(Way OT) What do they do in Buffalo

[plenzmd1]

I live in Richmond and send my 5 year old to a private school here. Had our second Parent Teacher Conferance yesterday and was told again that academically my daughter is doing fine, however being that she is over a full YEAR younger then 12 of the 16 kids in her class, she is behind in things like getting work done on time, following complex directions, and motor skills like hand writing. Now, this school is recognized as one of the top schools not only in this area, but also in the country. My daughter turned 5 in late August last year. This school does extensive testing to gain admission, and they saw no reason for her not to start school.

 

However, it is the practice here that if your kid has not turned 5 by Decemeber of the previos year, parents hold their kids back a year.That is really across the board as well, not just at private school. This is done purely from a competitive standpoint, figuring their kid will have an advantage by strating school at a later age, not only academically but also in athletics. Just starting to piss me off as I have a boy that will start next year, if he gets in, who will be five in July and staring in Sept.

 

Is this Standard operating procedure in Buffalo? Hate to put my kids at a dissadvantage so early in life, but I think they are ready to handle the work, and would be bored out of their gord with an extra year of pre K. Again, just wondering if this is peculiar to this part of the country, or if you are seeing that more and more in Buffalo

[Eric in Va]

You make some very generalization in your post about children in the Richmond area. I know a large number of children that you describe (mine included) that are doing absolutely fine. My son turned 5 in late July and is doing great in all aspects of school. While I do not send my child to private school, I am sending him to one of the best Public Elementary schools in Chesterfield and he does not have any of these competitive issues.

 

He is able to handle the school work, social and sports at par or better than the other kids. My oldest daughter is also a July baby. I do not know many if any parents who have held their child back an entire year so that they are the oldest in class. To me if the kid is ready they should go to school.

 

As for the Buffalo area, I lived in Orchard Park for approxitely 20 years and this was never an issue for me or any of my family or their children. They were all put into school when the kids were age appropriate.

 

I personally do not worry about what all of the other parents and kids are doing when making decisions for my child. I talk to my kids and I observe them very closely with their school work and social interactions. I then help them in any way that I can. I do not subscribe to making life the easiest for anyone. With that said I also understand that some children need time and I do not push my kids for impression sake.

[MikeG]

when I grew up in Buffalo, I started K when I was 4. I was no "super genius" or anything, they just let you start early if you could do it. My birthday is in November so I was only 4 for the first few months. I went to a catholic school. No problems in school ever, except laziness ... but sometimes I really wish I would have been I started later just because of basketball... I got scholarship offers and played in college, but if I had one more year of high school to play, I would have been even better. BUT, that being said, if the only reason is sports... unless you can be 100% sure (impossible) that your child will be a GREAT super athlete... I say let them start school when they can do it. If I didn't play basketball but was a year later, I would have been soooooo bored and wanting to get out of school when I was only a junior. I'm glad I started early, even if it "hurt" my basketball life a little, but I wasn't going to the NBA or anything so I'm glad I got out when I did.

 

besides, I made up for getting out of HS early with the extra years in college... transfering twice and taking a year off... so maybe waiting the extra year is worth it in Kindergarten.

who knows?

 

glad I could "help"

[Dan Gross]

What you are talking about is a year off of what the guidelines are in this area (East of Buffalo). Sounds like (as you mention) the private school is trying to get a leg-up athletically by getting "older" students.

[Terry Tate]

One of my kids is a July baby. She's the youngest in her K class; seems to be doing fine. We could've held her out until next year here in Florida (as well as California had we not moved), but I didn't see any reason to. Don't be a worrywort; you're involved in their lives, they'll be fine.

[plenzmd1]

What you are talking about is a year off of what the guidelines are in this area (East of Buffalo).  Sounds like (as you mention) the private school is trying to get a leg-up athletically by getting "older" students.

299473[/snapback]

Not really, as I debated about sending the kids there as the sports kinda suck. They do well in their league, but get smached in almost every sport agaisnt the public schools. Appreciate the feedback, and pretty much what I thought people would say. She loves school, but dam sometimes you worry as a parent if your doing the right thing.

 

And by the way, I should mention that I am 100% convinced that both of my kids are super geniuses as well as gifted athletically

[Alaska Darin]

I would hold my child back the year. In the short term it might suck but the long term benefit is an extra year of maturity in latter years of school, which may be the difference between being a leader and a follower.

[SD Jarhead]

FWIW, my oldest son was born in mid-November. When he was eligible to attend kintergarden, my wife and I, being new parents were all gung ho about putting him in schoole early. A friend of mine at work who had older children cautioned me against it and recommended that I wait and start him a year later for the reasons you list above.

 

Well, I didn't take his advice but wish I had. My son is now in 7th grade and while mentally, he can handle the work, he dosen't have the level of maturity of some of his classmates who are as much as a year and a half older than him.

 

My best advice to a parent with a child born in Oct-Nov would be to hold-off on placing the child in school. Just my $.02

[Mark VI]

I would hold my child back the year.  In the short term it might suck but the long term benefit is an extra year of maturity in latter years of school, which may be the difference between being a leader and a follower.

299540[/snapback]

 

Sage advice, indeed.

 

I adopted my daughter from Romania when she was 4. Went immediately into preschool and was OK. Then came Kindergarten and I could see she was falling behind in some basic teachings, so we held her back. Smartest thing we ever did. She needed to relax,mature and understand the language better.

 

She's now in the 2nd grade and is doing very well. Every child is different and their well being should be primary in the decision. Struggling at a young age could have long range ramifications. My wife is a teacher and could see all the signs. Wasn't hard to make the decision and everything turned out for the best. She's a very happy child.

[aussiew]

My twin girls have September birthdays so they started school two weeks before they turned 5. I was told the same thing by the teacher. My mother said that I needed to start spending more time with them. Increase the amount of two-way conversation you have with your daughter, involve her in family discussions and you may see a big difference.

[CoachChuckDickerson]

I personally do not worry about what all of the other parents and kids are doing when making decisions for my child.  I talk to my kids and I observe them very closely with their school work and social interactions.  I then help them in any way that I can.  I do not subscribe to making life the easiest for anyone.  With that said I also understand that some children need time and I do not push my kids for impression sake.

299460[/snapback]

 

Great post. Soccer moms and dads are out of control. Every parent thinks their child is gifted nowadays. It is a total status symbol. My wife works in an affluent community down here as a grade school teacher. You should she the parents who line up and try to get their children forced into gifted programs even though they didn't score high enough on standard testing. Unreal.

[Dan Gross]

I would hold my child back the year.  In the short term it might suck but the long term benefit is an extra year of maturity in latter years of school, which may be the difference between being a leader and a follower.

299540[/snapback]

 

Well, I guess I spoke from my own experience being one of the youngest in my class (October...started when I was 4). I managed to get bored enough academically to make me lazy later on (and in fact the grief I got was from being one of the "smart kids/nerds"), I can't imagine how bored I would have been had I been another year behind....

 

I guess what I'm echoing is the sentiment that you should monitor how your child is doing and base the decision on what you think is best for your child. The fact that you bothered to post this shows that you care enough to do what's right for your kids, which is the important thing.

[Fan in San Diego]

My son's birthday is in Jan. so he missed the cutoff date by a few days. He was bored that year, but he really did need the extra time to mature before going to school. He's still immature compared to some of the kids in his class.

[Alaska Darin]

Well, I guess I spoke from my own experience being one of the youngest in my class (October...started when I was 4).  I managed to get bored enough academically to make me lazy later on (and in fact the grief I got was from being one of the "smart kids/nerds"), I can't imagine how bored I would have been had I been another year behind....

 

I guess what I'm echoing is the sentiment that you should monitor how your child is doing and base the decision on what you think is best for your child.  The fact that you bothered to post this shows that you care enough to do what's right for your kids, which is the important thing.

299583[/snapback]

As a high school student you have the option of graduating early if you want to do the extra work. But you won't have the opportunity to physically catch up with your classmates because it's not a hard work thing .

 

What happened to you is simply symptomatic of what ails our egalitarian public school system.

[CoachChuckDickerson]

What happened to you is simply symptomatic of what ails our *egalitarian public school system.

299725[/snapback]

 

Nice word and useage!

 

 

*Affirming, promoting, or characterized by belief in equal political, economic, social, and civil rights for all people.

[Alaska Darin]

Nice word and useage!

*Affirming, promoting, or characterized by belief in equal political, economic, social, and civil rights for all people.

299736[/snapback]

How in the world does Campy get my credit? Damn.

[CoachChuckDickerson]

How in the world does Campy get my credit?  Damn. 

299742[/snapback]

 

Sorry about that. I had two quotes on here and I guess they merged when I tried to delete one. I went to public schools, what do you expect....

 

I would edit it but its kinda funny.

[plenzmd1]

My twin girls have September birthdays so they started school two weeks before they turned 5.  I was told the same thing by the teacher. My mother said that I needed to start spending more time with them. Increase the amount of two-way conversation you have with your daughter, involve her in family discussions and you may see a big difference.

299564[/snapback]

 

Hopefully this was not directed at me, as I said she is excited everyday to go to school, and is doing well acadmically.

 

I was only asking cause it seems to me , again maybe somewhat of a generaliztion, but down here the trend is really becomming noticeable to hold kids back. I was just kinda wondering if this was happening elsewhere. Trust me, I can see the day here when the new age for staring K will be six, and then some will hold their kids back until seven .

 

I appreciate everyones feedback

[BRH]

My daughter is a July baby and is younger than most of the kids in her class at Allendale Columbia here in Rochester. She has an interesting situation since in addition to being younger she has had some gastrointestinal issues and multiple food allergies that delayed her growth, so she is by far the smallest kid in her class, BUT she is way ahead of most of the kids in terms of reading, writing and all the other academic measurements. Had we held her back a year, she would have been bored stiff at home and been even farther ahead of her class academically when she started.

 

By contrast my son (who is 2 1/2) is a January baby and big for his age; he will miss the cutoff and will be one of the older (and larger) students in his class when he starts. Fortunately he also shares his sister's intelligence, so it has crossed our minds to try to have him start preschool this fall, but it's most likely that we'll let him wait a year. He looks like he will be the athlete in the family so an extra year will help him in that department.

 

Unfortunately my daughter has had to deal with idiot kids who call her "shorty" and the like, but we see it as a way to help her build character and a healthy respect for people's differences early on. You have to deal with idiots your whole life (as we all know here on TSW ), so getting a little early training in that doesn't hurt.

 

I do have to say that in a way I am glad it is my daughter who has growth delay issues and not my son, since as a June baby who also endured a constitutional growth delay as a child (but is now normal-sized), I can testify that it's much harder on boys than girls. (My wife, by contrast, developed earlier than most girls in her class -- she was her current height of 5'8" at age 11 -- and thought THAT was harder on girls.)

 

I live in Pittsford and I too see a lot of people holding back their second-half-of-the-year kids for another year for academic and athletic advantage. While I see their point, I also think that it depends on the child. If your child barely makes the cutoff but doesn't have maturity issues and is ready to do the work (my daughter was reading at age 3), then there isn't any point in not sending him or her to school. If you send your late-born child to nursery school at age 3, you can always decide to send him or her through another year of pre-K if it isn't working out (some parents at our school have done that).

 

As an aside, when I grew up (in Penfield), there were only a very few kids in my class who were born in 1968 (I am a '69 baby like many here on TSW) -- and most of them were born in November or December. Nowadays it's not unusual to see kids a full year older than my daughter in her class.

[Astrobot]

Hey, BRH, I'd send my kids to Harley. I'll take care of them!

 

My kids went to Penfield virtually at the same time. They loved Mr. Doe's classes. I'll PM you and see if you knew them.

[SouthernMan]

I think the real issue here is that you and the Mrs don't want to be seen as the parents of the kid who rides "the short bus".

 

Look, it's your kid - either way you should love her and encourage her. Help with with the hockey helmet once in a while, but let her learn to snap the strap by herself.

 

What's the worse thing that could happen? Just think how popular she'll be as the only kid in middle school with a driver's license. In high school, she's bound to be invited to every "cool kid" party - being the only one old enough to buy booze in her sophomore year.

[BRH]

Hey, BRH, I'd send my kids to Harley. I'll take care of them!

 

My kids went to Penfield virtually at the same time. They loved Mr. Doe's classes. I'll PM you and see if you knew them.

299863[/snapback]

Gotcha. I did know your older son vaguely, I think. True story re: Harley... I was rejected for admission there in first grade because I *ahem* "lacked the social skills" to succeed (I had spent my kindergarten year at a private schoolhouse across from Midvale CC where one of the teachers was the wife of the Harley headmaster, and for reasons that are still unknown to me I decided to spend my last six months there not speaking at all). So when my daughter was accepted at Allendale, yes, I admit it... I felt a small measure of vindication.