ins in some small way.

 

Yes, I noticed Dead Dick Jauron and the hapless effort of his miserable players, but most telling, I saw a sad event in that dead zone of a dome housing my Bills, in another country, a rival city even, filled with maybe 70% Dolphins fans, being masqueraded as a real home game and expecting me not to notice the difference, while the man behind the curtain both literally and figuratively laughs all the way to the bank while trampling my heart.

 

Am I naiive to have even held onto my childhood delight in rooting for an NFL franchise to begin with? Should I have accepted it as just a business and moved on a long time ago? Well, it seems until now the cold business side was always a challenge that I struggled with being a fan, but never successfully squashed my pure rooting heart until yesterday. The line was crossed, and now I feel despondent, confused and lost inside.

 

I don't know what tomorrow will bring, but I seriously doubt that I will be the same fan moving forward that I was before seeing and suffering through that dismal ruse.

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I haven't decided yet, but I might take a week off, for my own mental state. Maybe I'll do something FUN with my Sunday instead of lining up to get kicked in the balls yet again. I will be back--it's too much a part of me--but I could use a break.

 

I don't really enjoy feeling like a sucker and that's what if feels like lately trying to root for a team that does not seem to care at all. Losing with dignity is something I can handle but what this season has turned into is something else. There is currently zero entertainment value. Zero heart. The Buffalo Bills are making football feel like a dental appointment instead of something fun. Right now this organization does not deserve its fans and the fans definitely deserve something better.

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I haven't decided yet, but I might take a week off, for my own mental state. Maybe I'll do something FUN with my Sunday instead of lining up to get kicked in the balls yet again. I will be back--it's too much a part of me--but I could use a break.

 

I don't really enjoy feeling like a sucker and that's what if feels like lately trying to root for a team that does not seem to care at all. Losing with dignity is something I can handle but what this season has turned into is something else. There is currently zero entertainment value. Zero heart. The Buffalo Bills are making football feel like a dental appointment instead of something fun. Right now this organization does not deserve its fans and the fans definitely deserve something better.

 

This sums up my feelings perfectly. I wish I could take a break but I know I can't. My appointment for the weekly kick to the nuts is set in stone.

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I haven't decided yet, but I might take a week off, for my own mental state. Maybe I'll do something FUN with my Sunday instead of lining up to get kicked in the balls yet again. I will be back--it's too much a part of me--but I could use a break.

 

I don't really enjoy feeling like a sucker and that's what if feels like lately trying to root for a team that does not seem to care at all. Losing with dignity is something I can handle but what this season has turned into is something else. There is currently zero entertainment value. Zero heart. The Buffalo Bills are making football feel like a dental appointment instead of something fun. Right now this organization does not deserve its fans and the fans definitely deserve something better.

 

 

I took my wife and 3 year old son to Rockefeller Center on Sunday to see the tree, go ice skating and then headed out to Radio City Music Hall to see the Christmas Show. We had a great time. I checked my blackberry about a half dozen times, saw we were awful and turned it off. I didn't miss much. Didn't watch a lick of NFL (I only make the Bills must-see TV). I wonder if thats what Sundays will be like if this team moves to Toronto.

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