JarHeadJim Posted December 14, 2004 Share Posted December 14, 2004 Subject: Mattel Christmas Toys > >Subject: Mattel Toy Company has announced the released of models of >limited editions Barbie Dolls made exclusively for the Rochester Market >just in time for Christmas. > >Pittsford Barbie: This spoiled Princess Barbie is sold exclusively at >Eastview Mall. She comes with 45 credit cards, an assortment of Kate >Spade handbags, a white BMW, a fluffy white lapdog, and a perfect cookie >cutter house. Options include tummy tuck, face lift and a workaholic Ken >to support her high maintenance habits. > >Mendon Barbie: This trendy homemaker Barbie is free with any new Locust >Hill Country Club Membership. Barbie comes equipped with a silver Lexus >SUV. She gets lost easily outside of $750,000 neighborhoods and has no >full time occupation besides gazing at the lawn & pool maintenance guys. >Traffic jamming video cell phone sold separately. > >Park Avenue Barbie: This annoying clueless NYC wannabe yuppie Barbie can >be purchased at Parkleigh or through City Newspaper. Barbie comes with a >souped up yellow Hummer 2, Starbucks Cup, library card and a homosexual >Ken. > >Greece Barbie: >This brassy, gum-chewing, jet black dyed puffy hair Barbie can be >purchased on Latta.....no, can't get there, make that Long Pond....no, >can't get there, make that English Road....no, can't get there, make >that Fetzner....no, can't get there, ...Just look up and down Route 104 >for the darn toy.....Barbie comes with a "2 sizes too small" leather >miniskirt, unpedicured feet, sandals with 5 inch heels, 12 pieces of >fake gold jewelry and a Chrysler 300 with a rosary looped around the >rear view mirror. > >Avenue D Barbie: >Available at Aldi's between 9:00 to Noon the first day of the month >only. This recently paroled Barbie comes with 8 children, a slightly >used 9 mm handgun, house arrest ankle bracelet, Ray Lewis knife, pager >number of her caseworker and Cadillac with tinted windows & working >methadone lab. Options include specialized gang colors and the 8 fathers >of the 8 children. > >Three One Five Barbie: >Ain't got no stores in Wayne County to buy it.....But, keep >trying....This Barbie's Father is also is her Uncle and her Uncle is >also her Cousin and her Cousin is also her Brother and her Brother has a >different father.....She comes in Wrangler blue jeans,and a NASCAR >T-Shirt. She can chug a six pack of Coors Light and spit tobacco. She >drives a pick up truck with a Confederate Flag in the cap window. > >Chili Barbie: >This culturally diverse Barbie can be purchased in Chili, Gates Chili, >Wheatland Chili, North Chili, or Churchville Chili. Pull Barbie's string >and she says, "It's CH-EYE-LYE, not CHILL-EE". Barbie comes dressed in >camouflage riding an ATV on railroad tracks. Pet pit bull included. > >Webster Barbie: >This Barbie is only sold door to door as an athletic fund raiser. Barbie >comes with 3 different Sport Booster Club gear. Barbie can easily be >turned into Soccer Mom, Football Mom or Hockey Mom. Webster Barbie shops >at Wegman's daily and knows what everyone else in Webster is doing, how >they do it, when they did it, where they did it, with whom they did it >with and how much everything cost! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cåblelady Posted December 14, 2004 Share Posted December 14, 2004 THAT was hilarious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
30dive Posted December 14, 2004 Share Posted December 14, 2004 You have way toooo much free time. Very funny! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rockpile Posted December 14, 2004 Share Posted December 14, 2004 Boy, someone knows Rochester and area VERY well! I am sure this is a template for most communities by changing the names a bit, but this is still excellent. Thanks - 1st smile today!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beerball Posted December 14, 2004 Share Posted December 14, 2004 THAT was hilarious. 159448[/snapback] Just cause your ex played with Barbies doesn't mean you should encourage all Marines to do the same. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JarHeadJim Posted December 14, 2004 Author Share Posted December 14, 2004 Just cause your ex played with Barbies doesn't mean you should encourage all Marines to do the same. 159491[/snapback] I have 3 ex's can you narrow it down some? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ned Flanders Posted December 14, 2004 Share Posted December 14, 2004 What, no Charlotte Barbie? I'll take a lame stab: "This Barbie can only be bought in the gift store of the Spirit of Ontario, so it is very unlikely you'll find one. The Charlotte Barbie comes with an Abbotts Custard t-shirt and an LDR Char-Pit apron. The Charlotte Barbie comes with an 1979 rusted-out Dodge Duster, whose wheels are never in alignment after traveling the pot-hole-ridden minefield which is Lake Avenue." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BRH Posted December 14, 2004 Share Posted December 14, 2004 Good lord these are good. No Penfield, Fairport, or Brighton Barbies? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweet baboo Posted December 14, 2004 Share Posted December 14, 2004 Henrietta? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nick in* england Posted December 14, 2004 Share Posted December 14, 2004 Hmmm - the Homo Ken reminded me of a song by The Negro Problem. my name's Kenand I like men but the people at Mattel home that I call hell are somewhat bothered by my queer proclivities it's safe to say that they are really pissed at me they always stick me with Barbie but I want them to know I pray for GI Joe but any able-bodied man would surely do for someone to love since i am not set up to screw Black Barbie you know she used to talk to me now she'd rather be in plastic therapy sitting on a plastic couch speaking freely the only problem is she has no history someday soon I'll be in your childs room and I'll be forced to kiss Barbie's plastic breasts and I will hate myself but what's more I'll hate you for not allowing me to love as I wish to see I'm your corporate toy cursed to bring you joy through divorce or death I'll just hold my breath and play along your daughter's not to blame at all for bringing these burdens upon a doll so fa-la la-la la-la la-la la-la la-la so fa-la la-la la-la la-la la-la la-la so fa-la la-la la-la la-la la-la la-la so fa-la la-la la-la la-la la-la la-la Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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