eball Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 A co-worker and I were discussing the dreadful state of the bottom-feeders in the NFL, and came to a consensus on the eight teams that should meet in a Toilet Bowl playoff to determine the "best of the worst." Amazingly, our Bills did not qualify -- by a hair. The participants: NO BRAINERS Tennessee, Tampa, St. Louis -- 0-18 combined. The shocker here is the Titans, just a year removed from 13-3. BARELY BREATHING Detroit, Kansas City, Cleveland -- 3-15 combined, with no "quality" wins. That makes six "easy" qualifiers for our tournament; finding the remaining two is a bit more challenging. Of the teams with only two wins (Buffalo, Miami, San Diego, Oakland, Washington, Carolina, and Seattle), Buffalo and Miami are excluded by virtue of their wins against the Jets -- a "good" team. Oakland escapes with their win over Philly, and Seattle is out thanks to their waxing of Jacksonville. That leaves San Diego, Washington, and Carolina fighting it out for the last two spots in our Toilet Bowl. The Redskins are the clear winner here, as their only wins have come against winless opponents (St. Louis, Tampa), and two of their losses are against teams already in the tournament (KC, Detroit). So we're down to Carolina and San Diego. Carolina has only beaten Washington and Tampa -- no quality wins. That's enough to edge out the Chargers, who did scrape by Miami for one of their victories. Round One: Carolina (1) vs. St. Louis (8) -- can't see the Rams beating anyone; Panthers advance despite 4 Delhomme picks. Washington (2) vs. Tennessee (7) -- a real toss-up, but with Zorn's decision-making responsibilities limited to calling the coin toss, the Titans find a way. After the game, Daniel Snyder announces he's bringing in a coin-toss specialist because Zorn has "too much on his plate." Cleveland (3) vs. Tampa (6) -- Joshua Cribbs scores 5 TDs, all on punt returns, and the Browns coast. Kansas City (4) vs. Detroit (5) -- both teams highlight narrow victories over the Skins on their resume; regulation ends in a tie and after five overtime periods, the Lions give up. Round Two: Carolina vs. Tennessee -- Super Bowl preview? No, this is not 2008. Panthers roll as Vince Young cries on the sideline; Delhomme's 5th INT of the game allows Titans to score junk TD and close within 28. Cleveland vs. Kansas City -- the Chefs have been remarkably competitive (in a crappy way) early in the season; Cleveland's only win came despite a two-completion game from their QB. The edge goes to KC. Toilet Bowl Championship: Carolina vs. Kansas City -- the No. 1 seed is too much for the KC Cassels. Peppers gets a half dozen sacks, negating Delhomme's 6 picks, and the Panthers take the title as Best of the Worst. Bottom Line -- the league sucks this year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Jack Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 I know one of the photographers that will be at the Bills/Titans game this season, and he's calling that game the "No One Cares Bowl". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KD in CA Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 Cool idea eball. I also can't remember a year with this many teams that are this bad. As for the 8, I agree with the bottom six, though KC and Detroit have some redeeming value. Washington is just horrid, I'd probably put them 4th. San Diego and Miami do not belong in the conversation -- they are decent teams that have lost close games against quality teams. That leaves Seattle, Carolina, Oakland and Buffalo fighting for the last spot. You can make an argument for or against any of those, but I'm sticking with Oakland in that spot, despite the win over Philly on Sunday. The ownership and coaching is a mess and Russell may be the worst QB in NFL history -- their offense is almost completely useless. So here's my round robin: Round One (seeding by record and net points): Washington (1) vs. St. Louis (8) -- Washington can play a bit of defense, win an ugly, low scoring contest. 14-13. Oakland (2) vs. Tennessee (7) -- Tennessee finally gets a win as they hold Oakland to 12 yards of total offense. Another low scoring snooze-fest, 13-3 Titans. Kansas City (3) vs. Tampa (6) -- The only quality skill position player on the field for either team is the difference as Bowe scores twice in a 24-17 KC win. Cleveland (4) vs. Detroit (5) -- Eric Mangini decides this is the week to use a series by series QB rotation. Andersen and Quinn combine for 5 picks while the Lions get Calvin Johnson back and roll to a 31-10 win. Round Two: Washington vs. Detroit -- Lions briefly take the lead into the third quarter before they remember that they are the Lions, and winning 2 in a row would cause a complete particle reversal of the entire universe, ending existence in the blink of an eye. They turn the ball over on their next 3 possessions and the Skins win 20-17. Tennessee vs. Kansas City -- Jeff Fisher, hoping to inspire his team, shows up for the game wearing a Len Dawson jersey. Bill Belichick decides 59-0 isn't enough humiliation, so he sends his game plan over to Pioli. Matt Cassell throws for 400 yards as KC wins 34-6. Toilet Bowl Championship: Washington vs. Kansas City -- Washington defense puts the reigns on KC for most of the game, picking off Cassell 3 times. Unfortunately, Jim Zorn resumes play calling duties for Washington. The Skins only generate 8 first downs all game and kick FGs on all four trips to the red zone. A late FG propels KC to the Toilet Bowl Championship, 13-12. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
billsfreak Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 A co-worker and I were discussing the dreadful state of the bottom-feeders in the NFL, and came to a consensus on the eight teams that should meet in a Toilet Bowl playoff to determine the "best of the worst." Amazingly, our Bills did not qualify -- by a hair. The participants: NO BRAINERS Tennessee, Tampa, St. Louis -- 0-18 combined. The shocker here is the Titans, just a year removed from 13-3. BARELY BREATHING Detroit, Kansas City, Cleveland -- 3-15 combined, with no "quality" wins. That makes six "easy" qualifiers for our tournament; finding the remaining two is a bit more challenging. Of the teams with only two wins (Buffalo, Miami, San Diego, Oakland, Washington, Carolina, and Seattle), Buffalo and Miami are excluded by virtue of their wins against the Jets -- a "good" team. Oakland escapes with their win over Philly, and Seattle is out thanks to their waxing of Jacksonville. That leaves San Diego, Washington, and Carolina fighting it out for the last two spots in our Toilet Bowl. The Redskins are the clear winner here, as their only wins have come against winless opponents (St. Louis, Tampa), and two of their losses are against teams already in the tournament (KC, Detroit). So we're down to Carolina and San Diego. Carolina has only beaten Washington and Tampa -- no quality wins. That's enough to edge out the Chargers, who did scrape by Miami for one of their victories. Round One: Carolina (1) vs. St. Louis (8) -- can't see the Rams beating anyone; Panthers advance despite 4 Delhomme picks. Washington (2) vs. Tennessee (7) -- a real toss-up, but with Zorn's decision-making responsibilities limited to calling the coin toss, the Titans find a way. After the game, Daniel Snyder announces he's bringing in a coin-toss specialist because Zorn has "too much on his plate." Cleveland (3) vs. Tampa (6) -- Joshua Cribbs scores 5 TDs, all on punt returns, and the Browns coast. Kansas City (4) vs. Detroit (5) -- both teams highlight narrow victories over the Skins on their resume; regulation ends in a tie and after five overtime periods, the Lions give up. Round Two: Carolina vs. Tennessee -- Super Bowl preview? No, this is not 2008. Panthers roll as Vince Young cries on the sideline; Delhomme's 5th INT of the game allows Titans to score junk TD and close within 28. Cleveland vs. Kansas City -- the Chefs have been remarkably competitive (in a crappy way) early in the season; Cleveland's only win came despite a two-completion game from their QB. The edge goes to KC. Toilet Bowl Championship: Carolina vs. Kansas City -- the No. 1 seed is too much for the KC Cassels. Peppers gets a half dozen sacks, negating Delhomme's 6 picks, and the Panthers take the title as Best of the Worst. Bottom Line -- the league sucks this year. This post is a Joke. The Jets didn't look all that good to me? Getting a little home town favoritism aren't we? Using your theory because we beat the Jets we shouldn't be one of the bad teams? The Browns beat us and at home too. Don't be shocked if we lose to Carolina and Tennessee either, both division winners last year that you have as worse teams than us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillsFanNC Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 Interesting analysis eball, but the Bills should get in as a wild card based on the Cleveland game alone. That contest set the game of football back decades. Your bottom line is dead accurate though, the play this year really has been pitiful from a lot of teams. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jester43 Posted October 21, 2009 Share Posted October 21, 2009 A co-worker and I were discussing the dreadful state of the bottom-feeders in the NFL, and came to a consensus on the eight teams that should meet in a Toilet Bowl playoff to determine the "best of the worst." Amazingly, our Bills did not qualify -- by a hair. The participants: NO BRAINERS Tennessee, Tampa, St. Louis -- 0-18 combined. The shocker here is the Titans, just a year removed from 13-3. BARELY BREATHING Detroit, Kansas City, Cleveland -- 3-15 combined, with no "quality" wins. That makes six "easy" qualifiers for our tournament; finding the remaining two is a bit more challenging. Of the teams with only two wins (Buffalo, Miami, San Diego, Oakland, Washington, Carolina, and Seattle), Buffalo and Miami are excluded by virtue of their wins against the Jets -- a "good" team. Oakland escapes with their win over Philly, and Seattle is out thanks to their waxing of Jacksonville. That leaves San Diego, Washington, and Carolina fighting it out for the last two spots in our Toilet Bowl. The Redskins are the clear winner here, as their only wins have come against winless opponents (St. Louis, Tampa), and two of their losses are against teams already in the tournament (KC, Detroit). So we're down to Carolina and San Diego. Carolina has only beaten Washington and Tampa -- no quality wins. That's enough to edge out the Chargers, who did scrape by Miami for one of their victories. Round One: Carolina (1) vs. St. Louis (8) -- can't see the Rams beating anyone; Panthers advance despite 4 Delhomme picks. Washington (2) vs. Tennessee (7) -- a real toss-up, but with Zorn's decision-making responsibilities limited to calling the coin toss, the Titans find a way. After the game, Daniel Snyder announces he's bringing in a coin-toss specialist because Zorn has "too much on his plate." Cleveland (3) vs. Tampa (6) -- Joshua Cribbs scores 5 TDs, all on punt returns, and the Browns coast. Kansas City (4) vs. Detroit (5) -- both teams highlight narrow victories over the Skins on their resume; regulation ends in a tie and after five overtime periods, the Lions give up. Round Two: Carolina vs. Tennessee -- Super Bowl preview? No, this is not 2008. Panthers roll as Vince Young cries on the sideline; Delhomme's 5th INT of the game allows Titans to score junk TD and close within 28. Cleveland vs. Kansas City -- the Chefs have been remarkably competitive (in a crappy way) early in the season; Cleveland's only win came despite a two-completion game from their QB. The edge goes to KC. Toilet Bowl Championship: Carolina vs. Kansas City -- the No. 1 seed is too much for the KC Cassels. Peppers gets a half dozen sacks, negating Delhomme's 6 picks, and the Panthers take the title as Best of the Worst. Bottom Line -- the league sucks this year. you are doing this all wrong. the team that LOSES should be the one to advance. when you win you are out of the toilet bowl competition. the toilet bowl should go to the team that can't win a game. now that would be interesting! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eball Posted October 21, 2009 Author Share Posted October 21, 2009 This post is a Joke. The Jets didn't look all that good to me? Getting a little home town favoritism aren't we? Using your theory because we beat the Jets we shouldn't be one of the bad teams? The Browns beat us and at home too. Don't be shocked if we lose to Carolina and Tennessee either, both division winners last year that you have as worse teams than us. Yes, the whole thing is a joke. But thanks for reminding me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eball Posted October 21, 2009 Author Share Posted October 21, 2009 you are doing this all wrong. the team that LOSES should be the one to advance. when you win you are out of the toilet bowl competition. the toilet bowl should go to the team that can't win a game. now that would be interesting! Good point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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