DC Tom Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 1. Good qualities: Black dude with one of those African hats with a lot of green and black in it. Must have an accent but be somewhat understandable. Can be kind caring type or ruthless killer. Can't be both. Killer type has to have an evil look in his eye at ALL times. No nuance. Kind/caring type needs to be befriended by some American chick in trouble after having stumbled on a conspiracy. Woman can't be totally smart or dumb. Has to be in between and confused. Think along the lines of Ellen Page, not Rachel Weisz or her twin sister or Megan Fox. And yes I realize they are all super dumb in real life but their persona is what matters. Another good quality is a snooty white guy who owns expensive stuff and is 100% completely evil but also very very sneaky and able to weasel out of things. Make sure this dude never goes 10 minutes without saying the phrase "diplomatic immunity". Ever. He must also have some high ranking American politician in his hip pocket but it must look like a lower level American is the bad guy at first. Bad qualities: Kind caring black dude type is never supposed to make a mistake. He must be as wise as someone who has lived on the planet for 10,000 years. Snooty white guys must have at least 16 personal assistants but no more than 23. Anything outside those guidelines just won't work. None of the ambassadors should ever order their own food. 2. In real life or the show? In real life they get to joined if they grease enough third world countries and hate Israel. In the show, as long as they don't have webbed feet and speak in clicking noises everything should be fine. Remember, although ambassadors and staff can be shown to be corrupt, the UN itself must be shown as the pinnacle of virtue. Mess that one up and be writing Wednesday night dinner theater in Akron. 2a. After formal admission the ambassadors grow webbed feet and start speaking in clicking noises. If they really get pissed off the clicking noises hurt the ears of all the regular ambassadors. The rest of the nations immediately regret granting irrevocable membership but they are hosed. The new ambassadors not only begin to dominate the discourse but eat all of the good food at the buffet by using their clicking noises to advance to the front of the line. P.S. I hope you realize that the webbed feet and clicking noises only apply to Atlantis. If the dudes rose up from underground they would revert to having eyes like slits and eating bugs. If they were just isolated from the rest of the world at random they could gradually learn to hit on the hottest chicks and steal all the good looking ones. No matter what though, at the end, all of the other nations of the world must come together as one to defend the planet. They must put aside their petty differences and become a cohesive team. They can either defeat or convert their foe. Maybe you should just get crayonz to ghost write the precis for you... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
/dev/null Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 1. In your opinion what qualities make for a good Ambassador? What qualities make for a poor Ambassador? (I know this is vague). Examples of real life ambassadors in either category would be lovely as well so I can do more digging. Again it depends on the member country. For the most part a good Ambassador is one that is able to secure funding from the United Nations for internal projects. Bonus points for being able skim the maximum for yourself and your cronies Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ieatcrayonz Posted October 4, 2011 Share Posted October 4, 2011 Maybe you should just get crayonz to ghost write the precis for you... No can do. For a couple of reasons. First I don't think I could be precise due to prior commitments. I can help with the outline but that would probably be it. Second, the whole ghost thing is lame. Usually ghosts come in at the end of a series, not the beginning. Could I work something in? I suppose. If we go with the kind caring african ambassador he can speak with the ghost of Nelson Mandela for example. But think about it, what would Mandela's ghost know about people from Atlantis with webbed feet speaking in clicking noises? It's not like he knew any when he was alive. Unless we made up some junk about one of his cell mates for all those years secretly being from Atlantis. That might be able to work. And I would never last in the biz because I swear to God if one producer wanted to work in a bunch of crappy Peter Gabriel music just because Mandela's ghost was starring in the show I might haul off and punch the dude for being so lame. Plus you just know they would want Morgan Freebird or whatever his name is to play Mandela which is such a stereotype. Personally I think if it is a comedy maybe we get Randy Quaid to play Mandela's ghost or even OJ but that would piss people off. Any ghost other than Mandela screws things up. An evil ambassador wouldn't listen to ghosts unless maybe it was his mom or something. That might work. I don't know about ghost writing. It just doesn't seem to come as naturally. It doesn't feel right for a UN show. It's too much like Mork and Mindy even though that wasn't technically a ghost. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chef Jim Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 This is all great stuff ... without boring you all with the details of this, I have a few more hypothetical questions. Though, I'm nervous having had this topic moved to the shark infested waters of the PPP board. Lord knows I try to stay away from this section of TSW. Mainly because I'm a pansy. Despite all that, I greatly appreciate your help and insight! 1. In your opinion what qualities make for a good Ambassador? What qualities make for a poor Ambassador? (I know this is vague). Examples of real life ambassadors in either category would be lovely as well so I can do more digging. 2. If a new nation were suddenly to be discovered (hypothetical), let's say the Lost City of Atlantis suddenly emerged from the ocean floor in the middle of the Atlantic or something crazy like that. They're advanced enough to be considered an instant super power so the world has to take them seriously. What would the protocol/vetting process be for them to join the United Nations? 2a. How could this process go horribly, horribly wrong? 1. Booze 2. Booze 3. Of course....booze Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finknottle Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 (edited) Ha! See, this is the stuff I need. I need stuff to lampoon a bit -- preferably stuff on the bureaucratic side. I know you got lots, Tom, lemme have 'em! You will find all the comic material you need in "Backstabbing for Beginners: A Crash Course in International Diplomacy," by Michael Soussan. It chronicle's the disillusionment of an idealistic young graduate who goes to work for the UN's Oil-for-Food program in the late nineties. It's a savage look at the UN's own bureaucracy and hypocrisy. Random passage, relating to inter-departmental politics: It eventually occured to me that I was well on my way to ruining all aspects of my life if I didn't find a way to shed the extreme frustration that had possessed me the past few months. I saw two options. I could either leave the UN and let the stupid turf wars continue without me, or stay on and make a difference in the world by destroying Cindy. Everybody needs a goal! Edited October 5, 2011 by finknottle Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CosmicBills Posted October 5, 2011 Author Share Posted October 5, 2011 No can do. For a couple of reasons. First I don't think I could be precise due to prior commitments. I can help with the outline but that would probably be it. Second, the whole ghost thing is lame. Usually ghosts come in at the end of a series, not the beginning. Could I work something in? I suppose. If we go with the kind caring african ambassador he can speak with the ghost of Nelson Mandela for example. But think about it, what would Mandela's ghost know about people from Atlantis with webbed feet speaking in clicking noises? It's not like he knew any when he was alive. Unless we made up some junk about one of his cell mates for all those years secretly being from Atlantis. That might be able to work. And I would never last in the biz because I swear to God if one producer wanted to work in a bunch of crappy Peter Gabriel music just because Mandela's ghost was starring in the show I might haul off and punch the dude for being so lame. Plus you just know they would want Morgan Freebird or whatever his name is to play Mandela which is such a stereotype. Personally I think if it is a comedy maybe we get Randy Quaid to play Mandela's ghost or even OJ but that would piss people off. Any ghost other than Mandela screws things up. An evil ambassador wouldn't listen to ghosts unless maybe it was his mom or something. That might work. I don't know about ghost writing. It just doesn't seem to come as naturally. It doesn't feel right for a UN show. It's too much like Mork and Mindy even though that wasn't technically a ghost. I'll have my people be in touch with your people (sphere 'o beer still your point man?). I think this is gold right here. I'm getting everyone on the phone and let's make a deal! 1. Booze 2. Booze 3. Of course....booze To quote the great philosopher of our time: "Alcohol. The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ieatcrayonz Posted October 5, 2011 Share Posted October 5, 2011 I'll have my people be in touch with your people (sphere 'o beer still your point man?). I think this is gold right here. I'm getting everyone on the phone and let's make a deal! Beerboy can answer the phones but no negotiations. He'll end up committing me to three years of scripts for a pack of Werther's Originals. Anyway have him out you in touch with the Googlebot who has an auto-negotiate program now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alaska Darin Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 It was an allusion to Bush being the Devil. Not oil. Comparison still works. Guess about the only things I know about Hell is that I don't believe in it and it's probably where I'm going to end up if I'm wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DC Tom Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Comparison still works. Guess about the only things I know about Hell is that I don't believe in it and it's probably where I'm going to end up if I'm wrong. But it's funnier w/r/t hell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ieatcrayonz Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 But it's funnier w/r/t hell. Mr. Limbaw knows as much about humor as he knows about hell. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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