NCDAWG Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 How many of you guys have an out of control mother in law? I have been married to my wife for 11 years. 4 of those she didn't speak to us. She is the type of woman that comes over the house and re-arranges your furniture. She despises me because I stand up to her...I'm not Rambo with her, just tell her how I feel. I have the total support of my wife, but it is coming to a point of no return. We have family functions and she makes all others (my family, my wifes dad and his family) totally uncomfortable. I have tried to put a good face on it, but alas. She still sees me as the man who "stole" her daughter away. Would like some input, thoughts, or stories...just to know I'm not alone. Thanks and Ron Mexico rules. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brihs2005 Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 How many of you guys have an out of control mother in law? I have been married to my wife for 11 years. 4 of those she didn't speak to us. She is the type of woman that comes over the house and re-arranges your furniture. She despises me because I stand up to her...I'm not Rambo with her, just tell her how I feel. I have the total support of my wife, but it is coming to a point of no return. We have family functions and she makes all others (my family, my wifes dad and his family) totally uncomfortable. I have tried to put a good face on it, but alas. She still sees me as the man who "stole" her daughter away. Would like some input, thoughts, or stories...just to know I'm not alone. Thanks and Ron Mexico rules. 300391[/snapback] Being a single horny hopeless dork at the age of 20, i have no real advice other than to watch "The Ref" with Kevin Spacey and Denis Leary. May find a few ways to make the most of the situtation. Good luck to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kegtapr Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 From what I'm reading, it sounds like your wife needs to put her foot down, not you. Then again, I only have a future mother-in-law so what do I know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Mexico Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 Give me her number, I'll date her and give her something that will keep her occupied for a while. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thailog80 Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 It's your home. Tell Endora to get in line or GTFO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fixxxer Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 Put all your furniture outside and she'll probably freak out; then she'll pull a hamstring moving the sofa back to the living room. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VABills Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 Throw Mama from the Train Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mead107 Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 your wife needs to grow a set of balls and set her stright ,not you. then head over to your mother in laws house and start moving things around when she ask what you are doing tell her you want her to know that if she thinks she can do this at your house you can do the same at her house . then tell her the rules of what you want and let her know that if she cann't live with them she need not come over any more . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Generation ME Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 your wife needs to grow a set of balls 300423[/snapback] I'd hate to see what's listed under your computer Favorites. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MadBuffaloDisease Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 Your FIL also needs to set your MIL straight, if she makes his family uncomfortable as well. Maybe she needs anti-depressants? Psychotherapy? A good lay? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cåblelady Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 Sorry to hear that. Both of my ex-mother-in-laws were very special people. I'm still friends with former boyfriends' mothers, too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IDBillzFan Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 Your answer is somewhere between here: From what I'm reading, it sounds like your wife needs to put her foot down, not you. And here: It's your home. Tell Endora to get in line or GTFO. My wife's mother sounds every bit like your wife's mother. We've taken the route of cutting off communications with her, keeping her out of our lives and our home, and moving forward being better people for recognizing how we DON'T want to be. It's not for everyone, but it works for us. Do you have children? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hawk Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 Check out this site.. http://www.motherinlawstories.com/ Be sure to check out the MIL jokes,, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gavin in Va Beach Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 People can only walk all over you if you let them. Your wife needs to do more then be supportive and act as your ally in getting the point across to MIL that she needs to shape up or ship out. 'Course, if she hasn't figured out after 11 years that her daughter has a new life then maybe she's just too fuggin stupid for anything short of exile from your lives. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheRocks Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 originally i would say,....kill her with kindness with ever ounce of self worth you can muster up.... ...but it sounds like this has gone on for too long. beat her at her own game. stick a knife in her back on even numbered days, and kill her with kindness on odd numbered days. make sure there is always witness's on the "kind" days, and never any witness's on the "knife in the back" days. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Last Kid Picked Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 Tell her to get off the testosterone and/or human growth hormone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cale Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 Wow, your MIL sounds like a piece of work. We have great days and down right nasty days with her. But she is bipolar and not very well managed. But I also think women from that generation(I'm assuming she's over 60 yrs of age - or at least close to it) have got manipulative behavior down to a scientific art. So she uses what she knows to get what she wants. Which is control over your life and indirectly control over her environment - which she feels is spiralling out of *her* control. I think that scares her. The first step in that process was probably your wedding. I don't know for sure. But that's what I think. So I think the way to collectively "put your foot down" is for you and your wife to sit down together with her and tell her how much you love her, blah, blah, etc. etc. and how much you want her to be part of your lives. But also tell her how the things she does (be very specific about the kinds of behavior) makes the *both* of you feel uncomfortable - it might help if your wife says that particular statement. Keep in mind that all of us live for our parents approval - regardless of how unbearable they may be. So be sensitive to your wife's perspective as well. Also keep in mind that what you're doing is basically using the "technique" your MIL is using. But hopefully what you're doing is spinning a negative into a positive. However, in my personal experience, that's the "language" that seems to be best understood, at least by my MIL. Most of all - it works! In small increments at first, but then it progressively gets better. There'll never be a total cure but what you're hoping for is a livable situation when you're all together. Trust me when I say the motivation behind her behaviour is fear. Fear that she'll lose everything she's come love and knows to be familiar. Ultimatums just reinforce the fear. So plan and rehearse this with your wife and then execute. Family therapy might be an alternative but IMHO folks from that generation run when they hear that word. Cause it implies there's a dysfunction that needs to be fixed and that it couldn't possibly be something that involves *their* family, only others. Of course, she could just want to make your life a living hell - in which case ignore everything I just said ;-) Charles Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NCDAWG Posted April 9, 2005 Author Share Posted April 9, 2005 Your answer is somewhere between here:And here: My wife's mother sounds every bit like your wife's mother. We've taken the route of cutting off communications with her, keeping her out of our lives and our home, and moving forward being better people for recognizing how we DON'T want to be. It's not for everyone, but it works for us. Do you have children? 300447[/snapback] Yes, 7 year old little girl, of course her only grandchild Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NCDAWG Posted April 9, 2005 Author Share Posted April 9, 2005 Your FIL also needs to set your MIL straight, if she makes his family uncomfortable as well. Maybe she needs anti-depressants? Psychotherapy? A good lay? 300429[/snapback] They dont speak....she blames him for all the bad stuff in her life, and of course I remind her of him, so I just suck all the way around. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Campy Posted April 9, 2005 Share Posted April 9, 2005 If your wife truly agrees with you, she needs to be the person to set her mother straight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts