Clinton, Bill

As if I have that kind of time, between banging co-eds.

For the record, my thoughts at that exact moment were "Mmmm, mmmm... mmmm!"

That was 2007? Too late!

I see my federal funding for Dr. Gallup is finally paying off. About 15 years too late, though.

Hello friends, I've been asked by my wife's boss to deliver his profound remorse over the loss of your scripted television shows. The United States must be held to a higher standard for broadcast quality. That's why President Obama has formed the position of Dramedy Czar, the appointee of which will seek to redress these situations and reunite us with our favorite actor-portrayals. If the reunion of an entire cast and forced production of a show can save just one life among the basement-dwellers of America who have little to hold onto besides the replica swords and posters displayed on their walls, I don't believe that's too high a price to pay. In my own case, I was particularly fond of the "Debbie Does..." series. But I digress. I again apologize on behalf of the current president.

Hello friend, I've been asked by my wife's boss to deliver his profound remorse over the loss of your pet. The United States must be held to a higher standard for retroactively preventing domestic animal run-aways and possible suicides. That's why President Obama has formed the position of Time Travel Czar, the appointee of which will seek to redress these situations and reunite us with our furry companions. In my own case, there was a particularly hairy young girl on my friend Ron Burkle's private plane. But I digress. I again apologize on behalf of the current president.

Your wife wasn't very good in bed.

Boy does that bring back some memories!

It was widely reported that I can do the New York Times crossword puzzle usually within 10 minutes, and with a pen. Unless it's one of those "I'm with Hillary" gag pens. I just can't concentrate with one of those. Yes. But I will always have misogynistic.

You don't know the half of it!

Sacrilege! At least he hasn't had to off anybody on his staff yet. That can get messy. Hypothetically speaking.

First things first. Like how some people have to look up milquetoast or zeitgeist every time it's in an article, "is" has always been a hard one for me to nail down. But let's wait until tomorrow. It's my birthday today, and Hillary is out of the house. I'm thinking about getting some Chinese tonight. And maybe I'll put a candlestick somewhere....

I can attest to that. I got regular updates in between defiling cheerleaders at the NCAA tournament.

And how!

Sorry it took me awhile to get back to you, Barry. I'm trying to "press the flesh" :w00t: for the health care bill. You wouldn't believe what it took to turn Kucinich. I wouldn't have thought he'd ask for a Blu-ray of "Mesopotamian Cowboys: Stanchion Bang 6." Go figure! He invited me and Hillary over last night and said to bring my assless leather chaps. Have you seen Dennis's wife? Holy moly, how did I ever miss that before I left the White House? Dennis tried to get me in the stanchion. Awkward! Consider the debt paid, and you now owe me.