Mile High Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 Stage 1 = SMART: This is when you become an expert on everything known to mankind. You know you know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are ALWAYS RIGHT and of course the person you are talking to is ALWAYS WRONG. This makes for an interesting argument when both people are SMART. Stage 2 = GOOD LOOKING: This is when you realize that you are the most attractive person in the entire bar and that people fancy you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bare in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun. Stage 3 = RICH: This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armored truck full of money parked outside the bar. You can also make large bets at this stage, because of course, you are still SMART, so naturally you win all your bets. It doesn’t matter how much you bet because you are RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because now you are the BEST LOOKING person in the world. Stage 4 = BULLET PROOF: You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because nothing can hurt you. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge them to a battle of wits or money. You have no fear of losing this battle because you are SMART, you are RICH and you’re BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway! Stage 5 = INVISIBLE: This is the final stage of drunkenness. At this point you can do anything because no one can see you. You dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You are also invisible to the person who wants to fight you. You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and because you’re still SMART you know all the words. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BB27 Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 Stage 5 says your invisible. Why wouldn't they be able to hear you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mead107 Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 1 beer , 2 beers , 3 beeress, 4 bearreass ,5 b b ber ......BARREERRS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
col_forbin Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 Stage 6: You wake up and realize you have pissed yourself, are completely broke, and missing several credit cards. Not to mention the hideous thing laying next to you. Reality creeps back in Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
meazza Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 one of my most famous lines when i'm wasted is "do you know who the **** i am!!!" when in fact, who the hell am i lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CoachChuckDickerson Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 Stage 6: You wake up and realize you have pissed yourself, are completely broke, and missing several credit cards. Not to mention the hideous thing laying next to you. Reality creeps back in 576057[/snapback] Is the "severe burning sensation during urination" part of this stage or is that Stage 7? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dean Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 Those are good. Not as good, IMO, as Larry Miller's classic 5 Stages of Drinking. It's funnier to see Larry do it...but THIS will have to do: LEVEL 1: It's 11:00 on a weeknight, you've had a few beers. You get up to leave because you have work the next day and one of your friends buys another round. One of your UNEMPLOYED friends. Here at level one you think to yourself, "Oh come on, this is silly, why as long as I get seven hours of sleep (snap fingers), I'm cool." LEVEL 2: It's midnight. You've had a few more beers. You've just spent 20 minutes arguing against artificial turf. You get up to leave again, but at level two, a little devil appears on your shoulder. And now you're thinking, "Hey! I'm out with my friends! What am I working for anyway? These are the good times! Besides, as long as I get five hours sleep (snaps fingers) I'm cool." LEVEL 3: One in the morning. You've abandoned beer for tequila. You've just spent 20 minutes arguing FOR artificial turf. And now you're thinking, "Our waitress is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen!" At level three, you love the world. On the way to the bathroom you buy a drink for the stranger at the end of the bar just because you like his face. You get drinking fantasies. (like,"Hey fellas, if we bought our own bar, we could live together forever. We could do it. Tommy, you could cook.") But at level three, that devil is a little bit bigger....and he's buying. And you're thinking "Oh, come on, come on now. As long as I get three hours sleep...and a complete change of blood (snaps fingers), I'm cool." LEVEL 4: Two in the morning. And the devil is bartending. For last call, you ordered a bottle of rum and a Coke. You ARE artificial turf! This time on your way to the bathroom, you punch the stranger at the end of the bar. Just because you don't like his face! And now you're thinking, "Our busboy is the best looking man I've ever seen." You and your friends decide to leave, right after you get thrown out, and one of you knows an ...after hours bar. And here, at level four, you actually think to yourself, "Well....as long as I'm only going to get a few hours sleep anyway, I may as well....STAY UP ALL NIGHT!!!! Yeah! That'd be good for me. I don't mind going to that board meeting looking like Keith Richards. Yeah, I'll turn that around, make it work for me. And besides, as long as I get 31 hours sleep tomorrow ....cool." LEVEL 5: Five in the morning. after unsuccessfully trying to get your money back at the tattoo parlor ("But I don't even know anybody named Ruby!!!"), you and your friends wind up across the state line in a bar with guys who have been in prison as recently as...that morning. It's the kind of place where even the devil is going, "Uh, I gotta turn in. I gotta be in Hell- at nine. I've got that brunch with Hitler, I can't miss that." At this point, you're all drinking some kind of thick blue liquor, like something from a Klingon wedding. A waitress with fresh stitches comes over, and you think to yourself, "Someday I'm gonna marry that girl!!" One of your friends stands up and screams, "WE'RE DRIVIN' TO FLORIDA!!!!!"- and passes out. You crawl outside for air , and then you hit the worst part of level five- the sun. You weren't expecting that were you? You never do. You walk out of a bar in daylight, and you see people on their way to work, or jogging. And they look at you-and they know. And they say..."Who's Ruby?" Let's be honest, if you're 19 and you stay up all night, it's like a victory like you've beat the night, but if you're over 30, then that sun is like God's flashlight. We all say the same prayer then, "I swear, I will never do this again (how long?) as long as I live!" And some of us have that little addition, "......and this time, I mean it!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mile High Posted January 21, 2006 Author Share Posted January 21, 2006 "Well....as long as I'm only going to get a few hours sleep anyway, I may as well....STAY UP ALL NIGHT!!!! Yeah! That'd be good for me. I don't mind going to that board meeting looking like Keith Richards. Yeah, I'll turn that around, make it work for me. And besides, as long as I get 31 hours sleep Too true. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
/dev/null Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 one of my most famous lines when i'm wasted is "do you know who the **** i am!!!" when in fact, who the hell am i lol 576083[/snapback] no, actually i'd say an even more famous line of yours was that whole speed of light vs speed of sound nonsense Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dean Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 no, actually i'd say an even more famous line of yours was that whole speed of light vs speed of sound nonsense 576314[/snapback] When you light a fart, do you hear it or see it light first? One things for sure, the speed of smell is much slower...but it makes a much bigger impact. Perhaps farts don't obey the laws of physics. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
/dev/null Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 Perhaps farts don't obey the laws of physics. 576321[/snapback] Further proof of Intelligent Design Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Mexico Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 Is the "severe burning sensation during urination" part of this stage or is that Stage 7? 576244[/snapback] That would certainly be stage 7, how do you think I picked my uniform number? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KD in CA Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 Those are good. Not as good, IMO, as Larry Miller's classic 5 Stages of Drinking. It's funnier to see Larry do it...but THIS will have to do: Larry Miller is great. That is one of the best comedy bits I've ever seen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
X. Benedict Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 Further proof of Intelligent Design 576325[/snapback] Perhaps just proof the Creator has a sense of humor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crap Throwing Monkey Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 When you light a fart, do you hear it or see it light first? Depends...is it in space or not? Perhaps farts don't obey the laws of physics. 576321[/snapback] Whose laws? Meazza's, or the real world's? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Dean Posted January 21, 2006 Share Posted January 21, 2006 Depends...is it in space or not?Whose laws? Meazza's, or the real world's? 576850[/snapback] Well, it occurs in some space somewhere. It doesn't take a LOT of space to bend over and light a fart, but i'd recommend keeping some space between yourself and the subject. Unless Meazza lives out in space, I'm not sure how laws that pertain to him are not of the real world. Perhaps you mean MTV's Real World. I've never watched the show, so i can't tell you how things in that world work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
taterhill Posted January 22, 2006 Share Posted January 22, 2006 Stage 6: You wake up and realize you have pissed yourself, are completely broke, and missing several credit cards. Not to mention the hideous thing laying next to you. Reality creeps back in 576057[/snapback] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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