The Poojer Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 > "I've Lost Me Luggage" > > > An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal > with > tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was > already homesick. > > > "No," replied the Irishman "I've lost all me luggage!" > > > "How'd that happen?" > > > "The cork fell out!" said the Irishman. > > > ***************************************************** > > > "Water to Wine" > > > An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding > in > Connecticut. > > > The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an > empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been > drinking?" > > > "Just water," says the priest. > > > The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?" > > > The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!" > > > *********************************************** > > > "The Brothel" > > > Two Irishmen were sitting at a pub having beer and watching the brothel > across the street. > > > They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, > "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad." > > > Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said, > "Aye, > 'tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin' victim to temptation as > well." > > > Then they see a catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen > said, "What a terrible pity...one of the girls must be dying. > > > ************************************* > > > Irish Cemetery > > > Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Seamus, were stumbling home from the pub > late > one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old > graveyard.. > > > > "Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "It's Michael O'Grady's grave, > God > bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87." > > > "That's nothing," says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Toole, it says > here > that he was 95 when he died."! > > > Just then, Seamus yells out, "Good God, here's a fella that got to be > 145!" > > > "What was his name?" asks Paddy. > > > Seamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is > written on the stone marker, and exclaims, > > > "Miles, from Dublin." > > > *************************************************** > > > Irish Predicament > > > Drunk Ole Mulvihill (From the Northern Irish Clan) staggers into a > Catholic > Church, enters a confessional box, sits down, but says nothing. > > > The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but Ole Mulvihill just > sits there. > > > Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. > > > The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side > either." > > > *************************************************** > > > Irish Last Request > > > Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady's after his Sunday morning service, > and > she's in tears. > > > He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?" > > > She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away > last > night." > > > The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, did he have any > last > requests?" > > > She says, "That he did, Father..." > > > The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?" > > > She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun!' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillsNYC Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 I was at an 'Irish' celebration at a Irish pub last weekend. The bar was packed with people and they had an irish band playing. I was standing against the wall watching everybody have a great time in their irish shirts and singing along to the irish songs. Then, a couple of guys I got to know while waiting in line who are FROM Ireland walked by and I asked them if they were having fun. They looked at me and said, "are you kidding? This is so lame, none of this is Irish, they think it is but its not" I love americans who when you ask them what nationality they are, they say they're 'Irish'..but can't tell you a thing about Ireland. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevestojan Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 everybody have a great time276659[/snapback] Isn't that all that really matters? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweet baboo Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0144117/quotes Murphy: Yeah, it's St. Patty's Day, everyone's Irish tonight. Why don't you just pull up a stool and have a drink with us? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guffalo Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 I was at an 'Irish' celebration at a Irish pub last weekend. The bar was packed with people and they had an irish band playing. I was standing against the wall watching everybody have a great time in their irish shirts and singing along to the irish songs. Then, a couple of guys I got to know while waiting in line who are FROM Ireland walked by and I asked them if they were having fun. They looked at me and said, "are you kidding? This is so lame, none of this is Irish, they think it is but its not" I love americans who when you ask them what nationality they are, they say they're 'Irish'..but can't tell you a thing about Ireland. 276659[/snapback] I worked with a girl from Ireland, she said the way we celebrate is outrageous, She claimed it was pretty much a non-event at home, closer toa (but not quite) a religious observance. Gee I just can't wait to get on the train tommorow with all the drunks from the parade, acting as if they own the damn LIRR, they act as if projectile vomiting is a sport that shoud be added to the next olympics. Thank goodness it's only once a year! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bills_fan Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 1/2 day for me tomorrow. Have to have the corned beef, cabbage and Guiness for lunch and one of the great Irish pubs in lower Manhattan (Beekman probably). Seems lunch will last well into the wee hours!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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