IBTG81 Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 This is what I would do... Go to the school, find this "gang" (I hate when kids try and act tough), and threaten them. Say if your daughter is touched, you will beat the ever living sh-- out of them. Of course, if you do that, make sure there are no witnesses. The other approach would be to threaten a lawsuit. There is nothing more a school district hates than bad publicity/losing money. Good luck. Keep us updated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CarolinaBill99 Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 Contact every one of her teachers and explain the situation nicely. Ask if they can document any situation that they see either in class or the hallways when they are monitoring. Contact the school board or superintendent and put some heat on the principal's boss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
taterhill Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 This is what I would do... Go to the school, find this "gang" (I hate when kids try and act tough), and threaten them. Say if your daughter is touched, you will beat the ever living sh-- out of them. Of course, if you do that, make sure there are no witnesses. Good luck. Keep us updated. 614579[/snapback] I hope this is a joke... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KRC Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 After reading over some of the responses in this thread, I have a few comments: 1) Going to the school board or Superintendent is a good idea. Keep working your way up the ladder until you get satisfaction and results. Lawyer up. You would be suprised what a $25 letter from a lawyer can accomplish. 2) Do not go to the local media. All this is going to do is make things worse for your daughter. The public embarassment that it would cause her would be too great. People who may have been sympathetic to her, may turn on her. Don't do it. 3) Do not go to the parents of the bully(s). This is a waste of time and will only make things worse for your daughter. The parents will tell the child and the child will become worse towards your daughter. 4) I like the mace idea. Also, try to teach her things that can give her more confidence. You said that she took karate. Good, but it sounds like she no longer has the confidence. Talk to her about karate. Have her tell you about things she learned in class. Have her show you things she learned in class. Ask her, "what would you do if a person attacked you like this..." Have her show you. This may trigger the confidence that she used to have while taking karate. As others mentioned, confidence is one of the best ways to defend yourself against bullies. I will relay a personal experience via PM. As mentioned previously, whatever solution you pick, she needs to be on board with the decision. She needs to be a part of the decision process. Conflict resolution is very important to a child's development. Just my opinion, but parents who insulate their child from conflict (or anything negative) are doing a disservice to their kids. They are not preparing them for the outside world. When they get on their own, how are they going to handle adversity? The world is not always a friendly place. Kids needs the skills to be able to properly deal with adversity. Use this opportunity as a teaching tool. Remember, your actions can and/or will translate into how she deals with adversity in the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheRocks Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 As far as the school thing, good luck. I don't know that there's a good answer for that mess. I'd probably end up in jail. 614436[/snapback] unfortunately this would be me too. i would tell my sweet little angel to point out who the bully was and kick his/her ass myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tennesseeboy Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 Sorry to hear about the situation John. I've had to deal with that and, having a University School under my jurisdiction, I'm afraid to say its a pretty common situation. First and first I would deal with the school in writing. Send a letter to the principal after every meeting summarizing what was discussed and what you expect to happen. This puts them in a position where there is an ongoing record of the situation from your point of view. If the school fails to react call and write to the school board itself. Finally, if the matter is not resolved, pull your child from school and put her into a parochial or private school for at least a year. I ended up doing that with one of mine and it turned out a lot better to have the child in a Catholic school where I worried about academic stuff than a public school where the matter might or might not get resolved. Wasn't going to let me kid hang while the school figured out what it was going to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VABills Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 Sorry to hear about the situation John. I've had to deal with that and, having a University School under my jurisdiction, I'm afraid to say its a pretty common situation. First and first I would deal with the school in writing. Send a letter to the principal after every meeting summarizing what was discussed and what you expect to happen. This puts them in a position where there is an ongoing record of the situation from your point of view. If the school fails to react call and write to the school board itself. Finally, if the matter is not resolved, pull your child from school and put her into a parochial or private school for at least a year. I ended up doing that with one of mine and it turned out a lot better to have the child in a Catholic school where I worried about academic stuff than a public school where the matter might or might not get resolved. Wasn't going to let me kid hang while the school figured out what it was going to do. 614657[/snapback] Damn my thinking must be screwed if you and I are agreeing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
X. Benedict Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 Something I have learned from my brother's and friends' kids. Girls start establishing pecking order between 10-12 yrs. It is when they are intolerably awful to each other. Boys usually don't start until 12-14, when they are merciless to each other. The fact that they are starting to form pecking orders is natural, this will happen even if it is not physical, through teasing , names, etc. The bullying gravitates to the weak and it is a way of showing off to the group. For whatever reason, probably your daughter being new and an outsider, she doesn't have a social group yet and is seen as weak. If possible any tips you can give her to stand up for herself will make her appear less weak, and anything you can do to help her facilitate friendships might help. Good Luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tennesseeboy Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 Damn my thinking must be screwed if you and I are agreeing. 614661[/snapback] Keep following my posts, grasshopper and you will find salvation! Just think three years ago you would have invaded, spent 300 billion dollars, and left the situation worse than it was when it started. See what creative thinking can do to address a problem? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fan in San Diego Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 Something I have learned from my brother's and friends' kids. Girls start establishing pecking order between 10-12 yrs. It is when they are intolerably awful to each other. Boys usually don't start until 12-14, when they are merciless to each other. The fact that they are starting to form pecking orders is natural, this will happen even if it is not physical, through teasing , names, etc. The bullying gravitates to the weak and it is a way of showing off to the group. For whatever reason, probably your daughter being new and an outsider, she doesn't have a social group yet and is seen as weak. If possible any tips you can give her to stand up for herself will make her appear less weak, and anything you can do to help her facilitate friendships might help. Good Luck. 614662[/snapback] The social group advice is very true. If your daughter has a good core group of friends that she can hang with, will help eliminate alot of bullying problems. Unfortunately, bullies are a part of school, even when our generation was in grade school bullies were there, it is a part of growing up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheRocks Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 Keep following my posts, grasshopper and you will find salvation! Just think three years ago you would have invaded, spent 300 billion dollars, and left the situation worse than it was when it started. See what creative thinking can do to address a problem? 614670[/snapback] you are a funny man Tenny. by the way....i am heading to Mongolia at the end of the month....any suggestions for travel safety? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catholic Guilt Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 After reading over some of the responses in this thread, I have a few comments: 1) Going to the school board or Superintendent is a good idea. Keep working your way up the ladder until you get satisfaction and results. Lawyer up. You would be suprised what a $25 letter from a lawyer can accomplish. 2) Do not go to the local media. All this is going to do is make things worse for your daughter. The public embarassment that it would cause her would be too great. People who may have been sympathetic to her, may turn on her. Don't do it. 3) Do not go to the parents of the bully(s). This is a waste of time and will only make things worse for your daughter. The parents will tell the child and the child will become worse towards your daughter. 4) I like the mace idea. Also, try to teach her things that can give her more confidence. You said that she took karate. Good, but it sounds like she no longer has the confidence. Talk to her about karate. Have her tell you about things she learned in class. Have her show you things she learned in class. Ask her, "what would you do if a person attacked you like this..." Have her show you. This may trigger the confidence that she used to have while taking karate. As others mentioned, confidence is one of the best ways to defend yourself against bullies. I will relay a personal experience via PM. As mentioned previously, whatever solution you pick, she needs to be on board with the decision. She needs to be a part of the decision process. Conflict resolution is very important to a child's development. Just my opinion, but parents who insulate their child from conflict (or anything negative) are doing a disservice to their kids. They are not preparing them for the outside world. When they get on their own, how are they going to handle adversity? The world is not always a friendly place. Kids needs the skills to be able to properly deal with adversity. Use this opportunity as a teaching tool. Remember, your actions can and/or will translate into how she deals with adversity in the future. 614618[/snapback] Sorry KRC gotta disagree with you. School districts do not like negative media stories. I come from a family of teachers. You'd be surprised how quickly they jump when camera crews arrive on campus. His daughter might get some negative comments at school, but she also could get postive feedback and help she needs. Sad to say but these bully kids are getting ignored at home and act out to get attention. My family has seen it countless times with misbehaving kids. Call the parents in for a conference and they don't show. If they do show - they are on the defensive and if the child is black racism comes into question. I do like KRC's advice on handling adversity (the cornerstone of every Bills fan). Give her some time to handle the problem herself, but let her know you have her back. If things get out of control, step in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beerball Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 4) I like the mace idea. Also, try to teach her things that can give her more confidence. You said that she took karate. Good, but it sounds like she no longer has the confidence. Talk to her about karate. Have her tell you about things she learned in class. Have her show you things she learned in class. Ask her, "what would you do if a person attacked you like this..." Have her show you. This may trigger the confidence that she used to have while taking karate. As others mentioned, confidence is one of the best ways to defend yourself against bullies. I will relay a personal experience via PM. 614618[/snapback] Just make sure the mace never is on her person when she's on school grounds. Probably doesn't need to be said, but that's a sure fire way to get your daughter kicked out of school. That means that she then probably can't have it on her person on the way to and from school when she may be the most vulnerable, unless there is somewhere off campus she can keep it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ieatcrayonz Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 This is what I would do... Go to the school, find this "gang" (I hate when kids try and act tough), and threaten them. Say if your daughter is touched, you will beat the ever living sh-- out of them. Of course, if you do that, make sure there are no witnesses. The other approach would be to threaten a lawsuit. There is nothing more a school district hates than bad publicity/losing money. Good luck. Keep us updated. 614579[/snapback] Ed... (shakes ed) Get this girl into some self defense classes. You have to teach her to stand up for herself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KRC Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 Sorry KRC gotta disagree with you. School districts do not like negative media stories. I come from a family of teachers. You'd be surprised how quickly they jump when camera crews arrive on campus. His daughter might get some negative comments at school, but she also could get postive feedback and help she needs. 614713[/snapback] I am not looking at things from the school district POV. I am looking at it from the student perspective. I do not see a lot of positives coming from her fellow students if she went to the media. I see more negative reactions. I see the bullying increasing against his daughter. It may not be the physical type, but there is no question in my mind that the teasing will increase as a result of going to the media. Also, it will make it more difficult for her to be accepted by other students. Unless there is school personnel following her from the time she leaves her house until the time she goes back into her house, kids will find a way of getting to her to make her life hell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IowaBill Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 I hope this is a joke... 614614[/snapback] Everything Ed posts is a joke, intentional or otherwise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Fong Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 One of the things I really regret doing was letting my wife pull my daughter out of Karate.....her confidence was always high when she was doing that and she didn't appear to have these problems.....and her instructor is great. She got pulled because her grades were starting to dip. 614432[/snapback] Don't send her back to karate class. Find a Jiu Jitsu studio near you. They'll teach her how to fight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
X. Benedict Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 Sorry KRC gotta disagree with you. School districts do not like negative media stories. I come from a family of teachers. You'd be surprised how quickly they jump when camera crews arrive on campus. His daughter might get some negative comments at school, but she also could get postive feedback and help she needs. Sad to say but these bully kids are getting ignored at home and act out to get attention. My family has seen it countless times with misbehaving kids. Call the parents in for a conference and they don't show. If they do show - they are on the defensive and if the child is black racism comes into question. I do like KRC's advice on handling adversity (the cornerstone of every Bills fan). Give her some time to handle the problem herself, but let her know you have her back. If things get out of control, step in. 614713[/snapback] I don't know if you have seen news around here. But it seems the more school violence stories they are doing on Buffalo city schools, the more violence the cameras are catching on TV. Now what badass wouldn't like a little more street cred by being on the 6 o'clock news? The media can deal with global problems, but I think there is little likelihood that they can deal with an individual problem unless there is a huge pattern. BTW, don't you come from a family of Coaches that happen to teach? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IBTG81 Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 Everything Ed posts is a joke, intentional or otherwise. 614729[/snapback] Yawn. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tennesseeboy Posted March 1, 2006 Share Posted March 1, 2006 you are a funny man Tenny. by the way....i am heading to Mongolia at the end of the month....any suggestions for travel safety? 614708[/snapback] My familiarity is with eastern europe in Ukraine and Belarus, but there are a few things that would be good pretty much anywhere. Try and use the little bit of Russian you might have with customs, as it goes a long way. The customs people can make your life EXTRAORDINARILY miserable. Ease ven Ist ye...is Russian for excuse me, and to get attention. Of course Da is yes and Nyet is no. Do not wear a university shirt or us flag on your shirt or hat. Most people actually like Americans in my experience, but they expect us to be a little pushy. Best to act the opposite of their expectations. I go out of my way to praise whatever they have and point out things that I admire. Look at the state department warnings. In Ukraine the ATM's were not bad although you had to be very careful to chose bank atms and watch for fraud. I had Ukrainian hosts and friends and developed a group of American expatriate friends who tended to steer me right. Mongolia sounds like an interesting place. Make sure you get out and meet the people. Many of my best experiences were in the homes of Ukrainian friends, and they showed me a lot of the country that most never see. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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